Shades of Midnight_an Urban Fantasy novel

by Debbie Cassidy

  “No.” But she took his hand and they were gone.

  Tick-tock. Death had been speaking to me. He’d been looking at me. My hands were suddenly cold and clammy. This was about the power inside me. I knew it, but how the heck did he know about that? We needed to learn more about this entity before he returned.

  I grabbed Lucifer’s arm. “What did you see when you looked at him? When he was in the circle.”

  His jaw tensed. “It’s not important.”

  “Maybe you don’t think it is, but humor me anyway. Tell me.”

  He sighed heavily. “Light. I saw pure, glorious, blinding light.”

  Was that it? “Then why did you look so shocked?”

  His throat bobbed. “Because there is only one other time that I have seen a light like that, and that was in the presence of our creator.”

  “What? What are you saying?”

  He shook his head. “Nothing. I’m saying nothing. It was simply an observation.”

  An observation that had shaken him. It was evident in the tightness around his eyes and mouth, and the tick in his jaw.

  “And what if it’s more than nothing? Don’t you want to know for sure?”

  Abigor walked up to us. “No. We do not. We broke a vow by being here today, and that is as far as it will go.”

  “Whatever Death is, he is not our concern,” Lucifer said. “Once he has rounded up the souls, we will send him back from where he came.”

  I released Lucifer’s arm. “You mean we will send him back, because you guys can’t actually do anything right now.” It was a low blow and guilt followed hot on the heels of my words. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not your fault you can’t play a more active role. It’s just … Bane would have wanted to know. He would have needed to understand and connect the dots because he’d understand that it may be important, that everything connects somehow. That what’s happening here isn’t just a coincidence; we’ve been drawn here together for a greater purpose. Jonathon, Bane’s psychic friend, knew it. He knew it, and he was killed because of it.”

  It was as if shutters had closed behind his eyes. “I’m not Bane, and you’d do well to remember that.”

  The anger was back, and fuck the guilt. “Oh, I remember, and you know what, it’s a damn shame, because right now, we could really use him.”

  My skin was suddenly impossibly tight as if blood was swelling in my veins and pushing outwards. Dark spots appeared in my vision. Wait, this wasn’t anger, this was something else. It was...

  Tick-tock.

  “Harker!” Lucifer made a grab for me.

  Had I been about to fall?

  “Serenity, what’s wrong?” Orin asked. His hand was a comforting presence on the small of my back, but bees were buzzing in my ears, making it impossible to think.

  Help us, my daimon’s voice implored. It had been days since she’d spoken. The power. The divine power was blocking her, taking up all the space inside.

  “What the fuck?” Ryker exclaimed. “Her hands. Look at her hands.”

  But I couldn’t see, because the world was dark and I was floating.

  Tick-tock.

  Chapter 14

  “What’s wrong with her? Dammit, Lilith. Fix this.” Lucifer’s dulcet tones were gruffer than usual, edged with fear.

  I wanted to open my eyes …Wait. Were they already open?

  “The power inside her is too vast,” Lilith said. “She can’t contain it.”

  “So, what’s going to happen?” Ryker asked.

  “No. No, no.” Ambrosius’s voice was close, right by my ear. “He couldn’t have known it would end like this. Did he know? Did he intend you as a sacrifice? I can’t believe he would be so cruel.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about, Ambrosius?” Rivers snapped. “Explain yourself.”

  “Merlin created a new weapon when he sent the power into the aether,” Ambrosius said. “He created Serenity, but he must have known that a mortal body, however powerful, would not be able to contain God’s grace.”

  “The power is made of God’s grace?” Orin’s tone was stunned. Had I never told him that?

  “Yes,” Lucifer said. “The White Wings claimed it was a residue left behind when our creator left. They claim they used this residue of His grace to forge the weapons they gave to Arthur, but that is a lie. They stole the grace from God’s right hand, Adamah. Every mortal was fashioned in Adamah’s image, male and female. Adamah was the prototype, but God had other plans for him, and He kept him close. When the creator vanished, so did Adamah, and I believe they stole his grace, the grace gifted to him by our creator.”

  “Adamah? As in Adam and Eve?” Cassie asked.

  “There was never an Eve. Although Adamah was promised a mate, the creator left before fulfilling that promise.”

  “And what was this Adamah supposed to do?” Orin asked.

  “I have no idea, but I suspect the Powers know. I suspect they must still have him hidden away somewhere.”

  “What has any of this got to do with Harker?” Cassie asked.

  Thank you, please get back to me. Why can’t I see? Why do I feel trapped?

  Cool hands cupped my face. “She’s dying,” Lilith said softly. “I can feel it.”

  “Her body was not built to contain such vast amounts of power,” Lucifer said.

  “No. She is a cambion,” Ambrosius said. “Recycling power is what her body was made to do. Merlin knew this, because he too was a cambion. It’s why he chose a cambion to become the weapon.”

  Lilith gasped. “Of course. It makes sense now. The problem is that she isn’t recycling the power fast enough. When a cambion feeds, their body can either store that power in its pure form or convert it to energy to fuel their supernatural signature.”

  “So, you’re saying she’s not active enough?” Orin said. “That’s bullshit. She’s out there every day. She barely stops to sleep.”

  “And she hasn’t fed for weeks,” Rivers added, his tone reflective.

  “It’s not enough,” Lilith said. “The power is regenerating faster than she can recycle it into energy for herself. Faster than she can use it up to kill shades. She hasn’t needed to feed because what she is managing to recycle is feeding her already, fueling her already.”

  “What can we do?” Lucifer asked.

  “I don’t know. But for now, we can help her by forcing her to expel some of it.”

  “Expel it where?” Lucifer pointed out. “That power is lethal. It kills White Wings, shades, and Black Wings.”

  “But not nephs …” Orin said softly. “It may not kill nephs.”

  No. Orin. He couldn’t. I wouldn’t let him. But the pressure of his large hand was on my abdomen.

  “What are you doing?” Cassie’s voice was shrill. “Dammit, Orin. She could kill you.”

  “And if we don’t try this, then she could die.”

  “Wait.” Another hand was laid on my thigh. “Maybe more than one outlet will limit the damage?”

  Ryker … Ryker’s hand was on my thigh.

  “I’m in.” Rivers’s hand wrapped around my arm.

  This was crazy. This would hurt them, and that would hurt me. I’d rather die than risk their lives.

  “Serenity, can you hear me.” Orin’s breath tickled my ear. “Let it out, babe. Just let it out, please.”

  No. I couldn’t. A low moan drifted up from my lips, spreading out into the darkness that seemed to pulse and stretch. Pain lanced through my limbs, and my heart pumped so fast it was ready to burst.

  “She’s going to blow if she doesn’t vent.” Cassie sounded genuinely concerned now.

  “Dammit, Harker. Expel the power. Do it now!” It was Bane’s voice. His issuing-orders tone, and my body reacted on instinct by tensing in challenge. “Harker, please …” Still Bane. Was he back? Had he come back for me? “Harker, survival at all costs, dammit.”

  I couldn’t hold it any longer, it was
pushing at my limits, stretching me at the seams, and if I didn’t expel it, then I would explode into a tiny billion pieces. Self-preservation, nudged by Bane’s voice, reared its head.

  Please, my daimon pleaded, tipping me over the edge.

  I let go.

  The power rushed out of me, channeling itself into the guys from the three points of contact on my body. My relief was accompanied by grunts and growls. It was hurting them. I was hurting them. The world swam out of the darkness, and my vision snapped back into focus to see Ryker’s gritted teeth, the top of Orin’s head, and Rivers’s pale face.

  Enough. I shut off the connection and they fell back, their moans echoing in my ears.

  “Shit,” Ryker muttered.

  I sat up, woozy, but no longer fit to explode. Orin pulled me into his lap and smoothed back my sweat-dampened hair. My clothes were stuck to my skin with perspiration. Gross.

  “You’re okay.” Lilith appeared before me, crouching down in her skin-tight slacks. “You’re okay for now.”

  “You can’t do that again,” Cassie said. “Look at them. They look fried.”

  I could feel her accusing gaze on the top of my head, and my close friend, Mr. Guilt, came out to play.

  “It’s okay. You had no choice,” Orin said. “We had no choice. We’re not losing you.”

  Rivers rubbed the top of his head. “I need to run.”

  “Me too,” Ryker said.

  “You’ll use it up,” Lilith said. “In a few hours, you’ll be back to normal, but Cassie is right. If we do this again, we risk the power causing internal damage. You aren’t cambions, and your bodies aren’t made to recycle this kind of power on a regular basis.”

  We needed a long-term solution. “What do we do?” My voice cracked.

  Lilith’s mouth twisted. “I don’t know.”

  “Then we’ll do what we need to until we have a solution,” Rivers said.

  The other guys nodded in agreement, but there was no way I was doing this again. No way was I putting them in danger a second time. Merlin had created a weapon to stop the shades. He hadn’t cared about what happened to that weapon once the threat was averted. That hadn’t been his priority. I was dispensable. Always had been. A pit opened up inside me, dark and bottomless and numb. It was the same feeling that had been at the edges of my consciousness in Sunset when I thought about the family that I’d lost, the family that may have abandoned me to Arcadia. Drayton had been right. Nothing was a coincidence. Not my being here, not the power inside me. It all had a purpose, and that purpose was going to kill me.

  I pulled myself to my feet. “There won’t be a next time.”

  “Serenity?” Orin made a grab for my hand.

  I evaded him, softening the rejection with a smile that felt like rubber. “I’m sorry. I just need to be alone for a while.”

  I was going to die, because the power inside me was already growing again, like a particularly resilient fungus. I was going to die, but my body was too overwhelmed to feel anything more. The fear would come, and when it did, I’d rather be cloistered in my room, away from sympathetic eyes.

  Leaving them all behind, I headed to the safety of my chambers.

  ***

  “Serenity?” Ambrosius’s voice was tentative. “How are you feeling?”

  I switched to aether-sight and looked up at him, standing by the foot of my bed, an apparition of blue-hued energy. “Like a dead woman walking. No, that’s a lie. I feel nothing. I feel numb.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I should have checked on you. I should have realized something was wrong. Why didn’t you say something?”

  “I was going to, but then stuff kept coming up, important stuff that needed dealing with, and then … Well, it wouldn’t have changed the inevitable outcome anyway. I was doomed from the moment I was born.”

  “Serenity … I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. I’ve been sitting here waiting for the terror to hit. I just want to get it out of my system, you know, cry or scream or whatever, but it’s like my emotions aren’t my own right now. It’s like everything is on lockdown.” I swung my legs off the bed. “I guess I’m just gonna have to do what I was created to do. Kill the shades and go out with a fucking bang.”

  There was a knock on the door.

  “Come in.”

  Ryker stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Then don’t. Just listen.” He walked over to the bed and crouched by it, taking my hands in his. “We are going to find a way around this, Serenity. Oleander and the Order are working on it as we speak, and we will find a solution. Until then, you owe it to us to stay alive, and we will do whatever it takes to keep you with us.”

  I tried to pull my hands free. “No. I won’t risk hurting you.”

  He held fast. “That’s not your choice to make.”

  The anger that his words promoted was a relief; it was better than feeling nothing. “It is my damn choice. This is my burden, not yours.”

  He pinched my chin between his thumb and the crook of his index finger. “No. It’s our burden. We’re in this together.” He swallowed hard. “We love you, and we will not lose you.”

  My eyes pricked—fucking traitorous emotions, switching back on now. “Not fair. You can’t pull the L card now. Don’t tell me, you were saving it for a moment just like this.”

  His eyes crinkled. “I’m glad I did, because you need to hear it now more than ever. I love you, Serenity, and I’m sick of losing the people I love. I will not lose you. It’s three against one. You’re outvoted.”

  We don’t want to die, my daimon whispered. Damn her. Damn her for saying the words trapped in my throat. Damn her for forcing me to acknowledge that fact.

  I stroked his face. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You’ll hurt us more if you die.” He ran his thumb across my chin. “Please, please don’t die. I need my snuggle buddy.”

  My laugh was partly a sob. “Just find me some shades to kill. If I keep on top of this, we can buy some time.”

  He kissed my forehead. “That’s more like it.” He hauled me up. “And we may have just the solution.”

  I arched a questioning brow.

  He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. “This just arrived.” He handed it to me. “I’m not sure how he got past the wards. The Order is checking them as we speak, and it’s probably a trap but …”

  I unfolded the paper and read the neat script.

  Abbadon held where we imprisoned Arachne. He must be saved or all is lost.

  “It’s Drayton’s handwriting,” Ryker said softly.

  My pulse was racing. “Drayton, not Xavier, wrote this. Only he would know what we did with Arachne.”

  “Orin filled us in on what happened outside the cemetery. But for all we know, shades have access to all their host’s memories. We can’t jump to any conclusions. This could easily be a trap.”

  “Or it may be Drayton reaching out to us.” God, I wanted it so bad to be him. “What did Lucifer say?”

  “Didn’t show it to him. He’s not the one in charge. You are.”

  The fucking reins burned a brand in my hands. “We go. We have to be sure. But we play it safe, and we take backup, just in case.”

  He gave a brisk nod. “The others are waiting in the lounge. Let’s plan this right and bring home another win.”

  Chapter 15

  The beach was eerily silent, with only the swish and whoosh of the water and the gentle whoo of the wind to ruffle the stillness. Ryker, Orin, and Rivers trekked back and forth across the sand, the exact spot where the sinkhole had taken us into the tunnels where we’d met Arachne months ago. She was still there, trapped in the prison we’d created for her, dreaming in her self-imposed sleep.

  “There’s nothing here,” Rivers said. “The sinkhole is gone. That entrance has gone.”

  “There has to b
e some other way in,” Ryker mused.

  “We’ve checked out all the other entrances. They’re all gone,” Orin pointed out.

  “Then we find a new way in.” I strode toward The Deep. “If there was no way in, then Drayton wouldn’t have sent us the note.”

  “Xavier. Xavier sent the note,” Rivers pointed out.

  I stopped and glared at him. “It was Drayton’s handwriting. He was reaching out to us. I know it. Why else would he have mentioned Arachne?”

  “Because Xavier has access to Drayton’s memories, that’s why, just like the thing inside Cassie had access to hers.”

  It was more than that. Orin and I’d both heard him, we’d seen him, but Orin was silent now, doubt sitting like a shadow on his face. Rivers and Ryker exchanged a look, one that said, just humor her, she’s hurting. And yeah, I was, about so many things, but I was right about this.

  Wasting time on arguing with them was pointless. “Think what you want, but I know that Drayton penned that note. He’s fighting Xavier’s hold on him, and we have to get to him. We have to get him out.”

  “There is no way to remove a shade without killing the host soul,” Ryker pointed out. “You know this.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. “No way that we know of. But we can bring him back, lock him up if we have to while we figure it out.”

  “Serenity,” Orin said tentatively. “We’re here to save Abbadon. The note specifically said we had to save Abbadon.”

  I was done arguing about this. It was time to pull the leader card. I straightened and pushed back my shoulders. “We’ll save Abbadon, but we’re taking Drayton too.” My tone brooked no argument.

  I’d grieved Drayton when I believed he was lost, but if there was a chance to bring him back, however small, then I’d take it.

  “I know this is hard,” Ryker said. “We all miss Bane. Fuck, if there was something we could do to get him back again, then trust me, we would.”

  What? Momentarily thrown, my hard-woman persona slipped. “This isn’t about Bane.”

  “Isn’t it?” Orin said.