‘Sorry.’ Leo grimaced. ‘My fault, I’m afraid.’
‘Not to worry.’ She cleared away the plate. ‘It’s nice to see him looking more like himself, isn’t it?’
‘It is.’
Leo felt a lump come to his throat and stood up. The fact that Mrs Davies had noticed the change in Noah only made it worse. As he went to get changed, he promised himself that he would do whatever it took to help Noah get over the accident. And if that meant involving Mia then that’s what he would do, no matter what the cost to him personally.
CHAPTER EIGHT
NORMALLY, MIA WOULDN’T have taken Harry out on a school night but she decided to make an exception that night. He’d seemed unusually subdued when she had collected him from school and a little gentle probing had eventually elicited the answer. Harry was upset because he thought that Grandma was cross with him and he didn’t know what he’d done wrong.
Mia’s heart was heavy as she assured him that he had done nothing wrong and that Grandma had been feeling poorly and that was why she hadn’t stayed to wave them off. This was the very thing she had wanted to avoid and she had no idea what she was going to do if Joyce reacted the same way again when they next went to visit her.
Perhaps it would be safer if she left it a couple of weeks and gave Joyce and Edward time to come to terms with what had happened, yet that would probably upset Harry too. He loved his grandparents and he would miss not seeing them, especially when they had always made such a fuss of him in the past. Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place!
In an effort to take Harry’s mind off it, she suggested they go out for tea at a fast-food restaurant. It worked as Harry could hardly contain his excitement at the thought of the forthcoming treat. They caught the bus, which was another thing Harry loved doing. Catching a train or taking the bus was far more exciting than travelling by car!
The restaurant was busy and they had to queue up to place their order, Harry, predictably, opting for the meal that came with a free toy.
Mia ordered a chicken wrap, nodding when the young man behind the counter told her he would bring it over. Picking up their tray, she looked for somewhere to sit but every table was taken. It was only when she realised that someone was waving to her that she spotted Leo sitting near the window and her stomach sank. The one thing she had never expected was that he’d be here.
She made her way to his table, forcing a smile when he stood up. ‘Thanks for letting us share your table. It’s packed in here tonight, isn’t it?’
‘It is indeed.’ He took the tray from her while she slid into the booth, and quickly decanted its contents onto the table. He looked up and frowned. ‘Aren’t you having anything?’
‘A chicken wrap. They said they’d bring it over when it was ready.’
Mia slipped out of her coat, wishing that she’d worn something a bit smarter than the ancient jumper she had changed into after work. The elbows were wearing thin and the front was decidedly bobbly so it could hardly be called flattering. She sighed as she helped Harry unpack his food so he could get at the free toy. What did matter what she wore? Leo wasn’t interested in her; he was only interested in her son.
‘I see Harry’s opted for the same deal as Noah.’
Leo’s voice held a hint of amusement and Mia felt a little shiver run through her. She looked up, feeling her heart jolt when she saw a matching amusement in his eyes. He looked so much more approachable when he let down his defences, she decided, then wondered why the thought worried her so much. She cleared her throat.
‘I think it’s the free toy that’s the big attraction rather than the food.’
‘I’m sure you’re right. They certainly know how to push all the right buttons when it comes to attracting the kids.’
He laughed and she felt the hair on the back of her neck lift. He really did have the sexiest laugh, deep and soft and as rich as melting chocolate.
‘They do. No wonder they make so much money.’ Mia’s own laughter sounded strained but thankfully Leo didn’t appear to notice.
‘Pity I don’t have shares in the company. I’m sure they’re doing a lot better than the ones I do have.’
Mia smiled politely, although she was hard pressed not to let her anxiety show at the reminder that Leo had a lot more resources at his disposal than she had. He had promised that he wouldn’t try to gain custody of Harry and she had to believe him. She helped Harry unpack his chicken nuggets, sighing when she realised that she had forgotten to get any tomato sauce to dip them in. She was about to go and fetch some when Leo pushed a small container across the table.
‘Is this what you’re after? I got way too much. Noah won’t eat it all so Harry may as well have it.’
‘Oh, right. Thanks.’ She passed it to Harry. ‘Say thank you to Leo, darling.’
‘Thank you,’ Harry muttered with a sad lack of grace.
Leo shook his head when Mia went to remonstrate with him. He waited until the child was busily occupied with his meal. ‘Leave it. If you tell him off, it will only make matters worse. I’m afraid Harry isn’t all that keen on me.’
‘That’s no excuse for being rude,’ Mia countered.
‘Normally, I’d agree with you but this situation is difficult for all of us.’ His expression was sombre all of a sudden. ‘It can only get even more difficult too. Heaven knows how these two will react when we tell them what’s happened.’
‘Don’t.’ Mia shivered. ‘I can’t bear to think about it. Yesterday was bad enough.’
‘Yesterday. Why, what happened?’
‘We went to visit Chris’s parents.’ She lowered her voice, although Harry and Noah were playing some sort of complicated game that involved their toys crashing into each other and couldn’t possibly hear her. ‘My mother-in-law was terribly upset—they both were, although Chris’s dad handled it better. It ended up with her disappearing when she was supposed to be waving us off. Poor Harry thought he’d done something wrong and upset her. That’s why I brought him out for tea, to take his mind off it.’
‘Hell! That’s the last thing you need, Mia.’ He reached across the table and touched her hand. ‘I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I should never have started this, should I?’
‘I don’t think you had any choice once you realised there’d been a mix-up at the clinic.’
Mia withdrew her hand simply because it would have been far too easy to leave it where it was. The warm strength of Leo’s fingers made her feel safe, secure, protected even, and she knew it was dangerous to feel that way. Leo’s only interest in her was as the mother of his son and she mustn’t forget that, must never open herself up to that kind of heartache. People could and did let you down; she knew that only too well. Maybe Chris had never failed her but that didn’t mean Leo wouldn’t.
‘No. You’re right. I couldn’t have ignored it. It wouldn’t have been right for any number of reasons. But it’s still hard to accept that my actions are going to cause an awful lot of upset for you, Harry and Noah.’
‘And for you too,’ she pointed out, determined to stick to the subject under discussion. Allowing herself to be sidetracked by how she felt was stupid. ‘This is bound to have an effect on you, too, Leo.’ She glanced at Noah and bit her lip. ‘If you love Noah the way I love Harry then I can imagine what you’re going through.’
‘I’m terrified that it will be the final straw when he finds out I’m not his real dad.’
Mia frowned. ‘What do you mean, the final straw?’
‘Just that Noah hasn’t been himself since the accident. He’s become very withdrawn.’ He spread his hands wide open in a gesture that hinted at the frustration he was feeling. ‘When I suggested coming out tonight, it was the first time I’ve seen him show any enthusiasm for ages.’
‘He’s been through a lot,’ Mia observed, feeling a littl
e knot of anxiety gather in her chest as she looked at Noah. Maybe she didn’t have any real role in his life, but she did care about him. ‘Being injured so badly must have shaken him. He’s bound to behave differently for a while.’
‘So you think that’s what it is? He’s still shocked because of the accident?’
Leo’s tone was urgent and her frown deepened. ‘I think so but what do you think? You know him better than I do.’
‘I’m not sure—that’s the truthful answer.’ He shook his head. ‘I’ve tried everything I can think of to get to the bottom of what’s wrong with him. I’ve tried talking to him about the accident but he just clams up whenever I mention it. I even suggested he should draw me a picture of what happened but he wouldn’t do it. Basically, he’s shut me out and I don’t know how to get through to him.’
‘Have you tried counselling?’ Mia suggested, feeling more concerned than ever.
‘Oh, yes. He simply refused to say anything when I took him so that was that.’
‘What about his mother? Will he speak to her?’
‘I doubt it even if I knew where she was.’ His tone was grim. ‘The last I heard, Amanda was holidaying on some yacht in the Caribbean or, rather, recuperating, as she put it. She hasn’t been in touch for months and I doubt if she’ll bother now.’
‘Because Noah isn’t hers?’ Mia said, appalled.
‘Yes. Amanda had gone off the idea of motherhood even before Noah was born. In fact, if I hadn’t threatened to tell everyone what she was planning, she would have aborted him.’
‘No! But why go through all the discomfort of IVF if she wasn’t committed to having a child? Did she do it for you?’
‘Amanda never does anything for other people,’ he said dryly. ‘No, all her friends were having babies and she decided that she wanted one as well. I tried to talk her out of it but she was adamant.’ He shrugged. ‘She became even more determined when she failed to get pregnant. It turned out that her ovaries were blocked and the only way she could have a child was through IVF, so that’s what we did.’
‘But she changed her mind once she was pregnant?’ Mia said, frowning.
‘Yes. She hated being pregnant, hated feeling sick, hated being fat, hated everything about it. If I hadn’t laid down the law, she would have got rid of Noah without a second thought.’ His expression was grim. ‘It was no better after Noah was born. Amanda wasn’t interested in him and left when he was six months old.’
‘How awful! It must have been very difficult for you.’
‘Not really. To be frank, it was a relief not to have to put up with her constant complaints. I applied for sole custody of Noah and it was granted, although I did agree to allow her access. However, her visits were infrequent to say the least. She hadn’t seen Noah for almost a year when she turned up one day and asked if she could take him out. I wasn’t keen but there seemed no reason to refuse so I agreed. And that’s when the accident happened.’
His tone was harsh. ‘So as far as I’m concerned Amanda isn’t involved in this. It’s you and me who need to decide what to do, so if you want out now that you know Noah has problems, you’d better say so, Mia. The last thing I want is him getting hurt any more.’
Leo could feel anger welling up inside him. He wasn’t sure what had triggered it, apart from the fact that thinking about Amanda always left him feeling out of sorts. Mia drew back and he could tell that she was offended but so what? He needed to make it clear that once they involved the children there was no going back.
‘And the last thing I want is Harry getting hurt either. It seems we agree on something.’
Her tone was sharp. Leo felt his temper leap another notch up the scale. He wasn’t used to people speaking to him that way and didn’t appreciate it. He glared at her. ‘Then we need to formulate some sort of a plan, don’t we?’
‘Hopefully, something better than the last one you came up with,’ she shot back.
‘About us pretending to be seeing one another?’ His brows rose. ‘And what was wrong with that, may I ask?’
‘Oh, nothing, except that I’m as likely to agree to go out with you as with Jack the Ripper!’
She turned to Harry, ignoring Leo as she told the child that it was time they left. Leo forced down his anger as he told Noah that it was time they left too if they weren’t to miss the start of the film. Noah gathered up his plastic toy and put it carefully in his pocket.
‘Can Harry come with us?’ he asked, looking beseechingly at Leo.
‘I’m not sure if Harry’s mummy wants him to stay out late,’ Leo hedged, because it was the last thing he wanted. Oh, not that he didn’t want Harry to accompany them, but if Harry came then Mia would have to come too. The thought of being subjected to any more of her pronouncements didn’t exactly fill him with joy. Comparing him to Jack the Ripper indeed!
‘Can Harry come with us, Mia? Please?’ Noah begged, and Leo immediately forgot his injured feelings. Having Harry go with them was obviously important to Noah and that was all that mattered.
He looked at Mia and shrugged. ‘It’s up to you, but Harry is very welcome if he’d like to come. You too obviously.’
Mia took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure why she had gone off at the deep end. Maybe it was because Leo believed that she was no more trustworthy than his ex-wife had been but it had been wrong of her to react that way. They would never deal with this situation if they started quarrelling with each other.
‘If Harry wants to go then I can’t see that it’s a problem.’ She dredged up a smile when Harry whooped in delight. ‘I think that’s a yes.’
Leo laughed and she was relieved to see no trace of annoyance on his face. ‘Seems like it. OK, guys, let’s go. We’d better get a wriggle on if you want to buy some popcorn before the film starts.’
‘Yes!’
The two boys went racing to the door and Mia hurriedly followed them. ‘Wait!’ she ordered before they had time to go charging outside. She took hold of their hands, bending so she could look from one excited face to the other. ‘There are a lot of cars out there so you’re to hold my hands and not go running off. Understand?’
They both nodded, holding obediently onto her hands as she led them outside. The cinema
was at the far side of the complex and they skipped along beside her, chattering excitedly about the film they were about to see. Mia paused outside the cinema so Leo could catch them up, surprised by the pensive expression on his face as he ushered them inside. She waited until the boys had gone to select their popcorn before she asked him what was wrong.
‘Nothing. In fact, everything’s better than it’s been for a long time.’ He looked at the children. ‘I was starting to think that I’d never get through to Noah, but tonight he seems so much more like his old self and it’s all thanks to you and Harry.’
He turned and Mia’s breath caught when she saw the way he was looking at her. Maybe it was gratitude that had prompted it but it felt good to see warmth in his eyes after the chill that had been there earlier. She realised that she wanted him to look at her this way all the time and it was scary to know how vulnerable she was. She mustn’t make the mistake of thinking that Leo cared about her for her own sake.
‘I’m glad we could help.’
She gave him a quick smile then went to pay for the popcorn. Leo had the tickets when they went back and he shepherded them into the auditorium. The theatre was packed but they had numbered seats right in the middle. The film started almost immediately and the boys were soon engrossed. Mia stared at the screen, although she took in very little of what was happening. Leo was sitting at one end and she was at the other, with Harry and Noah in between, and she told herself that she was glad. At least it meant she didn’t have to sit beside him.
Her breath caught as she found herself imagining how it might have been if th
ey had sat next to each other. She would have felt the warmth of his body, heard him breathing, smelled the scent of his skin, that clean fresh aroma that was such an intrinsic part of him. Feelings she had never experienced before suddenly swamped her and she bit her lip. She could feel her body growing hot and languid, hear own breathing becoming laboured, feel her nose tingling as though the scent that filled her nostrils was real.
Was this how passion felt? she wondered. This awakening of the senses, this heightening of awareness? Although she had loved Chris, they had been unable to make love—his injuries had made it impossible. They had shared kisses and caresses, though, and she had enjoyed them, but she had never been aroused to passion. If she was honest, she had believed that she was incapable of feeling passion but if that were true why did she feel this way?
Mia sat there in the darkness and tried to work it out but it was impossible. Impossible to take these feelings and categorise them, explain them or will them away. All she knew was that she was twenty-nine years old. She had been married. She had borne a child. Yet she had been an innocent, untried, untested, unaroused.
Until now.
Leo stared at the screen. The colours were so vivid that they made his eyes ache but he was afraid to close them. There were thoughts lurking in his head, ones he didn’t want to encourage. He needed to concentrate on the film and shut them out, turn his mind away from those tantalising images of him and Mia sitting close together, holding hands, sharing a kiss, sharing more.
He cursed softly, turned it into a cough when Noah glanced at him. He turned and grinned at his son because Noah was his son no matter who his biological parents were. Mia might be Noah’s mother but he was Noah’s dad and he intended to be his dad for evermore. Nothing was going to get in the way of that, nothing was going to part him from this child he adored, neither Mia nor this crazy attraction he felt for her.
‘OK?’ he whispered, struggling to get a grip. One thing could lead to another and before he knew it, he’d be in so deep he’d never get out. He had been attracted to other women in the past and had parted company from them when the time had come, but he couldn’t do that with Mia, could he? She was part of this whole package, her and Harry, and Noah and him. They were all bound up together so that if you wanted one you had to have the other as well. Mia and Harry came as a pair. Just like him and Noah.
The Motherhood Mix-Up Page 8