by Sandra Brown
She turned her sightless gaze from the window and looked into his face. Several seconds ticked by before she really saw him. Then she shook her head and smiled tremulously. "Nothing, Jake, nothing."
He didn't believe her. He had seen that terrible look on her face. "Tell me what she said. So help me God, if she said or did anything to upset you, I'll—"
"No," Banner said quickly. She didn't want anyone to know what Priscilla had told her, not until she had had time to digest it herself and form her own opinions about it. Jake knew about that other baby. He had found her mother in the woods with a dead child. Was that the extent of the secret?
Had her mother been married before? If so, why hadn't she told Banner about it? Or had she not been married before she had that other baby? No! That was unthinkable. But what other explanation was there?
She couldn't pretend it didn't hurt. It did. If she had found out any other way, it would have been shattering enough, but to have found out from Jake's whore, that ugly, spiteful woman whose bed he frequented, had added insult to injury.
"I'm fine, Jake, really. It just surprised me that she would accost me on the street."
"Accost you?"
"That's too strong a word," she said, and restlessly stood up. Now that the encounter was over, she wanted to forget it. She certainly didn't want to rehash their conversation for Jake's benefit. Now Banner knew why he so faithfully kept her mother's secret. He didn't want anyone to think badly of Lydia. He adored her. That hurt too.
"Priscilla just spoke to me, and asked about Mama and Papa. And she mentioned Lee. I think she wanted to shock -me by telling me he had been to her whorehouse. I told her I already knew. That's all. You came out then." Uncomfortably warm from lying, she shrugged off her jacket and laid it on the bed. (She wasn't going to ride the trolley again after all.) She would find no joy in the excursion now.
Jake wasn't convinced that she was telling the extent of her conversation with Priscilla, but he knew that was all the information he was going to get out of her. If Priscilla had told her anything about Grady, Banner was keeping it to herself. "I rushed back to tell you we're leaving."
"When?"
"Soon. The trains are running again. I've already bought our tickets. We pull out right after noon. I left the boys to see that the cattle and our horses got loaded. I came to tell you to pack."
"All right." Normally she would have argued to stay a few days longer, but nothing was normal anymore. She wondered if it ever would be.
Why were lies and secrecy necessary? Why hadn't her mother told her and Lee about that other baby? Why hadn't anyone? Moses? Ma? Jake? Unless it was something to be ashamed of.
"Will you be all right if I leave you alone?"
Jake was standing close to her now. She raised her head and looked up into his blue eyes. What secrets did they hide? They were so seldom open to the world. Rarely did they reveal anything Jake was thinking or feeling. "Yes, I'll be all right."
He looked like he might touch her. His hands came up a fraction, then lowered back to his sides, "I'll come back for you around eleven."
She nodded, but didn't speak. She longed for him to hold her. His deceit last night, even the fact that he didn't love her, had no bearing. She wanted to be held against him, consoled, petted. Her soul yearned for the solace of his strength. Her body craved the secure warmth of his. She felt chilled to the bone.
But she had asked for his loving more man once and had been rebuffed. She wouldn't ask again.
He went to the door. After opening it, he paused. "Banner?" He waited until her eyes met his. "Sure you're all right?"
"Yes." She forced a little laugh. "Will you get to that train and take care of my cows? If you don't, I'll fire you and get me another foreman."
He tried to smile at her, too, but it was no more convincing than her joking. He doffed his hat and left her. As he took the stairs to the lobby his jaw was firmly set. This trip had been nothing but one nightmare after another. They couldn't get out of Fort Worth fast enough to suit him.
Banner refolded her clothes into the saddlebags and packed the rest of her things. She kept her suit on, knowing that once they reached Larsen, she would exchange the borrowed horse for their wagon at the livery.
When everything was ready she returned to her seat beside the window, watching the passing traffic and wondering if those people busily going about their lives had problems as she did.
Was it necessary to experience this kind of adversity to reach maturity? Apparently her mama had. What had Lydia's life been like before that day Jake and Luke discovered her in the woods? Why had they all kept the secret of the stillborn baby?
Why had Jake sneaked off last night after being such an affectionate companion all day? Why would he prefer Priscilla's bed to hers?
Why, why, why?
The questions rolled like tumbleweeds through Banner's mind, never snagging themselves on an answer. Would she ever have all the answers?
It was nearing eleven o'clock. When someone knocked on her door, she said, "Come in," without hesitation.
She heard the door open behind her, then close. She turned around. It wasn't Jake who stood on the threshold as she had expected. Nor Lee, nor Micah.
"Grady!"
"Hello, Banner."
"What in the world are you doing here?"
"Langston didn't tell you I was in town?" He tossed his bowler hat on a table. He was dressed in a checked suit. His white shirt was spotless and had a high starched collar. But his face looked sallow. Dissipation had etched fine lines around his puffy eyes.
"No. When did you see Jake?"
"The night before last. I've been trying to see you ever since. He's kept you busy."
Unaccountably she was afraid of Grady. It wasn't at all seemly for a gentleman to come to an unmarried woman's hotel room. She hadn't even thought about convention when she and Jake had been alone, but she wanted to point it up to Grady now in the hopes he would leave. The way he was looking at her, with a resolute light in his eyes, made her nervous.
"What are you doing in Fort Worth?"
"Business," he answered evasively. "It couldn't be avoided or I never would have left Larsen without notifying you." He came further into the room. "Have you thought over my marriage proposal, Banner?"
"Yes, I've thought about it."
"Well?"
She edged around the chair she'd been sitting in, unconsciously placing it between them. "I haven't made up my mind yet." She was playing for time, hoping Jake would return. Why hadn't he told her Grady was in Fort Worth?
"You had already made up your mind to marry me months ago. What's changed?"
She stared at him incredulously. "What's changed? Everything. The situation. Me. You. Everything."
"I haven't. I'm the same man. You're the same woman. The situation, as you call it, has been remedied."
How could he speak so casually about the horrible deaths by fire of his wife and unborn child? "I wouldn't call the way it was remedied a blessing."
"Nor I," he said, bowing his head momentarily. "But I told you before, Banner, that I feel like I've been given a second chance. I still love you and want you for my wife. Don't you feel anything for me?"
She realized then that she didn't. Not liking or loving, not hate or even the pity she had felt before. Where Grady Sheldon was concerned her heart was a void. How had she ever considered herself in love with him? Why hadn't she recognized his shallowness before?
He was reasonably good-looking, but he held no appeal for her. Sleeping in the same bed with him, sharing her body with him? No! There was only one man she could be intimate with and that was Jake.
Jake.
She loved him.
No matter how he had hurt her, she loved him. Even to consider spending her life with another man was incomprehensible. She would rather live alone than be with any man except Jake.
But she couldn't blurt out her true feelings to Grady. That would be cruel. And she still
didn't trust his newly acquired arrogance. He had never been this way before. He had always been humble and meek, especially when her parents were around. Was she seeing him as he really was? Had he only been trying to impress Ross with his mild manners and humble demeanor?
This dual personality frightened her, so she answered cautiously. "Naturally I still have feelings for you, Grady. They're just not clearly defined any longer. After all that's happened..." She foundered. "I need time to straighten out my emotions, time to sort through all that's happened and determine what I want for the future."
He stared hard at her. She was the first to look away. Taking one determined step after another, he closed the distance between them. Banner stayed rooted to the floor. She felt an inclination to back away from him, but only the window was behind her.
"I wonder what changed your mind. Or should I say who changed your mind?"
She wet her lips. What time was it? Where was Jake? "What do you mean?"
Grady's eyes wandered around the room, taking in every detail. "This is a large room. Almost too large for one person."
When his eyes returned to her, they were insinuating. And what they insinuated made Banner furious. "Clarify your point, Grady," she said tightly.
"My point is that Langston stays as close to you as a shadow. I just wondered if he was exceeding his duties."
Her hands curled into fists and her eyes flashed dangerously. "Jake is an old family friend. He is the foreman of my ranch. He promised my father to look after me and that's what he's doing."
Grady smirked. "He's also legendary where women are concerned. As randy and rowdy as they come. You ought to hear the way the girls talk about him in all the whorehouses in town."
"So you've been to them."
He was temporarily nonplussed, then he continued in those deceptively dulcet tones. "Yes, I've been to them. I'm a man, Banner."
"Barely," she said through clenched teeth. "How dare you come in here smearing dirt on me just because your sins have been found out."
He laughed, a low laugh rife with threat. "You look beautiful when you're angry, Banner. Maybe I should thank Langston. Maybe you've wanted it rough all along and I just didn't know it."
He lunged for her and caught her shoulders. Pulling her against him, he sealed his mouth over hers. Her screams were trapped in her throat, but she struggled against him, not so much frightened now as enraged.
"That's right, Banner. Fight me," he panted as he slid his mouth down her neck. "Is that how you do it with Langston? Huh? You think I'm stupid? You think I don't know what's plain to anybody who sees the two of you together?"
"Let me go!" She fought him in earnest, slapping at his face and shoulders every time she managed to work a hand free from his grasp.
"Marry me, Banner. We'll have a great time."
She tried to cry out, but his mouth came down hard on hers again. His arms were like steel bands closing around her and giving her no room to maneuver. She was gasping for breath, trying to free her mouth from the suffocating strength of his when the door crashed open against the wall.
"Let her go or you're dead, Sheldon,"
Grady froze at the distinct click of a pistol's hammer being drawn back. If that hadn't been enough to forestall him, the frigid, emotionless tone of Jake's voice would have.
Still keeping his arms around Banner, Sheldon turned his head and looked at the man who had promised before to kill him, "I'll kill you if you don't let her go. Now." When Sheldon still hesitated, weighing the validity of Jake's threat, Jake added, "Don't make the mistake of thinking I won't. I've done it before."
Priscilla's interest in him had made Grady bold, but his newfound courage evaporated beneath the blue fire in Jake's eyes. He released Banner and garnered his slipping courage. "This is no business of yours, Langston. It's between Banner and me. I've asked her to marry me."
Jake's eyes didn't veer off Sheldon. "Banner, do you want to marry him?"
Weak with relief, she leaned over the back of the chair. Her hair fell forward like a dark curtain as she hung her head and breathed deeply. "No. No."
"The lady said no, Sheldon. Now get out."
Grady evaluated his circumstance and wisely decided that now wasn't the time to argue. With as much dignity as possible he crossed the room and retrieved his hat. Jake's eyes followed his every move. When he reached the door, he turned to Banner. "Ride the cowboy. See if I care."
Jake's gun hit the floor as he launched himself at Sheldon. One fist crammed the man's nostrils up to his eyesockets. Another gouged its way through his middle almost to his spine. Grady doubled over in pain, but Jake grabbed a handful of his hair and jerked him upright. His mouth was dealt another punishing blow that drew blood and rattled teeth. His cheekbone caught one well-placed fist and cracked on contact.
Then his lapels were grasped in steely fists and he was slung against the wall. Jake's knee rammed into his groin and Grady prayed for death.
"I'd love to kill you just for the hell of it, Sheldon, just because I want to. I won't for the same reason I didn't before, because of the embarrassment it would cause Banner and her family. But if you ever come near her again, I'll kill you. Understand?" Jake shook the man like a dog shakes a rat held in its teeth. "Understand?"
Sheldon's head flopped up and down in a pathetic semblance of a nod. Jake released him so abruptly he slid down the wall, barely catching himself on rubbery knees. He slunk from the room, dripping blood on the carpeted floor.
By the time he reached the landing at the end of the hall, his head had stopped ringing, though his face and gut and crotch ached abominably. He wondered if his ribs were broken. He sent a murderous glance down the hallway toward the room where his hopes of ever acquiring Banner and her timber-rich property had died at the hands of a worthless cowboy.
He vowed that Jake Langston and the Colemans had humiliated him for the last time. "You'll pay for this," he pledged between swollen lips as he made his way painfully down the stairs.
* * *
Priscilla's mood was none too reliable by the time she returned to the Garden of Eden. She kept remembering the genuine mirth in Jake's laugh and the look of loathing Dub had shot her. She was spoiling for a fight. Her disposition didn't improve when she spotted Sugar Dalton nursing a glass of bourbon in one of the parlors. The drapes were drawn against the sunlight. The room was dim. Sugar sat in one of the corner settees like a small nocturnal animal hiding from the day.
Whipping off her hat and gloves, Pnscilla bore down on the other woman. She really should get rid of Sugar. She attracted few customers and was becoming more of a liability than an asset.
"Why aren't you upstairs resting? We have a big Saturday night coming up."
"I needed a drink more than I needed sleep," Sugar whined. Since the night Priscilla had slapped her in public, she had stayed out of the madam's way. She cursed her bad luck for getting caught now. "Besides, I can't sleep."
Priscilla pinched her chin between her thumb and finger and yanked her head up. She studied the bloated face, the vacuous eyes, the lackluster, limp hair. "You look like hell. If you don't improve by nightfall, you don't work tonight. And if you don't work tonight, you're out by tomorrow."
Sugar eased her head back, warding off Priscilla's hand. "All right, all right." She hauled herself to her feet.
"And bathe, for crissake's. You stink."
Sugar only laughed and pulled the flimsy robe tighter around her. "No wonder. I had quite a night last night. If you hadn't been so busy yourself you would have noticed." She shuffled toward the portiere. "Young Micah reminds me of Jake a few years ago. And Lee Coleman's just about as good-looking as his daddy."
Priscilla, her mind already on other avenues, snapped to attention. "What did you say?"
"I said—"
"Never mind. When did you ever meet Ross Coleman?"
Sugar gaped at her blankly. "Don't you remember me telling you about that? When I first hired on, we discovered our paths
had crossed before. Remember us saying what a coincidence it was? I was working in Arkansas for that bitch who called herself LaRue," she said, jostling Priscilla's memory. "And you were with that wagon train that passed through."
Priscilla's mind was whirling. "Tell me about it again," she said, motioning Sugar into a chair and pouring her another drink. She vaguely remembered mentioning one day soon after Sugar had started working for her that she had come to Texas from Tennessee with her parents on a wagon train. Sugar's face had lit up. She had asked Priscilla if a man named Coleman had been in that same group. Then she had gone off at a tangent that Priscilla had thought was no more than the drunken ramblings of a whore she had had reservations about hiring in the first place. "Tell me about the time you met Ross Coleman."
Sugar smiled and reached for her glass. "That was just it. His name wasn't really Coleman, you see."
Priscilla's eyes were alight as she watched Sugar take a long thirsty drink. Her lips curved into a malicious smile. When Sugar finished that drink, Priscilla poured her another.
* * *
Banner swayed with the rhythm of the train. The rocking motion was relaxing; the very incessancy of it was lulling. It was growing dark in the coach. Only a few lamps, strategically placed, were dimly burning.
She glanced at the man sitting on the seat beside her. He was staring out the window. As though sensing her eyes on him, he turned his head toward her.
His eyebrows showed up whitely in his shadowed face. From beneath them those incredibly blue eyes gazed back at her. For long moments, they stared at each other. Banner knew that every bleak thought was registered on her face. Her turmoil over her mother's past, the news that she had had a stillborn half-brother or sister, Grady's degrading treatment of her, had all combined to form a maelstrom in her soul. She was being sucked down into its misery.
But when she looked into Jake's face, she basked in her love for him. She would hold on to that, forget all else, and think only about how much this man filled her heart.
"Thank you." Her lips barely moved. The words were sighed more than spoken. But he heard them and smiled with only one side of his mouth.