Chasing Love & Rainbows

by TT Dorsett

  One day I discovered that a woman could actually fall in love at such a young age when I saw Cameron kissing Shanika right after school and I got jealous instantly. Shanika is what we called the more developed girl in school. She had the breasts, the big butt, the hips, and everything I wanted. All I had was my pretty looks with a flat behind and a flat chest. But I did have a cute shape because all the boys were after me too.

  To teach Cameron a lesson, I grabbed Damien Ford who was walking by, and pulled him into a lip lock as well. We kissed for a good five minutes until I felt eyes on me. When I looked over I saw Cameron glaring at me. I pushed Damien away and began to walk off fast towards our house.

  Cameron caught up with me and yanked me around and asked, “Why you kissing all on Damien?”

  I yanked away from him and said, “Leave me alone Cameron. Why don’t you go back to kissing Shanika?”

  He smiled at me and said, “You’re jealous.”

  “I am not jealous you punk,” I said, pushing him hard and kept on walking.

  “You are too jealous,” he said. I rolled my eyes at him as I began to climb the stairs to our apartment. He stopped at his door and looked over at me fumbling with my keys.

  “Look can we talk in my house for a minute,” he said. I looked over at him with blazing eyes and finally thought about how much I wanted to punch him.

  “Sure,” I said. I stepped into his house knowing that his grandmother was gone to bible study at the church. We went inside his room and he closed the door.

  “I’m sorry you saw me kissing Shanika,” he said.

  I bunched my shoulders at him and said, “It’s no big deal. I’m not your girl.”

  He sat next to me and put his arms around my shoulders and said, “It is a big deal Porsche. I don’t want you mad at me.”

  “I’m not,” I said as I moved his arm from around me.

  I finally looked over at him and we stared into each other’s eyes for a second until we found each other into a lip lock ourselves. I started to lean back into the bed and Cameron found himself on top of me. I could feel his hard penis pressing against my sweet potato pie and my eyes became wide. He started to grind into me and I immediately opened my legs so I could get a better feel.

  His hands began to roam all over my body and I began to moan a little bit. “Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are Porsche?” he asked.

  “No,” I said breathless.

  “Well you are and I want to make you my girl,” he said, “I can’t stand to see another guy with you. Can you be my girl?” I smiled up at him.

  “I thought you would never ask,” I said, pulling his mouth back over to mine.

  The next thing I knew we were both naked. Back then we really didn’t know about protecting ourselves so we just went with the flow. “Is this your first time?” he asked.

  “Yeah, what about you?” I said.

  “Yeah,” he said.

  “That’s a good thing, isn’t it Cameron?” I asked kind of nervous.

  “Yeah, it is. That means I am going to love you forever Porsche. You are mine now and I am yours forever,” he said.

  “Forever Cameron,” I said. He began to kiss all over my body and I was in heaven.

  I still think to this very day that Cameron was the best lover I had ever had and I think that maybe it’s because he was my first. When he stuck his penis inside of me I gasped. “You alright baby?” he asked.

  “It hurts,” I said with tears in my eyes, “Please go slow Cameron.”

  “I will baby. I don’t want to hurt you,” he said as he began to move slow and easy and after a while he got better but as soon as I was getting into it he came. He made this funny looking face and collapsed on me. “Damn baby. That shit was good,” he said. I looked at him with disbelief and said, “That’s all? I thought we supposed to be going at it for hours. That’s what Paris and Marcus do.

  “This is just our first time. Maybe the second time will be better,” he said.

  After that Cameron and I couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. We had sex just about every day and everybody at school knew we were a hot item. I was so proud to have Cameron as my man until I found out I had missed a period. I didn’t know what was going on so I went to my mother.

  “Mommy, I haven’t seen my period this month,” I stated bluntly. I didn’t know what it meant, so I was just telling her I didn’t have one.

  She stared at me for a moment and then said, “What the hell you mean you didn’t see your period?”

  “I don’t know,” I said and shook my shoulders up.

  “It hasn’t come. I don’t remember reading about my period not coming on, I thought it was supposed to come every month,” I said.

  “Oh my God, this is not happening,” she said. My mom had tears in her eyes.

  “Did I miss something Mommy?” I said.

  “You damn right you missed something Porsche, your damn period! Do you know what that means? You are only thirteen Porsche,” she said. I was so confused. I didn’t know what she was talking about.

  “Mommy what did I do?” I asked. She didn’t say anything.

  “Go put on some clothes,” she said. I just looked at her funny until she yelled, “Now Porsche!”

  I ran to the back room and put on some clothes. We got in the car and headed towards Walgreen’s. My mom told me to stay in the car and I was a little afraid because I didn’t know what was going on. When she came back she had something in her hands. I didn’t know what it was and I didn’t dare to ask.

  She then drove to her best friend, Scarlet’s house, and told me to get out. I followed behind her with baby steps. Once we got inside she finally took out what she had in her hands - a pregnancy test. I immediately started to cry.

  “Momma I’m not pregnant,” I said through tears, “I didn’t do anything to get pregnant.”

  “You missed a period Porsche. That’s a sign of being pregnant,” she said. My eyes got wide and I burst into tears.

  “But...but…” I couldn’t even say what I needed to say.

  “Just pee on this stick here and we will found out if you are,” she said.

  “But I don’t want to Momma,” I said.

  “Porsche, just pee on the damn stick,” she yelled.

  I took it from her and I peed on the stick right in from of my mother. I handed it back to her and when she looked at it I knew I was pregnant. My mom burst into tears and her best friend Scarlet came into the bathroom. She looked over at me and shook her head and held my mom.

  “Mommy I am so sorry. I…I…” I stammered and didn’t know what else I could say. I just sat on the toilet and cried by myself.

  My mother finally looked over at me and asked, “Who have you been fucking Porsche?”

  “Cameron,” I said softly.

  My mother shook her head and said, “This is my entire fault Scarlet. Instead of me paying attention to their father and his trifling ways I was neglecting to see about my own children. What are we going to do about a baby Scarlet? She is only thirteen.”

  “We’ll figure something out girl,” Scarlet said.

  “Mommy I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,” I said.

  “I know you didn’t,” she said and finally came over to hug me.

  “We are going to fix this Porsche,” Mom said. I just nodded my head yes.

  “You can’t tell anyone that you are pregnant. It’s our little secret,” said Mom. I nodded my head yes again. After that night my mom and I had a very strong bond. I never said anything to Cameron about me being pregnant and he knew something was wrong.

  We went to having sex every day to not having sex at all. After a while we just broke up. It hurt my heart but I had other things on my mind. After my fourth month of pregnancy my Mom withdrew me from school and sent me to live with her cousin until I was due. My sisters didn’t understand why I was leaving but all my mother said was that I was getting out of control and she needed sometime away from me.

 
My mother and I talked everyday on the phone and I missed home terribly. A day after my fourteenth birthday on August 5, Paige Cameron Hilton was born. I spent two days with her until Scarlet took her. Scarlet couldn’t have any kids of her own, so my mom said it was a blessing to give her to Scarlet. I cried for almost a week.

  I was told to never talk about having Paige. I couldn’t go around Scarlet’s house to even see her. My mother said it was easier that way. That’s why Scarlet stopped coming over to the house. My mom would give me updates and say she’s fine. My dad was disappointed in me and I think our bond was broken but the bond between me and my mother was strengthened.

  Two months after I had Paige, my mom committed suicide and killed her and my father. My life was so messed up. I had lost my mother, father, baby, and the man I loved all in one year. After I came home I found out that Ms. Essie and Cameron moved away. I never got a chance to say goodbye to him. He left a letter with me with an address and phone number to reach him.

  I could never reach out to Cameron. It was all too painful for me. The day after the memorial service for my parents, Scarlet came up to me and said she would take good care of Paige. She also said Paige would always know who we are. I thanked her and I never saw them again until today when Paige reentered my life.

  I don’t know if I should play the loving sister or the loving mother. I think only time can tell. Right now I will just go with the flow until I’m ready to actually be a mother figure. I don’t even know how to be a mother to a seven year old. I sighed to myself as I lay across my bed thinking about what my life has become and just then my cell phone rung.

  “Hello,” I said.

  “I can tell that sexy voice from anywhere,” I heard.

  I sat up in my bed and said, “Link.”

  “The one and only,” he said, “so how you doing this evening, beautiful?”

  “Fine now that you called,” I smiled to myself.

  “Right, right,” he said.

  “So what do I owe this unannounced call to?” I asked.

  “I want to take you out beautiful.”

  “Oh really.”

  “Yeah,” he said, “You up to it?”

  “Yeah,” I said, “I need to get out. I’m dealing with some heavy shit right now.”

  “You want to talk about it?” he asked.

  “Not really. But I would love to go out with you.”

  “Alright then.”

  “Meet me in front of the club,” I said.

  “See you in an hour.” We hung up the phone and I got up to get ready.

  After about forty minutes I was ready to go. I went looking for Paris and I came to a stop in front of my daughter’s door. As I turned the knob I could hear voices. “My mommy also told me I had older sisters,” I heard Paige say.

  “Well that was nice of her,” Paris said. Paige touched Paris’s hair.

  “You’re pretty,” Paige said and Paris smiled.

  “And so are you.”

  “But I think Porsche is prettier.”

  “Hey, don’t tell me you are already playing favorites,” Paris said while tickling her. Her laughter brought tears to my eyes. I pulled the door closed to get myself together.

  I knocked this time and I heard Paris tell me to come in. I walked in and Paige and my eyes met.

  “Um, I’m going to go out for a while,” I said.

  “Where you going?” Paige asked.

  “Out with a friend.”

  “What friend?”

  “I don’t think you know them sweetie,” I said.

  “It is a girl or boy?” asked Paige.

  “A boy,” I said. She smiled.

  “Is he your boyfriend?” she asked.

  “No, just a friend.”

  I looked at Paris and she thought it was funny I was being questioned by an eight year old. “Can I have a hug?” Paige asked.

  “Um, sure” I said walking over to Paige and picked her up off the bed and hugged her.

  She felt so good and so right in my arms. I didn’t want to let her go until she said, “You’re squeezing me too tight Porsche.”

  “Sorry,” I said as I looked at her. She kissed me on the lips and smiled. I thought I was going to burst into tears but I kept it together. I put her back down.

  “How long will you be gone?” Paige asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “Can I stay up to wait for you?” she asked

  “No you can’t Paige,” Paris said.

  “We have to get up early to buy you some clothes and other things you need.”

  “Can you come too Porsche?” Paige asked. She was making this very hard for me.

  “I’ll have to see, okay,” I said.

  “Ok,” said Paige. I walked out the door and went on my date with Link. As fine as he was, I was not paying him that much attention. My attention was on Paige and how much I really wanted to be a part of her life, being the mother I knew I could be. But how can I tell a seven year old that I’m her mother? I think it would only confuse her even more.

  This is so not happening to me right now. After I ended my date with Link he wanted to take me back to his place and repeat what happened in the club but I wasn’t up to having sex with him tonight. My thoughts were on getting back home to spend some time in getting to know Paige better. I think my best approach for now is to be her sister then once she is comfortable with me then I can talk to Paris about telling Paige that I’m her mother.

  When I opened my bedroom door Paige was already sleeping in my bed. I tiptoed around as quiet as possible until I got in the bed next to her.

  Paige said, “Porsche?”

  “Yes sweetie,” I said.

  She turned around, looked at me and said, “I’m glad you’re home.”

  “I’m glad I’m home too,” I said. I pulled my daughter towards me and she laid her head on my breast. I wrapped my arms around her body and we both fell asleep.

  Chapter 8 ~ Patrice

  I was sitting nervously in the doctor’s office for the first time. Tony and I had come to an agreement that we would weigh our options first before we made any decisions. Ever since we had that falling out over a week ago he has been so supportive. He has called me every day to make sure that I’m okay and now he was sitting with me on a Saturday at our first doctor’s appointment.

  “You nervous Precious?” Tony asked. I grabbed his hand and kissed it.

  “Of course I’m nervous. I’m just glad I haven’t been sick this week,” I said.

  “That’s good to hear,” he said, draping his arms around me pulling me closer to him and saying, “Everything will work out fine.”

  “I hope so. My sisters still don’t know that I’m pregnant. That’s why I picked this clinic to come to so it won’t be on Paris’s insurance. Can you imagine her getting a bill saying that I’m pregnant? I’m not taking that chance,” I said.

  “So is all this stuff is going to be free,” he asked.

  “Not really,” I said.

  “All I have to do is pay five dollars each visit.”

  Tony looked amazed and asked, “That’s it?”

  “That’s it,” I said and smiled at him.

  “You really did your research didn’t you?” he asked.

  “Of course I did, plus I picked a clinic that I know no one would spot me at,” I said.

  “Smart girl,” he said.

  I replied, “I have to be. I don’t want anyone in our business. You feel me?”

  “I feel you Precious,” he said.

  I leaned my head on Tony’s shoulder and closed my eyes. If only this was a dream and I was about to wake up at any minute. “You know what Precious, I think…” Tony began but before he could tell me the nurse called my name. I grabbed Tony’s hand and we went into the room together.

  Of course I had to leave him for a minute when the nurse asked me to pee in a cup to make sure that I was pregnant. Then I had to fill out this long form on family history. I think it
took longer than I thought. About time I made it back to the room Tony eyes were closed and it seemed like he was either asleep or deep in thought.