Queens of Geek

by Jen Wilde

  I hear a click as Jamie picks up the emergency phone. “Hello?… Yeah, we’re stuck in here.… Okay … Okay … thanks.”

  He steps back and sighs. “It’s some tech problem. She said we should start moving again in a few minutes.”

  “Cool.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Down here.”

  “Did you fall?”

  “No. I just can’t stand anymore.”

  He’s quiet for a moment. I see his silhouette, his hands pushing through his hair. “Do you mean that literally or figuratively?”

  I smile a tired smile. “Both.”

  He sinks down next to me and stretches his long legs out in front of him, resting one leg on top of the other. “You’re not claustrophobic, are you?”

  I shake my head. “Nope. Are you?”

  “I wasn’t until about thirty seconds ago.”

  “We’ll be fine. I’m sure Keanu Reeves and Jeff Daniels will be along any second to rescue us.”

  He laughs, but it sounds a little forced, nervous even. We sit quietly for a minute, and I hear the sound of him breathing. It’s oddly calming. I close my eyes and listen to it like it’s music.

  “You were the clear winner,” he says suddenly.

  “No, I wasn’t,” I say, fighting down the lump in my throat. “I messed up. I didn’t answer the question.”

  “But you knew the answer. You just got tongue-tied. It’s understandable.”

  I drop my face into my hands. “I didn’t get tongue-tied. I forgot the answer. I lost. And now I’m never gonna meet Skyler. And I’ll have to…”

  “You’ll have to what?”

  “Promise you won’t laugh?”

  He traces his finger over his chest. “Cross my heart.”

  I roll my eyes at myself for what I’m about to say. I know it’s not going to make any sense. “I’ll have to go to uni without meeting her.”

  “Wait,” he says, clearly confused. “What does going to university have to do with Skyler Atkins?”

  “I know it sounds stupid, but I thought if I could just meet her, if I could be in her line of sight, talk to her … it would give me the confidence to go to uni next year. To leave home and move to LA.”

  Saying it out loud hurts more than I expect, and I can’t hold back the tears anymore.

  “Tay, are you crying?”

  My breath catches in my throat, answering his question.

  “Oh, Tay.” He tries to put his arm around me, but I shake it off.

  “Please don’t,” I mumble. “I don’t want to be touched right now.”

  “Shit, sorry,” he says as he pulls his arm away. “I think I understand. Skyler is your mushroom, like in Super Mario. Meeting her is your power-up, turning you into Super Taylor. Then you can zoom off to LA and college and clock it. Right?”

  I laugh through the tears. “Exactly. It’s like meeting her is validating somehow. If I have the guts to meet the person I admire most in the whole universe, then I have what it takes to face the horror of uni.”

  “Horror? Uni will be a blast!”

  I scoff. “Maybe for you, Mr. Extrovert. But for me, it’s going to be hard. It’s a whole new set of daily social hoops I’ll have to jump through. New places, new people, new rules. Just getting to class every day is enough to make me implode emotionally. And Charlie will be filming; you’ll have your own classes to go to. I’ll be totally alone, in uncharted territory without a fucking map.” I sniff back a new round of tears and sigh. “Do you get me?”

  “I’m trying to.”

  I think for a moment, trying to think of a way to explain how I’m feeling. “Do you remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when he’s solving the word puzzle and any wrong tile he steps on crumbles underneath him?”

  “Of course. It’s a classic.”

  “That’s how I feel. Like the ground is giving way beneath me. All. The. Time. Nothing is ever stable. Any minute, the earth could collapse beneath me, and I’ll fall into a chasm. But unlike Indy, I don’t know the answer to the puzzle. I don’t even know the question.”

  “Jesus, Tay,” he says. “Have you always felt like this?”

  “Pretty much. It’s more intense lately, with exams and graduation and LA and uni coming up. Everything is changing.” I wipe away more tears. “Jamie, I’m really scared.”

  “Why haven’t you ever told me any of this before?”

  I shrug. “I don’t like focusing on stuff that makes me anxious. And I don’t want to annoy people with my problems. Especially when, to most people, these things aren’t even considered problems. And”—I pause, squeezing my eyes shut—“I don’t want you to think less of me.”

  “Taylor,” he says with a sigh. “First of all, I’m your best friend—more than that now. I’m supposed to be there for you when you have problems. That’s what friends do. Second, nothing could ever make me think less of you.”

  Disobedient tears run down my cheeks, and I swipe at them in frustration. “But don’t I sound so pitiful? Thinking meeting Skyler is the solution to all my problems?”

  I can just barely see him shaking his head in the shadows. “No. It’s not pathetic at all. The Queen Firestone books and movies helped you get through stuff. And unlike everything we’re going through, Queen Firestone won’t ever change.”

  “Exactly,” I say, turning toward him in the darkness. “And it’s even more than that. Those books and movies have taught me so much about myself. Queen Firestone faces all her worst fears and transforms from this scared little girl into a powerful woman who rules her queendom. It gives me hope that I can be powerful, too.”

  “I get it.”

  I look up at him. “You do?”

  “I do.” He takes in a deep breath and rubs the back of his neck with his hand. “I’ve never told anyone this, but when I first moved to Melbourne, I hated it. I didn’t know anyone. Back in Seattle, I was very close to my family. My abuelo lived a block away, and I’d go there every day after school. My cousins all lived nearby, and so did most of my friends. When I got to Melbourne, it was just me and my parents, and I was pissed at them for making me leave Seattle. I felt very isolated, and I hadn’t worked up the courage to make friends yet. So I dove into movies and comics and books. They helped me cope with all the change. And then, when I saw you reading the Firestone books at school, it gave me the opportunity to talk to you.”

  I hear a smile in his voice, and it makes me smile, too. I take his hand and lift it over my head, putting his arm around me and scooting closer to him.

  He kisses me on the forehead. “I have no doubt in my mind that you will clock uni. And we’ll clock LA together.”

  “But I’ll have to meet new people and do things I’ve never done before and leave my comfort zone.” I lean into him, resting my forehead in the crook of his neck.

  “Tay, you’ve just done all that right here at SupaCon. Meet new people? Check. Done things you’ve never done before? Check. Leave comfort zone? Check.” He breathes out a laugh. “I mean, you just stood on a stage in front of hundreds of people. And look, here you are, still standing.” He pauses. “Well, sitting. But you did it. Everything you’re afraid of about uni, you’ve already done.”

  “Holy crap! I did do all that, didn’t I?”

  I met new people, and I didn’t die. I stood on a stage and didn’t run away even though I really, really wanted to. I even embarrassed myself, and everyone laughed at me, and the ground didn’t open up and swallow me whole. All the things I’m most afraid of have happened here at SupaCon, and I’m fine.

  In fact, I’m pretty great.

  If I can do all that, then maybe uni is something I can do, too.

  I snuggle closer to him and exhale. “I’m really glad you moved to Melbourne. I’m glad you talked to me that day at school.”

  He nods. “Me too. And I’m glad you told me all this. I want to be the person you feel safe enough to share your mess with.”

  �
�You are.”

  “But I’m sorry you didn’t win.”

  I push out a tired sigh. “Same. My mind just went blank. I guess I got flustered being up there in front of everyone. And I was distracted. Some mean girl said something shitty backstage. Then Brianna started panicking, and I talked her down. I didn’t have time to mentally prepare for going out on that stage. It totally threw me.”

  “What mean girl? What happened?” His voice is serious, angry.

  “I overheard her talking about me. She called me Queen Fatstone. Like the size of my cosplay outfit is more important than my passion for the fandom. It made me so mad; I couldn’t think straight.” I huff out a short breath. “I don’t understand it. Don’t people know that when they say stuff, it affects others? Don’t they ever just stop and think, ‘Hey, if I said this, how would it make that person feel?’”

  And then I burst into tears again. Angry tears that burn like acid.

  He pulls me in closer. “Don’t listen to what anyone says about you. Some people try to bring others down to make themselves feel superior. You know what I do when I’m angry at the world for being full of shallow, insensitive assholes?”

  “What?”

  He swallows. I feel his Adam’s apple rise and fall. “I think of you.”

  I stop crying. I don’t even breathe. “Huh?”

  “I think of you,” he says again, this time more resolute. “Because you’re kind, hilarious, smart, gorgeous, and the most awesome person I’ve ever met. If there can be someone like you in the world, then it can’t be such a bad place after all.”

  My heart expands so wide it could hold the whole elevator.

  I lift my head so that I can feel his breath on my lips. His breathing falters, and I feel his heart beating hard. He leans in. He’s being cautious, giving me time to back away if I want to. But I don’t want to. Not even a little bit. Because Jamie is my best friend, the one who always seems to know what I’m thinking. The one who gives me space when I need it but is always there when I need him. He’s the one I can sit in the darkness with, hovering eleven stories up in a metal box, and still feel like I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. He’s the one I can share my mess with. He’s the one I can share my weird with. He’s the one.

  He pushes his lips to mine, and I push back, kissing him gently. And then not so gently. His lips are smooth, and when he opens his mouth, mine instinctively does the same. I smile, and he smiles, too, but breaks our kiss.

  “You know,” he says hesitantly, “if this—if you and me—is too much for you right now, we can take it slow. As slow as you need. We don’t have to kiss or even hold hands if you don’t want to.”

  I answer him by crushing my lips to his.

  He breaks away again. “But what about the ground crumbling and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?”

  “Well, if coming to SupaCon has taught me anything, it’s that new experiences are always scary, but they aren’t always bad. Maybe this isn’t the part where Indy steps on crumbling tiles. Maybe this is the part where he takes the leap of faith and finds the Holy Grail.”

  I can hardly see his face, but somehow I know he’s smiling. “I love it when you reference classic movies to explain life.”

  His lips brush mine, and the temperature in the elevator spikes about ten degrees. A sigh escapes my lips, and he responds by sliding his arm down my back and pulling me in by the waist. He runs his other hand through my hair, sending sparks down my spine. A rush of courage overcomes me, and I sweep my tongue over his. He sucks in a sharp breath and pushes his chest against mine, pulling me so close that I’m almost on top of him. We’re sitting awkwardly, with his back against the wall and both of us twisting to face each other, so I decide to make a move to get more comfortable.

  Keeping my lips firmly planted on his, I rest my hands on his shoulders and lift myself onto his lap.

  It’s a move that surprises him, and he gasps into my mouth. Then his gasp quickly turns into a moan, and then his hands are on my hips, bringing me closer to him. My forwardness surprises both of us. In all the times I’d entertained the idea of fooling around with Jamie, I was sure I’d be cautious—like I am in every other part of my life. But I don’t need to hesitate with him. I don’t second-guess myself.

  There aren’t any rules with Jamie, no social conventions or expectations to live up to. All I need to do is be who I already am. I’m free to be as cautious or as daring as I want to be.

  And right now, I choose daring.

  We’re kissing so fervently now that my whole body is on fire, and I’m sure my glasses must be steaming up. Something flashes, and for a moment I think I’m seeing sparks, but then I realize the lights are flickering back on. We freeze like deer in headlights, our mouths pulling apart and eyes snapping up to the ceiling.

  “Really?” Jamie shouts at the fluorescent bulb. “Now?”

  I bite my lip to suppress a giggle. We wait for a second, and the elevator roars back to life. It starts moving, and I jump up so fast I almost lose my balance. Jamie climbs to his feet, and we stand on either side of the elevator as the doors open. By the time we compose ourselves, we’re back on the ground floor, the lobby still as busy and loud as before.

  A family of four step inside, and Jamie and I play it cool, all the while swapping smiles and stolen glances. The doors close, and we rise up. It’s as though the elevator hadn’t been stuck at all. In a weird way, it’s like fate had intervened, pausing time to bring Jamie and me closer and force us to truly open up to each other. The elevator stops with a ding, and the doors open. The family step out, Jamie presses the button for our floor, and the doors close.

  We’re alone again.

  He steps toward me so fast that I move back into the wall, where he crushes his mouth to mine.

  He pulls back just far enough that I can see his face, and runs the back of his fingers down my cheek. “Do you want to order room service and watch movies with me tonight?” he asks with a crooked smile.

  I look up into his eyes. “Hells yes.”

  CHAPTER 26

  CHARLIE

  When I walk into the green room, all eyes are on me. A SupaCon staff member hurries up to me. “Mandy asked me to tell you she’s in there.” She points to a door and I open it, seeing Mandy by the window, talking quietly on her phone.

  Reese is on the couch, scrolling through his phone.

  “I left a very shaken-up Tay to be here, so this better be good,” I growl.

  “You’re trending,” he says, looking up at me. “Number one worldwide.”

  I sigh and fall into a chair across from him.

  “Awesome,” I say, my voice thick with sarcasm.

  I look over at Mandy when she ends the call. “I’m guessing that was the studio?”

  She nods and tightens her loose bun. “Yes. They made a bad joke about how it would have been a great marketing tactic had you been making out with Reese in the video, but other than that, they didn’t say much. To them, any publicity is good publicity, and this has got everyone talking about you and, by association, the movie. Mostly they wanted to know why they weren’t informed of this before.”

  I cross my arms. “There isn’t any ‘before.’ This is new. And it’s also none of their business.” I lean my head on the back of the chair. “Why am I even here? I haven’t done anything wrong.”

  Mandy leans over and gives me a hug. “Honestly, Charlie. If I had known … I’m just so, so sorry.”

  I pat her on the back. “It’s okay. It was an accident. I should have renamed the edited video or saved it in a different folder. Believe me, the next time I’m on my laptop, I’m trashing the mess of clips and files so nothing like this ever happens again. It’s no one’s fault. And it’s really not that big a deal.”

  Reese scoffs. “Do you have any idea how this makes me look to the fans?”

  I glare at him. “How the hell does this affect you in any way whatsoever?”

  “The fans, Cha
rlie.” He says it with such condescension that I want to punch him in the jaw. “They love Chase.”

  “Not all of them. And I definitely don’t.”

  He leans forward, resting his arms on his knees. “You can’t just dump this bomb on them. They’re heartbroken.”

  I sit up straight. “First of all, I didn’t dump anything on them. If it were up to me, this would stay private for as long as possible. Certainly longer than a day. Second, the Chase ship hit the proverbial iceberg over six months ago. This isn’t a surprise.”

  Mandy nods. “You’re right, Charlie. You are. But with all the press you and Reese have been doing together here, I think some wires got crossed. The fandom went into overdrive with speculation that you were back together.”

  I groan. “I don’t know how. I must have said we’re not together a thousand times by now.”

  Reese gives me a smug look. “It’s the photos and the interviews. We’ve been seen together. That’s enough to get the Chase ship sailing again. The poor kids got their hopes up. And you’ve just crushed ’em.”

  I clench my jaw and stare at him. “I bet this is what the studio wanted all along. We’re just props they positioned in front of the cameras to sell tickets. None of this would have happened if you had just stayed away like you were supposed to.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Right, I’m the bad guy here.”

  “Well, you’re not the good guy,” I say. “That’s for sure.”

  “Guys,” Mandy says, sitting on a chair next to me, “there’s no need to argue. Like you said, this isn’t a big deal.”

  I turn to her. “What’s the general vibe of the fandom right now?”

  “It’s a little divided,” she says, nodding. “Most people are excited. They’re shipping you and Alyssa hard. Others are—”