This time, however, he wanted to discuss his proposal that I had still neglected to answer.
“I’m not sure how much more time I need. I just know that the right answer hasn’t come to me yet,” I tried putting him off.
“Do you feel uncomfortable about having me move into the house that Elijah built for the two of you?”
I had to admit that it had crossed my mind, leaving me feeling a little uncomfortable, but not enough to want to stay alone for the rest of my life.
“Maybe we should get new furniture for the bedroom,” I suggested.
“We can go into town on Saturday and look around a bit, if you’d like,” he offered.
“Are you trying to get an answer out of me?” I laughed nervously.
“Of course I am,” he said as he touched the side of my cheek.
“I’ll give it some serious thought. I’m not trying to put off answering you; I just need to make sure that I make the right decision for all of us. And I do like the idea of getting new furniture—Abigail is in need of a bigger bed, so she could have the frame that Elijah and his papa made by hand. I know it would mean a lot to her to have it. ”
I stepped off the porch and held my hand out for him to take it and follow me down the lane leading to the creek. I somehow felt the need to stall slightly in giving my answer until I had thought it through, and walking with him would help me think more clearly. I knew if I had to sit still on the porch any longer, I would not be able to concentrate. I was also counting on God to give me the answer in His timing and not my own, yet I wasn’t certain how much longer I could wait for it. I knew that my heart’s answer was yes, but I was determined to wait on God.
As we walked along, hand-in-hand, I mindlessly pulled the tops off of several of the daisies that bordered the dirt path. Bradley hadn’t come right out and told me that he loved me, but I knew he did by the way he treated the children and me. I was beginning to worry, though, that I had intimidated him by putting off answering him, that he might be too afraid to express his love. He had already told me that he had never married out of fear of rejection, and I didn’t want him thinking I was rejecting him.
I continued to walk along engrossed in my thoughts, when I realized Bradley’s hand had slipped out of my own, and he was no longer walking beside me. I looked for him and saw that he had stopped to pick some of the more colorful blossoms that grew wild in the field. I walked back to meet up with him and he started to present the flowers to me. Then held them back with a playful smile. He appeared to be analyzing them as he spoke to me.
“These flowers are beautiful in their own right, and yet they are totally independent of all the other plants around them. They don’t need much maintenance because they flourish no matter what the living conditions. You are like them in the sense that you have survived all this time without your husband, which caused you to become independent. I wonder if that isn’t why you feel so reluctant to marry me,” he said.
I studied his face, looking for the answer, but still felt that something was holding me back.
“Wildflowers for my little wildflower,” he said enthusiastically as he finally handed the flowers to me.
I could feel the color draining from my face from the shock of hearing his statement—the same thing Elijah said to me so many years ago.
“What did you say?” I asked slowly and clearly.
“You, my dear, are a wildflower that is in need of a little taming,” he laughed.
I flung my arms around his neck, for I knew at that moment that it was the sign that I had been waiting for. I no longer felt the hesitation that I had even minutes before, for, I finally knew that it was God’s will that I marry him.
“I will be honored to be your wife,” I said through tears of joy.
Bradley began to laugh heartily, thanking me over and over again for making him so happy.
“I love you, Little Wildflower,” he said, tears running down his cheeks.
“I love you too, Bradley.”
“Let’s go tell the children the good news,” he practically shouted with excitement.
I nearly ran the length of the path as Bradley managed to skip clumsily beside me to reach the house quickly because neither of us could wait to share our wonderful news.
FOUR
BLESSED UNION
The day Penelope and her family were due to arrive was sunny, but very cold. I was so excited to tell her of the news of the wedding, that I hadn’t paid too much attention to the crisp wind that was stirring up the neatly raked piles of leaves that decorated the yard. I had written back to her about the trip, but had not revealed the outcome of my answer to Bradley’s proposal. I was eager to be able to give her the news in person, and I could scarcely wait to see the look on her face.
When a white mini-van stirred up the dust as it descended from the top of the hill that led to our farm, the children fidgeted in their excitement. I, too, was so nervous that I clenched Bradley’s hand as we waited for them to pull into the dirt drive that brought them right up to the house. Penelope jumped out of the front passenger seat and ran toward me with open arms.
“It is so good to be here,” she said as she stepped back to see everyone else. “And Bradley, you haven’t changed one bit. Except you got taller,” she laughed.
She flung her other arm around his neck, as she held steadfast to both of us.
“The only thing different about you, I think, is that you don’t have any pigtails flying in the breeze,” Bradley joked with her.
We laughed and hugged some more until Eli cleared his throat to let us know we had neglected our introductions of the rest of the family. After everyone had been introduced, the shivering children begged to play in the warm barn with their company. Eli went along with them, so he could show off his car that was parked inside the main entrance to the barn. It still wasn’t fixed, and I was grateful that Papa was taking his time with it—I didn’t like the idea of Eli getting his first driving experience until after the winter had passed.
The adults followed me into the house, where a pot of hot coffee awaited our shivering bodies. We decided to wait on getting the bags from the Rogers’ van until the children could help. Once the coffee was poured into deep mugs, Penelope begged to get a personal tour of my house. The men remained in the kitchen getting to know one another better, while we slipped away. Once we were out of earshot of the men, Penelope cornered me to tell her what I had decided regarding Bradley’s proposal.
“I told him yes, don’t worry,” I said casually.
She nudged me playfully, trying to pull more information out of me.
“I got a wonderful sign from God, letting me know it was time to let go of Elijah and move on with my life.”
“Well what was it?” she asked eagerly.
“We were walking down the lane and he began to pick the flowers from the field. When he handed them to me, he said the same thing that Elijah had always said to me. He said ‘wildflowers for my little wildflower’, as though it were a natural thing to say. It was almost as though Elijah himself looked down from Heaven and gave me his approval.”
Penelope squealed like a young girl. “How romantic!”
“It was. I need you to help me put the wedding together.”
“I am so happy that you waited for me. I am gonna help you put on the prettiest wedding in the world,” she said excitedly.
She squeezed me tightly and we both giggled like we did when we were kids.
I showed her to the family room with the fold out sofa, where she and Jonathon would be staying for the month that they would be visiting. Upstairs, Abigail had made a space in her room for young Jane, while Elizabeth made room for Jill. Simon and Jakob made space in their rooms for Joshua and Jake. Eli and Eva were the only children that would not be sharing their rooms with our company. Eli was grateful, while Eva complained that it wasn’t fair that the older girls got to have company and she didn’t. I offered to let her bunk with me a few nights, but sh
e was determined to push her way into Elizabeth’s room.
Penelope raved about the woodwork all about the house, asking what sort of tools Elijah had used to create some of the carvings in the molding. Since I only knew that he had done most of the work by hand with simple tools, I relayed that to her and she seemed really impressed. Like me, her favorite rooms in the house were the master bedroom and bathroom, as well as the formal family room.
When I had finished showing her every room, we worked to put some dinner together. The men and children brought in the luggage and settled themselves into the rooms that they would be staying in. Our formal dining room with its farmhouse table that could normally accommodate twelve people was now set for fourteen. I set hand-written place cards around the table in an Amish tradition, placing the women on one side of the table and the men on the other. With Bradley and Jonathon at each end of the table, I set a place for Penelope next to her husband and I put my own place card next to Bradley. This would make it next to impossible for us to converse, but I knew that with ten children at the same table, it would probably be quite loud no matter what the seating arrangement was.
Just before the baked potatoes would be ready to remove from the oven, I placed ham steaks in two large, iron skillets to fry them quickly. Penelope assembled a salad. After placing the bread that I had baked earlier into the oven to warm, I grabbed two pitchers of lemonade from the icebox. I quickly placed them on the table and removed the fried ham steaks from the skillets.
Eva came running in the house to ask if dinner was ready yet, so I gave her the signal to clang the triangle outside the kitchen door to alert everyone to come for dinner. Before long, the house was filled with children scampering to wash up so we could sit down to our meal.
Once everyone was seated in place, Bradley offered the prayer over the food. The children stayed surprisingly quiet, allowing for some grownup conversation. It felt good to be near Bradley at the table, almost like we were already a family. We had become so close that the children had even begun to count on having him around every evening and on the weekends. Soon, we would be an official family, and he would be here all the time.
The following day, Penelope and I set to work on my wedding plans with Hannah, Nadine, and Rebekah. It seemed that most of the women in the community wanted to be included in the preparations, though there just wasn’t enough time to involve everyone unless they had ideas of their own. Elijah’s younger sister, Rachel had been bed-ridden with her current pregnancy so she was disappointed she couldn’t help.
One afternoon, I went to see Rachel to show her my dress so she would feel a sense of involvement.
“Hello, Mam,” I said to Elijah’s mother, who was attending Rachel’s care.
“Soon, I will no longer be your Mam,” she stated coldly.
We had never been close, though she had always been pleasant toward me and very good with her grandchildren. I knew she wasn’t content about my up-coming wedding, but I was aware that she wanted to see the children and me happy—she had expressed that much to me when I picked up the children after a visit last week. Over the years, I had understood that she felt I had compromised Elijah’s position in the Amish community with the little things that he had done for me that went against Amish tradition. However, on a small level, she accepted that her son was happy with his life. It didn’t make things easy on me to have a mother-in-law that didn’t approve of my “wild antics” as she called them. I always tried to keep peace for the sake of the children, so they would have the benefit of extended family that I never had the privilege of having past my early years.
“I see you brought your dress. It’s beautiful,” she added with a crooked smile on her face.
“Does this upset you, Mam?” I asked with true compassion in my tone.
“You know I only want you to be happy, dear,” she said with a stiff upper lip.
I held the dress awkwardly, wishing I could hide it from her sight. “If you don’t want me to marry Bradley, just say so.”
My harsh tone caught Naomi by surprise, and I regretted the words as soon as they left my tongue.
She pursed her lips. “You don’t need to do anything rash, Dear. I meant what I said. Elijah would want you to go on with your life, and I respect your decision on this.”
“Thanks, Mam, that means a whole lot to me. And as far as I’m concerned, you’ll always be my Mam, even Bradley believes it to be so.” I tried to speak as gently as I could, but I wasn’t sure it mattered.
“I hope you will still allow me to see the children after you are married to the doctor.”
I was growing impatient with her negativity.
“You’ll always be their grandma. My being married to someone else won’t change that.”
She left the room, leaving me feeling badly for the way I had snapped at her. I knew I would need to apologize before I left to go home, but for the time being, I gave my apologies to Rachel. She was more understanding than her mam had been, but I still felt a little uncomfortable with the situation.
“She won’t be upset for long, Jane. She will need time to get used to the idea of you being married to someone other than her first-born son,” she said with sincerity in her tone.
“I know, but it bothers me that she thinks I would keep her from the children. They love her, and I would never end their relationship.”
“Just give her some time. Now let’s see this dress that you brought to show me,” she said, changing her tone to reveal her excitement.
I held the dress up against me, while I swayed back and forth so she could see its lace flow with movement. The sparkle in her eyes as she watched me model the gown made me happy—it completely changed my mood around.
“What about the dress that you wore when you married my brother?”
“I have it in my cedar chest. I am saving it for the girls when they marry.”
“That will make them happy to be married in the same dress you wore when you married their real father,” she said.
Her comment caught me off guard, leaving me wondering if the entire Zook family would constantly remind my children they had a “real father”. The children knew the facts, but I didn’t like the idea of it being presented to them in such a way.
We talked for another few minutes until Naomi re-entered the room showing concern that all the excitement would wear Rachel out. I took that as my cue to leave, and I did so—without offering an apology.
In the yard, where I had left the buggy, I stalled after placing the dress carefully in the back. I was tempted to hop in and drive off, but my conscience wouldn’t let me. I patted the horses and told them I’d be back in a moment, as though they understood, then went back up Rachel’s porch and knocked on the door. When Naomi opened the door, my heart pounded a little, but I caught my breath and spoke softly to her.
“I’m sorry, Mam, for being a little short with you earlier. I didn’t mean any disrespect.”
“I’m sorry too for putting you on the spot about the children. I know you won’t keep me from seeing them. I guess I just miss my boy more than I thought I did, and seeing the changes in your life worries me a little. I didn’t mean to sound so selfish,” she said kindly.
“I miss him too, and so do the children. But we can’t mourn for the rest of our lives, can we?”
“No, dear. I know you have a right to go on with your life, and Elijah would be happy with the man you picked to be the father of his children.” She offered a slight smile, and I knew the bulk of the strain had lifted between us.
I smiled back and bid her goodbye before she closed the screen door. I drove away feeling lighter without the burden of strife between Naomi and me.
****
Before I realized, I had steered the horses toward the church. Though I knew it would be abandoned, I continued on my course, hoping some time in prayer would bring peace to my heart. As I brought the horses to a halt in front of the old church, I caught site of the graveyard behind the building. I
could feel the tug in my heart to visit Elijah’s grave; it was something I hadn’t done for some time. I shivered slightly. Perhaps it was from the cold afternoon breeze, but mostly over the thought of talking to my departed husband about my plans to marry another man. I knew it was silly, but I didn’t think I could go through with the wedding unless I released the news to Elijah first.
I knelt beside his headstone, unable to speak around the lump that had found its way into my throat. I still missed him so much; I could almost feel his breath on the back of my neck if I closed my eyes and concentrated hard enough. Emotions flooded my heart at the thought of Elijah, but I knew he was gone and would never be by my side again. I no longer felt the emptiness in my heart that I did, for Bradley had satisfied that gap in my life. Though I’d moved on, I couldn’t help but wonder what my life would be like if Elijah had never fallen from the barn roof. The thought of it brought sobs to my throat.
The Taming of a Wild Flower: Book Three (Amish Fiction/Romance, Christian Romance) Page 4