by Lucy Clark
Susie was filled with temper and frustration and at his comment she wanted to throw something at him. ‘You just don’t get it, do you? I don’t care what people think. They respect me as a surgeon and a professional but this has been going on for far too long and I’m sick of it. There’s only so much a girl can take, Jackson, and right at the moment I don’t choose to take any more.’
She’d unlocked the garage and the car, noticing that Jackson was determined to get in. He sat beside her as she revved the engine and reversed, pressing the remote control for the garage door to close.
‘Drop me a block before the hospital and I’ll walk the rest of the way,’ he told her quietly, and she started to feel silly for her tirade.
She glanced across at him. ‘Listen, I’m sor—’
‘No.’ He held up his hand. ‘It’s fine. You don’t need to apologise.’
Although his words sounded sincere, the strained silence that followed made Susie realise that things had just changed—again. She shook her head as she pulled to the kerb a block away from the hospital. His smile was forced when he climbed out and started walking. This week had been mixed with exhaustion and exhilaration, and as she watched him walk away she felt a sense of loss.
‘What is wrong with you?’ she murmured as she pulled back into traffic. It wasn’t until she’d reached her designated car park and switched off the engine that the truth hit her. It had been staring her in the face for quite some time but she’d been pushing it away, refusing to admit it.
‘I’m in love with him!’
CHAPTER TEN
ON LEGS that felt like lead, Susie walked to her office. How had it happened? When had it happened? She shivered from the knowledge as she slumped into her chair, staring out into space.
She was in love with Jackson. Oh, not the way she’d thought she’d been in love with Walter or Greg. This…this was the real thing. With the others she’d felt secure, cared for, but with Jackson…she wanted and needed him just as she needed oxygen to breathe. He had become a part of her, a vital, desperate part and one she couldn’t bear to be without—yet she had to.
Her door opened and she sprang up from her chair in fright. ‘Todd! Don’t do that!’
‘Do what?’ he asked. ‘I did knock.’ He closed the door behind him. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes. Of course I am,’ she replied quickly. ‘Why? Don’t I look all right?’ She smoothed her hands over her trousers. ‘What’s wrong with the way I look?’
‘Nothing,’ he said carefully, and placed a file on her desk. ‘Spill the beans, Susie.’
‘What?’
‘Your eyes, your body language…’
‘What’s wrong with my eyes?’ she challenged him, knowing she was behaving like a caged dingo.
‘They’re wild, filled with disbelief.’
‘Oh, no,’ she groaned, slumping into her chair and resting her head on the desk.
‘What’s the problem, Susie?’ Todd’s tone was concerned.
She knew she could trust him. If there was one thing she would never question Todd over it was his loyalty to her. Slowly she raised her head and looked at him. ‘I’m in love with Jackson,’ she moaned.
‘Yeah. So?’
‘What do you mean, so?’
‘So I’ve known this since Monday.’
‘Monday! No way. I wasn’t in love with him on Monday.’
‘Ah…but you were well on your way. You should go for it.’
‘So you’ve said.’
‘I’ll have you know…’ Todd waggled his index finger at her ‘…that my advice is generally spot on.’
‘Thank you, my own personal agony aunt, but I don’t need any advice. There’s nothing to give advice on.’
‘But you’re in love with him.’
‘I know. I was in love with Walter and Greg. I got over them so I shall just get over Jackson, too.’
Todd frowned at her before saying quietly, ‘You think so?’
Susie took a deep, cleansing breath and met her secretary’s gaze. ‘I have to.’
Somehow she managed to pull herself together and concentrate on her work. Theatre with Hilda Kazinksi went extremely well and the success of the operation did much to bolster her failing spirits.
That night she dressed carefully in the last outfit she’d bought for her week as host to the visiting orthopaedic professor. It was his official farewell dinner tonight and she wanted to look perfect. She was desperate to see that spark of desire in his eyes again whilst dreading the thought of seeing him.
Her dress was two-tone, the bodice made from navy velvet and the skirt from pale blue silk. A wide band of navy velvet circled the base of the skirt and Susie had never felt more pretty in a dress than she did in this one. She was glad she’d saved it for last.
She took time with her hair, piling half of it up and leaving the other half to swirl around her shoulders. There was no need for a necklace as the dress had a high neckline. If Jackson planned on nuzzling her neck tonight, he’d just have to think again.
Finally, pleased with her appearance, she drove to the function room where the dinner was being held. Once again, she noted she was seated at Jackson’s table and called on every last ounce of determination she had, knowing she would need it to get her through the evening.
The instant she saw him across the crowded room, her stomach began to churn. She propped her elbow up on the bar for support, and as her mouth went dry she reached, with a not-so-steady hand, for her drink.
It was true. It was really true. She hadn’t been imagining it after all. She really was in love with Jackson Myers.
He spotted her and, just as she’d known they would, his blue eyes darkened momentarily with repressed desire. He quickly returned his attention to the person talking to him but she could see his impatience in the way he stood, the way he smiled politely and the way his gaze flicked to her another three times in under thirty seconds.
‘Wow, boss,’ Kyle said as he came up beside her. ‘You look dead sexy in that dress.’
‘Thank you, Kyle,’ she responded, smiling at her registrar as they were called into dinner. ‘You look dead handsome in your tux.’ He offered her his arm and she took it. She wanted to walk in with Jackson, to talk with him, to listen to him, to soak up everything about him—but at the same time she wanted to keep as far away from him as possible.
It was just too soon. She’d only realised that morning that she was in love with the man and, quite frankly, she needed some time to adjust. Susie wasn’t sitting next to Jackson this time, which brought more mixed emotions. She wanted to be next to him, to feel his body close to hers, to breathe in the irresistible scent of him, to fight the pull of his hypnotic gaze, but at the same time she was glad of the reprieve.
Kyle sat on one side of her with Mr Petunia on the other, his wife next to him. Mrs Petunia spoke animatedly of her grandchildren and although Susie smiled and nodded in the right places, she was conscious of every move Jackson made.
Jackson was seated almost directly opposite her and their gazes meshed several times across the large round table. Just after the main course Susie excused herself and headed to the rest-rooms. Once there, she leaned against the wall for support and closed her eyes. He was gorgeous. Gorgeous, sexy and far too close. It pained her that he would leave tomorrow and right now, when she should be making the most of the time they had left together, she was keeping as far away from him as she possibly could.
‘Hi, there.’
Susie’s eyes snapped open at the other woman’s voice and she found herself face to face with one of the theatre nurses. ‘Feeling all right?’ the nurse asked as she repaired her bright red lipstick.
‘Sure,’ Susie replied. ‘Just a bit tired.’
‘I hear the Kazinski hand reconstruction went well.’
‘Yes.’ Susie nodded quickly. ‘Very well.’
The nurse paused and looked over her shoulder before saying, ‘I also hear that you and a certain vi
siting professor have been spending quite a bit of time together.’
Susie didn’t need to look in the mirror to know that the colour had just drained from her face. ‘Wh-what do you mean?’
‘I mean the fact that I saw him get out of your car this morning a block away from the hospital, and I wasn’t the only one.’ She gave Susie a huge grin. ‘So give. What’s he like?’
‘Like?’
‘You know, to kiss? To cuddle? In bed?’
Susie’s jaw dropped open in shock. ‘That’s none of your business.’ The instant the words were out of her mouth, she realised she’d incriminated herself totally.
‘So you are involved. How romantic! Was I right? Is he divorced or is he just…lonely?’
‘Oh, this isn’t happening,’ Susie mumbled as she turned on the cold tap and ran her hands beneath the water. Taking a deep breath and calling on every ounce of professionalism she could muster, she turned off the tap and dried her hands before answering. ‘Look, Jackson is a nice man.’
‘No kidding.’
‘We’re colleagues. That’s all.’
‘Yeah, right. I saw him get out of your car at eight o’clock in the morning. I know which hotel he’s staying at and you were coming from the opposite direction. I was also at his lecture which started late, and when he finally arrived he was dressed in a suit and his hair was wet as though he’d just had a shower.’
Susie gulped over the hard lump that had formed in her throat. She hated being the target of hospital gossip. It had happened twice in the past and she’d vowed that it would never happen again. Losing her temper would do no good, admitting to the rumours would do no good, appealing to the grapevine’s sense of compassion would definitely do no good.
She was caught between a rock and a hard place—again—and as usual the guy walked away with no repercussions to face. The nurse before her was waiting for her answer and Susie smiled politely.
‘You’re a great theatre nurse.’
The other woman frowned. ‘As opposed to what?’
‘A private eye.’ Susie turned on her heel and walked out. Inside, she was shaking like a leaf and thanked her training for making her appear outwardly composed. She tried telling herself she didn’t care about the rumours and gossip but it didn’t work. She should have made Jackson take a taxi. She should have known that one block from the hospital wouldn’t have been sufficient distance for people not to see them together.
‘Shoulda, coulda, woulda,’ she muttered as she walked over to the now deserted bar and leaned against it. What was she going to do? The pitying glances, the sorrowful looks. They were all going to start again, along with the ‘poor Susie’ sighs. This time, though, it would hurt more than the others. This time it would tear her heart to shreds. This time she doubted whether she’d ever recover.
Tears started to well in her eyes and she willed them away, massaging her temples, trying desperately to get herself under control. She sniffed and realised she was fighting a losing battle. She bit her lip and closed her eyes, tears falling onto her cheeks which she gently brushed away as she concentrated on some deep breaths.
‘Susie?’
Her eyes snapped open, her back went rigid and head turned as she stared wildly at Todd. She relaxed a fraction as he quickly crossed to her side. ‘Are you OK?’
His concern was heart-warming but the last thing she needed right now was for Todd to comfort her. She squared her shoulders and nodded. ‘I’ll be fine. Just don’t…touch me or I’ll lose it.’ She held up her hand to stop him as she spoke. He nodded in understanding and waited for her to speak. ‘One of the nurses just informed me that…’ She took a deep breath and exhaled. ‘That…um…Jackson and I are being gossiped about.’
‘Oh, fair dinkum,’ Todd spat. ‘Why can’t they leave you alone?’ He reached out a hand to her but she stepped away, her back bumping into the wall. ‘I’ve been kind of trying to see if there were any rumours all week long but there was nothing. Then again, people probably wouldn’t tell me, knowing I’d pass it back to you.’
Susie found she was able to smile at his protectiveness. ‘You’re a good friend.’ She sucked in a big breath, hiccuping a little as she did so, before breathing out. ‘Right now, though, I need to pull myself together and—’
‘There you are.’ Jackson’s voice pierced the confidential air around Todd and herself. He crossed to where she was standing in the corner. ‘I’ve been worried.’
Her heart lunged with happiness at his words, making her feel as though everything would turn out right. He’d been worried about her. He’d been conscious of the time she’d been away from the table. Here was the man she loved, being so…so…darn cute. She tore her gaze away from him to glance at Todd. Her secretary’s eyes were filled with a question—did she want him to stay? Slowly Susie shook her head and reluctantly Todd stepped away but not before he glared menacingly up at Jackson.
‘What was that look for?’ Jackson asked, after Todd had left.
‘He’s as protective as one of my brothers,’ she murmured. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. She was on the defensive and she needed to stay firm in her annoyance of the situation.
‘Why does he think you need protecting from me? He knows about us?’
‘Yes, and so does the rest of the hospital, it seems.’
‘What?’
‘People saw you getting out of my car this morning.’ She shook her head. ‘I knew I should have made you take a taxi.’
‘So this is all my fault?’
‘Yes.’
‘How do you figure that?’
‘Because you’ll be gone tomorrow.’
‘So?’
‘So I’m the one who’s going to be left with the rumours, gossip, pitying looks.’
‘And you think you’re the only person who’s ever been gossiped about in hospitals? I had to endure everything and more when Alison died. She was a secretary there so not only did I get pitying looks and sympathy, left, right and centre, I also had to deal with people avoiding me because they didn’t know what to say. For six months, until I left to come away on the professorship, people avoided me. I didn’t have normal conversations with my theatre staff except for, “Pass me that retractor”!’ He spoke in a harsh whisper, one that cut through Susie’s self-indulgence like a scalpel.
‘In some ways it was a relief to leave, to get away from anyone who had anything to do with Alison and my life. To concentrate on work so I could forget the pain I was feeling, the way I was slowly being eaten up inside. To get away from the quiet whispers in the hospital corridors that stopped suddenly every time I walked by. So, Dr Monahan, you are not the only one to have encountered the hospital grapevine.’
Susie nodded once, acknowledging his words. ‘But I can’t escape,’ she said softly. ‘This is where I’m employed and although I plan to do research next year, I’ll still remain on as a consultant. This is the hospital where I’ve been gossiped about more than once. It may not have been the magnitude of yours but, still, the words, the looks—they can really hurt and I’m sick of it happening.’ Her words were calm as she gazed up at him.
‘Susie, I—’
‘I’m going home now.’
He gazed at her for a long, drawn-out moment and the whole world seemed to slip away, leaving the two of them the only people on earth. They’d connected. In five long, hectic days they’d made a dramatic connection and one that had left Susie madly in love with the man in front of her.
Jackson nodded and stepped back. ‘I’ll make your apologies.’
‘I’d appreciate it.’ Susie forced her legs to work as she walked past him.
‘Are we still on for tomorrow?’
Mallory and Nick were expecting them and Susie knew that the more time she spent with Jackson, the harder it would be for her to let go. ‘Yes.’
His smile brightened and she felt the full effects of it. ‘Sleep sweet, Susie.’ As much as he wanted to scoop her up and kiss her senseless
, Jackson knew he couldn’t. He clamped down on the feeling, knowing it wouldn’t do him any good. He’d just have to cool his heels until tomorrow. He watched the way she walked, her head held high, her bag clutched tightly in her hand. Her hips swayed slightly and he felt a tightening in his gut. She was dazzling and she’d dazzled him all week long.
Even as he allowed himself to acknowledge these feelings, hard on their heels came ones of guilt and remorse. He knew he was a free man legally, but emotionally Jackson wasn’t sure if he was ready to move on. There was still so much he needed to deal with, so much in Melbourne waiting for him to return to.
If…and it was a big if…there was going to be anything permanent between Susie and himself, he owed it to both of them to deal with his past first before moving on to the future. For the present? He raked a hand through his hair. For the present he was going to enjoy her company. The consequences would come later. Of that he had little doubt.
As they’d arranged, Susie picked Jackson up bright and early on Saturday morning, visually devouring him the instant he climbed into her car. He smiled, leaned over and kissed her briefly on the lips. She returned his smile and they started off.
It was as though by unspoken mutual consent both were determined to enjoy their last day together—away from the hospital, away from patients and colleagues, away from prying eyes and away from pagers and phones.
Breakfast was delicious, with Jackson demanding she taste some of his eggs while she insisted he eat a mouthful of her pancakes. She was delighted with the intimacy they created and for a moment allowed herself to believe it was real. That they were really a couple and that they would always want to taste what the other had.
It was the way her parents were, the way her married siblings were, and it was what she wanted for her life. It was the little things in life that made a person happy. The little unique things, the little fun things and the little considerate things.
Today—right at this moment—she was happy. Happier than she’d ever been. The man she loved was beside her, his hand resting possessively on her thigh as she drove. She was still amazed to acknowledge that she loved him. She giggled.