A minute later Jams was stepping out into the back yard. Skyler was at the edge of the yard, smoking and staring off into the distance. He noted that her body was completely rigid, when she dropped her hand holding the cigarette he saw the blood on her hand, and saw a small pool of blood below on the ground. He winced at the picture it presented.
“Hey,” he said, finally.
Skyler glanced over her shoulder at him, narrowing her eyes, then turning her head back to look out over the ocean.
“She called you?” Skyler asked, her tone accusatory.
“She’s terrified, Sky,” he answered.
He didn’t see her wince, but he wasn’t completely surprised when she wheeled on him.
“So what the fuck are you gonna do?” she asked, her tone a challenge.
Jams looked back at his partner of 15 years, he could easily see the pain she was in, and he knew it wasn’t physical. He seriously doubted that she even felt the cuts to her hand.
“I’m going to try and talk ya down,” Jams said, his tone indicating that he was being very cautious at this point.
“Try leaving,” Skyler said, turning around to light another cigarette.
“Yeah…” Jams said, “not gonna happen, pal.”
Skyler shook her head, not looking back at him. Skyler started pacing again, Jams leaned against one of the chairs, watching her, waiting her out.
It took a while, but he could see the fight leave her finally.
“Tell me what’s goin’ on, Sky,” Jams said.
She shook her head again, taking a long drag on her cigarette, her face set in a determined line.
“The accident churned it up, didn’t it?” Jams said, knowing his was right.
Skyler winced at the words, turning around again, her back to him.
“You don’t have to answer,” he said, “I know it.” He took a couple of steps toward her, stopping when he saw her chin come up, “We need to get past this, Sky.” He said then.
That had her wheeling on him again, “Really?!” she yelled, “You fucking think it’s that easy?!”
He held his hands up in defensive gesture, “I didn’t say it was going to be easy, Sky.”
“You don’t know,” Skyler said, angry tears in her eyes.
“I know,” Jams said, his tone sharp, “I was there, remember?”
“You were there,” Skyler said, her tone snide, “You have no fucking idea!”
Jams pulled himself up short, wanting to rail right back at her, but knowing that it was what she wanted. She wanted to hit him, she wanted to hurt him, because she was in pain and she wanted to get it out of her. Throwing his arm up, he turned to stalk to the other side of the yard.
Devin watched from the window, feeling a sense of unreality. Sebastian stood mute, watching from behind Devin. She was praying that Jams knew what he was doing when he was dealing with Skyler. She saw that Skyler was pushing him, and it scared her to think of what would happen if either of them actually snapped and erupted in violence. She wondered if she’d been smart to call Jams, it was obvious they were both severely emotionally wounded by whatever had happened in Iraq, and maybe having them screaming at each other wasn’t the smartest thing at this point.
As she watched, Jams walked toward Skyler again, his posture more relaxed again.
“What happened today?” he asked Skyler, his voice quiet.
Skyler turned, looking at him, she could see that he was trying to help her and part of her just wanted to crumble, but the fear that she’d never come back from it kept her from doing it.
Jams could see the devastation on her face and it hurt him to see it, but he stood steady, waiting for her to talk.
“Benny’s mom called,” Skyler said simply.
Jams sucked in his breath, knowing that would have been a big trigger for Skyler. Benny had been the little brother she’d missed, she’d loved the kid.
“You should talk to her,” Jams said, “she doesn’t blame you.”
Skyler gave a nasty snort of laughter, “Yeah, that’s because she doesn’t actually know what the fuck happened.”
“She knows what happened,” Jams said.
“Right, she knows the bullshit story the Army gave her.” Skyler said, tears in her eyes, but her face contorted in anger.
Jams looked back at Skyler for a long time, “It wasn’t your fault, Sky.” He said finally.
“Don’t fucking say that,” Skyler growled.
Jams eyes flared at her tone, “It wasn’t your fault, Skyler.” He repeated, his words measured as he gritted his teeth.
“Jams, don’t fucking push me, man, I mean it.” Skyler said then, her eyes blazing.
“It wasn’t your fault, Skyler!”
“Shut up!” she screamed, throwing her lighter at him.
He ducked the lighter easily, and gave her a serious look, “It wasn’t your fault.” He said again.
Skyler gave a yell, and charged him, but he was ready for her. He grabbed her up in his arms, even as her forward motion shoved him back a few feet. He shoved her away from him, keeping his hands up to ward her off.
“Son of a fucking bitch!” she screamed, turning and stalking away from him.
“You need to deal with this Skyler, before you get us all killed.” Jams said then, his tone low.
Skyler turned and looked at him, looking shaken by what he’d just said.
“You’re saying I’m unsafe now?” Skyler asked, her tone disbelieving.
“You’re taking a lot of chances lately, and you know it.” Jams countered.
Skyler nodded, her jaw twitching with the force of her clenching it so hard, “Then fucking call the CO, get me grounded, hell, fucking transfer!”
“Not gonna do that and you know it,” Jams said.
“Why?” Skyler yelled.
“You know why,” Jams said.
“Why, cause your fucking father told you it was your responsibility to watch out for me?” she practically spat in derision.
“Watch it,” Jams said, his chin coming up slightly, his eyes narrowed. He knew she was lashing out, but there were some things that couldn’t be taken back. “And no, that’s not it, and you fucking know it.”
“Then what is it?” Skyler asked, her tone sharp.
“You saved my life, you fucking idiot, and you know I’m not gonna let that go.”
“Try,” Skyler retorted.
Jams shook his head, not believing how hard headed this woman could be.
“Can’t do it,” Jams said, shaking his head.
“Then you’re not trying hard enough,” Skyler gritted out. “Just leave me the fuck alone, okay? Just leave!” Skyler yelled, shaking because she was ready to explode, everything was building and she just couldn’t take anymore at this point.
“Skyler?” came Devin’s voice from behind Jams.
Skyler visibly winced at Devin’s tone, she sounded scared. Skyler turned her back to them as she caught sight of Sebastian at the doorway to house. She didn’t want to see the look of fear on Devin’s face or the look of concern and fear that Sebastian wore.
She knew her world was crashing around her, and she knew she just couldn’t take Devin’s concern at that moment. Everything was spiraling out of control, and she had no idea how to stop it. Giving a loud yell, she slammed her hand into the rock wall in front of her, feeling bones in her hand break and realizing it felt good in some weird way.
Devin was beside her suddenly, reaching for her.
“Don’t, Devin, God, please don’t…” Skyler said, her voice begging.
“Skyler, please…” Devin said, her voice a plea, as her fingers touched her arm.
Skyler closed her eyes, trying to ward off the weakening she could feel at the sound of Devin’s voice and the feel of Devin’s touch.
“Please…” Devin said again, sensing that Skyler was wavering.
Devin slid her arms around Skyler’s waist from behind, resting her head against Skyler’s back. Skyler felt t
he tears clogging her throat, and tried to force them back down. Devin’s hands sliding up her stomach to her chest, to grip her shoulders from behind finally broke the tableau. Skyler bowed her head, letting the tears come not sure if she was ever going to be able to stop but unable to hold them back anymore.
Devin felt Skyler’s body shaking and she knew she was crying, she just stayed where she was, her hands gripping Skyler’s shoulders. After a few minutes Skyler seemed to have stopped.
Moving to stand in front of Skyler, Devin bent to look up into Skyler’s eyes, “Please talk to me babe…” she said softly.
Skyler’s blue green eyes connected with hers, and Devin could see the naked pain in them.
“Tell her, Sky,” Jams said, “Tell them.” He said, his gesture including Sebastian.
Slowly Skyler reached up into her pocket with her left hand pulling out a cigarette and putting it on her mouth. Glancing over her shoulder, she grinned slightly at Jams.
“Think you could help a sista out?” Skyler asked.
Jams grinned, bending down to retrieve the lighter that Skyler had thrown at him and walking over to light the end of the cigarette obligingly for her.
“Oh Skyler…” Devin said, as she looked at Skyler’s hand.
Skyler held her right hand up, looking at it as if it belonged to someone else. It was bruised and bleeding.
“Jesus Skyler, there’s glass…” Devin said, wincing.
Clenching her cigarette between teeth, Skyler lifted her right hand turning it so she could see the deep gash caused by the breaking glass of the table. She noted absently the blood that was dripping down her arm as she held it up. Reaching over she gingerly pulled the piece of glass out of the cut, even as Devin gasped “Skyler!”
Tossing the glass aside, Skyler moved to sit in a chair, feeling slightly light headed for a moment. Devin and Jams followed her cautiously, Sebastian walked up to stand near them.
Skyler sat smoking for a few minutes, trying to gather her thoughts. Jams took that time to step into the house and get a bottle of tequila, knowing if Skyler actually did start to talk, it was going to be rough. He also grabbed a towel for Skyler’s hand.
Walking back outside, he handed Skyler the tequila. Skyler took a very long swig of tequila, feeling it burn down her throat. Taking the towel from Jams, she carefully wrapped it around her right hand. She was sitting with her legs spread, her arms on her knees, her head down. So Devin sat on the ground so she could look up at Skyler. Skyler held her cigarette in her left hand, picking at the threads on the towel absently as she started to talk.
“They shot out our tail rotor,” she said, her voice even and toneless, her eyes were focused on a spot on the ground in front of her, “we went down hard,” she said, her voice catching on the last word. “Radar was killed in the crash, the last thing I remember was him yelling my name over and over…” her voice trailed off, as she swallowed against the tears that threatened to come again.
Devin winced at what she’d said, only able to imagine what that memory did to Skyler on a daily basis. Sebastian moved to sit in a chair, knowing he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear from his sister.
“We were all hurt,” Skyler said, her eyes narrowing, “Benny was bad, but he was alive.” She said, pressing her lips together for a moment, “we didn’t even make it out of the copter,” she said, she was bouncing her leg in agitation, her thoughts back in Iraq, at the scene of the crash. “They shot me, they shot Jams twice…” her voice trailed off.
“We were captured by insurgents,” Jams put in, his look grave.
“Oh God…” Devin said, her voice a devastated whisper.
Skyler smiled a wintery smile, nodding her head, “Yeah, capturing American pilots was a big deal,” she said, her voice sneering, “better still, a female pilot…” she added, her voice trailing off as her throat constricted again. She remembered the voices, the knife held to her throat. She closed her eyes to try to force the memory out of her head.
Devin looked over at Jams and saw the devastation on his face, and she knew, she knew what the men had done and she was almost sure she was going to be sick.
“Skyler…” she breathed.
Skyler forced her tears back, only to choke on them a moment later as she said, “Benny died trying to stop them.”
“No...” Devin said, crying now, “Oh Skyler…” she said, unable to think of anything to say that would help at that moment.
Skyler nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks at this point.
“What happened?” Devin asked, “How did you get away?”
“We escaped,” Skyler said simply.
Devin looked at Jams, and she could see that he was waiting for Skyler to say more. When she didn’t he canted his head to the side, “What she’s not telling you,” he said, his tone chiding, “is that she took them all out, every one of them. She saved my life.” He said, his eyes on his partner.
“That’s why you got the Medal of Honor,” Devin said, looking up at Skyler who simply nodded her head.
Sebastian sat quietly listening to the story and feeling the reality of it kick in. He felt a sense of helplessness and could only imagine how Skyler felt.
“Those nightmares you’ve been having,” Devin said, her tone cautious still. “Those were about that time, weren’t they?”
Skyler nodded, looking guilty. She’d always told Devin that she didn’t remember what they were about.
Devin nodded, accepting that. “And when that guy in Las Vegas put his hands on you…”
“I snapped,” Skyler said, nodding, “can’t handle men grabbing at me like that.”
Devin nodded, “That makes sense.”
“So this morning…” Devin began, wanting to know what had set Skyler off.
“Benny’s mom called,” Skyler said.
Devin nodded, waiting for the rest of the explanation.
“Benny was the little brother that I’d left behind,” Skyler said, looking over at Sebastian sadly, “He was so much like you,” she told Sebastian, her eyes haunted. “The idea that he died trying to protect me,” she said, shaking her head as her voice trailed off.
“His mother doesn’t know that,” Jams said. “The Army cleansed the official story to remove any indication of what happened to Sky, or any of us while we were in their hands.” He looked over at Sky, knowing it was part of what ate at her constantly. “Benny’s mom thinks he died as a result of his injuries in the crash.”
Devin looked at Skyler again, “Is that what you want her to think?” she asked.
Skyler looked back at her for a long moment, then shrugged, “Never really thought about it,” she said.
“You just think it’s your fault,” Jams said quietly.
“It is,” Skyler said simply.
“Yeah,” Jams said, narrowing his eyes at her, “it is your fault that Benny loved you so much that he was willing to die to try to protect you. You took care of that kid, from day one. Every time he did something stupid, you fixed it for him, every time he got caught with his cell phone you took the heat. If he showed up late for duty, you covered for him. You talked him down when his girlfriend broke up with him, you helped him bag that Army nurse…. He loved you, Sky, that’s why he died for you.”
Skyler was crying by the time he finished.
“Maybe I should have treated him like a commanding officer would, then he might be alive.” Skyler said.
“No,” Jams said, “he would have died from his injuries Sky, you know that. This way he died trying to protect you.”
“He died a hero,” Devin put in, tears on her cheeks as well.
“Yeah,” Sebastian put in, “he died trying to save my sister, he was a hero.”
Skyler looked between the two of them, seeing the certainty on their faces.
“Maybe that’s what you need to tell Benny’s mom,” Jams said, “that he died a hero.”
Skyler looked at him, and he could see that she was considering
the idea.
“We’ve got the reunion coming up,” Jams said, “You know they keep asking if you’ll be there this time.”
“Reunion?” Devin asked.
“Of our unit. Benny and Radar’s parents always attend, and they’re always looking for Sky, but she doesn’t come. She can’t deal with them.”
“Maybe we should go,” Devin said, her look taking in Sebastian.
Reaching out, Devin touched Skyler’s knee, “Sky?”
Skyler looked at her, her eyes still so sad. After a long moment, she nodded slowly. Devin leaned up, kissing Skyler’s lips softly.
“Now can we take you to the doctor to have them look at your hand?” Devin asked.
Skyler chuckled nodding her head.
Three hours after arriving for their Emergency Room visit, they found that Skyler had broken a couple of bones in her hand and needed six stitches in the same hand to close the wound made by the glass. Fortunately, there’d been no major nerve damage. By the time Jams drove them all back to the house in Malibu, Skyler was asleep on the backseat with her head in Devin’s lap.
The guys helped Skyler into the house, Devin got her ready for bed and essentially tucked her in, kissing her lips softly.
“I’ll be right outside,” she told Skyler, “and I’ll come to bed soon, okay?”
Skyler nodded tiredly, already half asleep again. The pain killers they’d given her at the hospital as well as the events of the day were taking effect.
Devin walked back out to the living room, seeing Jams and Sebastian sitting on the couch.
“So…” she said, feeling the impact of everything she’d learned that day.
“Yeah…” Jams said, his tone worn out.
Devin sat down, shaking her head, “It’s a wonder she didn’t explode before this,” she said.
Jams chuckled, “I don’t think you understand,” he told her.
“What do you mean?” Devin asked.
“Without you,” Jams said, “I don’t know that she would have ever dealt with any of this.”
“How could she function with all of that in her head?” Devin asked.
“She blocked it out,” Jams said, “she was ice cold, Devin, and then you came along.”
When Angels Fall Page 17