Because I’m trying not to like you—that’s why. But I don’t tell him this. Of course.
Instead I tell him honestly, so he doesn’t continue thinking whatever he has been, “Look, I took the extra medication because I need a job. It just has me stressed.”
He juts his chin, “You want a job?” He gives me this appraising look, full of intrigue. “You like books, right? I have this in with a bookstore manager. I know you know the store—you were in there just today picking up on one of the innocent workers there. But I digress, sorry. The manager of the bookstore is in love with my brother, and likes me quite a bit as well. I have some pull with her if you want a job there.”
My heart gets all excited. But also confused—not sure what to feel. So I ignore his other words—the ones with me picking-up on one of the workers at the bookstore (groan)—instead, I focus on the answer to my problems: a job. (Yay!)
I gush out in amazement, “I’d actually wanted to get a job there—at the bookstore.”
His lips twitch, “I’m more than willing to get you what you want, Julie.”
My heart flutters a little. Okay, a lot.
I have no idea why he sounds and looks so mischievous as he says this though. But since the dude looks mischievous a lot (aka: all the time) I just let it go and coo out, “Well, if you could get me a job there, I’d love it.”
He bites his bottom lip. (Mmm) Bites it some more, “Would it help you stop taking so many pills?”
“Yeah, probably—definitely.”
He rubs the back of his neck, sporting a tiny grin. “I know I should be glad about that—only I kind of liked the effects of the pills recently.”
He’s only teasing, but still. I grumble, “They were the wrong pills!”
He grunts slightly. Around a playful grin he says, “Right. You keep saying that—but they felt very right to me at the time.”
I swallow, a flash of us kissing flickering through my haunted brain. It gives me very mixed feelings. Very mixed. On the one hand, holy smokes yowza! On the other, I may just pass out from embarrassment. And guilt.
However, I get the feeling that Cade mistakenly thinks it’s all only the pass-out part, most likely because I’m probably all blotchy, yet as pale as a ghost. He nudges me gently; says so tenderly, “I’m just playing with you, Julie. I’d love to be able to help you not have to take so many pills, and I’d love to help you get the job at the bookstore—and I just plain love you.”
Oh, oops. He didn’t actually say those last six words. Just in my head.
Well, his eyes said them. Clearly. But they were probably just being player-eyes, right?
Right?
I mean, this is tough-guy, Cade Cole. A renowned player on the ice and off. Not at all to be trusted with a girl’s heart. Or her fantasies—since he has mine going crazy!
I try to be sensible, but it’s hard with him looking at me like he is. I swallow, “Um, I’m going to have to get back to you on your kind job-offer.”
He tilts his head. “Why?”
“Well … I just …” I let my answer trail off, since I don’t want to say it.
His eyebrows go up, waiting for me to go on. When I don’t, he finishes the answer dryly, “You have to get permission from your boyfriend.”
He says it like a call-out.
But come on, the dude knows he has Ashton all stirred up when he stares at me like he does—which he specifically does on purpose—to mess with Ashton.
So, I try to be strong. And sensible. “I don’t have to get ‘permission’ from him—but I also don’t want to give him a stroke.”
Cade grins. “Kind of seems like you do.”
I go up in flames, since he’s talking about my big fat bizarre lie.
… oh, and the glaring fact I made-out with him when I took medication that was supposed to help me “do what I want.” Face it: that action will surely give Ashton a stroke.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
Like I said, I’m burning up in flames of embarrassment.
“Okay, well, this has been really fun,” I grumble sarcastically.
Cade grins, “I think so.”
Unfortunately, my heart flutters (big time) hearing him say this. Or maybe it’s the way he said it—like he’s truly enjoying being with me. Like he’s not just a big ol’ player trying to play rich Ashton’s girlfriend.
But probably he is, right?
I mean, I’m the one that has instigated everything between us—the bizarre lie, then the bizarre make-out. It was all me. Only me. He just went along with it. Because, hey, why not? An easy way to mess with Ashton Davenport, the guy that gets everything he wants.
I take a step away from Cade. “Thanks for the walk,” I tell him. “But I need to go.”
He says, “Aw.”
But then he walks beside me as I practically run home, not seeming to care that I meant I needed to “go” without him—to get away from him. I mean, I’m pretty sure he knew what I meant—he just didn’t care.
Which was kind of nice, actually. Because it’s dark and I’m a jumpy girl. Duh.
CHAPTER 12
***JULIE***
JULIE
Of course I tossed and turned all last night and couldn’t sleep. There were so many convoluted thoughts swimming around in my brain I felt like I was drowning. First of all, I cheated on Ashton! (Holy crap!) Second of all, it was with Cade Cole. CADE COLE!! Craziness!
… yet it had been so freaking hot.
And awesome.
Of course my heart shriveled at that acknowledgement.
Geeeeez!
It’s really not fair! At all. No normal guy can possibly compete with that smokin’ mind-blowing make-out. No one. Ever. Not even my sweet, wonderful perfect Ashton (who had been amazingly perfect and wonderful and sweet all semester long. So full of romance and devotion that I was swooning and on a cloud of happiness.) (And yet I cheated on him!)
Okay, it wasn’t my fault. Well, not exactly. But face it: my subconscious was there, on Cade—obviously. I mean, he was the guy I’d chosen to tell my crazy lie about, and then he was the guy that gave my subconscious some sort of steamy fantasy breakdown thing that started at the mall and ended on his couch.
It was like my brain just went “Bye-bye, see ya later,” adding: “Have fun while I’m away!” and my body just did what it was told—had “fun.” Tons of it. With Cade Cole. (Groan!)
Now I’m stuck with guilt.
And fantasies.
And no sleep.
CHAPTER 13
When Ashton hears I might (possibly) work at the bookstore with—gasp!—Cade, he flips out. Which is understandable, given my strange fling-lie. Which, of course, I need to come clean about—duh. Only now the confession won’t be nearly as comforting to Ashton as it would have before this weekend, of course (duh) due to, you know, alas, I now have to tell him about the anti-anxiety-make-out-due-to-wrong-meds. (Oy!)
I baked him cookies before this conversation. I hand him another one now, not exactly sure how to proceed though I’ve been strategizing this conversation in my head ever since the incident happened.
Before I can get a word out, Ashton shakes his head with a grunt. “Look, I don’t want you to work—anywhere. I’ll have my dad get your mom a better job, okay? I’ve been pestering him to do that for a long time now anyway. I’ll hound him harder—he hates it when I hound. Yet he loves you.” He raises his eyebrows, like he’s come up with a brilliant idea. “He’ll do it for you. I’ll just change tack. Tell him you’re requesting it.”
Hey! I’d totally protest. Totally. Only … my mom could use a new job, big time. She has to put in sooo many hours and she works so hard, yet she doesn’t get very good pay. At all. On the other hand, the Davenports are rich. Mega-rich, in fact. And sort of run our town, in a way. Sort of.
I brighten. “Really? Your dad might give her a job?”
“Definitely.” He kisses my forehead, then he adds, “So stay away from Cade.”
>
“Right. Okay. Of course,” I murmur.
It wasn’t like I really, truly felt I could comfortably take the job anyway. Not after what I’d done with Cade. (Blush!) Yet I go on, adding all the stuff I’d been telling myself ever since hearing the sweet job offer, informing Ashton halfheartedly, “I wasn’t actually going to be near him ever barely at all though anyway. He’s not really a book-selling kind of guy. His real job is at the auto store.”
Ashton raises his eyebrows. “I really don’t like that you know so much about the guy suddenly, Julie.” He bites his lip, looking anxious for the first time in his life. “Do I need to be worried about this guy?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Okay, well, I haven’t been—not exactly. I mean, let’s face it, the guy doesn’t do relationships—and that’s all you do.” He adds quickly before I can squeak out my confession, he says with a grunt, “—well, okay, except for your wild fling on the dark-side while we were on our break. But I guess we both have to overlook that stuff—what happened on our break, I mean. I mean, I’m trying really hard to do that. And it’s only working because I know the dude’s reputation: he’s a player, and tough, and totally not your type—the dude totally makes the rounds with wild girls. So, I really don’t get what you were thinking.”
Finally I blurt it out, “I wasn’t. It didn’t happen. I made it up because you were so smug about me ‘sitting around’ on our break waiting for you to come to your senses and come back to me.”
A smug grin grows on his face to epic proportions. “What?! It was a lie?? I knew it!” Relief seems to wash over him. “I knew you wouldn’t go for another guy. And I knew it wouldn’t be with a guy like that. I knew it!”
He kisses me on my lips, murmuring playfully, “You’re such a liar.”
He takes my hand and kisses it. “Geez, you let me sweat it out a long time, Julie. You had me worried.”
“What—worried you can’t take me for granted?”
“No. Worried you weren’t right in the head—I mean, Cade Cole! What made you choose him to lie about? He’s like the total opposite of what you like.”
Ironically I lift an eyebrow. “Oh really?—and what do I like?”
“Me. A good guy.” He says it like ‘duh.’
Which it is for the most part. Totally true.
But then he adds something that makes a chill go through me. He says with a smirk, “I should have known it didn’t happen.” He muses with another smirk, “So that’s why he’s been looking at you the way he has been. It’s not that he’s suddenly inexplicably gaga over you, it’s that he’s like everyone else—he’s heard your bizarre lie.” Ashton chuckles as more pieces come together in his relieved/amused brain. He goes on gleefully, “He’s not been in love with you all this time—he’s been laughing at you. You and that crazy lie … and he probably knew you only made it up to make me crazy. So, he loved that too—making me worry he actually had feelings for you.” Ashton shakes his head slightly, like he was crazy to buy it. “Now it all makes sense.”
I swallow. Yeah, it does.
Hesitantly, I just decide now is the time to do it, confess—while Ashton is in a good mood, and fully aware that Cade doesn’t have any true feelings for me (sob!!). “Um, Ashton, you know the medication that I take? My doctor got it mixed up with someone else’s prescription, and—and—”
“What?! Your doctor gave you the wrong prescription? You could sue him for that.”
“Right, well, but that’s not my point. It was an experimental medication, and the dosage was different, and I took way too much and—and it made me go a little bit crazy.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “Crazy how?”
“… um, well, you know how you said it would be crazy for me to go after a guy like Cade?”
Squinting his eyes, Ashton slowly tilts his head. “Ye-ah.”
“Well, um … I did that—went crazy.”
He blinks. “You went after Cade Cole?” He says it incredulously. Like he doesn’t really believe me. Which, under the circumstances, who can blame him?
“It was just—I was really nervous about getting a job, and then nervous about seeing him; since, you know, I had lied about the fling-thing, and then he like, brought that up, the lie—and—and I took way too much of the medication, and it was the wrong medication—and I blacked-out and I came-to on Cade’s couch—making out with him.”
Ashton squints again. “Julie, I’m having trouble believing anything you say when it comes to Cade. Especially because until the end of last semester you never said a word about him—and now everything you say about him is pretty much insane.”
I nod. “I know. Exactly.” I bite my lip. “I’m sorry.”
He grunts. “The guy is making you crazy.”
I nod, totally agreeing.
His jaw muscles flicker. “So, let me get this straight—you lied about kissing the guy while we were on our stupid break, but now that we’re back together, doing awesome, you actually really kissed him?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Not on purpose! It was the medication. I don’t even remember doing it. I—I was talking to him at the mall, and then—then that’s all I remember. I came-to on his couch. I blacked-out everything else. Everything from leaving the mall to coming-to on his coach—it’s all a blur. Or not even that—I just don’t remember.” I mumble again, “It was the medication. It’s experimental—and flawed. Horribly. Obviously.”
“It made you ‘black-out?’ Like you were incapacitated and Cade took advantage of you?”
“Well … no. He said I came-on to him.”
Ashton raises his eyebrows. “Did you?”
I bite my lip. “I guess?”
The medication is supposedly to help patients do things they are too afraid to do, yet really want to do. So … I think deep down, subconsciously or whatever, I wanted to kiss Cade. I mean, face it: he was the guy I made-up my crazy fling-lie about—and as Ashton had pointed out, I’d never even talked about Cade before that. Or talked to him. Or even thought about him. Not until I held his hand that night in the ambulance, and then he was always looking at me like I was an angel. Tough Cade Cole—looking in love with me—it did something strange to my heart. Obviously. It made me tell a crazy lie about him, and fantasize about him … and come-on to him.
I sigh as I meet Ashton’s incredulous glare. “Ashton, I really don’t remember—any of it. But that’s what Cade said—I came-on to him.”
“Look, I wouldn’t believe a word the guy says, Julie.”
I wish I didn’t believe him. But I do. I’m pretty sure Cade just went along with it—my ‘picking-him-up’—because of my demented lie, and, okay, my demented book purchases. (Groan.) He probably assumed I wanted to make my demented fantasies come true while my boyfriend was away, and I had the opportunity right there in front of my face: you know, the “bad-boy” I wanted to make notice me. (Groan.)
Well, he noticed me. That’s for sure.
Noticed me with his hot hungry lips, and hands, and … man, it’s getting hot in here.
I stammer out to Ashton, “Can we just forget about it? Please? It was a mistake—and it’s not like Cade purposefully tried to seduce me—”
Ashton’s eyebrows shoot up. “Seduce you?”
Backpedal! Backpedal! “Well, no. Not ‘seduce.’ Of course not. That’s not what I meant. I just mean—he wasn’t coming on to me or anything like that. Not even slightly. He was making fun of me about my lie—but not in a mean way. More in a playful call-out thing type way. But I had taken so much medication, and I was embarrassed and nervous and—and all that stuff just—”
“Made you crazy,” Ashton says grimily, repeating my words for me.
Slowly, I nod. “Yeah. Made me crazy.”
Ashton pales. “I really don’t like it that my girlfriend went crazy over Cade Cole.”
“No. Of course not,” I tell him sympathetically. “But like you said, he doesn’t have any real feelings for me—the dude d
oesn’t do ‘feelings’ or relationships. And like you also said: he’s not my type.”
“Right,” Ashton looks a little more reassured. “Those are both valid points.”
After a deliberating moment, he gazes up at me with a twinkle in his eyes. “You’re lucky you’ve never given me a reason to question your faithfulness—because man Julie, you’re pushing the word ‘trust’ to the edge here.”
My heart squeezes. “I know.”
Softly I whisper as I kiss him, “Have another cookie.”
CHAPTER 14
***CADE***
CADE
As my punishment for fighting in the last hockey game, my coach signed me up to work backstage for our school play. Not gonna lie: I don’t mind. ‘Cause to my delight, when I showed up for their play rehearsal I discovered beautiful Julie Drake is in the play. She sings a solo and everything. Be still my love-struck heart.
Man, you know how I said when I had that car accident she was like an angel under that streetlight? Well, now it’s like I get to see that same angelic vision under a spotlight every Tuesday and Thursday right here at Jefferson High school. Man, Julie sings like an angel too. So, I’m in heaven—every Tuesday and Thursday. Even if she’s gone back to ignoring me—which she did right after the night I walked her home from the psychic.
Of course her boyfriend talked her out of taking the job at the bookstore. Kind of saw that coming. Figured he would. So, yeah, I saw the whole thing coming—her refusal to acknowledge my presence once again or even look at me. Whatever. I get to hear her sing. And I can ogle to my heart’s content (thanks coach).
CHAPTER 15
***SOMEONE ELSE***
Someone Else
I’ve noticed something. Cade Cole follows Julie Drake home from play rehearsals every night. He does it at a casual stroll—and Julie has no clue. She lives fairly close to the school, so it’s not a big deal, but the jumpy girl is spooked as she walks home anyway, you can tell. Probably because she’s used to having her rich fancy la-dee-dah boyfriend by her side every minute of the day. But he has basketball practice on Tuesday and Thursdays (he’s not very good, by the way). So, though Julie watches Ashton practice for a while before play rehearsals, she walks home alone—with sweet, dreamy Cade trailing her, making sure she gets home safely.
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