by Heidi Lewis
“You’re such an asshole,” Maria replied, smiling broadly.
She grabbed the door handle and strutted out the door, causing Jack to laugh hysterically. Hitting his head back onto the pillow, he smiled to himself as thoughts of Maria filled his head. He could think of nothing else, her skin, her smell, and her eyes. She was perfect. The kindness she had shown him the night before was mind-blowing. She must be a goddess.
Another knock on the door caused him to flinch. Nurse Patricia re-entered looking rather jovial. A grin spread across Jack’s face as he knew what was about to come.
“Morning, Jack. It looks like you had a good night then, young man? Judging by the pretty little thing that I saw scurrying across the hall just a few minutes ago!”
“I’m dying! Give a guy a break!” Jack joked back.
“Looks like you’re doing a whole lot of living to me, Hon!”
Patricia winked as she proceeded to wheel in the drip and attach another bag of drugs.
“Don’t worry, it can be our little secret.”
There was something kind and motherly about Nurse Patricia and Jack warmed to her more and more every-day. As she fiddled with the drip, he seemed lost in a daze, in a place where only he and Maria existed.
***
Maria sat in her room staring at a cup of coffee and two slices of slightly burnt toast. She could hardly face food lately. While her eyes were constantly hungry, the minute she ate a bite or two, her stomach refused to accept it and let her know it could take no more. She lifted the coffee cup and noticed how heavy it felt in her hands. After forcing herself to take a few sips, she thought how she could never have imagined a day when she would struggle to drink her beloved coffee.
She stared at her arm. It was black and blue from the constant blood tests and all the prodding and poking. She looked herself up and down and then decided to freshen herself up, knowing that the first of the day’s visitors would be arriving soon
She rose from the chair and started making her way to the bathroom. Suddenly, she felt dizzy and the room started to spin. Her body felt light, and while trying to steady herself, she reached for the something to grab -the door frame, the wall, the leather chair, but everything somehow seemed frustratingly out of reach. As she made one final attempt to reach the buzzer by the bed, she knew she was about to pass out. Falling to the floor like a rag doll, her body crashed against the hard floorboards like a bag of sugar falling onto a kitchen floor. Her head banged against the corner of the bedside locker, and a gapping gash opened up on her forehead. She lay there, unconscious and alone, blood seeping slowly across the floor.
***
Sometime later, Maria’s father pulled into the long tree-lined driveway. Parking in the visitor’s car park he stepped out of the car and slammed the door harshly. He was angry with life and he wanted the world to know it. Leaning against the car, he took a few deep breaths as he stared at the building. He hated going in there. He felt nervous every time he set foot in the place and he even felt uncomfortable in his daughter’s presence. He didn’t know what to say to her. He didn’t know where to look and he felt so utterly helpless.
As a father, he had always strived to help her, in any way he possibly could. He had always provided for her, given her the best in life but now the entire situation was out of his control and there was nothing anyone could do to change her fate.
Walking down the hallway, he felt more nervous than usual. He had an uneasy feeling, like the one he had the day Maria was told her illness was terminal. As he moved swiftly along the corridor, the feeling grew stronger and stronger with every step. Once outside Maria’s room, he could hear a lot of commotion. Nurses were hurrying in and out. He started running towards the room.
“What’s going on? He shouted at one of the nurses.
“It’s okay Mr Murphy. Maria’s just had a little fall.”
“What do you mean a little fall?” he yelled, peering into the room and noticing that her bed was empty. Fearing the worst, he screamed:
“Where is she?”
“She’s with the doctor. It looks like she fainted and gashed her head in the process. She needs some stitches and we will have to monitor her closely for the next twenty-four hours to see exactly what happened.”
“Can I see her?” he asked, looking dazed by the unexpected turn of events.
“Once the doctor has finished with her stitches, of course.
May I talk to you in private for a moment, Mr Murphy?” she asked. She gestured towards a small office a few doors down. Nodding hesitantly, he entered the room.
“Let’s take a seat.”
“The thing is, Mr Murphy, incidences such as this, are going to become a more regular occurrence as her illness advances. If she falls again, we will be suggesting that she stays in bed for her remaining time here. Her body is getting weaker. The problem with pain relief is that it can give Maria a false sense of security. She may think she feels fine but inside her body is still shutting down. I know this is a lot to take in, but our job is to keep Maria safe and comfortable for the little time she has remaining.”
He sat there feeling winded, it was as if someone had knocked the stuffing right out of him. This was all becoming too real. Fighting to keep his emotions in check he rose from the chair, shook the nurse’s hand and simply said:
“I understand.”
Leaving the small office, he entered Maria’s room.
He sat there alone and stared at Maria’s belongings. He wondered how on earth things had come to this.
Patricia pushed a wheelchair down the hall with Maria sitting drowsily in it. When she entered the room, her father jumped from the chair. Even he could tell she was frailer than ever. She felt so tired she was barely able to speak.
“Let’s get you into bed, Honey.”
Patricia gestured to her father to help lift Maria onto the bed. Pulling the sheet up over her shoulders, Patricia stared kindly into Maria’s heavy eyes.
“Now, are you all settled?”
Maria nodded at Patricia. “Looks like that late night with Jack took it right out of you, eh Honey? I’ll be back to check on you soon.”
“Late night?” her father asked inquisitively.
Choosing to ignore him, she simply turned on her side, utterly exhausted from the ordeal of her fall. Kissing her on the cheek, her father sat on the leather chair, trying to process the events of the morning.
***
“Hey, Patricia!!!” Jack bellowed as he saw her exit Maria’s room.
“What’s going on with Maria? I heard her father shouted earlier.”
Patricia entered Jack’s room and closed the door gently. She sat down on the side of his bed and placed her hand on his.
“She had a fall earlier, but she’s fine now. She just needed a few stitches to her forehead….
“I sense a “But” coming on,” Jack squirmed uneasily in the bed.
“She’s getting pretty weak, so we’ll probably be suggesting she stays in bed from now on. So no more late night visits you hear?”
Jack nodded his head in solemnly. He felt his heart sink. Patricia left leaving Jack alone filled with guilt.
This is all my fault if only I hadn’t been so upset last night she wouldn’t have been so tired today. I’ve got to make it up to her.
***
It was 4 pm. The hospice was usually quiet around this time as visitors tended to go home for a few hours and return later in the evening.
Jack lay on the bed staring out into the garden. It was a beautiful, crisp day.
Although it was winter, the temperatures were milder than usual for this time of the year. The sun shone down onto the manicured lawns and the open window allowed him to hear the birds chirping and feel the refreshing breeze on his skin.
Still haunted by guilt about Maria’s fall, he thought about what Patricia had said.
“Is this how things are going to be from now on, Both of us lying in bed and waiting for death to take us.
Fuck that!”
Getting to his feet, Jack looked himself up and down. He reached for his navy dressing gown and tied it firmly around the waist. He tried to flatten the stubborn hair which was standing upright on this head. But, he knew it was a pointless exercise. Putting on his matching navy slippers, he took a few deep breaths and headed across the hall.
As he knocked on the door, his heart was in his chest. He felt nervous. A faint voice called out to him:
“Come in,” Maria called softly.
He turned the handle and stepped in. There she was- a sight for sore eyes. Even the bandage across her forehead, could not take away from her beauty.
“Hey you, what’s all this I hear about you causing trouble?”
Jack felt himself blush in her presence.
“Oh great. You again!” Maria joked from the bed and a beaming smile took over his face.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Well, that’s a stupid question!” Maria laughed.
“Yeah, listen, I’m sorry. This is all my fault. I mean, if I hadn’t been so upset last night then you wouldn’t have had so little sleep.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m not! I enjoyed last night. I like spending time with you even when you are blubbering like a baby!”
“Oh, that was a low blow!”
They both laughed nervously, aware of where the road was now taking them.
“So what are you doing? Jack asked, walking over to her bed.
“What do you mean, what am I doing?” I’m just lying here, thinking.”
“All that thinking is bad for you. Trust me! Hey, I’ve got an idea. Grab your dressing gown and wait. I’ll be back in a few minutes.
***
Jack hurried out of the room and left Maria confused by his strange behaviour.
A short time later, he returned to her room.
“Now, my lady, your carriage awaits!” He moved sideways to revel a wheelchair.
She stared at his beaming face, so full of enthusiasm. She pulled on a dressing gown and some slippers.
“Where are we going?” she asked, with a grin.
“You’ll see!”
He swept her up into his arms, determined to put on a show of strength, to prove that he was more than a weak, dying man. Surprised at his brash moves, she screeched excitedly as he placed her gently into the wheelchair. As she sat there, their eyes met. They gazed at each other and the chemistry between them now more undeniable than ever.
“Right let’s go then!”
“Go where?” Maria screamed with delight as Jack ran down the long hallway pushing her wheelchair at lightning speed. Maria felt exhilarated, it was the most alive she had felt in weeks. At the end of the hallway, Jack slowed down, struggling to catch his breath.
“It’s okay, I’m fine, I promise! Just close your eyes okay?”
“For what?”
“It’s a surprise. Just close them!”
Closing her eyes reluctantly, she had to admit there was something about Jack’s boyish charm that was so utterly irresistible.
“No peeking now, you hear!”
“I promised, didn’t I?”
Jack pushed the wheelchair through the exit door and a blast of fresh air filled their lungs.
“Keep your eyes closed!” Jack reiterated excitedly as he pushed the wheelchair over rough terrain.
After what felt like forever, the wheelchair came to a sudden stop. The air felt cold yet refreshing against Maria’s skin. She could hear the rustle of the leaves fluttering in the breeze and birds chirping happily in the distance.
“Almost ready. Just don’t open your eyes until I tell you. I’m going to lift you now okay?”
Again, he swept her up into his arms and placed her on a wooden park bench. He sat down alongside her and took a few seconds to get his breath back.
“Okay, you can open them!”
Slowly opening her eyes, the brightness blinded her for a moment and then suddenly everything came clearly into focus.
Maria took in her surroundings and she was mesmerized by the beauty of what she was seeing. They sat on the park bench and she gazed out at the lake before them. The sunshine was reflected across the water, making it appear like a lake of gold. Two swans drifted idly by and birds seemed to be serenading them from every branch.
“So, what do you think?”
“It’s…..it’s amazing, I’ve never seen anything like it!”
“Me neither. I looked out of my room window yesterday and it was like this and I thought it was the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Besides you of course.”
Maria grabbed Jack’s arm and placed it around her shoulders, much to his delight. Sitting silently, they cuddled while watching the beauty of the lake. The two swans drifted closer to the shore, now swimming in sequence.
“You know swans only pick one mate, and that’s it, they stay together for life?” Jack asked softly.
“I guess that’s the way it should be. But it doesn’t always work out like that.”
“I guess not. I like the idea of it, though.”
“Me too.”
Suddenly, the two swans before them kissed, beak to beak, their long necks somehow concaving to make the distinct shape of a love heart.
“Holy shit, do you see that!” Jack excitedly pointed to the swans.
“I see it! Oh my God… it’s like a sign or something.”
“I think so,” Jack said before leaning in towards Maria, placing his lips gently on hers. Sinking deeper into the kiss Maria knew this is where she was supposed to be, in Jack’s arms feeling safe forever.
Chapter Twelve
“What are you looking so happy about bro?” Johnny quizzed as if knowing Jack was hiding something.
“Never you mind.”
“Bros don’t have secrets remember, now spill!” Johnny jumped into the bed alongside Jack and proceeded to rub his hair.
“Okay, okay, I give up already.” Jack laughed loudly.
“You know that girl across the hall?” Jack whispered.
“The hottie?”
“Yea, I kissed her today.”
“Holy shit bro, you’re a fast mover. I’ll give you that.” Johnny stared at Jack’s face. It was the happiest he had seen him in months and seeing his brother so happy caused an unexpected lump to form in his throat. His eyes welled up with tears.
“What’s wrong?” Jack asked quietly.
Leaning in for a hug, Johnny embraced him as he had never done before.
“It’s just good to see you so happy that’s all.”
“Look at you turning into a big softy, man up bro!”
They both laughed as they pretended to wrestle with each other on the bed.
The door opened and Patricia appeared in the doorway with an unimpressed look on her face.
“Not you too again,” she said, trying to sound cross.
“You know you love us!” Jack replied jokingly.
“So, how are you feeling Hon? Are you in much pain?”
“He’s feeling pretty good from what I’ve heard,” Johnny said prompting Jack to elbow him in the side.
“What’s all this about?” asked Nurse Patricia.
“He has a new girlfriend,” Johnny replied, with a laugh.
“I guess it’s that cutie that I saw sneaking across the hall first thing this morning.”
“What? Oh, bro you never told me she stayed the night!”
“Just stop! It’s between Maria and I.”
“Oh, so her name is Maria!” Johnny was almost jumping around at this point.
“Wait till I tell Mom and Dad.”
“Don’t you dare!” Jack scolded.
“I’ll think about it. Anyway, I had better head home, I’ve got basketball training in an hour.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow bro…. or should I say, Romeo,” Johnny said, causing Patricia to erupt with laughter as she fiddled with the drip on Jack’s arm.
“He’s a douche bag,”
Jack said to Patricia.” She smiled kindly.
“So, you want to tell me about this romance then?”
“There’s nothing to tell. We like each other and we’re in the same shitty situation. Plus, I think she’s the most stunning girl I’ve ever seen in my life! Today, when we kissed and there was this huge rush inside me. I’ve never experienced anything like it.”
“Sounds like you’re smitten, Honey!” replied Patricia.
“I am! I truly am. I just hope she feels the same. Trust me to find true love at the last hurdle.”
Patricia found herself becoming a little overwhelmed. She had been dealing with dying people every day of her life for the past twenty-five years. But, seeing young people dying was the toughest and, watching two terminally ill patients fall for each other was truly heart-wrenching. Flustered, she took some deep breaths.
“Just follow your heart, Honey. Just follow your heart.”
With that, she left the room and headed straight to the small bathroom down the hall. Once inside she closed the toilet cubicle door and sobbed as she had never sobbed before.
***
Marias’ mom pottered around the room, adjusting the clothes in the wardrobe. She needed to keep busy for sanity’s sake.
Sitting upright on the bed, Maria was lost in a daydream where only she and Jack existed. All she could think about in the past few hours was that kiss. It had been electrifying and sensual. Everything she could have wished for, and more. She had kissed countless guys before but she had never felt a spark like that. The feeling she experienced, when her lips met his for the first time, was completely unbelievable.
Her brain tried to process the afternoon’s events: the wheelchair ride down the hall with Jack pushing her faster and faster, the beauty of the lake and the swans kissing while making a love heart shape with their necks. Everything seemed to be a sign from Heaven. It seemed to be telling them that they were supposed to be together, even if the future was so frighteningly limited.
“Are you alright, Love? You seem pretty out of it,” her mom asked, sounding concerned.
“I’m fine.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” her Mom asked, going to sit alongside her.