A Mother's Secret

by Minna Howard

  ‘Will that man, Mark, continue to stalk you?’ she asked to change the subject.

  ‘I do hope not but I’ll have to report him to my boss and see what he can do. I’m afraid he’ll make it sound as if he is a friend, and I’m exaggerating his behaviour. After all, you remember Delia invited him into the house?’ Verity sighed. ‘The last thing the college needs is a row, a parent like him making it sound as if one of us is ignoring their child, or worse still coming on to them.’ She gave a hollow laugh. ‘It is an expensive place and many parents might move on if they thought we were not up to it.’

  ‘So, he… people like him can hold you to ransom?’ Saskia exclaimed. ‘Surely your boss would believe you over him?’

  ‘Yes, he would, but he’d have to tread carefully, and Mr Gilmore knows it. I feel sorry for Justin, though, he’s a nuisance disturbing the class, but I can understand his frustration as he’s just not cut out for the amount of work that has to be done to pass the exams.’

  ‘There are so many difficult people about, throwing their weight around.’ Saskia felt sorry for Verity faced with such a dilemma. ‘There’s a terrifying old woman, Mrs Tracy Morton – Agatha, though I’d never dare call her that – who is trying to get me out, saying the house is a quiet place for older people who do not want to be disturbed by a screaming baby.’

  The moment she’d said it she wished she hadn’t. She saw the flash of disquiet on Verity’s face, which she took for horror of possibly having to have her and the coming baby to live here.

  ‘I’m sure it will be fine, she’s just a bored old bat, and I feel a bit vulnerable just now,’ she said with a rather forced laugh. She got up, feeling exhausted, wishing she was home already. ‘I must get back now, got more sewing to do to get all the clothes ready for the clients for Christmas. Thanks for the tea and biscuits.’

  Verity said, ‘All thanks to you for saving me from that odious man.’

  ‘That was lucky. I hope you’ve seen the back of him. Nathan will be back soon, won’t he?’ She went into the hall and took her coat off the banister and put it on, pulling her scarf from the pocket and wrapping it round her neck.

  ‘Yes, he’s back in a couple of days, and then we’ll see you for Christmas, I’ll let you know the plans.’ Verity seemed rather awkward now, and Saskia wondered again if they really wanted her.

  The bus arrived almost as soon as she got to the stop and she sat down feeling sad again, as if she had become a nuisance to her father’s family instead of a welcome child. But Verity had been so kind when she first turned up, even offered her a room before they knew for sure that she was Nathan’s daughter. She supposed it was the thought of the baby. It was one thing having a grownup woman, self-sufficient with a job, and indeed a boyfriend she’d planned to live with, dropping into your household for a fleeting stay, but taking on a discarded woman with a baby as well was quite another.

  Mrs Tracy Morton’s voice came back to haunt her. ‘Get it adopted.’ Would that be kinder, giving her baby to a loving couple who couldn’t have their own children? She let the thought rest there. But what would Darren think? He may have left her, but he’d promised he’d support the child, a child they had not planned on. His new love did not want children and Darren had always said he wanted to be a father one day. When they used to be together, he’d sometimes talk of the family they would have. ‘A boy for you and a girl for me,’ he’d joke.

  But now they were no longer together. Darren might have good intentions, born out of guilt for leaving her for someone else, but would he keep to them? Or, as time passed and he was so far away from them, would he do less and less, until he abandoned them altogether? Would adoption to a kind family be a better option for this child?

  She wished she could talk to him about it but now they only kept in touch by email, he dutifully asking how she was and if she needed anything and to keep him posted with any news, she barely answering, hating the idea that his new girlfriend might be hovering around reading their messages. What would he say if she said she was having their child adopted? Would it bring him back?

  The bus arrived at her stop and she got out and walked down the road to the Embankment and the house. She was not working in the restaurant, this evening being one of her evenings off, and for this she was relieved. It gave her time to finish off an evening dress for a client, and hopefully not be too late for bed.

  The hall light was on when she opened the door to the house. Trevor had just come in. He turned and smiled when he saw her.

  ‘Devilish cold out there,’ he said, standing back, waiting for her to go up the huge staircase before him.

  ‘Yes, so relieved to be inside,’ she said.

  He came closer to her. ‘Don’t take any notice of Mrs Busybody.’ He winked. ‘I don’t know anything about babies, but they are small and don’t do much at the beginning, not like teenagers off to the pub, coming back in a state. Doubt we’ll hear much through these thick walls, anyway.’

  ‘Thank you, Trevor, I’ll do my best not to disturb any of you.’ She was touched by his remark.

  ‘A child might spark us up,’ he said. ‘And anyway, I might be gone soon. My brother-in-law has died. Couldn’t stand him myself, but my sister wants me to go and live with her in Wales. I’ll miss London, but Wales has its good points, and I’m fond of my sister and it will be nice to have her to myself.’

  ‘When will you go? If you do,’ she asked him, knowing she’d miss him. He always had a friendly word for her if they met.

  ‘The spring, won’t move until then.’ He smiled and gestured for her to go up the stairs and when they reached his floor, he peeled away to his flat with a little wave.

  She unlocked her front door, snapped on the light, glad to be home. She felt so tired suddenly. She sank down on the nearest chair and put her head in her hands. The room seemed to be spinning round. She swayed, fell to the floor and closed her eyes.

  THIRTY-ONE

  What a relief that Saskia had turned up unexpectedly like that, Verity thought as she fixed herself a cheese omelette for supper. She would tell Tony about it of course though she feared Mark Gilmore would manage to make trouble for her and she might even lose her job or be banished on gardening leave.

  Jen rang when she was halfway through her supper to discuss a Christmas fair they were both going to at the weekend, and she told her the whole story.

  ‘Bloody old creep,’ Jen said. ‘I suppose he thought as Delia had invited him into your house, he could lurk round any time he wanted. Good thing Saskia turned up and sent him packing.’

  ‘I was about to do it,’ Verity said, for some odd reason not wanting Saskia to take the credit for seeing him off.

  ‘Anyway, good thing she was there. But what are you going to do? You say his son hasn’t a hope in hell to pass anything. Rich daddies surely can’t buy good exam results for their offspring, can they?’ Jen asked.

  ‘Not with us they can’t. There’s a difference in an intelligent student needing extra help because they’ve missed school or are dyslexic or something and a student who just doesn’t have the wherewithal to get up to the standard, however hard they work, and Justin doesn’t work at all. I haven’t had one decent homework in from him this term. It wouldn’t surprise me if Mark G has no qualifications himself, but he has a good head for business so has made money. Or he could have inherited it, I suppose,’ Verity finished. ‘No doubt, I’ll have to face the music tomorrow.’

  ‘Is Saskia still there?’ Jen asked, picking up the slight edge of fear in her friend’s voice.

  ‘No, she’s gone back to her flat. She’s got lots of her sewing to do.’

  ‘And the boys?’

  ‘Not back yet.’

  ‘And Nathan is not back so why don’t you come over for supper and stay the night? We’d love to see you and we can work on ideas for my Christmas stall,’ Jen suggested.

  ‘Don’t worry about supper, I’ve had an omelette.’

  ‘I’ve got some fabulous
, organic, non-fattening ice cream,’ Jen teased her.

  ‘Okay, that clinches it,’ Verity said, yearning to be among friends. The house felt so lonely suddenly. Jen was only minutes away in Putney by tube and she could take her work for tomorrow and go straight on to the college. She was not afraid of Mark Gilmore, but afraid of what he could do by ruining her job. Tony would be as fair as he could but he might feel it best to suspend her for a while – even though he’d have to get in a replacement for her. It was so near the end of term, but it would give him the holidays to find someone else.

  She packed a bag with her night things and set out, looking nervously around her, but the street was empty. She hurried down the darkened streets to the tube, busy with people coming back from work, and she felt safe among them. She was being paranoid but had this happened in the summer while it was still light, she wouldn’t have felt this fear. It was the dark that changed everything with the shadows hiding people, turning a familiar place into a threatening one.

  Just before the tube station was a sort of coffee bar, which served simple snacks. It was popular with people just coming home and not wanting to be bothered with cooking. There was a narrow ledge running inside by the window where people could perch on a stool, while they ate. She glanced in as she passed before ducking her head and hurrying on. Mark Gilmore was sitting there chatting up a young woman. She was certain it was him, though she crossed the road and turned back to make sure.

  It was definitely him. He was leaning over the woman, who was smiling nervously at him, seemingly trapped in the comer by the window.

  Had he been lurking ready to come back to bother her? But then how did he know she was alone, with her husband away? Had he perhaps seen Saskia leaving? Or had he just decided to have a drink, something to eat in this welcoming looking place?

  She hurried on, crossed the road again and darted into the station and ran up the stairs to the platform. Other people came up the stairs behind her and she forced herself not to turn around to see if one of them was him. To her relief the train came in almost at once and she got in, praying he was not behind her. She was being paranoid; he was surely much more interested in that pretty young woman than in her.

  She did not know much about Justin’s home life. Most of the students in her class had both parents, or one was step, but they came in for parents evening together. Only Justin’s father came in for his and had hardly stayed long. He never talked about his family and she wondered about it now. Most of Justin’s fellow students in her class were struggling with their work but capable of passing the exams if they worked hard enough. Justin didn’t even bother. She decided now she’d ask Tony what he knew of the family. Justin’s behaviour could be a cry for help in a dysfunctional family, and this she was now determined to find out.

  Jen and Alex welcomed her warmly. Anna, their daughter, was on her way out, Jen fussing around her, urging her to be careful, stringing out a list of warnings.

  ‘Okay, okay, don’t fuss, Mum.’ Anna winked at Verity. ‘Mum thinks night buses are full of rapists and murderers, not poor cleaners and people going on night shifts.’

  ‘We all worry for your safety; you should be glad we care about you,’ Verity said, her mind still on Justin.

  ‘I know, but I’ll be fine. See you in the morning.’ Anna hugged them all and went out.

  Jen rolled her eyes at Verity, as she ushered her into the living room. ‘I don’t mind her being out so much in the summer, when it’s light,’ she said.

  ‘I agree. I’d have seen off the dreaded Mark Gilmore if I could have seen where he was. Our street is so dark, and he loomed up out of it, giving me a fright. I’d have spotted him immediately if it had been light.’ She went on to tell them how she’d seen him in the coffee bar, chatting up a young woman.

  ‘They are just the sort of men I’m nervous about. I’m afraid that Anna is more attracted to more savvy, wealthier men than ones her age, like your lovely boys,’ Jen said, glancing at Alex either to get his opinion or to warn him not to be one of these older men out to seduce young women.

  The evening passed well. The ice cream was delicious, and they kidded themselves that as it was organic and all, it was good for them and would not put on weight or turn on diabetes or anything.

  Jen sold beautiful handbags, belts, scarves and leather gloves that she sourced from Italy at various fairs in London and around. She had added spun glass Christmas baubles among them, which people were often tempted to buy along with a bag, or a scarf, and the two of them spent a pleasant evening choosing things for her stall in the coming week. Verity said she would help her on the Saturday; she enjoyed doing a day there among all the other stalls and she did her Christmas shopping there, as there were so many unusual and wonderful things to buy.

  She was nervous going into the college the following day, being on tenterhooks waiting for Tony to call her into his office to tell her that Mark Gilmore had complained about her again and insisted that she was reprimanded, even dismissed, but to her surprise and relief, he did not. He greeted her amiably, saying he was off for a meeting and would be back after lunch.

  The class went well. Justin was not in the group she taught today; she didn’t know if he’d come in for one of the other classes he was down for. The other tutors complained about him as well though some took less notice of him than she did.

  It was lunchtime before she looked at her phone. There was a message from Saskia, sent the previous night.

  I think the baby is coming. I’m at the Chelsea and Westminster hospital, waiting to see someone. Ivor is with me.

  THIRTY-TWO

  When Saskia came to, she was cold, the floor was hard, and she was lying in water. She struggled up to a sitting position. There was a light on in the tiny entrance but outside it was night leaving the rest of the rooms in darkness. She had wet herself, she realised in horror, and how had she ended up on the floor? Gingerly she moved her legs, what had happened, had she fainted?

  She got up carefully, she was stiff but not hurt and she remembered now feeling faint and sitting down on the chair. She hadn’t had much to eat today; she’d missed lunch and had one biscuit at Verity’s. She must have fallen off the chair and she wondered how long she had lain here. She switched on all the lights and glanced at her watch. It was almost ten o’clock; she must have lain there over an hour. She edged towards the bathroom to wash herself and change her clothes, mortified at her condition.

  A sudden pain lunged through her. She gasped, held her stomach, terror catching hold of her. The baby. Had she started labour? Had her waters broken? She struggled to the bathroom, taking off her clothes as she went. Perhaps she was overreacting and she had peed as she fell, and the pain was caused by stiffness after lying on the floor so long.

  She showered and pulled on some tracksuit bottoms and a jersey, and then the pain came again, stronger this time causing her to cry out. It was not time for the baby to come yet, it was at least a month early. She had no clothes, no bed, nothing, she said out loud as if it would hear her and settle down again until she was ready for it.

  She needed help and she wondered if Ivor was at home. The pain came again, and she sized her mobile and rang him, praying he was close by. The only other option, she thought sourly, was crawling over to Mrs Tracy Morton’s door and she wouldn’t get much sympathy from her.

  He answered at last. ‘Saskia, what is it? Where are you?’

  ‘I’m in my flat but I think the baby’s coming and I don’t know what to do. I suppose I need an ambulance.’ She struggled to remain calm. ‘Are you at home?’

  ‘Yes, I’ll come down at once. You’re sure? No, wait. I’m coming.’ He rang off and, in a moment, he was at her door, which she’d opened for him.

  She was bent double now with another contraction. He came in, hovered round her. ‘Are you sure it’s not indigestion, or a tummy bug? I thought it was due after Christmas, though perhaps you got your dates wrong.’

  ‘No, I haven’t. I felt
faint and sat down and the next thing I remember is waking up on the floor.’ She felt on the edge of panic.

  ‘Okay, fine… don’t worry.’ He raked a lock of hair back from his forehead, looking concerned. ‘I’ll drive you to the hospital now. These things usually take ages, as I remember with my sister. Have you got your suitcase packed?’ He was holding her arm now.

  ‘Suitcase?’ She stared at him a moment as if he were mad, before she understood. ‘No, I’m not at all ready. I thought I had ages, and everyone said first babies are always late.’ She was terrified now. Wasn’t it too early for the baby to come? Was she losing it?

  ‘Where are your bags? I’ll pack a few things for you. Come and lie on the bed while I do it.’ Ivor led her to her room and, after making sure she was comfortable, he darted round the room, asking her where things were. He put in some nightclothes, and a wash bag with toothbrush and hairbrush, trying to reassure her – reassure himself – that it was a false alarm and they’d surely send her home.

  She had one more contraction before they left, doubled up on the bed, and he rubbed her back. It made no difference to the pain, she thought hazily, but it was kind. When it was over, he helped her up and taking her case, led her outside and down the endless stairs to his car.

  ‘So how long have you been having these contractions?’ he asked, seemingly more knowledgeable about such things than she was.

  ‘I came back from seeing Verity about half eight, quarter to nine. I felt odd, but I haven’t eaten much today. It’s been full on. I woke up on the floor all wet, I thought I’d peed in my pants, but I suppose it was my waters breaking.’

  ‘Happened to my sister, more than once,’ he said. ‘Well, the doctors will sort you out. Perhaps Verity will bring you baby clothes and things, even have you to stay for the first few days. They don’t keep you in hospital long nowadays, and health visitors come round to check on you and the baby.’