Better Late Than Never

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  “Can I have your attention, everyone?” Denise said.

  Everyone got quiet and looked at her.

  “Miss Trina wants me to take some photos of the entire family gathered around her bed, so if you’ll all come on over, I’ll take a few of them.”

  Everyone made their way over to the bed and got in position, but then Trina said, “Where’s MJ?”

  He stuck his head around his dad. “I’m right here, Auntie Trina.”

  “Well, can you come here for a minute?”

  MJ slid around a couple of other people and stood at the side of the bed. “Yes, Auntie Trina?”

  Trina smiled at him, and then asked Jason to let down the rail of the bed. “Come sit with me.”

  MJ climbed in next to her, and Trina locked her arm inside his. “I just wanted to have a photo with my only great-nephew. You’re the only great-nephew I have right now, and I’m the only great-aunt you’ll ever have.

  MJ looked at her. “Is that because my Paw-Paw doesn’t have any other brothers or sisters except you, and my Nana doesn’t have any brothers or sisters at all?”

  “That’s right, so you and I have a very special relationship. We’ll always have one.”

  “Even when you’re gone?” MJ wanted to know.

  “Even when I’m gone, and you know why?”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’ll be right here,” she said, pointing to his heart.

  “Then can I get a photo with just you and me? I mean after your nurse takes the photo of all of us?”

  “Yes, that’s a good idea,” Trina told him, and then looked at Curtina. “And I also want to get a separate photo with you, too, sweetie, okay? Because you’re the youngest of my first-generation nieces and nephews.”

  Curtina smiled and nodded.

  Everyone looked on in tears, and now Curtis wished that MJ and Curtina had gotten a chance to spend some real time with Trina. He wished all of his children had.

  “And I certainly need to get a photo with my beautiful niece who’s carrying my precious great-niece or -nephew,” Trina said, smiling.

  Curtis wondered what she was talking about, but then Alicia walked closer to her father and held his hand. “Levi and I just found out yesterday, Daddy. And since we knew everyone was coming to see Aunt Trina today, we decided to announce it here. But then, when I told Aunt Trina about it a couple of hours ago, she asked us if she could be the one to tell you. And, of course, Levi and I were so honored and happy about that.”

  Curtis hugged his daughter and didn’t want to let her go. Then he hugged his son-in-law, but he still didn’t say anything to either of them. He wanted to, but he was too full inside—both with the sheer joy of knowing that he was having another grandchild and with deep sadness because of what was happening to his sister.

  “God knew you would need some happy news today,” Trina told Curtis, “and it just doesn’t get any better than this.”

  When each person moved back into photo position, Denise told everyone to smile, and she pressed the camera icon on Trina’s phone multiple times. Next, she took several photos of Trina and MJ by themselves, along with many others with various groups of people.

  After another hour passed, Trina summoned each of them all back to her bedside again, and they all assembled closely together.

  “I just want you all to know how happy and grateful I am to have all of you here today. It has given me such great joy, and I love you all so very much.”

  “We love you, too,” everyone said.

  “My illness has been a tough cross to bear, but I also know that it hasn’t been easy for any of you, either. Then, last night, my sweet, beautiful daughter looked at me and said, ‘Mom, why did you have to get sick? Why did you have to get cancer?’ So just in case some of you are wondering the same things, this is what I told her: ‘Look at what Jesus had to go through. All the turmoil, pain, and suffering He had to endure. And while He certainly didn’t deserve it, it was still His destiny.’ So as Christians, we all have to go through something, too. But it will never be as painful as what He experienced. Then my sweet, handsome son asked me why God was taking me at such a young age. He wanted to know why I wasn’t going to live to be seventy the way the Bible says. He was referring to Psalm ninety, verse ten. But my response to him was ‘Even Jesus passed away when He was in his thirties.’ So, what I believe is that right when we’re conceived, God already knows which day will be our last. He knows when we’ve completely fulfilled the purpose He has for each of us. And while I know it’s not easy to accept losing the people we love—because to this day, I still miss my mother more than anything—passing away is still a necessary part of life. It’s the one thing that none of us can bypass. That’s the reason it’s so important to love everyone and to treat others as well as you can. It’s important to enjoy every single day of your life and to enjoy your family and friends as much as possible,” she said, smiling and slowly making eye contact with every single person in the room. “This is the reason I wanted all of you to come here today. This is what I knew would make me happy, and it has. I’ve also gotten a chance to spend hours alone this week with Jason, each of my children, and my mother-in-law and father-in-law, and yesterday I got an opportunity to spend time with just Curtis and me,” she said, smiling and reaching her hand out to him.

  Curtis held her hand and sat on the edge of her bed, facing her.

  “My dear, dear, brother. You and I went through a lot as children, and regardless of how many years we didn’t see each other or talk to each other, I still loved you. I was angry at you, too, but deep down, you were still my big brother and the only brother I had. You were always in the back of my mind, and I used to wonder if we would ever become close again. And if we did, I wondered how it would happen. I never even told Jason my feelings about that,” she said, looking at her husband, “but I still wondered. And look at the plan God had for us. He brought us back together when I needed you most. He turned something bad into something very good, because you and I are closer now than any sister or brother could ever hope to be. Jason, Amber, and Eric have given me the absolute best years of my life, but you have given me the best last five weeks of my life, and I so thank God for you. It took a long time for us to get here, but better late than never, right?”

  Tears flowed down Curtis’s face, and he squeezed Trina’s hand, not wanting to let it go.

  “And, even with how happy I am to have had this time with you,” Trina continued, “there’s still one more thing I need for you to do. I need you to go visit Mom and Dad’s grave sites. Remember chapter ten in that book I gave you to read?”

  Curtis nodded with tears flowing more heavily.

  “Well, doing what that chapter talks about is my last request of you. Do it for you, Curtis. Do it so you can be free.”

  “I will,” he said, hugging her. “I promise.”

  Trina went on with the rest of what she had to say. “Do it so that you and I can be an example to the world that forgiveness is possible for everyone. Even if a person hasn’t spoken to their brother or sister for decades. Even if their father abused them and their mother didn’t protect them. There’s still an opportunity to forgive, live a good life, and be at peace when your time on earth is over. And that’s what I want for you, my dear brother. More than anything. That’s what I want for all of you,” she said, scanning the room again as everyone hugged the person next to them. “I just want my family to be happy and at peace like me. Because when it’s all said and done, love, happiness, and peace are the only things that truly matter.”

  Curtis held his sister, and then after everyone else hugged and kissed her again, she closed her eyes…and twenty minutes later, she was gone and finally resting in heaven.

  Epilogue

  One Year Later

  The day had finally arrived. Deliverance Outreach was celebrating its twentieth anniversary, and Charlotte and Curtis had never felt so appreciated. Every seat was taken, and this wasn’t even th
e main celebratory service, which would commence this evening. Of course, feeling appreciated by members of the church had always been the norm for Curtis, but for years, Charlotte hadn’t believed that most of the members cared whether she existed or not—that is, except for when they wanted or needed her to do something for them. There were some who did show Charlotte a great amount of love and respect, but to her, they’d been few and far between. Yes, she’d done plenty of shameful things over the years, to her marriage and in other ways, too, but she’d still felt as though the majority of the members paid very little attention to how she felt and had mostly kept their minds focused on what she was doing wrong—or they kept their focus on Curtis. It was very clear that they loved, loved, loved their pastor, but when it came to their pastor’s wife, Charlotte had sometimes been treated no differently than an accessory.

  But today, Charlotte did feel that the entire congregation not only loved and cared about her, but they also valued her as Curtis’s wife. And she knew some of that had to do with the fact that right after she’d left for the alcohol rehabilitation facility in Texas, he’d shared with them how miserable she’d been serving as their first lady. He’d also told them that once she returned from rehab, she wouldn’t be back at church for a while, but that when she did return, a number of changes would need to be made. Janine had told her how shocked everyone had seemed, both about her being admitted to rehab and about Curtis basically telling the congregation that he would now expect his wife to be treated a lot better than she had been.

  There had been many different rehab facilities to choose from, but once she and Curtis had settled on which boarding school they were sending Curtina to, she’d decided to search for something nearby. Which had worked out wonderfully, because even though she and Curtina could only see each other on set visitation days, it made life a lot easier when Curtis flew to Texas to see both of them. All had turned out well, because Charlotte had learned a lot during her sixty-day program, and just a few days ago, she’d celebrated her one-year sobriety date. She went to AA meetings regularly, and she was in the process of starting a weekly women’s AA meeting at the church. Deliverance Outreach already had an addictions program, but Charlotte had decided that it was time they created something specifically for women. Dillon was going to create something just for men, too, and for the first time since he and Charlotte had met, they were happily working on something together as stepson and stepmother. Or as Curtis now liked to refer to them, as “bonus son and bonus mom.”

  Then there was Curtina. At first, she’d been very homesick at boarding school, and rightfully so, but as time had gone by, she’d begun to love her new home and the girls she went to school with. Then, after about three months, Curtis and Charlotte had noticed a major change in her attitude and her outlook on life. She’d become much more patient, kind, and unselfish, and after six months, they almost hadn’t recognized her overall conversation. She’d certainly been learning a lot educationally, but she’d also learned a massive amount of common sense and adopted some amazing Christian values. As a pastor’s daughter, she’d been born and raised to love God, and she knew the Bible well, but the boarding school had taken every bit of that to a whole other level. They’d taught her and shown her why she needed to consult God about every single decision she made, versus just talking to Him when she wanted or needed something. Curtis and Charlotte had tried teaching her that same philosophy for years, but somehow, she hadn’t taken it as seriously until enrolling at the boarding school.

  She also no longer focused on texting all the time or trying to act older than she was, and thank God, she hadn’t gotten pregnant or ended up with some sort of STD. That whole sex-in-the-school-bathroom incident had happened a whole year ago, but Charlotte would never forget it. Curtis would never forget it, either, and there were still times when he would look at Charlotte and say, “Can you believe our daughter got caught having sex at twelve years old inside a school restroom?” He didn’t hold it against Curtina, but he was still stunned and hurt that it had happened. Now, though, Charlotte and Curtis were very proud of her, and once she finished eighth grade in a couple of months, she would be home for good. She would then enroll at a new Christian academy there in Mitchell for high school and begin preparing for college.

  Charlotte walked up to the glass podium at the front of the church and pulled the microphone from its holder. “Good morning, everyone.”

  “Good morning,” they all said.

  “I’m not going to take up too much of your time, but I just want to say thank you. Thank you for all the love and support you have shown our family over this last year, but especially for the love and support you have shown me individually. I know I haven’t been here since the day my dad went into cardiac arrest, but I have so appreciated all the cards, flowers, and Edible Arrangements deliveries you sent me over this last twelve months—especially the Edible Arrangements, because sometimes I ate whole boxes and never gave Curtis a chance to eat one single piece,” she said, and everyone laughed. “But in all seriousness, I really did need your support more than you could possibly imagine, and the good news is that, through it all, I learned so much about myself, and I’ve made a lot of positive changes. I know Curtis shared with all of you a year ago that, as first lady of this church, I was very unhappy. As a matter of fact, not even he was aware of how unhappy I was all that time, because I’d never told him. Partly because I know how much this ministry means to him, and partly because I wasn’t sure he or anyone else would understand why I felt the way I did. I wasn’t even sure my children, my parents, or my best friend, Janine, would fully understand, either, so I stayed silent about it. I walked around for years with a huge smile on my face, pretending that I couldn’t be happier. I wore nice clothing so I could look great on the outside, when on the inside I was nearly dying—the only time I was truly happy was when I was at home or doing things that had absolutely nothing to do with the church.

  “Still, when I did finally tell my husband everything last year, he heard me and asked all of you to be mindful of it. You didn’t have to do that, of course, but you did, and I will always be grateful for that. But today, he’s asked me to openly share some of the reasons why I felt the way I did, and while I wasn’t sure that our church’s twentieth anniversary was the appropriate time to do it, my husband and your pastor,” she said, and the congregation laughed again, “told me it was the perfect time to reflect on the last twenty years and to be as transparent as possible. What he wants is for us to be open and honest, so that we can journey into the next twenty years all on the same page.

  “But before I do share a few examples with you, I also want to say that during my time at the rehab facility, I did do a lot of praying and soul-searching, and what I ultimately had to realize was that none of us can find internal happiness through others. For years, I spent my life either depending on Curtis to make me happy or depending on worldly possessions to do it. I also came here to church every Sunday, hoping that I could impress all of you in every way I could. I know that none of you asked me to do that, but what you didn’t know was that there were many times when certain members would walk past me without speaking—and they’d do it right as they were on their way to speak to my husband. Sometimes he’d only be standing a couple of feet away from me. And there were also times when I felt as though I was carrying the weight of the world, even when I was too tired to leave our home. But I did it anyway, because if I said no to certain people I then had to worry about what would be said behind my back. I’d even gotten to a place where I was actually afraid to say no to anyone who attended Deliverance. Then there were times when I felt as though no matter what I did, it was never enough. And on other occasions, when I sometimes made certain decisions relating to the women’s ministry that some women didn’t like, I would see negative comments about it on Facebook or Twitter. So, yes, in case you’re wondering, there was a time when I would search my name and anything connected to Curtis or Deliverance Outreach throug
h search engines on social media. And I have to tell you…I saw things I never would have imagined people would say about me. People who smiled when they saw me in person or who referred to me as their first lady whenever they thought it might benefit them with someone I knew well in the community. Then, as much as I hate to bring it up, my husband asked me not to leave this part out, either. There were some women who went out of their way to throw themselves at Curtis, and they didn’t try to hide it from me. Some didn’t try to hide it from anyone, and that was always very hurtful. I’m certainly not going to stand here and claim to have been an angel all my life when it comes to my marriage, but I’m just sharing with you how this kind of thing sometimes made me feel. Women in the church going after their pastor should be unheard of, and my prayer is that I won’t have to experience anything like that again. My prayer, too, is that none of the other married women who attend Deliverance will have to experience that with their husbands, either.

  “And finally, I just want to say how much taking a twelve-month sabbatical from the church really helped me. It made a difference for me on so many levels, and I’m a better person because of it. I did things for me and my family, and I was able to focus on so much of what I never seemed to have time for in the past. And please don’t get me wrong. I love all of you, and I am honored to be your first lady, but as a woman, wife, mother, and grandmother, I needed some time away from the church. I didn’t lose my faith, I didn’t stop reading and studying my Bible, and I didn’t stop worshiping and praising God. I just needed some personal time, and to be honest, had I not gotten that time, I’m not sure I would have finally found the courage to take care of my alcohol addiction. Taking time away gave me time to think and realize what was important. It allowed me to get my priorities in order. So as of June, I’ll now be taking what I call a first-lady sabbatical every summer. I’ll be taking off June, July, and August, and yes, your pastor has given me the okay to do this,” she said, and there was more laugher. “I also want to end with saying how truly grateful I am to all of you for supporting Deliverance Outreach and for supporting my husband for two amazing decades. If it weren’t for all of you, we wouldn’t be able to help thousands of people all year long, every single year, the way we do. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you again, and again, and again. I love you all.”