by Debra Holt
She froze in shock. Part of her wanted to bolt from the room. The other part wanted to bask in the incredible glow from those blue eyes. She felt torn right down the middle. She had no clue how to react. Her heart rate drummed off the charts.
Talk about meeting the issue head-on!
“You can’t love me.”
“Why not?”
“For one thing, you are probably mistaking gratitude for love. Often patients will form a bond of gratitude with their caregiver. Second, if you think I’m one of those females who think that a few hot kisses signal an immediate trip down the aisle, then you can rest easy. I may be an old-fashioned sort of girl in many areas, but I know that people can enjoy kissing without it leading to anything else. And I certainly don’t expect— nor do I want—a declaration of love to go along with it.”
“I know the difference between gratitude and love,” he told her. “Yes, I am grateful for your skills and those of your team. But it’s love I feel for you, for who you are and how you make me feel when I am with you and even when we’re apart. I know there’s a lot more we share than just great kisses. Why are you working so hard to ignore what’s between us? ”
“I’m just putting things into perspective. This is Las Vegas. What happens here, stays here, remember?”
“That’s an advertising slogan, Mercy, not life. In case I haven’t made my intentions perfectly clear, I plan to ask you to marry me, but in a more romantic way than this. Just be forewarned. Those are my intentions.” He smiled at her, but his expression remained very serious. She had a feeling that he could also sense the fear building within her. She could tell, just by looking at him that he meant every word he said.
Please don’t let this be happening.
“No.” Her thoughts skittered all over the place. She fought to contain the panic rising within her. “My answer now and later will be no.”
“Why are you so sure?”
“Do you plan to give up your career?”
“What do you mean by that?” His brows drew together in definite consternation at the abrupt question.
“I mean that I don’t intend to get involved with someone who deals with dangerous situations on a daily basis. When we met, you were bleeding to death at my feet, so you can understand what I mean. I’m not putting my heart on the line like that ever again.”
“Because of what happened to David, you won’t—”
“I lost two people I loved too soon,” Mercy broke in. “My father died because a man strung out on dope went looking for his ex and my dad tried to protect her and the kids in a bowling alley. They were in a place that should have been safe and fun for children and families. And, apparently, you know what happened to David. Now, you want me to put my heart on the line again for a man who puts on a gun every day and heads out to face the criminals? A man who’s already almost lost his life once? I won’t do it. I can’t.” She punctuated the last by standing.
Josh’s gaze grew softer, yet it still held serious intent. He also left his seat but didn’t approach her. “Mercy, you can’t shut yourself away from life because of what might or might not happen. A person can cross the street and get hit by a car. You could walk outside and get struck by lightning, or you could drop dead of a stroke in your kitchen. You see accidents every day in your job. There are no guarantees that any of us has one more day on this earth. You can’t shut yourself off because of what might happen. That’s not living. You have to put your faith in God and trust that you will be granted another day to be with the ones you love.”
“You don’t have to tempt fate on purpose, though, and that’s what the future with you would be. I couldn’t live each day wondering in the morning if you were coming back home at the end of the day. I did put my faith in God—not once but twice—for all the good it did. It’s just not a chance I’m willing to take again. Unless you tell me you would give up your job.”
Josh went still. His eyes lost the warmth they’d had just a moment before. “So … I give up my job, and you’ll marry me. Is that what I’m hearing?” The tone of his voice had changed.
“It sounds a little cold put that way, but it—it would go a long way toward getting to a place where I would be willing to consider it.”
Several long moments passed. Mercy watched him move to the window and lean his shoulder into the casing beside it. He shoved his hands into his pockets, his brow furrowed, deep in thought. She finally understood what deafening silence meant. It stretched and widened the gulf between them until—finally—Josh spoke.
“I guess I’m that old-fashioned guy in more ways than I thought. I always figured when you met someone, you gave your heart to them, and you both looked forward to making a life together. You trusted in each other and relied on your love and faith to face the future, whatever it might be. I suppose that labels me a diehard romantic.”
Mercy didn’t know what to say to any of that. She waited.
When Josh turned to face her again, his demeanor had changed, his eyes were devoid of any of his earlier emotions. An air of dejection in the set of his shoulders brought an answering ache from somewhere deep within her.
“In fact,” he continued, “this is where I could say that if you loved me, you would quit your job and stay on the ground where you’re safer.”
“Quit my job? Is that your idea of paying me back for wanting you out of law enforcement?”
“There aren’t any paybacks when you love someone, Mercy. At least, not in the love I want. I’m pointing out that I don’t particularly like the idea of you flying when you could just as easily save lives on the ground. It’s the same as you expecting me to give up my job because of your fear.”
The physical distance between them was no more than a few feet, yet somehow they both knew a much wider chasm had formed between them—and neither was willing to cross it.
“I won’t give up my career for anyone. And I can’t marry someone who could so easily be taken away in another senseless act. So I guess there’s no point in further discussion. At least we know this now, instead of later.”
Josh didn’t say anything in response. He withdrew his jacket from the chair back and shrugged it on his shoulders, adjusting the cuffs of his shirtsleeves, his eyes away from her. The silence formed an invisible wall between them. Mercy needed to say something more.
“I trust we can both put all this behind us when it comes to how we behave around our respective parents. There’s no need they should be upset by it.”
Would he ever speak again? She had no idea what to expect at this point. Josh remained too quiet. It made her feel even worse than she already did, if that was possible. She fought to keep her emotions under control. She knew that if she looked closely enough inside herself, she would find doubts whirling around. Doubts like maybe she’d just made a huge mistake—possibly even the biggest one of her life. Joshua Wellman stirred things inside her that she had long buried and tried to forget. Dormant possibilities had begun to unfurl, much to her surprise and confusion. And now … she’d turned her back on all he offered, pushing him away.
“There’s no need to upset anyone else; I agree on that. I don’t agree with your decision about us, but I’ll respect it because I haven’t a clue about how to solve it. There’s a plane to catch. I’ll call for the bellman.”
And with that, Josh left her standing alone in the middle of the living room.
For a fleeting moment, Mercy experienced an incredible desire to run after him. But to what end? To say she’d changed her mind? That she would roll the dice each day for the rest of her life after all? To take a chance on having the rest of her heart ripped out of her chest? She stalked into her room, slamming the door behind her. She went to the closet and began emptying the contents, shoving things none too gently into her suitcase.
Could she take a chance? Stop it!
No, she couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t. She had set her course. She had her life. It just couldn’t include Josh Wellman.
&nbs
p; McCarran Airport bustled, busy as usual. People arrived with smiles of anticipation on their faces, and others departed with no smiles at all. Mercy placed herself in the latter category.
While others might wish to have had more time in the glittering mirage in the desert, she wanted to be far away from it, back to where her life made sense. She checked her suitcase and made her way through the security screening line. Each step toward her departure gate became more leaden. She tried to blame her feelings on the whirlwind of activity she’d experienced in the last seventy-two hours with her mother’s wedding and all. But she knew better. Each step took her further away from a man who had placed his heart at her feet and made her feel alive again. He wasn’t with her.
When the car had arrived at the hotel, she’d stepped inside, surprised when he didn’t follow. He’d bent to look in at her, and the sadness in those blue eyes had twisted straight into her chest. He’d wished her a safe trip and stepped back, shutting the door between them. Apparently, he’d decided against traveling back to Texas with her.
That was fine. Probably for the best. Swift break … swift pain. Then life could get back to normal.
She kept repeating those lines as she went through the motions of departure. But as the plane taxied out onto the runway and revved the engines that would carry her up and away from the city below, all she could think was she was going away from Josh. She’d left him—and quite possibly her heart—in the growing distance behind her.
Chapter Fifteen
Mercy returned to work determined to appear rejuvenated by her time away. She managed to fool everyone but herself. Her renewed energy became a front for her self-imposed exile. She had run from the situation with Josh in Las Vegas, and she was still running. People remarked on her dedication when she returned to work with four days still available on her two-week vacation. Truth was that she couldn’t stand the way the walls of her house had shrunk closer each day, trapping her into thoughts that would not leave her alone. Escaping back to her job seemed to be the answer.
She threw herself into her work, hoping that by staying busy, there would be no room for doubt to sneak in and take hold of her resolve. For the most part, it had worked, except right before sleep claimed her in the late hours of the night. Then, a tall figure with penetrating blue eyes and a smile that lit her whole being would wrestle with her emotions for her attention. Sleep served as the referee.
Today was no different from any other, except that she was driving toward Lawson with some trepidation. She needed to water the plants in her mother’s greenhouse. It wouldn’t do for Jan to return to dead plants. She had told her mother she would check on things, and she needed to do just that.
She kept her concentration on the road and didn’t borrow trouble by looking for a familiar SUV with sheriff’s department markings. If she did happen to run across Josh, she had a feeling he would head in the opposite direction. She had gotten her point across in Vegas. She should be pleased. But she was anything but that.
Once at the house, she managed to accomplish the plant watering, collect the mail from the mailbox and place it on the dining room table, and secure the house, all in record time. She turned onto the main highway, and was almost to the outskirts of town when a loud thud startled her, and the steering wheel began to vibrate under her palms.
Please, no.
Her luck had fled. She had a flat tire. She knew she could find help up ahead, so she put her flashers on and inched her way another block, finally turning at the parking lot of Deke’s Garage and Tow Yard. Deke himself came out of the open garage bay to greet her.
“Is that you, Mercy Smith? It’s been a heck of a long time.” She had last seen Deke Howard at their high school graduation. He had been the star center of their football team, and she’d tutored him the last year when his failing grades in history and science had threatened to ruin his playing eligibility. The final game of the season, he endured a career-ending knee injury and his dreams of playing college ball disintegrated. Instead, he had gone into the family business with his dad.
He had added several more pounds to his already large frame, and a bushy beard framed a toothy grin. “My hands are a bit greasy, or I’d give you a hug.”
“That’s okay, Deke.” She smiled in return. “It has been a few years.”
“Looks like you’ve got a tire problem there. I can take a look and see if it’s a simple patch or not.”
“That would be great. Thanks a lot.”
“There’s coffee and soft drinks inside the office over there. You make yourself comfortable, and we’ll see what we can do.”
Fifteen minutes later, Deke walked into the office. “Well, we can’t patch it. You picked up a huge bolt. We can get another tire for you, but it’s going to take a couple of hours. The truck is on its way here now, and we’ve got a tire on the order that fits your car.”
“A couple of hours?”
Mercy should have known things might get worse.
“Is there a problem?”
Now there is.
What were the odds that she’d be stranded in this garage and Josh Wellman would choose to step into the office in time to hear about her trouble? Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself and turned to face him.
He looks tired, but oh, so good, too.
“I have a tire problem, but Deke is getting me a replacement.” Now go on your way.
“I was just explaining to Mercy that the truck is on the way, but it won’t be here for a couple of hours.”
Thanks, Deke.
“ We’ve got your new cruiser all checked out, Sheriff. I thought Deputy Morris would be picking it up this afternoon.”
“I told him I would stop in and check on it. I’ll let him know it’s ready early.”
“Fair enough. I’ve got to get back out to the garage. You can make yourself comfortable in here, Mercy. Sorry, I don’t have a television or anything to help pass the time.”
“That’s okay. I’ll be fine. Thanks.” Deke left them alone with an uneasy silence around them.
“How have you been?” He spoke first, removing his hat and running a hand through the hair on his head.
“Okay. And you?” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
“Okay. Except I have a problem right now.”
She eyed him warily. “Problem?”
“Although I may have found a solution. I need some help with a couple of horses I have on my property. The high school student I usually have helping exercise them is laid up with the flu. I could use someone to exercise one horse while I take out the other one. How would you like to pass the two hours on the back of a horse in the fresh air instead of in one of these hard plastic chairs in this little space with the aroma of grease and engines clouding the air?” The words rushed out without his stopping for breath.
He knew how to paint a picture. She almost laughed, but he was right. She was stuck here. Of course, she might bet he used the fact of how much she loved horses to his advantage. But taking him up on the offer would be playing with fire. She had worked hard to bury him deep in the back of her mind.
Except her heart hadn’t gotten the memos. The moment he’d walked in the door, it had reacted as if Vegas had just happened yesterday and they hadn’t parted on such cold terms.
Traitor.
“You don’t even have to talk to me … just enjoy the ride. It would take me a lot longer to exercise both horses one at a time. So you’d be doing me a favor, too—not just the horse.”
If she thought longer on it, dissecting the pros and cons, she would probably sit herself down in one of those uncomfortable chairs. They were going to have to be in each other’s company soon enough, at family gatherings and such. Might as well get used to that fact now instead of later. She squared her shoulders and looked at him. “I can spare the time.”
“Good. Let’s go.” He held the door for her. “I’ll let Deke know you’ll be back later.”
He drove a few miles out
of town and then turned off onto a narrow blacktop lane. They came to a gate, and he punched a code into the monitor. The gate swung open, and they continued. A large red barn came into sight, then a couple of corrals, a windmill, and a smaller storage shed. They stopped near the barn.
The voice in Mercy’s head kept worrying, reminding her that she should proceed with extreme caution.
“I’ll throw a saddle on Daisy May and bring her out.” He tossed the words over his shoulder and strode away, wasting no time. He seemed intent on not giving her an opportunity to back out.
Mercy immediately fell for the soft brown eyes and gentle manner of the saddled mare Josh soon led out. Surprisingly, the riding she’d done on weekends at her friends’ farms as a kid came back to her in good measure. Once she was up, Josh mounted his beautiful palomino. Mercy quickly found herself enjoying the ride too much to stay focused on anything else for a while.
“You’re a good rider, Mercy.”
“Thanks. I guess it’s like riding a bike. You don’t forget some things.”
“It’s obvious how much fun you’re having. Your eyes are sparkling like a child’s on Christmas morning.”
She felt warmth creeping up her neck at the compliment—and at the fact he could still read her so easily. She kept her eyes on the open space ahead of them.
“So is this your land?”
Safe subject.
“It’s one of the sections I inherited from my mother. It doesn’t have anything on it but what you saw when we arrived.”
“How old were you when you lost your mother?”
“She died when I was eight. She found out about her cancer when I was just barely seven.”
“When did she marry your stepfather?”
“Larry came into our lives when I was five. He didn’t think twice about taking on a woman with a toddler. From the get-go, he never made me feel I was anything but his own flesh and blood. Yet, he never tried to keep me away from my biological father.”
“Your father is alive?”
He gave a slow shake of his head, reining his horse closer to hers, allowing them to walk their mounts in a compatible side-by-side gait. “He always had a travel bug about him. He couldn’t stay long in any one place. That’s a big reason Mom divorced him and let him go. That, and his penchant for gambling. She settled in Amarillo with me. She met Larry when she was working the front desk at the hotel where he was attending a convention. Dad crashed his crop-dusting plane on a job down in the Rio Grande Valley when I was eight—not long before Mom died.”