Hopelessly Devoted to Holden Finn

by Tilly Tennant

  Fourteen

  Bonnie had never been so relieved to see a weekend looming than she was when the closed sign was finally displayed in the door of Applejack’s that Saturday evening.

  With the coast clear of reporters or silent, staring teenage stalkers, and pretty certain that whatever damage leaving Paige with Henri might cause, it couldn’t come close to what had already happened that week, Bonnie decided to grab half an hour with her mum before she headed home from work.

  Jeanie stood with her hands on her hips, looking critically at a teetering pile of crockery on the kitchen table when Bonnie walked in.

  ‘What’s all this?’ Bonnie asked. ‘More clearing out?’

  Jeanie nodded. ‘I wondered what you might need, so I thought you could go through it. What you want I’ll keep in the cupboards, the rest can go to that Salvation Army charity shop in town.’

  Bonnie sighed. ‘You want me to do it now? I’m knackered.’

  Jeanie raised her eyebrows. ‘I’m not surprised after the last few months of creeping around like some double agent. Here was I thinking you were lonely – turns out you’d got men stashed all over the place.’

  ‘Very funny, Mum.’ Bonnie took her coat off and hung it on the back of a chair. ‘I told you what happened with Holden.’

  ‘And you used to shout at me for going groupie, as you used to call it. I think you’ve trumped anything I got up to backstage.’

  ‘I didn’t do it deliberately. Who could ever have seen that situation coming?’

  ‘That’s true,’ Jeanie mused. ‘And I bet your photo is on a few teenage girls’ dartboards right now too.’

  Bonnie smiled. It wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation; in fact, it seemed to be Jeanie’s favourite topic at the moment. But even Bonnie had to see the funny side of it all. And as Holden had replied to her text asking if he felt better without once mentioning that fact that he couldn’t remember dance moves or words to songs, she took it as a good sign that he was moving on to pastures new.

  Bonnie grabbed the kettle and took it to the sink to fill when the house phone rang out in the hallway.

  ‘I’d better get that, I’m expecting Juan to call,’ Jeanie said, running a hand over her hair and flicking her dreadlocks into place as if he could somehow see her.

  Bonnie shook her head with a wry smile. Humming to herself as she ran the tap, she wondered silently when her turn would come. Perhaps, the best thing for all of them would be a nice quiet end to the year and a well-earned breather.

  Jeanie returned a few moments later and her expression was grim. ‘That was Paige,’ Jeanie said tensely. ‘She’s been ringing your mobile but you didn’t answer. You need to get home, right now.’

  Bonnie felt the blood leave her face. She remembered guiltily that she had put her phone on silent for a bit of peace. ‘What is it?’

  Jeanie was already heading for the hallway. ‘I’ll come with you,’ she called behind her, ‘I can tell you on the way.’

  ***

  Paige was sitting on a chair twisting her fingers together, staring at a woman who sat on the sofa opposite. The woman looked to be in her early-to-mid-twenties, blonde, petite, and very pretty. She was cuddling a tiny baby who was sound asleep and wrapped in a thick, powder-blue fleece.

  ‘Mum!’ Paige wailed as she leapt up and threw her arms around Bonnie’s neck.

  Bonnie gave her a fierce hug. She only had the barest of information supplied by Jeanie on the way over, but her daughter’s reaction told her that even she knew there was some truth in this new revelation.

  ‘Where’s your dad?’ Bonnie asked, gently prising Paige’s arms from her neck so she could look at her. Paige’s cheeks were tracked with tears and her eyes were puffy.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Paige said. She threw a glance at the woman, who had said nothing at all but simply stared at them, her look a mixture of fear and determination. Paige nodded her head at the stranger. ‘There was a knock at the door. I went to get it and she asked for Dad. As soon as he saw her, he started shouting that I shouldn’t have let her in. Then she told me that the baby…’ Paige’s breath hitched as she started to cry again, but she swallowed hard and continued, ‘is my dad’s. She kept asking Dad when he was going home. I told her that Dad was home, but she wouldn’t listen and just kept going on about it. Then Dad lost his temper and went into the bedroom. He was in there a few minutes, and then he went out. He didn’t say a word about where he was going.’

  Jeanie shot a look at Bonnie. ‘You think he’s done a runner?’

  ‘Would you go and check in the wardrobe?’

  Jeanie nodded and left them. Bonnie looked again at the silent stranger. She didn’t have to ask; she already knew that the woman was telling the truth. Bonnie sat down next to her and peered at the baby.

  ‘How long has this been going on?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘He’s been living with me for a year,’ the woman replied in an even tone, Bonnie’s calm seeming to rub off on her. The accent wasn’t local, but it was British. Bonnie tried to place it, theories quickly forming in her head as she did so. ‘Where was this?’ Bonnie asked.

  ‘York.’

  ‘And he was with you until a few weeks ago?’

  The woman nodded. So Henri had come straight from York back to Bonnie, not from France at all. It seemed like a reasonable guess.

  ‘Did he say anything about his life before he met you?’ Bonnie asked gently with no malice in her voice. ‘He’s much older than you, I’m guessing. Didn’t you wonder where he’d been all those years before? Did it occur to you that he might have children or a partner elsewhere?’

  The woman shrugged. ‘He said he’d travelled a lot for his job. He said that he’d never settled long enough to start a family. But then he’d come to York to teach French and he moved into my flat because he had just started up and he was waiting for the clients to start coming.’

  ‘That’s when you got pregnant?’

  As the two women spoke, Paige watched them miserably. Bonnie looked up and caught her eye. She tried to give her an encouraging smile. It had been a weird enough week for her daughter already, without this on top of everything. She had the feeling that Paige’s entire world was about to crash in on her. Paige would deal with it either by sinking without trace, or rising above it all stronger and better equipped to fight her way through the emotional minefield that adult life could be. Bonnie desperately hoped it would be the latter option.

  Jeanie hurried back into the living room. ‘All his stuff has gone,’ she said grimly.

  The young woman’s eyes filled with tears. Bonnie laid a hand on her arm. ‘He’s not worth it.’ The woman looked up and nodded, sniffing hard. ‘You want a cup of tea?’ Bonnie asked. The woman nodded uncertainly again. ‘Sorry,’ Bonnie said as Jeanie disappeared to put the kettle on, ‘I don’t know your name.’

  ‘Lauren,’ the woman replied as she cuddled the baby a little closer. ‘And this is Zach.’

  ‘Zach, that’s a great name,’ Bonnie said.

  ‘He’s eight weeks old now.’ Lauren gave Bonnie a proud if watery smile.

  Bonnie paused for a moment, looking at the baby thoughtfully. ‘So that means he was only just born when Henri left you.’

  Lauren’s eyes began to fill again. ‘He said he was going to visit his parents in France. He said I couldn’t go with him because his mum was ill and it wasn’t a good time to introduce me, but that he’d be back soon. When he didn’t come I was worried sick because I thought that something had happened to him, but I had no idea where his parents lived and the French authorities couldn’t tell me anything.’

  It all sounded so familiar. And yet, Bonnie couldn’t help but be thankful that Henri had at least stuck around until Paige had been much older than Zach. She thought back to all the times over the years he had said he was going back to France on family visits. Just what had he been doing?

  ‘How did you find him?’ Bonnie asked, her curiosity piqu
ed.

  Lauren gave a wry smile. ‘You were all on telly. I saw Henri chasing off some reporters and they mentioned the town of Millrise on the report. Pretty much the first person I spoke to locally told me where you lived.’

  ‘I had no idea I was so famous,’ Bonnie smiled.

  ‘Well…’ Lauren began, suddenly a little shy, as if she was in awe of Bonnie, ‘it was Holden Finn.’

  ‘I suppose it was,’ Bonnie agreed.

  From the corner of her eye, Bonnie noticed Paige slip away into the kitchen to join Jeanie. Bonnie guessed that the conversation was one she wasn’t quite sure how to deal with. She turned back to Lauren, satisfied that Jeanie would be able to say the right thing to make Paige feel better. ‘Have you travelled all the way from York today?’ she asked.

  Lauren nodded. ‘I came by train. I probably should get back soon or I’ll miss the last one.’

  ‘Sorry… I don’t mean to criticise, but what did you think Henri would do when you got here?’

  Lauren’s shoulders seemed to sag and she looked down at Zach, still sleeping soundly. ‘I don’t really know. I just wanted him to tell me what I did wrong.’

  ‘You did nothing wrong. It’s just Henri. He left me too, you know, and I didn’t know where he was for two years.’ She gazed down at the baby. ‘I suppose that’s one bit of the mystery solved anyway.’

  Jeanie came back in, followed by Paige. They’d laid out tea things on a tray which Jeanie now carried.

  ‘We thought it would save disturbing the baby if we brought the tea in here,’ Jeanie explained.

  Bonnie nodded and smiled.

  ‘You’re being so kind,’ Lauren said, her eyes filling with tears again. ‘I thought you’d go mental when you found me here.’

  ‘Nonsense,’ Jeanie said, ‘it’s not your fault. We should be making voodoo dolls of that bastard and sticking pins in it together, all four of us.’

  ‘If you thought that, why didn’t you run off when Henri left?’ Bonnie asked Lauren curiously. ‘Why not get out before I arrived home?’

  Lauren glanced at Paige. ‘Your daughter was so upset… And… well, she’s Zach’s sister really, isn’t she? I suppose I thought that maybe, if we could work things out, they could get to know each other one day… I don’t have much in the way of family myself…’

  Bonnie and Jeanie both turned to Paige, who was still standing at the living room door. The ghost of a smile played about her lips. ‘I never thought about it like that,’ she said quietly. ‘I suppose I have a brother.’

  ‘What do you think?’ Bonnie asked.

  Paige’s smile spread a little. ‘I’m not sure. I think it’s ok though.’

  ***

  Bonnie and Paige spent Sunday together, crying, discussing, hugging, crying more and generally trying to understand what Henri had done to them. It seemed that Paige had finally learned the hardest lesson of her life so far, and one that Bonnie only wished hadn’t been taught in such a heartless and brutal way. Now, Paige understood that people aren’t always what they seem, and that even those you trust can let you down.

  They heard nothing from Henri, but this time, both Paige and Bonnie agreed that there was no need to chase him down. Lauren was keen that Paige and Zach shouldn’t lose touch, and Paige had even seemed hopeful and excited about the prospect of visiting them in York when Lauren had suggested it.

  For the first time in two years, on Monday morning Bonnie rang work to tell Fred she was sick, and then phoned Paige’s school to tell them that she was sick too. They were glue for each other’s souls, and even after the entire Sunday together, Bonnie felt that they needed more time to mend what had broken. So she went out to the shops and bought as much terrible food as she could, and then got back into her pyjamas, pulled a mattress and duvet into the sitting room, where she and Paige lounged for the entire day, watching TV, eating sweets and talking until they were both hoarse. In a strange way, Bonnie felt a kind of deep contentment by the end of it all, and she sensed that Paige felt it too, as though their shared pain had brought them closer together.

  Perhaps there would be a silver lining to this stinking great black storm cloud after all.

  ***

  On Tuesday Bonnie was back at work. A worried Linda had called the flat on the previous evening, and Bonnie had filled her in on the details. By the time she had spent an hour on the phone, she was sick of hearing herself talk about Henri and what he had done.

  When Bonnie arrived at Applejack’s, Linda had a big bunch of flowers and an even bigger hug waiting for her. Bonnie could not find the words to tell Linda how grateful she was that she still had some people who would never let her down. She thought about Lauren and Zach and only hoped they would be as lucky.

  After Fred had read the riot act about Bonnie’s absence, which she took remarkably well in the circumstances, she went through to the stockroom to help Linda pull out the cold stock. In a strange way, it was good to see things settle down to normality, and Bonnie was almost looking forward to a dull week at work. Just as they were about to start, the knock came at the back door.

  I’ll get it,’ Linda said, practically bouncing over to the door and yanking it open wide. ‘Hello stranger!’ Linda stepped back to reveal Max, grinning awkwardly.

  ‘I thought it was about time Rob stopped having all the fun and I got out a bit myself.’

  Bonnie watched as Max came in and shook the rain from his hair. She didn’t speak – her heart was thumping too fast and too loudly.

  ‘This calls for a celebration cuppa,’ Linda said with a broad smile. ‘I might even crack open the biscuits.’

  ‘I have missed your tea, Lind.’ Max was speaking to Linda, but he never took his eyes off Bonnie.

  ‘Right…’ Linda said in a significant tone, ‘I’ll get the kettle on.’

  As soon as she had gone into the kitchenette, Max spoke. ‘I heard about what happened,’ he said in a low voice.

  ‘Which bit?’ Bonnie asked, trying to ignore the fact that her heart was ready to burst at the sight of him. Despite how terribly she had missed him, the violence of her emotions now was a complete shock.

  ‘Henri’s little surprise package.’

  ‘Oh. I suppose Linda told you.’

  ‘She might have mentioned it on the phone last night.’

  Bonnie threw a glance at the doorway where Linda was busying herself with teabags and mugs and trying to look as though she wasn’t listening.

  ‘I just wanted to see for myself that you were ok.’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Only… your last text…’

  ‘What text?’ Bonnie frowned.

  ‘You said you loved him. I suppose you’re pretty cut up now.’

  Bonnie shook her head slowly, realisation suddenly dawning on her. ‘I’m beginning to realise what an idiot I am.’

  ‘Oh...’ Max replied, not knowing what else to say.

  They were silent for a moment, the only sounds those of Fred grumbling loudly about something in the front of the shop and the kettle bubbling in the kitchen.

  ‘So… Henri has gone for good?’ Max asked finally.

  ‘Looks like it.’

  ‘You and Paige are ok with it, though?’

  ‘It’s hurt Paige. That was one lesson she could have been spared from. But I think that she understands now just what sort of a man he is.’

  ‘You wouldn’t have him back?’

  ‘No.’

  Max smiled slightly. ‘What about Holden Finn?’

  Bonnie couldn’t help a little laugh. ‘So you heard about that too.’

  ‘Everyone heard about that.’ He gave her a lopsided grin. For a moment, he looked like the old Max, the one who hadn’t had his heart pulled inside out by Bonnie and her mixed up life. She wished they could rewind time somehow and get back to when they were just like that – able to laugh and joke together with no awkwardness. She didn’t suppose things could ever go back to that now. Henri had gone, but perhaps the damage
his reappearance had done to her and Max was beyond repair.

  Linda came out and handed them both a mug. ‘Are you friends now?’ she asked with a devious grin.

  ‘Oh no… ‘Max said, stepping back from her and making the sign of a cross with his fingers ‘don’t you dare think about locking us in the fridge again.’

  Linda laughed. ‘I wouldn’t use the same trick twice, I’m not that stupid.’

  ‘So you are planning something?’ Bonnie asked, trying to look stern but hardly able to keep the smile from her lips.

  ‘Maybe…’ Linda grinned.

  Bonnie glanced at Max. She wondered how happy he would be if Linda did lock them in the fridge together. But he said no more on the subject, and simply put his cup on the bench before making for the back door.

  ‘I’d better move it; those carrots won’t bring themselves in.’

  ***

  Bonnie wondered whether Max’s appearance at the shop was simply a one-off, and expected to see his surly assistant, Rob, back the following morning, but Max turned up again. Although he appeared to be his usual wise-cracking self, Bonnie could sense the tension that hummed in the air between them. Linda seemed to be watching them carefully too, but if Bonnie and Max expected her to step in and engineer some trick to get them back together, they were both to be disappointed. Whether she had decided that her interference last time had been ill-advised, or whether she just couldn’t be bothered again, she did nothing.

  Weeks passed, and Christmas came and went. Max was a regular again and Bonnie felt a curious mix of embarrassment, awkwardness, affection and relief. Their relationship slowly began to transform and, although they didn’t share the easy banter that they had once done, it was getting close. As they closed the shop on Christmas Eve, Max rushed in with three bottles of wine, as he did every year, handing Fred and Linda theirs with a jovial greeting and Bonnie’s with an awkward, hopeful smile.

  ‘Happy Christmas, Bon,’ he said.

  ‘I didn’t get you anything,’ Bonnie replied, blushing a little.