by Belvin, Love
“Where is young Jordan today?” Ezra asked.
“He stayed down with his grandparents,” Zoey answered. “They had a special fall service for the kids. We came up to move more things in, and figured we’d go to RSfALC for morning worship before Stenton flies out for work tonight.”
“Oh!” Stenton gasped. “You know what I wanted to ask? Today you spoke about the courts of worship—at least that’s how I can articulate it.”
“Right.” Ezra nodded. “The outer court, inner court, and the holy of holies.”
“Yeah. This one you spoke today blew my mind, too. But what I missed was how that applies to contemporary times. Back then, only the priests could go into the third court and only once a year.” I found myself nodding because I, too, was taken by his sermons this morning. Quite honestly, there hasn’t been a sermon Ezra spoke that I didn’t instinctively open my mind to. Often times, I wanted more or had questions like Stenton did here, but didn’t feel comfortable asking. Ezra didn’t bring the mask of the pastor/preacher home with us. So I just held my questions, thoughts and wild admiration of his messages. “Like…those were ancient settings when they had to be physically and spiritually clean before stepping foot in the temple.”
“Yes. The day of atonement,” Ezra replied.
“You know,” Zoey interjected with wide eyes. She swallowed her food and continued, “I’m glad you brought that up, Stent! Ezra, I’ve heard several great teachers attempt to expound on this, but it had always been a difficult concept until today.”
“So, how do those ancient practices apply to contemporary times?” Stenton asked.
Ezra pushed his empty plate back, making room for his elbows caped in a beautifully and delicately printed, white dress shirt. I found myself twisting in my seat to face Ezra, simultaneously feeling my breasts weigh heavily in my bra and my mouth secrete, causing me to swallow several times. He paid me a cursory glance that seared my chest. It was as if he’d glossed over me, saw past me before further illuminating the Word.
“In a significant way, it applies to our worship today. It’s a reminder of how intimately God has structured His availability to us. Back then there was a convoluted method to reach your Savior, your Healer. I mean… Can you imagine having to go through so many channels to get healing when you’re sick or protection when you’re being attacked? Urgent needs require urgent calls and expedient actions. God is omnipresent and omniscient. He’s everywhere and knows everything. Why do we need a middle-man or a reservation to commune with or petition our needs to Him? Then came Jesus…” Ezra smiled passionately elated by the declaration.
“I don’t want to repeat the morning message for a third time, but I will if need be,” Ezra joked, and I wanted to scream if he did preach it for the third time, I’d sit attentive to receive it all over again. That’s how magnetic Ezra was.
There’s that word again. Magnetic.
“He came and destroyed the veil: the process of the middle man and the delay of communication and worship. Revelations 21:3 says, “And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.” God designed our beings—human kind—in three states, similar to the courts: body, mind, and soul—I Thessalonian 5:23 talks about the sanctification of the three. Our spirit is the most holy place where He dwells privately. It is from there we hear Him, feel Him, and are guided by Him, unlike our flesh—body. That’s driven by carnal forces. Or our minds that can be swayed by things that are not of Him. And our hearts…” Ezra snickered as he shook his head. “Jeremiah 17:9 tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”” He shrugged. “It is simply how he created us, with a delicate balance. I can go further into that again, but here is princesa preciosa!” Ezra announced in a pitch I’d never heard from him.
That snapped my rapt concentration from his teaching and I turned behind me to find a woman carrying a small baby wrapped in a swaddle blanket.
Zoey immediately directed the woman to Ezra. “You can hand her off to Ezra, Eligia.”
She was small and delicate being passed like precious cargo. As soon as she landed in Ezra’s big arms, he cooed, smiling from his eyes. Those curly lashes highlighting his beauty in the moment. Stenton sat up to peek over the table, clearly taken by his new offspring. His eyes shrank and all of his perfectly aligned teeth exposed at the sight of her. Zoey finished up her plate.
“Nah, I won’t push you for more, E. That’s sound to me.” Stenton smiled at his child in Ezra’s arms as he spoke. “That’s what I’m learning to appreciate about Christ, the intimacy involved.”
“I’ve studied countless religions…even sat amongst their congregants,” Ezra spoke in a lower, gentler tone as he rocked the baby in his arm. It was hushed to a lullaby. “But none compares to what Christ gifts us unconditionally.”
Air caught in my throat and my eyes glossed over. I shifted in my seat.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Zoey offered.
“Yes, please.” I tried over my coughing.
Ezra’s head popped up and he peered at me over his shoulder. His eyes squinted as though trying to read me.
“I’m glad to finally meet Lex,” Zoey noted as she lifted over the table for the pitcher. “I was surprised you agreed to dinner!”
Ezra chuckled, sheer amusement in his eyes, clearly taken aback by that statement.
“Precious said you don’t like being around people, especially after preaching. We all know how much of a recluse you are.”
“This is true, but once you factor in my having a housemate under matrimonial laws,”—he pretended to strain as he lifted the baby in the air—“you’ll give me a bit of credit. I’ve changed.”
Ezra peered up to the baby in his big hands with undeniable wonderment. It was a sight to see and an endearing moment to experience from an otherwise expressionless man.
“Amora Ardell Rogers,” he breathed, seemingly wistful as he beamed at the baby girl.
“Uh-oh!” Stenton smiled to the point of his eyes shrinking again. “Looks like you got the bug. You can’t get old girl knocked up so soon, E!” Stenton teased as he regarded his baby sweetly in Ezra’s care.
Ezra sputtered a full on laugh at that, but it was clear there was derisiveness behind it. He brought the baby back into his arms, still smiling with his eyes.
“Alexis and I have a unique agreement that doesn’t include children.”
That cut me deep. Wounded me. No, I couldn’t have kids. And yeah, we’d never talked about having kids other than that initial conversation when I informed him of my infertility, but if I could have them, I wouldn’t have been able to hide my pain at the table.
“What?” Zoey screeched, her astounded regard landed on a muted me. “No kids…like ever?”
“Maybe down the line, but that isn’t a goal,” Ezra answered, still admiring the little one on his muscular arm.
So, what is our goal? For you to spank, cuff, and fuck me? I wanted to scream at him.
Is that all I’d been to Ezra? Yes, we’d only been married for two months, but I would have liked to think his feelings for and perception of me had evolved since then as mine had with him. I found myself panting.
“Are you okay, Lex?” Zoey asked, not skipping a beat.
I forced a smile while my hands tightly gripped the seat of my chair aside my hips.
“I’m good, Zoey.” I tried for an unperturbed tone. “Can I use your bathroom?”
I needed to put a few rooms between Ezra and me or else I’d break. I didn’t want another showdown with him. The last one didn’t work in my favor. I’d decided in my heart to balance this one-sided scale as far as feelings go. I was the one left holding the bag of emotions here. I could tell the feelings I’d developed for this man over the past few months were foreign to him. Ezra didn’t want anything more than a physical relationsh
ip from me. Call me corny, but I wanted more from him. With him. Ms. Remah told me men don’t take well to independent women, something I’d been all my adult life. She said if a man couldn’t see his place in your life, he wouldn’t plant himself there. I wanted Ezra in more ways than between my legs. I just had to put more effort into making myself appear to ‘need’ him. Right now, I needed a breather before I lost control and fucked everything up.
“Sure.” Zoey stood from the table. “Follow me.”
I felt the heat of Ezra’s eyes on me as I pushed the chair back and rose to my feet. My neck was too heavy from the whiplash my heart experienced when I glanced over to Ezra, disbelieving, as he told his friends he didn’t see me worthy to mother his children.
thirteen
Ezra
The ride home took less than an hour from Stenton’s place. If the day had been different I would’ve pulled across the road to Trent’s place just to say hello. Today, I had my beloved with me. I glanced over to her and found the back of her head resting against the headrest of her seat. The woven raven-colored nest that was her hair was swooped into a bun of sorts. I hadn’t enough imagination to understand how she managed over twenty inches of kinky strands into confinement.
These past few days had been hard for us. I’d been withholding from Alexis. Considerably. It took a day or so for me to no longer feel the acidity of anger coating the pit of my stomach about her fit in the kitchen on Thursday. Alexis could be dangerously untamed when upset, and I was not the man to tolerate a violent woman. I had no room for it in my life. What frustrated me more was how drawn to her feral behavior I’d been. I detested the outbursts and physical attacks, but the fire behind it solidified my obsession of this woman. I refused to approach Alexis from a psychological position. I could easily do it, but refused to examine what made her explode. I didn’t want that in my marriage. I didn’t want to play counselor. I’d much rather dominate her in bed than dissect to analyze her existence.
Christ!
Just the thought of dominating her tightened my pants. I wanted nothing more than to loosen that wild nest and feel the wiry strands prickling my legs as her head bobbed in my lap. My palms gripped the steering wheel with excessive force. As we wrapped around the curvy rural roads I considered how much I’d missed Alexis. We’d been cordial over the past few days, but I created an opaque barrier that gave her limited access to my grace. It was exhausting but a part of her training. Abstaining from her put a hardship on me. Sleeping next to her warm curves at night was an act of discipline. We’d been married for two months and I was still unaccustomed to having a woman in my bed. It was an exciting occurrence.
But she needed additional tempering. I hadn’t shared with her my decision to have Precious take some time off of work. When I’d suggested it with force, she acquiesced immediately. When she discovered I was in the office on Friday, clearing space for new furniture, Precious had an even more shocked expression than Alexis. I still hadn’t quite worked out how I would divide my time between RSfALC and the lab, especially after having been absent for nearly two months, but I knew I’d work something out. It was best anyway as my role at the church had been evolving to full time pastor.
Alexis also didn’t know that by noon on Friday, the Nurses Ministry had been suspended, pending investigation into the purpose and efficacy of the overall auxiliary. That was the official write up. The unofficial understanding was that it had been terminated. That infuriated Marva, which in turn, didn’t bode well with my father. When he stormed into the church office demanding answers, I threatened him with walking away from the ministry altogether. While that deferred his cocked guns, I knew it was the biggest joke of my life. I was called to pastor this congregation. I knew that as sure as I knew my given name. There was no walking away from this calling for me. Should I do something so reckless, I’d forfeit the favor of my life. There was no way I could renege on my covenant with Him. I’d risk everything, including my life. To say my calling clinched me at the balls is not at all illustrating the full picture of my life.
I caught movement in my peripheral and turned to observe Alexis shifting toward me. Her mouth sealed as she was lost in a sleep coma. Her countenance was just as chaste as it always was when she slept. My view swapped between the alluring sight of her and the road in quick succession. Within seconds, those soft tan lips parted triggering my cock to twitch. The things she did to me with those full lips. Even when they spewed reckless profanity.
But certainly not when they were positioned to spit in my face.
I growled in the open truck at that. That still angered me. Alexis had a lapse in judgment, confusing me with someone lowlife from around the way. I could not have my wife behaving that way. I’d been making sacrifices for her with my community, with the calling on my life. Just earlier when Zoey escorted Alexis to the bathroom, Stenton covertly asked me to be the godfather of their new baby, Amora Ardell. He didn’t want to ask in front of Alexis as to not put her on the spot. Because she’s my wife, they were asking her to be the godmother. How could I accept such a commitment with a woman who would spit in my face if she got angry enough? Would Alexis even want the role? She abruptly wanted to leave the room at the mention of having children. Was that because she believed she couldn’t have children? I didn’t desire children, though gaining in age. She didn’t have to worry about me defying her doctor’s diagnosis. She was on the pill and that’s all we had to be concerned with for the foreseeable future.
Turning onto the property interrupted my musing. I pulled into the garage and parked the truck. Alexis still hadn’t stirred. I’d guessed her attending both morning worship services for the first time took its toll on her. I immediately got caught up in her oval face, slender nose and adorable droopy eyes. She appeared angelic when she slept. It was the only time I felt I saw her at peace. I cared about Alexis, and that affection was growing deeply after each blunder she’d commit. Oddly, that’s when she frustrated and intrigued me all at once.
But when she’s this close…
I edged toward her, my nose less than an inch from hers. The mixed aroma between her hair and body had heat blooming in my chest. It was rude to wake her with what I needed from her, but I could go no longer without being buried inside her tight pussy.
Her eyes fluttered open. There was a span of seconds before she realized the nature of my proximity. And when she did, Alexis rushed me, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling me to her lips. My God… My dick wanted to rip through my pants. Her abrupt movements pulled at something in me. Her eagerness exposed a need in her. She exhaled in my face before pulling my bottom lip into a kiss. Just after she pushed her tongue into the seam of my lips, I opened for what I could not refuse. I was kissed. Yes, I participated, but Alexis’ fervent tongue movements told me she would take the lead with no problem. My kitten was starved for my touch.
Good.
I could no longer endure abstaining. I pulled back from her hungry mouth.
“I am prepared to forgive you,” I murmured.
Our eyes chased each other’s and I knew I had her fixed attention. After a few seconds of silence, Alexis nodded her comprehension of my pardon.
“With that being said, beloved, you will never confront me in a violent manner. In fact, you will not accuse me of something you cannot prove. We are one. We address turmoil with a high degree of respect. Nothing less will be tolerated. Is that understood?”
Her brown irises were dilated and lids narrowed. She shook her head with her bottom lip tucked in her teeth. My kitten was aroused. I bet if I reached beneath her dress I could pull back a gelled finger from her soaked pussy. But I pushed her with silence, communicating my intent that at this point should not have had to be spoken.
I waited.
Her phone sounded. We glanced down at it simultaneously. Rasul’s name populated the screen. With only seconds of hesitation, Alexis sent it to voicemail and returned her chocolate eyes to me. That increased my arousal tenfold.
Alexis’ lashes batted her internal processes. “Yes, sir,” she whispered.
All air flew from my lungs and my heart pounded, head spun dizzily, veins filled with dominant serum.
Fighting to level myself in the midst of a spell of light-headedness I growled, “Sandbox. Twenty minutes.”
Alexis shook her head stoically and reached behind her to unlatch the door. She scurried out of the truck and into the house with gusto. Once she was out of sight, I dropped back onto the headrest. The truck rattled a bit. I brushed my palms over my face down to my beard and exhaled. The power she held over me was heady. I questioned once again my proper guidance in her leading.
“Christ!” I whined into my hands.
Forty-five minutes later, I hopped down the steps of the basement with casual speed on bare feet. Almost right away, those round cacao hips mounted in the air came into view. Alexis lay prostrate with her arms extended for me. My index and middle fingers grazed delineation of her spine.
“Good, kitten,” I praised softly. “I’m going to turn on some music. Why don’t you wait for me on the bed. I’m going to have you there this evening.”
Without paying me so much as a timid glance, Alexis stood gracefully and toed over to the bed. The silk sheets were new, ivory. I declared the next time we’d be down here, Alexis and I would be on better terms, hence the contrast in color. I ambled lazily over to the stereo and selected Raheem DeVaughn. Pink Crushed Velvet rended the air and my balls leaped, commando, beneath the thin fabric of my cotton pants.
I sauntered over to the bed to find Alexis back on all fours, prostrate just the same as on her purple velvet cushion by the steps. I went to the head of the bed to grab the restraints. The moment Alexis heard the dance of the metal she shivered and moaned.