Rota Fortunae

by Isu Yin

  The last time she had entered the woods, Fortuna taught Fate and all her sisters to swim for survival. There was so little Fate could do without remembering her family. This illogical act completely went against her teachings.

  She and Hero staggered to a stop deep within the forest’s reaches, overcome by laughter.

  The entire plan was so irrational, so unlike Fate, that she just laughed at her decision. There was nothing like freedom and having the strength to give it to Hero, even if for a moment.

  “You’re amazing,” he said, grinning.

  The funny thing about emotion is that few people can foresee how it will effect a situation. I knew so little about the cause I was fighting for, but I did as Fortuna instructed and fought for survival because that was all I knew how to do.

  When I was forced to make a decision, I fretted because nothing was favorable. No matter what I chose, I was facing death. Would I die due to prolonged exposure to miasma? Would Hero kill me? If I had turned against the Rebellion or tried to run, I’d be killed. If I turned against the empire, I’d be killed.

  The day they placed Hero’s fate in my hands was the day I decided my own fate as well. The time I spent beside him opened my eyes to the sad truth of the Tainted. No one was on their side, not even the people they loved. From the moment they were born, they were cast aside, labeled as broken, and not just forsaken, but chastised by the rest of the world.

  By placing me with Hero, the members of the Rebellion altered the outcome of their layout, for better or worse. The wheel was spinning, but not in the direction anyone expected.

  “Come with me,” Hero said to Fate, covering Persephone with his scarf. He stepped up the path to a small connecting bridge and jumped down into the shallow, rocky waters below. “Do you need help?”

  “No, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” Fate jumped down after him, adjusting her dress.

  He took her hand in his own again, overcoming her with warmth. They crossed over the water to a tangle of trees and he glanced back. “Watch your dress.”

  She gathered the skirt of her gown on the journey through the hidden pathway. Old memories flooded her head and brought back the memory of the day she’d first encountered Hero. She couldn’t have predicted that they’d become friends or that their fates would become so tightly intertwined.

  The trees before her parted to reveal a meadow and a small waterfall.

  Hero allowed Persephone to roll around on the grass while he showed Fate to shelter. They sat below a tall tree to watch the rain ripple on the surface of the lake.

  “Thank you,” he said.

  “You shouldn’t thank me. We still don’t know what the repercussions will be.”

  “Yeah, but when you promised to come, you really did.”

  “Of course.”

  He pulled a knee to his chest and leaned against the tree’s trunk, sighing. “I wish it were always like this.”

  “Like what?”

  He closed his eyes. “Peaceful.”

  “Don’t you like chaos? Peace isn’t chaos.”

  “I feel at ease when I’m by your side. I guess you’re like chaos, and being with you is fun.”

  She nudged his arm. “Hey, is that a compliment?”

  He gazed up through the leaves of the trees. “To me, it is. Maybe it’s odd to you, but you’re the only friend I have left.”

  “What about Lara?”

  “She was raised in the palace, but we never really meet eye to eye.”

  “She said she came from Macellarius.”

  “Firmus found her and brought her into Nitor. For some reason, she really wanted to stay in the palace. I never really understood it, but I do know Macellarius isn’t pleasant.”

  “It really isn’t.” She hugged her knees as she recalled her days with Abyssus in Macellarius Palace. “Hero, have you read any more from my brother’s journal?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t understand it. He said the second journal is in my favorite place. Do I even have a favorite place?”

  “Why are you asking me?”

  “I’m not. I’m just saying it aloud so you know what I’m thinking.”

  She laughed silently. “So have you found anything interesting?”

  “Not really. I know there has to be something hidden inside of them, I just can’t figure it out. He was always good at puzzles.”

  “We’d better figure out where your favorite place is. I think it’ll make more sense if we collect the journals.”

  “Ah.” Hero readjusted against the tree and leaned his arms against his knees. “I just remembered that you asked me for a translation of the Story of Time and Space, but I haven’t spoken to Chi in a while.”

  “It’s okay. Do you know it well?”

  “Yeah....” He hesitated to continue. “Do you know the Tale of the Spinner?”

  “I do.”

  “Well, the Story of Time and Space is vaguely similar. A child from the Beyond is, supposedly, saved by the God of Life after his father abandons him.”

  “Why supposedly? Are you embellishing?”

  “I am not.”

  Hero liked to use extra words to dispute, so she knew he had fibbed.

  “Like in the story of the Spinner, the God offers Leoht three gifts that symbolize different paths—a clock on which the hands turn in opposite directions, a sun dial, and an hour glass filled with crystal dust.”

  “Which did he choose?”

  He shook his head, squinting. “He didn’t. At least, not at first. The God asked him to choose many times before finally losing patience. In the end, Leoht picked the crystal dust, and when the God asked why, Leoht said it reminded him of space.”

  “So Leoht liked space.”

  “Right. The God took him through a hallway of painted screens, which displayed old images of various folktales throughout the Book of Beginnings. At the end, the screens parted to reveal a room of space.”

  Fate shook her head. “What does that mean?”

  “It’s hard to describe, but that’s the literal translation. Basically, it was a room filled with only darkness and stars. In that room, Leoht drifted and adjusted the stars to create constellations. There’s a famous quote in that section: I am just like time; neither of us are meant to exist. It said that, ironically, Leoht didn’t believe in God, he only believed in space and time.”

  “I can see where Solaris and Leoht were fused together, but Leoht isn’t considered to have chosen time, right? He didn’t choose anything at all.”

  He fiddled with his scarf. “If you ask me, he couldn’t choose because he loathed his own existence. Leoht’s story is probably laced with uncertainty because his soul was fractured.”

  “Tainted,” she said, mostly to herself.

  “Probably.”

  “I’ve been told there’s another story, The Man Who Stood at the Edge of Time, but I don’t know anything about it.”

  Hero smiled. “I like that one. The title is self-explanatory. It’s about a man who travels the Halls of Eternity searching for answers to life, until he reaches the Edge of Time. It’s only when he finally gets there that he realizes the purpose behind his journey. The story is incredibly vague, but... I don’t know... it’s impactful.” He swayed from side to side.

  “Do you remember any lines?”

  “Don’t underestimate my memory.” He watched the rain dripping from the tree branches. “Judgment is coming. Intertwined are the past, present, and future. Lost are our souls. You cannot escape the ripples of time, nor can you escape the sting of vengeance. In dark tendrils, it approaches—towards the Edge of Time.”

  “That’s kind of heavy.”

  “They’re all like that. The Book of Ages has a lot of folklore, like the Story of Night and Day. Do you remember?”

  “Of course I do. It’s just, sometimes I feel like these stories might be real.”

  “Then we have something in common.” He beamed with a trace of admiration in his gaze. The more time they spent to
gether, the more often he displayed this type of gentle expression.

  Fate had come to love that particular smile, because it made her feel at ease. “In the end, I’m really glad we met.”

  Hero rested his head against hers. “Me too.”

  Her heart beat loudly in her ears. She kept her gaze fixed on Persephone while her mind raced to understand her reaction. She attempted to give into the feeling, to better understand its depth, as her body settled against the tree trunk. She called Persephone over and rested closely with Hero. As the rain filled the divots of the soft grass, the chill of the air lessened as the warmth set in between them.

  As much as she wished to stay in that peaceful oasis, she couldn’t betray Fortuna or the other members of the Rebellion, so she closed her eyes and buried the memory deep inside for safe keeping. No matter what the consequences, she’d protect it to the best of her ability.

  When all of this is over, will we have played a significant role, or will we have been mere pawns in this game we call life?

  I rested in the meadow with Hero and Persephone, watching the rain flood around us. We didn’t move for a long time. No one told us to leave, and there was no one to drag him back to the palace.

  We were at peace.

  At times, he felt safer to me than my sisters. Even though he was tainted, we could be so like-minded. I empathized with him.

  Many people would’ve told me that it was the work of miasma and that I had simply lost my bearings, but they’d have been wrong.

  That day, Hero and I talked until we were at a loss for words. When that time came, I took him and Persephone back to the brothel.

  Fate and Hero entered the community through the back pathway and snuck over to the round window of her bedroom. She pulled open the shutter and ushered Hero inside. As she stepped in, she met Fortuna’s gaze.

  The Madam crossed her arms. “I tell you to get rid of the dog and you bring two back. You’re all soaked. I don’t know what you did, but there’s hell at the palace.”

  Hero stepped back and stood behind Fate for comfort.

  “That said....” Fortuna spun, dug in the hall closet, and tossed back three towels. “Dry off. I’ll send a messenger to Fortis so he won’t worry his pretty little head.” She pointed at Hero. “You, stay here and wait for Fate.” When her finger moved to Fate, her voice took on a notable, accusatory tone. “And you, come with me.”

  Fate nodded at Hero and hurried after the Madam into the hearth room.

  Fortuna spun fast on her heels. “You gave Hero the dog?”

  “That’s what you’re upset about?”

  “Did you?”

  “I did.”

  She pressed two fingers against her brow. “Why would you do that?”

  “It’s almost his birthday and he wanted a dog.”

  “I don’t know what you’re thinking with, but it’s not your head. If a normal person can’t survive around him, what makes you think an animal can?”

  Fate pressed a hand over her mouth. She’d made such a simple, but horrific mistake.

  “I can only hope that I’m wrong,” Fortuna said. “It would seem too cruel to take the dog away now. It might cause just as much harm to try and tell him the truth. In any case, you’d better get some sleep. No one can say what the morning will bring.”

  Fate returned to her room and sat on her knees next to Hero while he wiped down Persephone.

  He pursed his lips and attempted to smile. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I was just thinking.”

  “Brooding,” he corrected.

  “I guess I was just wondering if I did all of this for you or me. Maybe I’m really selfish and I just think I’m being helpful.”

  “You’re probably selfish.”

  She slumped down with a sigh.

  “But that’s normal. Most people do things to feel good about it. If it’s any consolation, it made me happy.” He lay back on the floor, holding Persephone up, then placed her tenderly on his chest. “No one really cares what I think. Since I’m tainted, my opinions aren’t considered reliable.”

  “You’re honest, and that’s all that matters.”

  “Yeah... honesty is important.”

  Fate turned her head towards him as he sat up, beaming. This simple expression kept her worries at bay. “I really loathed you before,” she admitted. “I wanted to blame you for everything that happened, but that was unfair of me. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize.”

  “You know, I used to think you were crazy. I thought you were doing bad things for enjoyment, but now I see that it may have been partially my own misunderstanding.” She drew back the covers of her bed and submerged her lower body underneath them. “Now, let’s get some rest before tomorrow.”

  “Me? Here? What about—”

  “This is a brothel. Who cares? It’s just you, anyway.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means I don’t think you’ll do anything, so let’s rest instead of fretting about pointless things.”

  Hero’s eye twitched almost imperceptibly. “You’re careless. I’m not pursuing you, but that doesn’t mean I’m resistant to your charms.”

  She gawked at him. “Wait, you mean you’re not?”

  He shook his head slightly. “Why would you think that?”

  “You’ve never really reacted to me.”

  “What do you take me for? Did you think I’d maul you just because I find you attractive?”

  “Actually, yes.” She put her hands on her lap and tucked in her shoulders. “That’s what everyone does here.”

  He put Persephone on her as though to provide comfort. “Sorry, I said something insensitive.”

  She forced a smile. “It’s okay.” She had thought up a variety of reasons for his apparent immunity. Her clients in the brothel expressed no reservations when they were interested, hence she considered it normal for men to grasp what they liked. “Either way, I know you’re not going to sleep on the bare floor. So let’s overlook that detail for now.”

  “No, I’m really sorry.”

  She pulled him back by the shirt and tucked him in. “Don’t be. Let’s be glad that Madam is letting you stay here.”

  Persephone burrowed under the blankets and curled up between them.

  “You’re too kind. It’s dangerous,” he said, putting an arm around his pup. “But I’m glad we met. Thank you for today.”

  “You don’t want it to end, right?”

  “Is it obvious?”

  “I’m not sure, but that’s how I feel, so I wondered if you felt the same.”

  Fate gave into the burdens she had accrued throughout the day. The chill from the rain left an ache in her bones, a reminder that she had, in truth, committed a crime. She had followed her brother’s wishes and ended up forming her own resolve to uncover the truth, but she didn’t feel any closer than before. She wanted to know if the Grim were real and what it meant to be a Doll, if she really was one.

  “After all this time, I still don’t know anything,” she said. “I don’t understand why my brother had to die. I don’t understand how the Tainted came to be, or why no one tries to sympathize with them. I treasure our bond, even if I can’t really imagine how much you’re hurting. I want to do good with the time that I have.”

  Hero’s lips formed a small smile, but his gaze held a glint of pain. “I appreciate your consideration, but what I feel is merely a reflection of the pain I cause to those around me. If I gave into it, I’d only be pitying myself. I don’t know how to fix what’s been broken. I’m not even sure if there’s anything to fix. All I can do is carry it and move forward.”

  “Even if you say that... aren’t you lonely?”

  “Not now, but I am often, because I see a lot of people leave ahead of me. I guess it’s better to be lonely than to carry their blood on my hands. That’s why I didn’t want to get close to you, but you’re persistent.”

  She turned over and studied
his face in the light from the window. “It’s not really your choice. When I met you, the miasma had shrouded over you. Your violent impulses and uncontrollable malice aren’t really a part of you. I know it can be difficult to tell the difference between your feelings and the miasma, but you’ve come really far. Now we can talk like this. It’s nice.”

  “You know, I think you’re the most painful obstacle I’ve ever encountered.”

  “What? Why?” She placed a hand on Persephone. Her chest tightened with emotion—sorrow, remorse, and loneliness filled up inside until she thought those feelings would burst out.

  He blinked hard and averted his gaze. “For a long time, I just wanted to stop. I wanted to put an end to my battle with the world. It feels heavy. But every time I consider it, you appear and inadvertently comfort me. To be honest, I hate pity. I hate feeling pitiful, so talking with you has always been helpful.”

  “Then how am I painful to you? And when did this happen?”

  “Before I answer, you may not find any of it important, but I do.”

  “You don’t need to justify your feelings. It’s okay to talk to me. I listen to my sisters all the time. Part of being close to someone is caring about how they feel.”

  “You think we’re close?”

  “Didn’t you say so yourself?” She lifted her head and viewed the light that swept across the side of Hero’s face. From what she could see, his face flushed along the upper parts of his cheeks and, likely, the bridge of his nose.

  “I see.” After nuzzling against Persephone, he answered the previous questions. “The first time was the day you told me not to jump. It’s hard to say this, but I saw you on the day of your party and—because I was a child—I was somewhat captivated.”

  “What do you mean somewhat? Don’t try to weasel your way out of a confession with extra words. I always thought you were completely oblivious and uninterested in me. It hurt my confidence as a courtesan. I never realized how good you are at acting.”

  “Like I said, I was a child. It’s easy to become infatuated when you’re young.”