Say You Won't Let Go

by Kelly Moore

  “You’re my uncle, and Wolfe was my twin brother?” I stand and pace around him. “This can’t be real.” I stop in front of him. “Wolfe died several months ago. He was in the military and was ambushed.”

  A frown instantly covers his face, causing his wrinkles to deepen. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  It wasn’t a loss to me until right this very moment. He really was my brother, and our father must have tracked me down somehow before he died. He knew where I lived. How the hell did he find me? “My name. What was my name? It wasn’t legible on the birth certificate.”

  “Dyani. It means deer.”

  I sit back down on the rug. “You have your mother's eyes.” His shaky hand touches my face. “I see her in you.”

  “Did you know a woman named Timber Hunt? I was told she might have an uncle that lived up here?”

  His eyes squint. “No. I don’t know anyone named Timber and I know every man and woman living here.”

  Timber maybe be a dead-end here, but I’ve come to know my past. At least my childhood. I feel such an overwhelming loss for Wolfe. A man I never met, a brother. My twin. This is not the answer I was expecting to get. Now that I’m here, I want to know more. I want him to tell me everything he can about my family.

  “Would it be okay if I stayed here a few days, so you could tell me about my mother?”

  “You are always welcome here, Dyani.” His eyes shine when he says my name like it’s something he’s been longing to do forever.

  Chapter 21

  Shay

  I spent much longer in the village than I intended. I listened for hours as Moki talked about a life here that I don’t remember, much like my life now. I now have a beginning to my story, but I’m still missing the middle. It’s bittersweet telling Moki goodbye today, but I need to face my life head-on now. Keegan can have peace that he found Wolfe’s sister, but what utter disappointment he will feel when he finds out I’m not his wife. I never opened the envelope with the test results. I don’t need to now. I know who I am; Dyani Rowan, at least in name.

  Several men from the tribe take me back down the mountain to my Jeep. A deep feeling of sadness hits me, knowing I will never see this place or its people again. I keep my phone off, not wanting to share any of this with Keegan until I am face to face with him.

  I’m sad that I’m not his wife. I’ve fallen in love with him in the short time that I’ve known him. He’s everything I could want in a man, but I’m not everything he wants in a woman. He wants Timber, and I can’t give him that. Tears slip down my face as I make the drive back into town. My tears turn into sobs that blur my vision. I pull over on the side of the road and let my heartache take over. So many emotions are rolling through me. Do I go back to being Shay Fox? Do I try to replace a woman I can never be? Or, do I go back to my roots and find peace as Dyani? I feel like all three of these women are gone now. Even though I’ve finally been found, I’m more lost than ever. Resuming the only life I’ve known for twelve years is the only one that makes sense. Shay Fox I can manage.

  It will break my heart to tell Keegan. He was so sure that I was Timber. He will lose his wife for the second time. He will never be able to look at me and not see her. If I stay with him, my life would always be a comparison to her. I would never get to fully be myself with the man I love without him seeing another woman in me.

  Thank God he never told his daughter. At least she won’t have to feel the loss again too. I wipe my face on my sleeve and pull back out on the long lonely highway. I turn my phone back on and call Paul.

  “I’ve been worried sick,” is how he answers the phone. “I bet Keegan is ready to send out an army of men.”

  “I know, I’m sorry.” I sniff.

  “Are you okay?” His voice is calmer.

  “Yeah, for now.”

  “Did you find out anything?”

  “I found Wolfe’s sister.” I half laugh.

  “That’s great news, Shay. Where is she?”

  “She’s been under our noses the entire time.” I tell him Moki’s story as he listens in silence.

  “This is incredible. You’re Wolfe’s sister? What a fucked-up story. Wait. That means you’re not…”

  “Timber,” I finish his sentence.

  “Wow.” I can hear his hand wrestling through his thick hair. “It’s going to kill him.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you want me to be there when you tell him?”

  “No. I think it would be better if I did it alone.”

  “You know where I am if you need me, cupcake.”

  “Thanks, Paul. I’ll let you know when I’m coming home.” With those words, I hang up.

  Instead of going back to the hotel, I call to change my flight to the next one headed to New Hampshire. I don’t need to put off the inevitable.

  The flight was long, and I couldn’t control the floodgates of my emotions. I’m sure I looked like a crazy woman, crying, clutching an unopened letter to my chest. But as I leave the airport headed to Jackson, I’ve shed my last tear. I don’t want to be a blubbering fool in front of Keegan. It will be hard enough to let him go.

  I don’t have the cottage reserved anymore, but my gut tells me that’s where I’ll find Keegan. His Wrangler is parked out front. The hood and windshield are covered in snow, making me think he’s been hiding out here.

  As soon as I place the truck in park, the front door to the cottage flies open. Keegan’s facial expression is flat. He has a blanket draped over his shoulders, and his hair is unkempt. I can see from here that he hasn’t shaved in days.

  I slowly amble toward him, thinking he will say something. Instead, he opens his arms, and I freely walk into them feeling his warmth.

  “Are you okay?” He kisses the top of my head.

  I nod, already fighting back the tears I swore I wouldn’t shed.

  He walks backward with me still in his arms, and he closes the door with the heel of his boot. We stand there like statues, holding one another. I lift my head off his shoulder and look at his glassy eyes. I want to comfort him so badly. I place my hand on the back of his neck, drawing his lips into mine. Our kiss turns into something raw and needy. I push the blanket off his shoulders as he’s stripping me of my coat.

  “I’ve missed you,” he says between kisses.

  “I’ve missed you, too.” I peel the layers of shirts off my body as he reaches down and takes off his boots.

  Once we are both naked, our hands are all over each other. He picks me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist. His lips trail over my breasts and my nails dig into his shoulder. He starts to walk up the stairs with me, but he goes to his knees on the third step up. Beads of sweat are already forming over his body from the intensity flowing off him. He groans when his hand finds my core already wet for him.

  “I need to be inside you.” His voice is laced with desire.

  I reach down, placing my hand on his shaft and guide him to my entrance. “I need you inside me.”

  He shifts slightly and slides inside me. His forehead rests on mine, and our eyes are locked on each other. “I love you,” he whispers.

  I swallow hard, but I can’t keep the words from flowing out of my mouth. They tumble out before I can draw them back in. “I love you, too.” He captures my mouth with his, and he starts to move inside me. His tongue devours my mouth, but his hips have a slow rhythm. He gently slides in, then eases out of me. The sensation is so sensual. It’s like he’s pouring every ounce of love he has for me in his movements. He’s holding on to this moment, treasuring it. Making love to me. I finally understand what that feels like. It’s not just sex. He's reaching inside me, claiming every inch of me as his. Right at this moment, I want nothing more than to be lost in this man.

  There are so many things in my life that I don’t remember, but this is burned into my memory. I will never forget it. I block everything else out and focus solely on him. His pace is driving me insane with need.

  “Harder, Da
vid,” I beg.

  I feel his smile against my neck. “Not this time.” His voice is gravelly. His lips surround my nipple and roll it in between his tongue. I arch my back off the floor when my orgasm thunders through me, my muscles kneading his cock that’s deep inside me.

  He stiffens when I can’t control the throbbing. He yells out my name as he frees himself inside me. His deep thrust peaks another ripple that squeezes me tighter around him. I’m totally out of control of my body. All I’m left feeling is him. He twitches inside me, just as out of control as I am. I can feel his heart beating frantically with mine until we both come back down to earth. I find my calm when he’s kissing me again, little nips to my lips and face.

  He pulls out of me and picks me up in his arms and carries me to the bedroom where he starts the process of making love to me all over again.

  We fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning, wrapped up in each other’s arms. I think neither one of us wanted to let go of the other.

  Chapter 22

  Keegan

  She’s so damn beautiful. I want to reach out and tuck the curl behind her ear, but I don’t want to wake her. I was so angry with her until the moment I saw her get out of the truck. All I wanted at that point was to hold her. I know we probably should have talked, but the overwhelming need to be inside her won out. I couldn’t wait to tell her and show her how much I love her. She is my heart.

  Her dark lashes flutter against her cheek as she stretches out her arms. My cock stirs. I can’t believe I can even get hard again so soon. “Easy boy,” I whisper.

  She skews one eye open at me. “Who are you talking to?”

  I lean my hip against her. “Someone who thinks he can’t get enough of you,” I tease her.

  “Seriously? Again?” She raises the sheet to peer down at me.

  “It’s your fault for being so damn sexy.”

  She rolls her eyes. “There is nothing sexy about me in the morning.” She wipes her fingers under her eyes.

  “Really? Let me see.” I jerk the blankets off her, and she screams, trying to pull them back up to cover her bare body. I pin her arms down. “I want to see.” I lean my head down and kiss her belly button. “Even this is sexy.” She lets out a giggle. Her tight body continues to squirm. “If you don’t stop moving, I’m going to lay on top of you.”

  She stills.

  My eyes gaze up and down her body. “Yep. Every inch of you is gorgeous.” I let her hands free. “I meant what I said.”

  “You’ve said many things. Which one are you talking about.” Her fingers toy with my chest.

  “I love you.”

  Her dark eyes look away, and she bites the inside of her cheek. “We need to talk.” Her words are barely audible.

  “I know we do.” I stand and pull on a pair of jeans. “I’ll go make us some coffee. I’m sure you want a shower.” I shut the door behind me and then bend over, leaning on my knees. A wave of dread floods me. I feel like she’s going to shatter my world and I don’t know how to stop her.

  My head spins as I raise back up. “Get it together, Keegan.” I can hear Wolfe’s voice in my head. I trot down the stairs to make the coffee.

  I’ve almost worn a path on the hardwood floor from pacing the room. I hear the stairs creak and turn to see her beautiful face painted with fear. My stomach rolls. I don’t want to hear what she’s going to tell me.

  “I’ll pour you a cup of coffee,” I say, and she sits on the couch. She’s running her fingers through her wet hair. “Here.” I hand her the mug and sit next to her. My leg is touching hers. I want her to feel me next to her.

  “I’m sorry I left like I did, but I knew you wouldn’t want me to go by myself.”

  “You’re right. I wouldn’t have.” I sip my coffee, not really wanting it.

  “I got a lead on Wolfe’s uncle.” She looks down.

  “Did you find him? Did you find Wolfe’s sister?” I touch her hand, and she looks back at me. I’m not sure what I see in her eyes.

  “I did on both counts.”

  “That’s great news.” I smile, feeling a little relieved. “Where is she?”

  She licks her bottom lip and then draws it between her teeth. “It seems your address was correct.”

  My scowl forms. “I don’t understand.”

  “I am Wolfe’s sister.” Her voice slows as she says “sister.”

  I stand to pace again. “You can’t be.”

  “Moki Hunt was my uncle. He had pictures of Wolfe and me as kids almost identical to the one you mailed me.” I watch as her hand rubs her neck. “My father tried to kill me when I was little. He was a drunken thief. He beat me and threatened to kill my mother and me.” I sit back down beside her. “My mom took me and disappeared. She left Wolfe with my uncle, but our father took off with him in the middle of the night.”

  I hold my head between my hands and apply a little pressure to try to control the pain that is starting to shoot through my head.

  “My real name is Dyani Rowan. It means deer.” She whispers the last part.

  “He had to be mistaken.”

  “He knew me the minute he laid eyes on me.”

  I sit beside her. “This doesn’t change anything between us.”

  “It means I’m not Timber.” Her hands wring together.

  “You are Timber,” I say, firmly.

  “I’m Shay, not the woman you want me to be.”

  “You are the woman I want.”

  “I got the test results back before I left.”

  My heart shatters. “I don’t care what the lab work shows. I love you.”

  “You love the woman you think I am.”

  “Maybe that’s how it started, but not now.” Desperation is creeping up inside me.

  “I can’t do this with you, as much as I love you. I can’t have you always seeing Timber when you look at me.”

  I can’t deny I see Timber. How could I have been so wrong? My body screams she’s Timber. Even if I had any doubts in my head, my body knows her. It knows its home. I shut my eyes not wanting to believe what she is saying. “Please say you won’t let go.” I’m not a praying man, but I’m willing to get down on my knees.

  Her fingers running down the overgrown scruff on my face gets my attention, and my eyes focus on her. “I can’t stay. I have a life to get back to.”

  “That doesn’t mean you have to let go of us. We can do the long-distance thing for a while. I’m willing to travel back and forth.” My eyes beg her.

  “It will never work. I will still be Shay, and you will still want Timber.” She stands. “It’s not just the two of us. What about your daughter? How do you explain me to her?”

  “I will tell her you have an uncanny resemblance to her mother. She’s going to want to know Wolfe’s sister.” I hold on to her hand, not letting her walk away from me.

  “You should tell her that you didn’t find her.”

  “That’s the one thing I did do. We have a strong connection, and I can’t let you go.” I kiss the back of her hand.

  “Our kinship was Wolfe.”

  My blood starts to boil. “You think this is only a kinship?” I stand. “That’s not the word I would use to describe what is between us. You can hide behind your name, but it doesn’t change the fact that you love me. Me, goddamn it! David Keegan. Whether you are Shay, Dyani, or Timber doesn’t change what you feel in here.” I point to her heart.

  “I never said that I didn’t love you. I believe you are the only man that I’ve truly ever loved.”

  “Then please don’t walk away. Stay with me. Marry me.” I get down on one knee.

  Her head starts to shake, and she meets me on my knees. “I can’t,” she whispers. “I need time to sort out everything. I came here to get away from my life as Shay, the woman that was born twelve years ago. Then for almost two weeks, I believed there was a chance I was Timber. Now, I learn I’m someone altogether different. There are so many pieces of myself that I need to discover. You
want me to be someone I’m not. I’ve done that for enough years. Please give me time to work it out.”

  “I want you. I don’t care what your name is. Yes, I’ve loved Timber my entire life, and maybe I wanted you to be her, but all I see now is the woman in front of me, and I love you.”

  She stands. “If you love me like you say, then you will give me time.”

  Standing to be on her level, I say, “I’m afraid once you leave here you may never come back.”

  She looks around the cottage and then back at me. “I can’t imagine that I wouldn’t come back here. A part of me will always belong here now.” Her hand lays on my heart this time.

  Chapter 23

  Keegan

  “Dad, it’s Saturday, and I really don’t want to go hang out at work with you today. I want to go play soccer. It’s the first day that hasn’t been cold in a long time. Please.”

  “Let her go have some fun, David,” my mother pleads her case.

  “Fine, but be back here by dinner time.” I join my mom on the front porch rockers. “You know she’s going to hang out with that boy,” I grumble.

  “Yes, she probably is, but she’s a good girl, and all of her friends will be there too.”

  “I don’t like her growing up so fast.”

  “No parent ever does. You had your first girlfriend around the same age.”

  “I still don’t like it.”