by Sienna Parks
I rest my head on his chest, slick with sweat, his heartbeat slowly returning to normal. I lie, sated and silent for a while, enjoying the easy comfort of each other’s arms. I could fall asleep, happy in this cocoon, but I don’t know how he feels about what just happened. “Maddox, I want to explain…”
He rolls me beneath him, capturing my lips with a long, heartfelt kiss. “Not yet. Not tonight. Stay with me, darlin’. It’s been too long since it felt like…”
“Like coming home…” His eyes find mine, an understanding of how right this feels passing between us. Nothing else needs to be said—not right now. Tonight, the past doesn’t exist. The pain today brought with it forgotten as we lose ourselves in each other. The future—a worry for another day. In this moment, there is only the two of us, and a pleasure unlike anything else I’ve ever felt before.
We make love into the early hours of the morning, eventually drifting into an exhausted sleep, a tangle of limbs that fit together perfectly, like the pieces of a jigsaw.
I awake to the sound of banging on the door.
“Daddy! Daddy! Open the door. It’s me, Rae!” I’m disoriented, the sights and sounds around me—unfamiliar. I’m in Maddox’s bed. Naked. And his daughter is trying to get in. I scramble for a sheet to cover myself, when Mad jumps from the bed, grabbing his pants from last night. He practically falls over himself trying to pull them on.
“Coming, sunshine. Give me two minutes.” He turns to me, gesturing at the bathroom.
“Hide. She can’t see you in my bed… naked.” His whisper is like a dagger after the amazing night we just shared, but logically I understand. “I’ve never had a woman in the house. Go. Quick.” I grab my clothes off the floor, clutching the bed sheet wrapped around me like someone from a Greek tragedy. This is the first time I’ve had to hide in a man’s bathroom, and it stings that it’s Maddox.
I lock the door behind me, sliding to the cold tile floor, careful not to make any noise. Anxiously, I listen as he opens his bedroom door. “There’s my favorite girl. How are you this mornin’?”
“Hungry. Will you make me pancakes?”
“Sure! Where’s Pops?”
“Still in his room. He’s sad, Daddy.”
“I know, sweetheart. We all are.” It’s then it hits me. I took advantage of Mad’s grief last night. If he had been in his right mind, he never would’ve let this happen. His voice is loud and clear as he heads out to the kitchen with Rae. “Pancakes then?” That will take about TWENTY MINUTES! Is he serious? He expects me to sit in here for twenty minutes until he can sneak me out? A sinking feeling settles in the pit of my stomach.
I quickly dress and soon realize I left my phone in the room, when I hear my ringtone blaring, Dirt On My Boots. I fumble with the lock, and run to grab it, stumbling over Mad’s suit jacket. I fall to the ground with the grace of an elephant, my head smashing into the corner of the nightstand. Grey spots appear in my vision. I probably have a concussion. I try to stand up, but my body doesn’t listen. The bedroom door flies open, and I can hear distant voices—a blur of white noise.
“Daddy. It’s Docor A.B. She’s bweeding on your fwoors.” I can feel her tiny hand poking my arm.
“Are you okay, Docor? Why are you in Daddy’s room? Did you get wost?” Maddox lifts me into his arms.
“Go grab the first aid kit from under the sink, Rae.” My eyes flutter open, blood dripping onto my eyelashes.
“Shit. You’re bleeding. What the hell did you do?”
“Ph… phone. Ringing. Tried to grab it. Fell.”
“Same old, A.B. Clumsy as a bull in a china shop.”
“I have the first aid kit! Can I be nurse? I can bandage Docor’s head.” I lift my hand to my head. The familiar metallic smell assaults my senses, and I manage to focus long enough to see my palm covered in blood.
“Shit! Oh… sorry! I shouldn’t cuss.”
“Daddy says cussing is for saiwors and idiots.” I can’t help but giggle at the sweet sound of her voice, but Maddox doesn’t find it so funny.
“Rae. Go and see if Pops is awake. If not, go play in your room and I’ll help Dr. Clark.”
“Did you come to check my cast, Docor?”
“Sure. I was looking for the restroom and I got lost. I’m sorry if I scared you.” Maddox seems irked by my white lie.
“Rae, do as you’re told. Now.” She skips out of the door, none the wiser that I defiled her daddy last night. When he’s sure the coast is clear, he barks at me in hushed whispers.
“What the hell were you doing? I told you to hide in the bathroom. I only needed ten more minutes. Is that too much to ask?”
“I didn’t do it on purpose! My phone started ringing and I didn’t want Rae to hear it. I tripped over your jacket.”
“And then you lied to my daughter.”
“What did you want me to say to her, Mad? Your dad fucked me all night long, and licked me out until I couldn’t have driven home, even if I wanted to! I figured a little lie wouldn’t hurt considering the circumstances.” I’m suddenly pissed he’s annoyed I have a gash in my head from trying to use some kind of ninja stealth to avoid Rae. “I knew I shouldn’t have stayed.”
“Leaving is what you do best.”
“What the hell? You asked me to stay. I tried to do the right thing and leave last night. You were the one that came after me. You kissed me! You wouldn’t let me explain or apologize. Then you hide me like some dirty one-night stand!”
“Well if the shoe fits…”
“Fuck you, Maddox Hale.” I stand to brush past him, but my footing is a little shaky after the fall.
“Sit. I need to look at your head.”
“I’m a doctor. I can look at my own damn head, thank you very much.” I grab the gauze from his hand and storm out the door with what little dignity I have left. As I reach my truck, Jax pulls into the driveway. Just what I need.
“Well, hello. You making house calls?” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, and it only serves to rile me further.
“This is all your fault you… ass! Stay and have a beer you said! It will be fine. You guys can be friends. Shows what you know. I’m just a tramp according to your best friend over there. He’s afraid I’ll taint his daughter somehow by breathing the same air. So, as he just told me… I’m doing what I do best… getting the hell out of here! Thanks a lot… friend.” I fire up my truck at the sight of Maddox storming toward me.
“You wait a goddamn minute, Annabeth! You can’t go storming off like that. You’re bleeding and had virtually no sleep. You’re in no fit state to drive.” Jax may as well have a bucket of popcorn and a soda right now. He’s enjoying the show.
“I’m fine. Leave me alone, Mad. You made your feelings perfectly clear.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Figure it out, Einstein.”
“I was looking out for my kid. How is that a reflection on you? I didn’t mean what I said. Unless you didn’t know this already, my world doesn’t revolve around you anymore, A.B.” I know it’s true, and he should put Rae first, but my pride is hurt, and I have a feeling last night meant something completely different to me than it did to him. I peel out of the driveway, a cloud of gravel dust behind me. I can hear him shouting my name, but I can’t look back. I’m too afraid of what I’ll see.
I get through morning clinic, and hurry to Ellen’s to meet Lottie.
“You did what?!”
“Say it louder, Lottie. I don’t think the guy on the other side of the road heard quite clearly enough.”
“Sorry. I just can’t believe it.” She leans in, as if it makes her anymore incognito. “You and Maddox Hale?”
“Yes.” My heart skips a beat as I remember how earth-shattering last night was. “It was… holy crap! That boy has learned some tricks since we were together.”
“Don’t ever tell Kirby I said this, but it’s clear in the way Maddox walks… he knows how to satisfy a woman. Tell me everything. I want to live vi
cariously through you.”
“Charlotte Joanne Hollander. I’m shocked. You’re a happily married woman.” She shoots me a wry smile.
“I’m married, not dead!”
“You missed the point. He hid me in a bathroom, and then got mad at me for getting a concussion. He instigated what happened last night, and then threw everything in my face this mornin’ the minute he got annoyed. What a jackass.” Her face sobers, and I know I’m not going to like what she has to say.
“Yesterday was his dad’s funeral.”
“I know that. I was there.”
“Yeah, but you weren’t here when he was devastated you’d gone without a word. Or when he had to give up riding. You didn’t see how cut up he was when Sam left, just like his momma did. He’s been through so much, and he’s trying to keep Rae safe, and his own heart. He loves you, A.B. It’s as plain as the nose on your face, but you’re not kids anymore, and he won’t let Rae close to you if he’s not sure you’re going to stick around.”
I have no response, instead opting to stare at my food, poking it around the plate. She’s right. Maddox was right. Who am I to think I can walk back into his life after all this time and expect anything from him? We eat in silence until it’s time for me to go. “I’ve got patients waiting. Thanks for lunch.”
“A.B., I didn’t mean to be cruel.” I stop her before she continues.
“You weren’t. You were just being honest. I don’t know how hard he’s had it. I have been so wrapped up in how I feel, and what I want. If I want to be in his life, in any capacity, I need to grow up and realize his daughter is always going to come first… it’s one of the reasons I love him.”
“You love him?”
“I gotta go.” I drop some cash on the table and hightail it out of there faster than crawfish in a seafood restaurant. I haven’t said those words out loud in fourteen years, and after last night—they terrify me.
The rest of my day drags on. Minutes feel like hours, and I have never been happier to see my final patient of the day. Five minutes and a prescription for antibiotics later, my receptionist peeks her head around the door. “All done. I’ve set up for the mornin’. Do you need anything else?”
“No, thanks, Gina. I can lock up. You get home to those cute babies of yours.”
“Thanks, Doc. And… FYI, you have a visitor.” She quickly disappears, letting the door slam behind her. Great.
I head out behind her to find Maddox standing in the hallway. “Can we talk?”
“Do I have to hide from anyone?” I know it’s a low blow, but I have a bad case of foot-in-mouth today.
“Are you going to run out on me?”
“Touché.” A smile pulls at the corner of his lips… tugging at my heartstrings. “Step into my office.”
MADDOX
Being in an enclosed space with A.B. probably isn’t my brightest idea today, but I just can’t stay away. As I follow her into the office, the soft click of the door closing behind me ignites an ever-present desire for her in the pit of my stomach. A primal urge to have her—to claim her as my own. Images of her laid bare before me, her legs spread wide and inviting—her soft caramel skin ripe for the tasting. My hands are tangled in her hair before I know what I’m doing. My lips find hers in a desperate kiss, and I’m rewarded with her pushing me back against the door, her tongue twisting and tangling with mine.
It takes all my strength to break away. Her panting breath has me hard as a rock, my pulse racing at the sight of her breasts as they rise and fall. “I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to do that. It’s just… whenever I’m around you…”
“We have chemistry, Maddox. You don’t have to explain it to me.” The irritation in her voice reminds me why I came.
“Look, about this mornin’.”
“I know. It was a big mistake, and you were vulnerable after the funeral. I’m familiar, so I was an easy fuck for you.”
“That’s not even close to what I was going to say. In no way did last night happen because of my vulnerability. And let’s get it out of the way now… nothing about last night felt familiar. Tell me I’m not alone in thinking last night was not how it used to feel when we were together?”
“You’re not.”
“That was… sex has never felt like that for me before. It was…”
“Earth-shattering?” Her eyes find mine, her vulnerabilities showing through as she lets her guard down for just a moment. I take a step forward.
“Yes.” She backs away from me, and it hurts more than I want it to.
“Sit, Maddox. We need to talk, and being distracted by this spark between us isn’t going to help resolve the situation.”
“I’m a situation to you?”
“You know what I mean. I don’t think either of us planned on last night, and the way you responded this mornin’…”
“Okay. I know I didn’t handle it as well as I could have.”
“Understatement of the century.”
“But, neither did you. I wanted to talk, and you stormed off. Please understand I didn’t mean to make you feel cheap, or like a one-night stand. You know as well as I do we could never be just a one-night thing. I’m sorry I freaked out and asked you to hide.”
“Why did you ask me to hide?”
“Come on, A.B. Rae is three years old, her granddaddy just died, and she has no clue about her momma. I didn’t want to complicate things for her, when I didn’t even understand what happened between us. I was trying to protect her.”
She starts pacing the room, and I know she’s about to say something that makes her uncomfortable. She used to do it when we were young. “I don’t know about her momma. Are you still married, Maddox? Am I the other woman? Do you still love her? Is she coming back?”
“I’m going to try not to be pissed at your first question. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed between us, A.B., you know me. I would never start something if I were still legally married. I’m not that kind of guy.” I watch as she slumps into the chair, relief evident in every muscle of her body.
“I had to ask. No one has mentioned her, and you haven’t exactly been forthcoming on the issue.”
“That’s because it’s no one’s goddamn business but mine.”
“I didn’t deserve to know?”
“You haven’t wanted to know anything about my life for over a decade. I didn’t expect last night to happen, and now that it has, I’m here talking to you. What more do you want from me? At this point, you know a hell of a lot more than I do.”
“I’ve wanted to explain since the moment I got back into town.”
“I wasn’t ready to listen. I am now, and I’m here to be honest with you.” She twists a long black curl in between her fingers. A nervous habit she’s had since kindergarten.
“Why did your wife leave?”
“That’s something I can’t answer. I don’t know. We should never have gotten married. I can’t say we shouldn’t have been together, because if we hadn’t, I wouldn’t have Rae, and she’s my world. The first time I saw her on the ultrasound, I was in love.”
“So, you weren’t happy?” I don’t want to lie to her, but I know if I were in her situation, it would hurt me to hear this.
“In the beginning, it was good. I was lonely out on the circuit, but I was careless. I knew Sam and I weren’t a good match. It was all fun and games until she found out she was pregnant.”
“How long had you been together?” I hate to see the pain in her eyes, but I continue anyway.
“Three months. By that point, it was inconsequential… I wasn’t going to skip out on her or the baby. I married her and moved her to Kingsbury Falls. I tried to go back on the road, but it didn’t last long. Sam wasn’t born for small town living, and I understood that. I wasn’t exactly cut out for it either.”
“Then why did you come back? You could have gone anywhere?”
“I wanted Rae to have what I had… Pops… and my dad. We may not have seen eye-to-eye, but m
y dad was always there when I needed him. When my mom left… he didn’t. He took the ranch and built it into something so much bigger. I knew I had some growing up to do, and I thought Sam and I had a chance of making a life here. I believed I could give her and Rae a stable, normal life.” I take a moment to compose myself, the knowledge that I am now the head of the family, slowly sinking in. Pops doesn’t have the fight left in him to keep it together right now, and my dad… is gone.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I take a deep breath and force myself to tell A.B. the truth. “I’m a good dad, A.B., but I was a shitty husband. Sure, I put food on the table, and Sam never wanted for anything… except my love. It was the one thing I couldn’t give her. When Rae was fourteen months old, Sam and I had a fight the night before the spring fair. She told me she didn’t love me anymore, and then left to help set up. She never came back. About three months after she left, I got a set of divorce papers in the mail. She’d already signed them, along with an affidavit giving up all parental rights to Rae. It’s the only reason I knew she wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere.”
She drops to her knees in front of me, placing her hands on my thighs. “I’m so sorry, Mad.”
“I’m the only person who should be sorry. I’m the reason Rae doesn’t have a momma. I drive away every woman in my life. My mom, Sam… you.
“You didn’t drive me away. Please, give me a chance to explain.”
“I don’t need any sugarcoating. I know I’m not the easiest person to love, but I’m determined to be different for my daughter. I won’t be selfish with her. I can’t be.” A.B. takes my hands in hers planting the softest kiss on my palm.
“Have you told anyone about the divorce?”
“No. It ain’t anybody’s business. How would I tell my baby girl her momma signed away any right to see her? Best to leave it alone. This town ain’t exactly great at keeping secrets.”
“Pops? Your dad?”