Linger

by Lauren Jameson

  “You warned me he wouldn’t be easy.” Pushing Luca away, she slid down off the counter when the kettle began to whistle, wanting to catch it before it shrieked.

  “I see.” Luca’s eyes tracked her around the kitchen as she poured the steaming water into her teacup, adding a squirt of honey. She’d been here in Montana, in this house, for only a few weeks, but it already felt like home.

  “I know you do.”

  Luca would see what she wasn’t saying—that she’d discovered that Logan’s complexities ran so much deeper than just a stubborn alpha of a submissive. He had history that would be hard to navigate.

  But they would do it together.

  “Go easy on him, Scarlett.” The corners of Luca’s eyes crinkled with concern as they regarded her thoughtfully. “I know you must be a little upset that he hasn’t told you everything yet. But believe him when he says that he can’t.”

  “I’m not upset with him.” The thought hadn’t even crossed her mind. Some Dominants demanded a certain level of trust right from the beginning, but Scarlett had always thought of a D/s relationship as a dance, a meeting of two sets of needs and desires trying to entwine in a way that worked for both parties.

  She had only just broken him down to his first level of submission. There was plenty more to work through between them before he would trust her with his darkest secrets.

  But the fact that he’d done so in his sleep, turning to her to shelter him, to be soothed, warmed her heart.

  “All right, then.” Running a hand over the stubble that lined his jaw, Luca nodded, accepting her decision that the subject was now closed. “Well, we’ve got to get going. The meeting at the restaurant is in a few hours, and I need to check into the hotel and clean up first.”

  “Off the farm, into the boardroom?” Scarlett teased, blowing on her tea to cool it.

  “Hardly.” Luca’s tone told her exactly how excited he was to be conducting business in such a rural location. But he was thorough—he wouldn’t have been able to make his billions any other way—and Scarlett knew that he would do what needed to be done, regardless of how long it kept him out of the city.

  “Is Bren staying with you?” Though Scarlett now understood that Luca had allowed the submissive to accompany him just as a means to help her work with Logan, she was still a bit curious at the full nature of their relationship.

  “No. I’m taking him to the airport before I check into the hotel.” Luca’s voice was wry, and Scarlett saw that he knew exactly where her mind had strayed. “We enjoyed each other last night, more than I had anticipated. But he came out here just to see you.”

  “Oh.” A pang of guilt took up residence in Scarlett’s chest. She knew that she’d never led him on, but she also knew what it felt like to have feelings that weren’t returned.

  “He’ll be fine.” Again, there was that hint of something more in Luca’s eyes, something regarding Bren, but it was gone in a flash, so quickly that Scarlett thought she might have imagined it. “But I do have to get going.”

  “Thanks for coming.” She accepted Luca’s hug, inhaling the familiar scent of her mentor. When they drew apart, she hesitated, then blurted out the question that was plaguing her.

  “Luca, you know things about Logan that I don’t yet. Do you think . . . ? Do you think I’m capable of handling everything? Of being strong enough to support him?”

  Luca ran a hand through her hair, a gesture of simple affection. “Do you remember what I said to you that first night you met him?” He waited, patient with her as always.

  “You said . . .” Scarlett racked her mind, and when she remembered, she felt relief at her mentor’s confidence flood her body.

  If anyone can handle him, it’s you.

  Clutching her tea, she saw Luca to the front door, waved at him and Bren as they drove off. If Bren was upset with her for not returning his feelings, he didn’t show it as he grinned out the passenger’s side window at her and waved goodbye.

  Making her way around the side of the gigantic house once Luca’s sleek, ridiculously expensive SUV had disappeared into the horizon, Scarlett retrieved both Mongo and the new rescue dog, herding them inside for breakfast.

  “And you’ll let your new friend eat first,” she told Mongo sternly. “He needs it more than you.”

  In response Mongo did a little dance that made the belly in question jiggle, and Scarlett couldn’t help but laugh.

  Scooping the smaller dog off the ground, she carried him back into the kitchen, hugged him close to her shoulder as she measured out more kibble samples.

  “He sure doesn’t look like he has anyplace else he wants to be.”

  Scarlett stiffened, but forced herself to relax before turning around to face Logan as he walked into the room.

  Freshly showered, he was dressed for work already—well, half dressed, the button of his jeans still not done up, his plaid shirt open over the solid wall of his chest, his feet bare.

  He made her mouth water and her heart stutter all at once. And that feeling, she realized, would help her be whatever he needed her to be.

  “What about you?” she asked, stroking her hand idly over the pup’s matted fur. “What’s on the agenda for today?”

  Her eyes searched him anxiously as he made his way across the kitchen, then pressed a kiss to her forehead.

  Did he even remember waking her with his nightmare a few hours ago? Did he know that she now had a bit more insight into why he was the way he was?

  And then he knelt at her feet, the amber light of the morning sun making him seem lit from within.

  He lifted his head to look at her, and though she could tell that some of the apprehension over submitting that he’d had before last night had returned, he seemed to be doing his best to hold it in check.

  “We’re going to take a day off,” he told her, his eyes a clear, bright blue. “To do whatever your heart desires.”

  • • •

  After so many years of locking away the trauma deep down inside where even he couldn’t have access to it, last night he’d let someone get a step closer to opening him up, something he’d never intended to do. He knew why he was submissive, and it wasn’t a deep, dark secret—he just enjoyed sex more when someone else had control.

  Part of Logan—the loudest part—wanted to pull away from the bright, beautiful creature living with him for the next year, to hide in the darkest corner and analyze what had happened and why.

  But now that Scarlett had gotten her foot wedged in the doorway to his soul, he wondered if maybe, deep down, he’d always hoped to find someone who would force their way past all of the boundaries that he had set, who would see inside him and still care.

  It was terrifying. And yet, now that that door had been opened with her, he wasn’t entirely sure that he could ever go back.

  He had never before had anything—anyone—to cling to when he lost control.

  And as he led Boone, the horse he used most often on the trails, out of the stable and he saw Scarlett perched on the edge of a hay bale, swinging her legs and looking like she belonged, his heart did a slow roll in his chest when he realized just how tightly he wanted to cling to her.

  “You want to go for a ride?” Logan asked, reaching out a hand to help Scarlett up. She’d told him to put a saddle on only one horse, so he’d assumed she wanted a riding lesson.

  “I do.” She let him steady her as she shakily climbed onto the horse herself, but surprised him when, instead of taking the reins from his hands, she looked down at him with amusement on her face as she adjusted her backpack, turning it so that she carried it on the front side of her body, leaving room for a rider behind her.

  “Are you coming?”

  “I figured you wanted a riding lesson.” When they had first spoken on the phone, Scarlett had admitted that while she had been on a horse a few times, sh
e really didn’t know how to ride, though she was eager to learn.

  “I do want lessons. But not today.” Leaning down from the horse, she extended an arm for him to grasp. “This is how I help you get on, too, right?”

  Logan laughed; she looked calm and cool, but her fingers were wrapped in a death grip on the reins. He placed his hand in hers, but didn’t need to use her for support as he hooked his foot in the stirrup, then swung himself up behind her, reaching around her waist to pry the reins from her hands.

  “So Dr. Scarlett Malone is afraid of riding.” Logan adjusted himself on the horse. The two of them in the saddle together made for a tight fit that he didn’t mind all that much, since it pressed her ass so sweetly against his cock.

  Craning her neck to look over her shoulder, she shot him a prim look. “I most certainly am not afraid of riding a horse. I’m afraid of falling off the horse.”

  His spirits rising, Logan nuzzled his face into the soft clouds of her hair. “Good thing I’m here to hold you on, then.”

  Whistling to Boone, he started off at a slow walk, letting Scarlett get accustomed to the movement of the animal beneath her. “Where did you plan on us going?”

  She shrugged, leaning back into him, seeming content to let the warm morning sunlight shine onto her face. “You told me you liked to ride. So we’ll just go ride.”

  Lazy contentment stole through him. This was so different from the way they had interacted so far.

  It won’t last. That nasty little voice in his head snuck through the door that Scarlett had opened, making him worry more than he ever had before.

  He knew it couldn’t last—he saw now that that was part of why he had fought Scarlett so hard. Part of him had sensed that he had met his match, that this was the one woman who could make him care.

  He already cared.

  And then she would leave, because she was not the kind of woman who would be happy staying out here, confined to an existence in the middle of nowhere.

  And he couldn’t live anywhere else.

  Guilt sliced through his contentment, and Logan shifted guiltily in the saddle. He remembered Scarlett asking what he wanted and telling him that she wanted it all.

  He had replied that he wasn’t sure he could give her that. And now he wondered what would happen if he did and she couldn’t keep it.

  “What has you so tense?” Leaning back on his chest, Scarlett craned her neck to peer up into his face.

  The word nothing was on the tip of his tongue—it would be so easy to just brush the worry aside, to pretend that it didn’t even exist.

  But that would be a lie, and not only would Scarlett detect that in an instant . . . he found that he didn’t want to betray her by giving her anything less than the truth.

  “I’m thinking about what’s going to happen in the future.” He could feel his brow furrowing as he spoke, and he had to hold himself back from smoothing it down with a hand.

  He expected Scarlett to zero in on what he wasn’t saying, but instead she smiled and reached behind her to smooth those worry lines away herself.

  “For today, I just want you to live in the moment.” Those gray eyes caught his stare and held. “Okay?”

  The sense of relief that filled him was as warm as the sun. “Thank you.” Giving in to the impulse, he stroked a hand down her cheek, savoring the way her cashmere-soft skin warmed beneath his fingertips.

  His hand came to rest on the backpack that Scarlett was carrying in front of her.

  It moved beneath his hand.

  “And just what do you have in here?” He grinned when a hint of guilt twisted Scarlett’s lips. He noticed the bits of fluffy fur sticking through the mesh front of the bag.

  “He cried when I headed for the door,” she said, raising her chin in the air. “I might like to use whips on men, but I’m not heartless.”

  The pup chose that moment to press its nose against the mesh, letting loose a pitiful whine. Logan couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Hang on to your puppy,” he advised. Then, with a light snap of the reins, he urged Boone into a canter, causing Scarlett to shriek with alarm and clutch at his thighs . . . which was not a bad side benefit at all, to his way of thinking.

  The day was warm, and Logan didn’t think he’d ever enjoyed a ride more than this one, with Scarlett snuggled in between his thighs.

  By the time they approached the edge of the small lake on his neighbor’s property, about a forty-five-minute ride, Logan felt more at peace than he had in years. He slid off Boone’s back, then helped Scarlett off. With a smack of his hand on Boone’s butt, he sent the horse off for a drink, and Scarlett turned to him with wide eyes.

  “This is going to probably sound dumb, coming from a vet,” she started, eyeing the horse that trotted over to the lake’s edge. “But shouldn’t we be tethering him?”

  Logan grinned and reached for the backpack she still wore. His hands skimmed the sides of her breasts, and he savored the sharp inhalation of her breath.

  “We’re in cougar country. Tying your horse up could mean condemning them to death.” Scarlett’s hands tightened on her backpack; Logan pried it from her fingers.

  “If he wanders off, he knows his way home.” Unzipping the backpack, Logan removed the bundle of fluff that had been lulled to sleep by the rocking of the horseback ride. “And I don’t think that this little guy is likely to stray too far.”

  Beneath the pup, he found two slightly squished sandwiches, wrapped in plastic, and two bottles of water. Extracting them, he set out their picnic, and the pup took a few cautious steps, making it to Scarlett’s lap before curling back up.

  Her fingers ran over him competently, and Logan watched the familiar motions as she checked him over.

  “I’ve been neglecting your internship,” he said, grimacing as he reached a hand out to help still the dog when Scarlett probed his belly. “I’m not being a good supervisor.”

  Scarlett cast him an incredulous look, lifting the puppy to kiss his head. “Are you kidding me? I’ve learned a ton out here.”

  Logan scowled down at one of the sandwiches as he unwrapped it, then handed it Scarlett. “It feels like we haven’t done much work.”

  And even when he was working, it was . . . easier. Lighter, because he carried thoughts of her with him throughout the day.

  “Excuse me, but I’ve learned lots of things I never would have in the hospital.” Playfully, she poked him in the side, then bit into her sandwich. “I now know how to suction out a horse’s nose. You think they teach that in college?”

  Logan laughed; she always managed to tease him out of the serious moods, away from the darkness that still stole over him from time to time, no matter how many years passed.

  “And we actually have been keeping to a pretty regular schedule,” she reminded him, her voice mild. “Taking a Saturday off isn’t going to kill you.”

  He knew that—he even did it himself from time to time. But it was hard to accept that he’d been working as hard as he always had, when it didn’t feel like it anymore.

  “Work can be fun, you know.” Her voice was light, but Logan heard the underlying seriousness. “Some people actually prefer it that way.”

  Her attention was caught by the pup, who had gotten brave enough to trot a little ways off, and this time, Logan didn’t push to tell her the full truth—that he’d lived so long by himself, entrenched in the way he needed to do things, that having lightness in his life just felt wrong.

  “Six! That’s far enough.” Crawling after the dog, Scarlett snagged him, then returned to her cross-legged position by Logan.

  “Six?” Logan asked, willingly letting himself be pulled out of his thoughts.

  “See if you can figure that one out.” Scarlett handed over the squirming bundle.

  Eyes narrowing at the challenge, Logan ran his hands o
ver the dog, checking him—and it was a him—over with the same thoroughness that Scarlett had used.

  When he came to the left front paw, he paused, then grinned.

  “Six toes.” The grin and the softness in her eyes when she looked at Six told Logan that Mongo was going to have a new roommate. At least for as long as Scarlett stayed.

  But he had to remember that it wouldn’t be for more than a year. She had big plans to open an animal hospital back in Vegas, and he wouldn’t be the one to stand in the way of that. Not even inadvertently by consuming time that should be spent training her.

  “Starting Monday, we need to make sure to keep all of . . . this . . . outside of work.” He started, his heart clutching in his chest when he noted her frown. Reaching over, he stroked his finger down her nose. “For your future, Scarlett. Humor me.”

  Frowning, she nodded, and he forced himself to smile, even though the thought reverberating around his brain made him wince.

  Your future once you’ve left. Your future without me.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Two weeks had passed, filled with work, sex, and easy companionship—well, easy most of the time.

  It was interesting, trying to figure out how they got along when the whips and chains weren’t present. But the more that Scarlett got to know her rough-around-the-edges submissive, the more she wanted from him.

  It made her a little bit uncomfortable—her life plans hadn’t included becoming involved with a man who ferociously avoided cities, towns, even places where lots of people would be under one roof.

  He hadn’t told her anything about why he lived way out where he did, or why he was so strongly claustrophobic, and until he offered the information freely, she wouldn’t ask.

  It had to do with his dreams, though; she was sure of it. He didn’t have them every night, but about once a week he would stiffen in terror beside her, muttering about letting him out, letting him free.

  And while Scarlett still hoped that he would share that secret part of himself with her, she was pretty sure that even sharing wouldn’t heal his need for open space.