by Sandra Brown
"For beating the hell out of someone who deserved it?" He flexed his fingers. "You don't have to thank me for that, Banner. The pleasure was all mine."
She shook her head. "You were there when I needed you."
"I always want to be."
Jake realized as he spoke the words aloud that he meant them. There was no use fighting this thing, and he was tired of running from it and pretending that it didn't exist. She had gotten her hooks in him and he had become a willing victim.
Damned if he knew what he was supposed to do about it. But he had to do something, even if it meant going to Ross with his hat in his hand and, at the risk of getting shot, confessing everything.
He had used Sheldon's own violence, his physical abuse of Banner, as an excuse to fight the man. He had to admit now, after hours of thinking about it, that he would have wanted to do it anyway out of sheer jealousy. He had been blinded by it. Had Sheldon been holding Banner tenderly, kissing her softly, he still would have felt the same flash of rage, that lust to kill Sheldon for so much as touching her.
What would Ross and Lydia, his own Ma, think when he announced that he wanted to marry Banner? They would be shocked speechless. But it didn't matter. None of it, not them, nor their opinions mattered as much as the woman staring up at him now, awakening his senses to every nuance of her. Not even Lydia's opinion would matter. He couldn't quite reconcile himself to that, but he didn't try. Banner was all that mattered now and she was speaking to him again.
"Do you?"
"Do I always want to be around when you need me?" She nodded. "Yes, Banner." He bent his index finger and rubbed his knuckle back and forth over her lips. "Did that sonofabitch hurt you?"
"No."
"Anywhere?"
"No. You got there just in time."
Jake cupped her cheek tenderly and she turned her face into his palm. If he kept on touching her, he was liable to do something stupid. But, hell, people probably kissed on trains all the time and the sun still rose and set on schedule.
He glanced across the aisle where Lee and Micah had been sitting together playing cards. Now their hats were covering their faces as they rested their heads against the seats. They were asleep.
Jake lifted his arm around Banner's shoulders and drew her against him. He lowered his head. His mouth met hers. Their lips clung. His tongue went seeking hers and found it. They made love to each other. Her hand crept up his chest and closed around the folds of his bandana. His hand spread wide over her ribs as he held her tight. The kiss was long and thorough. It was the sweetest kiss either had ever had.
When at last he lifted his mouth from hers, he smiled at her gently. "Go to sleep. When you wake up we'll be home."
He tucked her head into the hollow between his chin and collarbone. He stretched his long legs out as far as the seat in front of them would permit and held her close.
The word "home" took on new significance to Banner as she snuggled against Jake. For the first time in days, she didn't feel cold and alien. The warmth of his hard, lean body seeped into hers, chasing away all the dismal thoughts and dread of the future. She loved the scent of tobacco that clung to his clothes. She welcomed the feel of his breath in her hair and on her cheek.
Even the rain that ran relentlessly down the windows of the train was welcome after months of drought.
EIGHTEEN
It was still raining when Jake nudged Banner awake. Whisking an airy kiss over her temple, he whispered, "We're pulling into Larsen."
She shifted and stretched and yawned, all before opening her eyes. When she did, she smiled up at Jake. He smiled back and lifted his arm from around her. Micah and Lee were beginning to stir across the aisle. Other passengers were gathering their belongings in preparation for arrival at the depot.
Banner sat up straight and smoothed her hands over a hopelessly wrinkled suit. She was flustered and invented activities for her hands to cover it. She wanted to study Jake, to test his reaction to having held her in his arms for an extended period of time while she slept peacefully.
But now wasn't the time. They had to see to unloading the cattle, picking up their wagon, and traveling home. Everything was complicated by the inclement weather.
Micah summed up the situation when he stepped from the tall steps of the train onto the loading platform of the depot. "We sure need the rain, but it picked a helluva time to start coming down in buckets."
Jake surveyed the sheets of rain that slanted against the near horizon just beyond the overhang. He grimaced and made a smacking sound with his mourn. "I didn't figure on driving those cows to the ranch tonight anyway and I sure as hell don't want to attempt it in this."
He gnawed his bottom lip while the rest of them stood by awaiting his instructions. Lee couldn't stop yawning and rolling his head from side to side to work die crick out of his neck. His eyes blinked monotonously.
Jake turned to Banner. "You've buttered up that man at the livery. Do you think he'd let us pen the herd in one of his corrals till we can come back and drive them to the ranch?"
She grinned broadly, glad that he had asked her for something she could grant. "I think I can talk him into that."
Jake winked at her, but mumbled, "Brat" under his breath. "All right, you two," he addressed the sleepy younger men, "look alive. Banner, while we're seeing mat herd off the train, you go to the livery. Will you be all right in this rain?"
She shot him a scornful look. "Ask them." She turned and sashayed down the platform and stepped off into the driving rain.
"Well?" Jake asked Micah.
"She used to force us to play in the rain with her. She's got skin like a duck's back. Water rolls right off her."
Jake's smile was quick and personal. He pulled it back before it could become a full-fledged affectionate grin that the boys would notice. "Let's go."
They saw to their horses first, making sure they were saddled before leading them off the train. After consulting with the depot manager to make certain no passengers were lingering about, which might cause an accident, they pulled down the side of the cattle car and formed a ramp. Its edge settled heavily into the mud with a soft squish.
"How long has it been raining?" Jake shouted to the railroad man as the Herefords began ambling down the ramp.
"Since early this afternoon. We needed it, but hell, not so much at one time." He spat a string of tobacco juice into a puddle and made his way back under cover. He didn't like or trust beef cattle. He would leave working with them to the cowboys who knew how.
Lee and Micah were overzealous. They were whistling and shouting and wheeling their horses about. "Calmly, calmly," Jake said over the din of falling rain and bawling cows. "We don't want mem spooked. It wouldn't do to have them stampede Main Street."
They arrived at the livery stable to find everything in order. Without mishap Jake and the two younger men drove the Herefords into the pen made ready for them. The owner of the livery even had the insight to provide a separate pen for the bull. His borrowed gelding was returned with thanks from Banner.
"Do you want to spend the night here in town, Banner?" Jake asked solicitously. Despite her bragging about playing in the rain, she looked sodden, bedraggled, and her teeth were chattering.
"No. I want to go home."
He considered her for a moment. Rain dripped heavily from her clothes. If she were as wet as he, she was soaked to the skin. Even his boots had rainwater sloshing in them. "Let's leave the wagon for now. We can come get it when things dry up. I doubt it would make it over the roads in the state they're in anyway."
"You want the gelding for a while longer then?" the livery owner asked.
"No thanks. Banner can ride with me," Jake said. "We'd appreciate a blanket though, if you've got one to spare."
When they rode out of town a few minutes later, they were a sad-looking group. Micah and Lee were huddled morosely in their saddles, reminiscing about their trip and regretting that it was over. Rainwater dripped from the brims
of their hats and ran down into their collars.
Banner had been tucked in front of Jake on his saddle, wrapped in the borrowed blanket. His arms held her securely, but even the warmth of his body couldn't dispel the wet chill that had seeped into her bones, making her feel miserable. At any other time she would have loved riding double with him, his arms holding her close and his head bent protectively over hers. But she felt too bad to enjoy it.
When they reached the bridge that separated River Bend from Banner's property, they reined up. "Which way?" he asked her. "River Bend or your place?"
The thought of her dry warm bed in the upstairs bedroom where she had known such childhood happiness was enticing. But she was bone-weary and didn't feel like recounting the details of her trip, which she knew she would be pressed to do. Besides, she longed for her own small quaint house. "I want to go home."
He didn't have to ask her what she meant by home. His eyes bored into hers for an instant, and he knew, "Banner want to go on across the river," he told Lee and Micah. "Tell everybody she's fine and that the trip was successful. If it's raining this hard tomorrow, tell Jim and Pete and Randy not to report to work. I think we all deserve a day off, especially Banner."
"Be careful crossing the bridge, Jake," Micah cautioned. "The river's up."
Jake had already noticed that. There were only a few scant feet between the bridge and the churning, rushing waters of the river, "We'll take it slow. Get on home now and be sure to tell everybody we're fine and not to worry."
He watched the boys ride out of sight, then, garnering Banner tighter in his arms, he led a reluctant Stormy toward the bridge. The stallion picked his way carefully. Jake kept tight control.
Even in the darkness, Banner could see the dizzying swirls and eddies of the water beneath them. She shivered in the damp blanket and snuggled closer to Jake. If only she were warm and dry. She didn't feel well, though she couldn't actually pinpoint the source of her misery. As soon as she was safe in her own house, she would begin to feel better. At least that's what she told herself.
They reached the other side of the river and Jake let out a sigh of relief. In the morning, if the weather permitted, he'd see to that bridge. Even if it meant leaving the herd in Larsen an extra day, he and the hands needed to give that bridge some overdue attention.
The tiny new house looked forlorn in its clearing, valiantly taking the brunt of the rainstorm. To Banner, it had never looked better. Jake dismounted first, lifted her down, and carried her the remaining steps to the house. Taking the key from her reticule, which was secured to her wrist, Banner unlocked the door. They all but fell inside. Jake's fingers fumbled to light the lamp on the nearest table.
"I'm tracking up your floor." He left a chain of puddles as he made his way to the fireplace.
"I don't care," she said, shivering. "Please get a fire going. Is there any dry wood?"
He checked the box. "Loaded. Jim must have seen to it. Go get out of those clothes. By the time you're back I'll have a roaring fire going." He smiled over his shoulder at her from where he was hunkered down in front of the grate.
His smile was almost enough to warm her, but not quite. She went into the bedroom, groping for the lamp and matches. Her hands were shaking so badly she could barely strike the match. If only she were dry and warm, this debilitating trembling would stop. She knew it. Her head would clear. Everything would stop looking muzzy. And her stomach would stop its roiling.
She stripped out of the wet clothes and conscientiously draped them over a chair to dry. Her teeth were chattering as she plunged her head into the neck of a flannel nightgown and pulled it down over limbs blue with cold and pebbled with goosebumps. She wrapped herself in a winter robe and pulled on a pair of socks whose only merit was that they were warm against her numb toes.
Did she have fever? Is that why she was so chilled? This was summertime. Even with the rainfall she shouldn't feel this cold. Was she hungry? Is that why her stomach felt funny? But the thought of food was revolting. She was rarely sick. Such symptoms were as irritating as they were uncomfortable.
She went back into the living room to find that Jake had been true to his word. Orange and yellow flames were licking the logs stacked in the fireplace. He was rearranging them for better ventilation with the iron poker. When he heard her approach, he turned around.
"Come over here by the fire." Taking her hand, he drew her forward. He thought she might have fever. Her eyes looked glassy and unnaturally brilliant. He chafed her upper arms. "How's that?"
"Better." She sighed and leaned against him slightly, only to realize that he was still wet. "You should change too."
"I'm on my way out now."
Her heart sank. She hadn't thought of him returning to the barn. It seemed so distant. The rain looked like a curtain separating the house from the barn. He would be so far away. Feeling as bad as she did, she wanted him to hold her, stroke her hair, murmur that she would feel better soon, as her parents had done on the few occasions she had suffered childhood illnesses. But she couldn't ask that of him. He would think it was just a female wile, or that she was behaving like a child frightened of a rainstorm.
"Are you sure you'll be all right?" he asked.
"I'm going to brew a cup of tea and take it to bed with me."
"Good idea. What you need is a full night's rest." He stroked her cheek with the tip of his finger. "It's been an unsettling day."
Her physical ailments had superseded her emotional ones. She nodded, "Yes. You're right. I need some sleep."
"I won't be far away if you need me."
He dropped a soft kiss on her cheek, then left on a gust of damp air. Sprinkles of rain showered the threshold. Banner stared at them sightlessly long after he had closed the door behind him. Her stomach twisted with a cramp and she realized she had been standing motionless for several moments.
Forcing herself to move, she carried the lamp into the kitchen and filled the kettle with water. She lacked the energy to build a fire in the stove, so she brought the kettle back to the fireplace and set it as close to the flames as possible.
She was feeling worse by the minute. The cramping in her stomach was coming at regular intervals. She needed to vomit, but held it back with an iron will. She alternated between shivering in her robe and sweating so much that she pulled at it in a frenzied effort to discard it.
The kettle was just beginning to boil when Jake knocked on the door. "Banner?" He swung the door open and then kicked it shut behind him. She stared up at him from the low stool she was sitting on in front of the hearth.
"There's something about the barn I didn't know until tonight."
"What?" she asked raspily.
"The roof leaks." One corner of his lip lifted into a wry grin. "Stormy and I tossed for the only dry stall. He won. Would you mind if I bed down in here?" he asked, indicating the couch with his head.
"I'll feel better with you in here with me." Even as she spoke the words, she was hoping with all her heart they would prove to be true. She certainly couldn't feel any worse.
"Have you had your tea yet?" He dropped a heap of bedding and dry clothes on the floor beside the sofa.
"I was just about to. The kettle's boiling."
He pulled a bottle of whiskey from the pile of bedding. "I'll add some of this to it. That'll warm you up. You stay where you are. I'll go in the kitchen and change while I'm brewing your tea."
He carried the steaming kettle and a change of dry domes into the kitchen with him. Banner gripped her stomach and bent forward at the waist as soon as he was out of sight. She had had tummy aches before, but nothing to equal this one.
Thankfully the worst of the pain had passed by the time Jake came back wearing dry clothes and carrying two fragrant cups of tea. Steam rose from their brims. He handed one to her, folded his legs beneath him Indian fashion and sat down. Setting his cup between his thighs, he reached for the whiskey bottle. He uncorked it and held it over her cup.
"Th
is is for medicinal purposes only, you understand."
She frowned at him as he poured a meager portion into her cup. "Ma's been sneaking whiskey to me all my life. Every time I had a cough."
He laughed as he added the whiskey to his own tea. "She used to pour it down us too. Corn liquor distilled in the hills of Tennessee." He shuddered and made a face. "One time when Luke had the croup, he got to liking it so much, he started asking for it. That's when Ma knew he was getting well." He smiled, shaking his head with the fond memory.
Banner's world shrank to consist only of him. The firelight gilded his hair and cast his face into shadow. It highlighted the lean bone structure, the bladelike sharpness of his cheekbones, the stubbornness of his jaw. The shadows scooped out the hollows of his cheeks and made them more pronounced. He was smiling, relaxed, and talking to her about the brother he had loved.
If she didn't feel so ill, this would have been a treasured moment in her life. They were encapsulated in this softly glowing, warm cocoon while the rain beat down around them, separating them from everyone else in the world. Damn! She was too sick to enjoy it. That made her angry with this unnamed sickness and she vowed to will it away.
She sipped the whiskey-laced tea, hoping that its burning punch would banish the nausea and cramps in her stomach and abdomen.
Jake added another log to the fire. He had left half the buttons of his shirt undone and hadn't tucked the shhttail in. He was wearing only socks. He looked comfortable and cozy and showed no haste to leave her to her own devices and go to bed.
"Feeling better now?" He stretched out on his side in front of the fireplace and propped himself up on one elbow. The shirt fell away, giving her a heart-stopping view of his throat and chest.
"Yes, I'm fine," Banner lied. She wanted to stretch out beside him breast to breast, belly to belly, hip to hip. It would feel absolutely glorious to lie that way with him, their mouths touching frequently, until passion overcame them and he rolled her to her back and lay atop her.