by Sienna Parks
“I know he does, sunshine. You lit up his life like no one I’ve ever seen. He loved you so much.” She smiles up at me, melting my heart and the sadness that’s been crushing my chest for days. “I love you, Rae. You know that, don’t you?” I feel a sudden urgency to let her know just how much she means to me. “You are my world, baby girl. Never doubt it, okay?”
“Wove you, Daddy. You won’t weave me, will you?” Kids may not be able to process death and sadness the same way as adults, and if anything, it makes it more confusing for them. But, they should never be dismissed—the tears welling in my daughter’s eyes tell me she feels this loss just as keenly as I do. She doesn’t know how to put it into words, and my heart hurts at the thought of her confusion—questioning why her granddaddy left without saying goodbye and worrying me or Pops might disappear, too. My dad was a stable part of her life and she adored him. They understood each other in a way he and I never did.
“I’ll never leave you, Rae. I promise. My world doesn’t work without you.” I squeeze her tight, trying to avoid the crowds. I know they are all going to gather at my house, so I don’t feel bad about getting Rae out of here as quickly as possible. It’s going to be a long day, and if we can grab a few quiet moments together before the ruckus, then I’ll take them.
Rae, me, and Pops, take a few quiet moments to walk down into the field where my dad passed, three blue balloons in hand. This is our way of saying goodbye without the eyes of the town upon us. Pops still hasn’t said a word to me, but he grips my hand so tightly, I can feel his utter despair. Clutching Rae in my other hand, we say a prayer. Rae lets go of her balloon, and we do the same. She watches it float up and into the clouds with a smile on her face. “Here’s a bawoon for you, Ganddaddy! I miss your snuggles. Come back soon.” Her words are like a knife twisting into my soul.
Tears begin to fall as Pops looks to the sky. “You’re with your momma now, son. Take care of her until I get there, you hear me?” Every word is a struggle as he attempts to hold it together for Rae, wiping his silent tears with the sleeve of his suit jacket. I wrap my arm around him, Rae cuddling in for a family hug.
“We’re going to get through this. I promise.” Not even I believe myself in this moment. As I watch the balloons dance together, up and up until they disappear behind a white fluffy cloud, never to be seen again—I feel like a mere speck in the universe. Can I really affect change in any way? I don’t know if I believe in fate or destiny, or even luck. If God is up there looking out for me, he’s either dropped the ball, or he has a sick sense of humor. He hasn’t given me the chance to say goodbye to anyone in my lifetime. Not my dad, Sam, even A.B. I’ve spent so long just scrambling to make the best of the situations I find myself in, and I wonder—in his final moments—did my dad have any regrets? Did he wish he had done things differently? Was he angry with me? Did he know we were there with him?
Trucks begin to pull in through the gates, a long line visible down the road, waiting to come and pay tribute to a man who was woven into the fabric of this town, whether he wanted it or not. As soon as A.B.’s truck comes into view, my spirits lift, and then plummet to the pit of my stomach. I’ve gotten used to her being around this week. Her presence in the background, a constant source of comfort I can’t shake, as hard as I try. I don’t want to feel like this—I can’t.
I’ve said over a hundred hello’s, thank you’s, and shook as many hands. Pops found a spot in the corner of the chaos. I hate to see him so withdrawn, life continuing around him as he just exists. The old biddies of the town have surrounded him, offering food and advice. He has at least three plates of food piled on the table next to him, uneaten. His peers try to offer any words of comfort they can think of, but nothing breaks through his barrier. He slowly sips a glass of bourbon, staring out of the window… his eyes fixed on the field that took his son.
I search the room for Rae. Her tiny ball of energy is lost in the crowd of people around me. I walk through the house, checking all her favorite hiding spots before heading to her room. She’s not one to miss out on visitors being in the house, so I doubt I’ll find her there. The door is open ever so slightly, just enough for me to peek through the crack, and there she is… and my breath catches in my throat.
A.B. is lying on the bed with Rae sound asleep in her arms. I’m mesmerized as she gently sings one of my dad’s favorite songs, stroking Rae’s hair to lull her into a relaxed slumber. I don’t want to disturb them, but I couldn’t step away from the door even if I wanted to. I rest my head against the doorjamb, her voice a soothing balm. I’ve never seen her like this before. She was never the babysitting type in high school. She never understood her friend’s fascination with kids. But, watching her now, she is so natural and nurturing—and it dawns on me just how much Rae has missed out on these past few years since Sam left. I like to tell myself I give her everything she needs, but deep down, where I don’t like to think about it—it’s there. I know she will grow up missing out on so many daughter-mommy moments.
Jax’s voice echoes down the hall. “Mad! Can you come and say a few words? Pops isn’t up to it, and people are getting ready to start leaving.” My eyes flashing between them, I watch in horror as A.B.’s open, finding me staring through the crack in the door like some creepy stalker. I don’t wait, or try to help her extricate herself from Rae’s nighttime death-grip. In fact, I take the opportunity to make a quick getaway, catching up to Jax. “Rae in there?”
“Yeah. She crashed out. It’s been a long day.”
“You want me to go sit with her?”
“No! She’s fine.” I don’t want him to know what I was doing. He’d jump at the chance to encourage me to be friends with A.B. I hate he feels stuck in the middle—we were all so close when we were young, and I would never expect him to choose between us. Maybe because I know, me and Rae are family to him, and he would never jeopardize that. “Let’s just get this over with and have a stiff drink.”
“Sounds like a good idea.” He plants his hand reassuringly on my shoulder. “You can do this, Mad… all of it. I’ve got your back… whatever you need.” I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear that today.
“Thanks, man.” I step into the living room—a sea of people staring back at me.
“Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” A.B. slips past me and into the crowd. The knowing look I get from Jax makes me feel sick to my stomach. “I’d like to thank you all for turning out today to pay tribute to my dad. He would have hated this!” They all laugh in unison. “Seriously though, he would’ve been happy to see how the whole town has rallied round us this past week. It means a lot to me, Rae, and Pops to know y’all care enough to take time out of your lives to bring us food, and visit with our family at this… really difficult time. Now, I’m going to stop talking before I embarrass myself and start crying like a prom queen. Thank you, for everything.”
I feel my muscles relax as the house begins to quieten. Pops blindsides me with a tight embrace before heading to his room. “Your daddy would’ve been proud of how you handled yourself today, son. I’m proud of you.” It’s the most he’s said to me all week, and a lump builds in my throat.
“Thanks, Pops. That means a lot to me.” He slaps Jax on the shoulder as he makes his way slowly down the hall. “This place is in good hands with you boys.” Tears prick at the back of my eyes, and I don’t want him to see any sign of weakness.
“I’m going to check in on Rae. Make sure she’s down for the night.”
Jax says goodbye to the last of the guests, and as I gaze at the miracle of my daughter, asleep and safe in her bed, I hear the back door swing shut. I sit with her for a while, memorizing every line of her face, like I’ve done a thousand times before. The subtle changes happening daily, a new memory to add to the collection. She has so much ahead of her, and my dad won’t be here to see it. That simple realization is my undoing. I let the tears that have threatened all day fall in the darkness of my baby’s room, my hand wrapped
around her tiny fingers.
When I finally tear myself away from Rae, I loosen my tie—the one I had to buy for today—grab a beer, and head out onto the porch. I follow the sound of Jax’s laughter, assuming Kirby stuck around for a while. I barely got to speak to him today and thank him for all his support this week. He and Lottie have been a great help with Rae.
“Fuck. I really need this dri…”
A.B. looks up at me with a questioning smile. “I hope you don’t mind. I was just about to leave when Jax insisted I keep him company for a while. We were just reminiscing.” Her sentence tapers off, and I know they were talking about when A.B. and I were together. She sets her beer on the table and stands to leave. “I’ll let you guys relax. It’s been a long day.”
“You don’t have to go. You’ve been a good… friend… this week.” I can see my choice of words hurts her. It wasn’t my intention. In all honesty, I don’t know what to call her.
“Thank you, but I really should go. Thanks for the beer.” She quickly makes her way into the house, and as much as it pains me, I let her go.
“You seriously not going after her?”
“Why would I?”
“Because you’ve been in love with her since you were five.”
“I’m not… not anymore. It’s been fourteen years.”
“You trying to convince me, or you? If you don’t go after her right now, I will kick your ass up and down this ranch.”
I’m in the house in a matter of seconds, but she’s already gone. I run out front to see her opening the door to her truck. “A.B.!”
She turns to face me, her cheeks wet with tears. My heart is beating harder than a horse in heat. “Maddox. I didn’t mean to make this week any harder for you. And about earlier… with Rae.”
“Stop talking.”
“She was exhausted and upset. And she needed someone to talk to about her granddaddy. I wasn’t trying to step on anyone’s toes.” I stride toward her, my mind made up.
“I said stop talking, A.B.” I close the distance between us, pushing her against the door of the truck, the sound of slamming metal echoing into the night sky. My lips find hers, desperate for the taste of her. I wrap my arm around her waist, my other hand pushing her dress up around her waist as our tongues tangle in a blaze of desire. “Wrap your legs around me.” My words are a plea and a command. I hoist her up and press her back against the truck as her legs snake around me, her pussy grinding against my groin as her hands find their way to my hair pulling me closer.
“Oh God, Mad. You feel so…” She groans as I thrust my hips, my lips finding her neck—kissing, caressing, soft and hard at the same time. I can’t get enough of her.
“Tell me you want me, Annabeth.”
“I want you.” She pulls my head up, biting my lip, before plunging her tongue into my mouth.
“I want to fuck you so badly.”
“Then do it.” I slide my hand between us, pushing aside the scrap of lace covering her sweet spot, before running my fingers the length of her folds.
“Holy shit. You’re already wet for me.” I devour her mouth, trying not to come in my pants at the feel of her warm, wet pussy, grinding against my hand. “I need you tonight.”
She grasps my face in her hands, pushing me away. “You’re grieving. Maybe we shouldn’t… I don’t want you to regret this in the mornin’.” She holds my gaze, searching my eyes for reassurance.
“I’ve always wanted you, A.B. I never stopped wanting you. Stay with me tonight. Let me show you just how badly I want you.” Her lips crash down on mine, her legs gripping my waist for purchase as she continues to rock back and forth against my hand.
“Take me to bed, Maddox.”
ANNABETH
“Please, take me to bed!”
I don’t even recognize my own voice—thick with desire, begging for release. Outside in the open air, I can’t stop myself from writhing against his hand, imagining how amazing it will feel to replace his fingers with his tongue.
He doesn’t set me down, instead, clutching my pussy as he strides with confident purpose to the house. My heart is hammering in my chest, filling my ears with the pulsing rhythm. The house is silent as we find our way to his room, the door quickly locked behind us. His kiss is sensual, but urgent. I make short work of pushing his jacket over his shoulders, before he throws me on the bed. He lifts his fingers to his mouth, sucking the evidence of my arousal. “Goddammit! You taste so fucking good, A.B.” He grabs my legs, pulling me to the edge of the bed, before dropping to his knees. His fingers curl around the sides of my panties, sliding them down my legs and discarding them on the floor. I open my legs, hungry for his gaze.
He dips his head, taking one long languorous lick, before inhaling my scent. “It’s always been you, A.B.” Without another word, his lips descend, his tongue circling my clit with expert precision.
“Oh God, Maddox. I’ve missed your touch.” The intensity of his kiss against my pussy has me clawing at the sheets, begging for more. “Don’t stop!” His groan of satisfaction sends a delicious, toe-curling shudder through my body. I rip my dress over my head, desperate to feel his skin on mine, and he doesn’t disappoint. Continuing a punishing rhythm, his hands travel up my stomach, finding their way to my bra, making short work of unsnapping the catch.
As I writhe on his face, naked and vulnerable, I know this is different. Sex between us was always good when we were young, but this Maddox—his touch is one of sheer perfection. Eliciting noises I’ve never made before. I thought being with him again would feel familiar, like coming home, but it’s not. My brain scatters as he rips an orgasm from my body, claiming it as his own. “Yes! Oh fuck!” I can feel him smile on my thigh.
“You’re going to wake the entire town if you don’t keep it down.” My cheeks flush with embarrassment, and I’m about to apologize when he stands up and begins unbuttoning his shirt. “Mmm… guess I’ll have to keep that pretty little mouth of yours quiet somehow.” The sly grin that spreads across his face is sexy as hell. I’m lost for words as I drink in the sight of him.
He drops his shirt to the floor and flicks open the fly on his pants, giving me just a hint of his boxers. My breath is hot and heavy as I look him up and down. He’s… stunning—not the sweet boy-next-door I left behind all those years ago. The man standing before me, wiping my arousal from his chin with a wry smile, is rugged, strong, and toned. The corded muscles of his arms make my mouth water. His shoulders are broad, his abdomen taut and tantalizing. His skin is tanned, a smattering of dark blond hair on his chest, and a sexy happy trail leading to where I want to be.
“How do you plan on doing that, cowboy?”
“I can think of a few ways.” His pants fall to his feet, my jaw dropping as he slowly pushes his boxer shorts off and steps toward the bed. Holy shit! He hasn’t just grown in height since the last time I saw him. His cock is… “You’re staring, A.B.” Delight dances in his eyes, a glint I haven’t seen in a very long time.
“Sorry. You’re just so… huge! I mean, I always thought you were impressive, but fuck me!”
He crawls onto the bed, stalking me like a panther. Raining feather-light kisses up my legs, stomach, my breasts, and finally up my neck—his lips ghost a kiss on my ear. “I plan to. Hard. And all… night… long. You ready to be fucked by me, darlin’? I’m not the boy you knew anymore.” He circles his hips, grinding his cock against my clit.
“I’ve been ready since the moment I saw you.” He bites down on my earlobe—he still knows how to make me squirm. I buck wildly, loving every second of it, my desire for him growing with every nibble and suck. He reaches for the nightstand, grabbing a condom from the drawer. “Let me.” I rip the foil with my teeth and slide my hand over his abs—like a washboard. I follow the trail until I can wrap my fist around his thick shaft—steel encased in velvet soft skin. I work the length of him for a few moments before sliding the condom over the tip.
“Fuck! I’m gonna come before I ge
t inside you if you keep touching me like that. Your body is so goddamn sexy, darlin’. Your curves are… I could ride you seven ways till Sunday and never tire of a single inch of you.” He envelops my nipple with his lips, his tongue flicking the tip into a hard point, before biting just enough to send a shot of painful pleasure to my core, my back arching off the bed for more.
In one powerful thrust, he’s inside me, filling me, stretching me until I can’t take any more. Dropping his head to my chest, his breath is labored. “Hot damn. Your pussy is so tight.” I need to move, to feel him slide in and out, over and over until he’s shouting my name. All thought is gone as he starts to move, and I’m completely lost to the sensations bombarding every nerve ending in my body. His hands roam my skin, his mouth fucking mine in time with his hips.
“Annabeth.”
My name is a whispered plea, a litany falling from his lips. Tears well in my eyes as I breathe him in. “Maddox.” My nails rake down his back, pulling him as close as two bodies can possibly be. “I need you.”
“I got you, darlin’.” I cup his face in my palms, my tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip. He rides me with long, hard thrusts as the base of his cock hits my clit at just the right angle to drive me wild. “I’ve always got you, A.B.”
His words are my ruin. Heat radiates from my core, coursing like an electrical current through every cell of my body. He grabs my hands from his face, slamming them on the bed before capturing my mouth with his own, in an attempt to quiet the screams he knows are coming. My arms are pinned above my head as he hammers into me. I’m completely at his mercy, and I feel freer than ever before. I let myself fly… over the cliff, wrapped in his arms, freefalling into a sea of ecstasy.
“Fuck!”’ He crashes over the edge with me, bucking hard and fast as I bite his shoulder to stop myself from crying out. We ride out the aftershocks together, our bodies shivering with every wave of pleasure rolling over us like a rampage of white horses. He pulls me up to the top of the bed, positioning himself beneath me, his arm tight around my shoulder.