Skyler detected the tone right away and glanced over at her.
“And?” Skyler asked, her tone mild.
Devin took a deep breath, blowing it out slowly, “It was from a mutual friend of mine and Sarah’s, her name is Amy.”
Skyler nodded, her look unreadable.
“She said that Sarah tried to kill herself last night.”
Skyler’s face reflected surprise, “Wow,” she said, her tone shocked.
“Yeah,” Devin said, nodding, “that was kind of my reaction too.”
“But she’s okay?” Skyler asked, actually looking concerned, which surprised Devin.
“Yes and no,” Devin said, biting her lower lip in uncertainty.
“What does that mean?” Skyler asked, her tone gentle.
“Amy said she’s worried about her,” Devin said, “It’s not good that Amy is saying that. They’re best friends, if Sarah is scaring Amy, it’s definitely serious.”
Skyler looked over at her, her brows furrowed, “Babe, anyone who tries to kill themselves should always be taken seriously.”
“I know, but...” Devin said, shrugging as she let her voice trail off, “not everyone thinks like that.”
“Like what?” Skyler asked.
“That people who try to kill themselves should be taken seriously. Some people think of people like that as cowards, or like they are just begging for attention.”
“People who threaten to kill themselves are issuing a cry for help,” Skyler said, her tone serious, “but people who go right ahead and try it without even asking for help are serious about doing it. And that should always be taken seriously.”
Devin looked over at Skyler, somehow surprised that she felt so strongly about the subject, but also very glad that Skyler wasn’t the type of person who judged people like Sarah, who’d tried suicide. It made her love Skyler more.
“So what are you going to do?” Skyler asked after a few minutes of silence.
“What do you mean?” Devin asked, surprised by the question.
“Well, I assume we’re talking about this because you want to help her,” Skyler said.
Devin bit her lip, wondering if this was going to become an issue now.
Skyler glanced over at Devin when she didn’t answer, and caught the look of concern in her eyes.
“I’m saying you should,” Skyler told her.
“You really think so?” Devin asked, her tone cautious.
“Do you want to?” Skyler asked.
Devin had to think about that question, finally she nodded, “Yeah, I think I do.”
Skyler nodded, “Then you should.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
Skyler looked over at her again, her eyes searching Devin’s, “I’m okay with you helping her, everyone deserves help.”
Devin looked perplexed at that answer, but she nodded.
They arrived at the restaurant a little while later, so they moved on to other topics. Devin kept looking for any sign that Skyler was irritated by the idea of her making contact with Sarah again, but she could detect nothing.
The next day, Devin called Sarah.
Sarah picked up after five rings, her tone when she answered the phone indicated that she hadn’t really wanted to pick up.
“Devin?” Sarah queried cautiously.
“Yes,” Devin said, smiling in spite of herself.
There was silence on the other end of the line for at least a full minute.
“Amy called you,” Sarah stated then, her tone flat.
“Yes, she called me,” Devin said, softening her tone.
On the other end of the line, Sarah closed her eyes in shame.
“She shouldn’t have done that,” Sarah said, her voice effected.
Devin was sure she could hear tears in Sarah’s voice.
“Yes, she should have,” Devin said.
“I’m fine,” Sarah said, her voice flat.
“Uh-huh,” Devin said, her tone unconvinced.
“I am,” Sarah said.
“Okay, well, why don’t we meet for lunch, so you can convince me of that, okay?”
Sarah was silent, so many things ran through her mind, wanting to push back, wanting to mention Skyler, but also wanting desperately to talk to Devin.
“Sarah?” Devin queried.
“Yeah, I’m here,” Sarah said, her tone all Marine.
“Okay, well, stop over thinking the invitation and just accept it, will ya?” Devin said, smiling as she did.
She heard Sarah’s chuckle on the other end.
“Oorah,” Sarah said, her way of accepting that Devin knew her well enough to know what she’d been thinking.
They met at a local restaurant later that day. Devin could see that Sarah was very nervous, as they said their hellos and chatted. Sarah’s hands were shaking and she kept clasping them together, releasing them when she saw Devin looking at them. Finally, Devin couldn’t take anymore, she placed her hands over Sarah’s as she sat forward.
“Relax,” Devin said, her voice soothing.
Sarah swallowed visibly and nodded her head.
“Sorry,” Sarah said.
“Sarah, I’m not here to vilify you, okay?” Devin told her, “I just want to see how you are.”
Sarah looked back at her then shrugged, “I’m fine,” she said, her tone overly casual, “It wasn’t what Amy thought.”
Devin looked Sarah right in the eyes, “You know that bullshit story probably worked on the Navy doctor, but please don’t try to sell that one to me.”
Sarah looked surprised for a moment, then pressed her lips together, “Not good at lying to you, am I?” she said, sounding annoyed.
“Nope,” Devin said with a smile, “never have been.” Then she put her hand over Sarah’s again, “What happened?” she asked.
Sarah sat back in her chair, her focus turned inward, “I just couldn’t get a handle on things,” she said, shaking her head.
“What things?” Devin asked, as the waitress came over to hand them menus.
When the waitress left again, Sarah said, “Things, you know, being out, you being with someone else, just stuff.”
Devin nodded taking in the comment about her.
“I guess I just didn’t know how to handle it,” Sarah said, sounding defeated.
“Okay, but you have to deal with things, Sarah,” Devin said, her voice soft, “or you’re going to end up in that dark place again.”
“I know,” Sarah said, nodding.
“Will you let me help?” Devin asked.
“How’s your girlfriend going to like that?” Sarah asked, her tone doubtful.
“Skyler knows all about this,” Devin said.
“Great,” Sarah said, her tone defeated as she shook her head.
“Sarah, Skyler is the one that suggested I help you,” Devin said, wanting to defend Skyler’s motives in this situation.
“Seriously?” Sarah said, looking shocked.
“Yeah,” Devin said, “she’s been through a lot herself.”
Sarah looked like she was considering that information, “Like what?”
Devin looked back at Sarah hesitating, not sure if she should share Skyler’s tragedy, but in the end she figured it might help in some way.
“She lost two members of her unit in a helicopter crash in Iraq,” Devin said.
“Jesus…” Sarah muttered, “that’s rough.”
“Yeah,” Devin said, “and I can tell you she still needs to deal with some stuff from it, but she’s pushing forward.”
Sarah nodded, looking affected, “So you’re saying that I should buck it up, huh?” she asked with a grin.
“No,” Devin said, shaking her head, “I’m just saying that my girlfriend understands that things get hard for people and she supports me helping you through this.”
Sarah drew in a deep breath, blowing it out slowly as she nodded, reconciling in her head that the person she’d considered an enemy was not quite the bad guy
she’d thought.
The rest of the lunch together was spent talking about other things. Devin knew that Sarah wasn’t ready to talk about what issues she needed to deal with and she’d learned from Skyler how not to push someone.
That night Devin told Skyler about the lunch.
“So you think she’s going to let you help?” Skyler said.
“I think so, yeah.” Devin said, nodding.
Skyler nodded, “That’s good.”
“Yeah,” Devin said.
They moved on to other topics then. Skyler told her about a training conference she was being sent to in the next week or so up in Sacramento.
“How long will you be gone?” Devin asked.
“Two weeks,” Skyler said, “they have us doing some field training with some of the other units up there.”
Devin nodded understanding. She knew she’d been lucky lately that her job had kept her in Los Angeles. She was nearly finished with the job for the LA Sheriff’s Office, then she’d have to start looking at other job offers. Some of those offers were in Washington, D.C., it would mean time outside of LA and also away from Skyler. Devin wasn’t sure how she felt about that, usually she wasn’t that attached to someone she was dating. Skyler was different for her; she had been since the first day they’d met. She also decided she wasn’t going to worry about where her next job would be until she had to do just that.
When Skyler left a week later, it didn’t take long till Devin felt like she’d go nuts trying to fill her days and evenings with stuff to do to keep from missing Skyler’s presence. She found herself driving to Camp Pendleton a lot. She spent a lot of time just hanging out with Sarah in Oceanside. Often times they’d sit in a coffee shop and just talk, little by little Sarah was talking about things that were bothering her.
One such occasion they were talking about how coming out had affected her and Devin was fairly sure she’d hit on a significant factor in Sarah’s suicide attempt.
“My dad disowned me,” Sarah said after describing how her friends had taken the news.
She said it in an off-handed manner. Anyone else wouldn’t have likely picked up on the hidden meaning behind those words. However, Devin knew that Sarah’s father was the reason she’d become a Marine, because her dad had been one. Sarah had worked her whole life to earn her father’s approval. Now to have her father disown her because of her sexual orientation, it was the worst possible thing that could have happened as a result of Sarah coming out.
“Sarah…” Devin said, reaching out to cover Sarah’s hand with hers, “I’m sorry, that’s… that’s lousy.”
Sarah blinked a couple of times, still surprised that Devin even cared, but also happy that someone understood what her father’s abandonment really meant.
“He’s the reason I’m a Marine,” Sarah said, shaking her head.
“I know,” Devin said, nodding, “but maybe it’s time to worry less about him and worry more about yourself.”
“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.
“I mean, you’ve spent your life trying to be what he wanted you to be, maybe it’s time to just be you,” Devin said, gentling her voice on the last part.
Sarah stared back at her, looking shocked by the suggestion.
“I don’t even know if I’d know how,” Sarah said, her face showing the conflict going on inside her.
“Maybe you just need to take some time to think about what you really want,” Devin said.
Sarah gave a short laugh, “You mean instead of doing what I’m expected to do?”
“Exactly,” Devin said, nodding her head.
Sarah looked like she was really considering the idea and it shocked Devin that it seemed like Sarah had never stopped to consider what she wanted. It was sad.
Devin talked to Skyler that night on the phone about it. She filled Skyler in about what she and Sarah had been talking about and how Sarah’s family had been growing up. Skyler made a couple of comments, but didn’t really talk a lot. Devin would realize later that she should have picked up on this, but didn’t at the time.
The night Skyler got back from Sacramento, Devin was caught in traffic on the I5 freeway trying to get back to LA from Camp Pendleton. She wasn’t home when Skyler got in, but she’d texted to say that she was stuck behind a jackknifed big rig on the freeway and she’d be home as soon as she could.
By the time a much frazzled Devin walked in her front door, Skyler was already in bed. Walking into the room, Devin noted that Skyler had unpacked, but hadn’t put her duffle bag away, she wondered about that.
Walking over to the bed, she leaned down and kissed Skyler softly on the lips. Skyler stirred opening her eyes.
“Hi,” Devin said, smiling.
“Hi,” Skyler echoed tiredly.
“I’m going to take a quick shower and then I’ll be in, okay?” Devin said.
“’kay,” Skyler said, moving to turn over on her side.
By the time Devin crawled into bed, Skyler was asleep again. Later Devin would attribute the fact that she didn’t notice that for the first time in a very long time, Skyler didn’t reach out and pull her close when she climbed into bed. At the time, however, Devin was too tired to think about the subtle change.
The next day Skyler was up and gone before Devin even stirred. Later in the day, Skyler called Devin on her cell. Devin picked up answering absently, because she was working on a line of code in a program she was writing so she was distracted.
She tuned in to hear Skyler saying, “... so I’m going to head there tonight.”
“Head where? I’m sorry,” Devin said, realizing that she’d missed something.
“Sebo is losing his shit,” Skyler said, her tone pointedly patient, “so I’m going to head there tonight.”
“Wait, head where?” Devin said, “Home? You’re going home?” she asked, her tone shocked.
Skyler had patently refused to go home to help her brother with his legal woes for months, and now she was going? This was yet another time when Devin’s senses should have told her something was amiss, but they failed her again.
“Yeah,” Skyler said, her tone nonchalant, “my parents can’t handle it, so I’m going to go see what I can do.”
“Okay…” Devin said, “well, that’s probably good,” she continued, trying to rally a supportive attitude, “I’m sure you’ll be of a lot of help to him if you put your charm to it,” she said then, smiling.
Skyler chuckled, “Yeah, we’ll see about that.” She said, her tone doubtful.
“So, what time do you need me to take you to the airport?” Devin asked, glancing at her watch, it was already three in the afternoon, where had the time gone?
“Nah,” Skyler said, “I’m just gonna fly out of Burbank, one of the guys’ll fly me over,” she said.
“You already packed?” Devin asked, shocked, remembering the duffle bag being out the night before.
“Yeah, I meant to tell you last night,” Skyler said, “but…”
“I know,” Devin said, biting her lip, “I got in really late.”
“Yeah,” Skyler said flatly, “So…”
“Okay,” Devin said, pushing her disappointment down, thinking that the last thing Skyler needed at that point was a whiney girlfriend, “I guess I’ll see you when you get back?”
“Yeah,” Skyler said.
“How long are you gonna be gone?” Devin asked, realizing they hadn’t even talked about it at that point.
“Dunno,” Skyler said, “maybe a couple days, maybe three…” she said, her voice trailing off.
“Okay,” Devin said, “Well, call me to let me know you got in, okay, will ya?”
“Of course,” Skyler said.
“Okay,” Devin said, feeling a tugging at her heart, “I love you.”
“Love you,” Skyler said, her tone brisk, “Gotta go babe, we’re getting a call out. I’ll call you tonight.”
“Okay, fly safe.” Devin said, quickly before Skyler ran off.
&n
bsp; “You got it,” Skyler said, then hung up a moment later.
Devin didn’t hear from Skyler that night, but she got a quick text that said her flight had been delayed in Dallas. In the end Skyler got to Baton Rouge and to her hotel almost a full 24 hours after she’d left for what should have been a 14 hour trip. She’d texted Devin when she’d arrived in Baton Rouge at 5:30PM, she was exhausted so she fell into her hotel bed happily.
By the next morning, she woke generally refreshed and made her way to her family home. She drove a rental car, but she’d decided to splurge on a nicer car for herself. She drove a Corvette Stingray convertible, at least enjoying the drive, even if she knew she’d attract attention with the car, especially since it was red. It was the fastest thing she could find that would at least give her the satisfaction of power with its 460 horsepower eight-cylinder engine.
Pulling up in front of her parent’s home, she couldn’t resist revving the engine one last time before turning the car off. She could see people poking their heads out of their houses, and the hood rats in the neighborhood motioning to each other to look at the car. Skyler grinned to herself, knowing she was taking a risk bringing this car to this neighborhood, but she’d purposely bought full insurance for the expensive car.
Climbing out of the low slung sports car, she walked to the door. She looked every bit the California girl with her tan and shades on. She wore her customary jeans and combat style boots, she also wore her LAFD t-shirt, with a picture of a helicopter and “air operations” on the back, with the “Air Operations” gold wings on the front chest pocket.
She knocked on the door, waiting to see how her family would react to her arrival.
“Who dat?” her mother said, coming to the screen door.
Her mother’s look of complete shock irritated Skyler. It wasn’t as if the woman hadn’t called her constantly for the last two weeks. Even crying a few times when Skyler had refused to come home to help her brother.
“It’s me,” Skyler said, her tone annoyed.
“Abel!” Bettina Boche’ yelled, “Look who’s hea!” she said, even as she opened the screen door to let Skyler into the house.
“What?” Skyler’s father, Abel, yelled from the back of the house, “Who hea?”
When Angels Fall Page 12