by Debra Holt
“You lost both parents in the same year?” She had lost her dad and knew how painful it was, but he had lost both. She could only imagine what he had gone through.
“A couple of months apart, but yeah. Mom was able to hang on longer than the doctors thought she would. I credit that to Larry. He took such good care of her. Then he raised me and made certain I knew I was loved and had a good, stable home. He’s a good man. I can only hope to be half as good a father one day.”
Mercy went quiet for a few minutes, digesting all he had said. He had lost his father in a plane crash. No wonder he thought what she did—flying all day—might be dangerous. She wished she had known that sooner. Not that it would have changed anything between them, but—well, she should have known.
“So what about you? How was it growing up in Lawson all your life?”
“Typical small town life,” she returned with a smile. “Everyone in town knows your business before you do.” He responded with a soft laugh, reminding her how nice it was. She had missed it. She had missed him. He made it so easy to let her guard down. Too easy. “ If this was your mom’s land, and Larry lives in Lawson, I’m surprised we never met.”
“Larry didn’t want to move me from my school in Amarillo, not with all that was going on with Mom. Her doctors were there, too. It just made sense, and he was always trying to make life as easy as possible for both Mom and me. I graduated and went on to college. He eventually moved to Lawson. Mom inherited this land when my dad died, and she left it to me in her will. I guess you and I just met when it was time for us to meet. Some divine intervention at work, maybe.” He ended with that smile that set off all kinds of acrobatics in her stomach.
“Let’s give them a go.” He touched his heels to the side of his mount, and she did the same, enjoying the feeling of wind whipping through her hair. They covered some distance before he pulled them up at the bottom of a windmill. “They need some water.”
He dismounted and led his horse to the tank. Mercy followed.
“You know, anytime you want to go for a ride, you’re welcome to come out here and take Daisy May out. I’ll give you the code for the gate.”
“I-I think that would be nice. I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks for the offer.” She filled her lungs with the fresh air that surrounded them.
“Jan and Larry should be home in a few days. I’ve offered to help move your mom’s things over to his place—their place now. I guess it’ll feel strange to you for a while, going there to see her and not to the home you grew up in.”
“It’s not like I won’t ever go there again. Mom’s keeping it. I think she’s hoping one of us will want to return to Lawson and live there some day.”
“Is that a possibility?” His hand moved over Justice’s forehead, but his gaze was on her, intent on her reply.
“The boys have their lives and plans. It would be a long drive each day for me to get to work. But who knows what’ll change one of these days.”
“True. Who knows what the future holds for any of us? All we can do is take it one day at a time.”
Mercy smoothed a few errant strands of hair back from her face, his words unsettling something inside her. She gathered the reins and moved to the side of her horse. “It’s probably time to start back. My car will be ready soon.”
He stepped toward his horse but stopped at her side, his hand closing over hers as it rested on the saddle horn, and stopping her from mounting. She looked up at him in surprise.
“This is hard, Mercy. I tried to tell myself that I could get past what happened between us in Vegas. That we could be friends. But how is that possible when all I want to do is take you in my arms and kiss you until you promise not to leave. Ever. You’re evidently a lot stronger than I am.”
His words ripped into her heart. She hated the look in his eyes. Defeat. Sadness.
“I’m not stronger. It’s hard for me also. But nothing has changed. I can’t let you break my heart. I couldn’t survive it a third time.”
She felt dangerously close to losing it as she swung into the saddle, and thankful when he didn’t try to stop her. Neither one said anything more.
He drove her back to the garage, and he left her there with a simple “Take care.” She figured neither of them could say goodbye—it would have been too final, too much pain.
Mercy held the tears at bay until she was safely inside her car and heading toward home … and away from Josh.
Jan and Larry returned from their Alaskan cruise at the end of July. Immediately, Jan kept Mercy busy dodging dinner invitations with the pair. She didn’t want to chance running into Josh, nor did she want the all-seeing eyes of her mother to guess anything. August proved far trickier to maneuver. They invited Mercy for dinner one Friday evening, but she turned the invitation around and had them come to the city instead. They enjoyed a lovely evening together, except for the mention of Josh toward the end of the meal. Larry made the comment that Josh and he would be meeting with some investors from the West Coast in the coming week regarding the expansion of their wind-energy fields. Mercy plastered a smile on her face and appropriately nodded, but it was harder than she had imagined. Especially with the looks her mother kept giving her throughout the evening.
She should be able to move on—her decision had been justified, her mind insisted. Somehow, her heart would not agree. Why couldn’t it get easier, instead of more difficult, more painful every day? How much time would it take before she was over Josh? Before her heart wouldn’t ache, and her mind would stop replaying his words … his declaration of love?
But Mercy placed one foot in front of the other and kept moving forward. What else could she do? He had laid his heart before her—and she had rejected it. Yet even though she had, she rationalized that if he loved her, he would give up his job to make things work between them. And since he hadn’t done that, maybe it proved he didn’t care as much as he said. At least, that’s how she tried to ease the pain. Any justification was cold comfort.
She made sure she didn’t revisit the fact that he had asked the same of her—and she had refused to budge.
Chapter Sixteen
“I’m glad you could come help me today,” Jan said, wrapping her daughter in a hug as Mercy stepped through the front door.
“You caught me coming off shift. You made it sound urgent.”
“It is. I thought I’d have this all worked out before Larry got back from his business trip to Dallas. I wanted to surprise him with his new office space and the roll top desk we found on our honeymoon. But everything has changed, and my help fell through, and the desk arrives this afternoon.”
“Then we need to stop talking and get busy.” Mercy stepped into the room in question; the floor covered in tarps. Her mom had made some headway with the taping around the windows and baseboards. “I take it that’s the paint?” She nodded toward the cans in the corner of the room.
“Yes. The salesman assured me it shouldn’t take more than two gallons.”
“Okay, I’ll work on the trim around the ceiling first so you won’t have to go up that ladder … I will.” Mercy wasted little time in getting the paint stirred and poured, and the brushes and rollers ready. The sooner she finished this job, she told herself, the sooner she could get back to where she belonged and stop worrying about running into Josh. She’d only come because her mother had said Josh was busy in a court case and wouldn’t be around to help.
Mercy climbed the ladder, and her mother handed her the paint pan and a brush. “Please be careful up there, honey. I know I should have just hired a couple of painters to come in and do this, but I thought I could handle it myself.”
“In the future, you’ll know better.” She smiled at her mother. “We should have this done in no time.”
Twenty minutes later, Mercy smiled, pleased with her handiwork. She had the trim on two walls completed, top and bottom. Her mother had achieved less. In fact, she’d made a bigger mess than anything.
“I’ve got to ge
t another roller, Mercy. This one is falling apart in the paint. And we probably need some of those sponge thingies for the detail work, too. I’ll run down to the store and pick them up.”
Mercy climbed back onto her perch, careful to mind the paint pan balanced precariously on the top rung.
One thing about painting, she thought. It keeps a person’s mind occupied.
She wished she could say that she hadn’t thought once about Josh since her arrival. Unfortunately, he consumed her thoughts more than ever. Driving through town, she’d caught herself looking around for a familiar SUV. She’d told herself she didn’t want to run across him. Truth be told, the opposite was the case. Instead of him moving out of her thoughts over the last couple of weeks, he had only intruded into them more.
She missed him. She missed the way his smile lit his gorgeous blue eyes and crinkled their corners. She missed the sound of his voice, so strong and sure, and his laughter that always drew a smile whenever she heard it. And she missed the way he could simply touch her hand and make her feel cared for and special.
She felt angry with herself for being weak-willed. She had made the right decision.
“Then why don’t I believe that?” she asked herself aloud.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you believe what?”
The voice in the empty house shocked her. She also instantly recognized it, and she turned to see the tall figure standing in the doorway of the room. In fact … she turned too quickly.
The ladder shuddered as she whirled around. The paint pan tipped. She automatically grabbed for it and lost her footing, heading for a hard fall.
A pair of strong arms grabbed her from the toppling ladder just in time. Noise echoed through the house as the ladder tipped over.
“Oh, my heavens.” She spoke just above a strained whisper as she opened her eyes and met his. He had caught her. However, he’d saved the paint pan, also. It lodged against his chest. The brush she still clutched had painted a wide swath across his cheek and ear.
She wanted to disappear into the floor.
“Are you okay?” Josh found his voice, and it sounded nearly normal … almost.
“I am so very sorry,” she responded.
Her eyes took in the pale Tuscan gold color running down the front of his uniform as he slowly lowered her feet to the floor. His hands left her arms to remove the almost-empty paint pan from the front of his shirt. His gaze moved slowly down the front of his body, too.
“You startled me. You should have said something before you walked into the room.”
His eyes moved back to settle on hers. “This was my fault?”
She started to reply and then thought better of it. She chose her words with more care. “I didn’t say that. I just said you startled me and started a chain of events.”
“Are you okay?”
Why did those eyes have to look so deeply inside her? They made her feel like she could drown in them and be perfectly content to do so. She had to present quite a sight. Her jeans and the blue chambray shirt were now dotted with large areas of wet paint. Paint streaked her arms and hands, and one tennis shoe would never be white again.
“I’m fine. But why are you here? You’re supposed to be in court.”
Way to go … too much information, Mercy!
He caught her meaning. “Sorry that the prosecutor asked for a continuance while they go over possible additional evidence. Guess you counted on not running into me.”
“That’s not what I meant to—”
“Isn’t it?” He challenged in even tones. “You don’t want to see me. I get it. I’m sorry I ruined your plan.”
“Josh! Mercy! What on earth happened in here?” Jan’s arrival at that second kept Mercy from responding to his accusation. Except it wasn’t an accusation. He had hit the truth on the head, and she felt even worse.
“I stopped in to see if I could help out during the court break. I startled Mercy, and the paint lost the battle. I’m sorry, Jan. I’ll clean this mess up.”
Josh had already begun to move and do just that. In fact, all three of them worked together, and, once the mess was cleaned up, Josh changed into one of Larry’s old shirts. Mercy did the same with clothing from her mom’s closet, and they somehow managed to get the room painted and ready in less than two hours. The furniture dealer called, and the delivery of the desk would take place with an hour to spare before Larry’s arrival.
“I couldn’t have done this today without both of you helping me,” Jan said, surveying the room one more time. “I expect you both to stay for dinner with us.”
“I have to get to my office and—”
“I have plans tonight so—”
Josh and Mercy stopped at the same time after both spoke simultaneously. Jan looked at both of them, hands on her hips.
“I don’t buy your excuses, but neither do I expect you to tell me what’s going on with you two. I have to get to the hairdresser right now, so I can be back in time for the furniture delivery, or I wouldn’t let you off so easily. Especially you, Mercy.”
“You need to go do what you need to do. I’ll clean up the brushes and then get my clothes and leave.”
“I’ll put away the ladder and the tarps before I go,” Josh offered.
Jan left a few minutes later with a hug for each of them.
Neither spoke as they went about cleaning up and putting things away. They met again on the front porch. Mercy had placed their soiled clothing into two plastic bags. She held Josh’s out to him.
“Thanks,” he responded. “Sorry, again, for my part in making the mess.”
“I apologize, too.”
Neither of them seemed to know what else to say, but neither seemed inclined to leave. The beeping of Josh’s cell phone ended the silence. He looked at the screen but didn’t answer it. Instead, he dropped it back into his shirt pocket. “I’ve got to get back to the office. It was good seeing you again, Mercy. I’ve missed you.”
Her knuckles went white in her grip on the plastic bag. The urge to reach out and touch the man proved almost too overpowering. She had thought she was managing fairly well. How she had fooled herself! She wanted to say something, but what? He took her silence as her reply.
“Goodbye, Mercy. Safe trip back home.” He left her alone at the end of the sidewalk and didn’t look back, as much as she wished he would. And he had said goodbye.
At that moment, she realized a horrible truth. She loved Josh Wellman. No more denial, no more hiding from it. For the third time in her life, her heart broke.
“Are you going to eat that pie or not?” Paul Robards’ voice broke into her thoughts, bringing Mercy back to the present. The slice of pecan pie on the plate in front of her held no interest. She didn’t know why she had chosen it from the cafeteria line. In fact, over half of her food still sat untouched on her tray. She kept replaying the scene between herself and Josh at her mother’s home the week before. She would always regret not being able to speak up before Josh left. Except she had no idea what she would have said, if she could have found her voice.
“Take it. It’s all yours.” Mercy half smiled. Paul didn’t need to be told twice.
“You know,” he managed between bites, “if you’re on some kind of diet, you don’t need to do that. If anything, you should eat more.”
Mercy threw him a long look. “If that was a compliment, it didn’t quite work.”
“Not a compliment, just an observation. You’ve dropped a few pounds. And you look a little pale. Just another observation.” The man finished the last of the crumbs on the plate.
“Yeah? Keep your observations for our patients.” Their beepers sounded, cutting off the conversation.
“Saved by the bell.” Paul grinned as he allowed Mercy to leave first.
Much later that evening, Mercy stood in front of her bedroom mirror and took a closer look in the glass. Did she look thinner? And pale? She just hadn’t spent much time in the sun the last few weeks. And she hadn’t had
much of an appetite of late, but that didn’t mean anything. She was fine. She would be fine.
Her eyes caught sight of David’s photograph on her dressing table. She reached for it and sank down on the edge of the bed. Carefully, she studied the face of the man she had been engaged to for just over eight months.
Had David always had that arrogant tilt of the head, that cocky half-smile? She’d been drawn to his self-confident manner. He had an adventurous streak, totally opposite to her cautious, non-spur-of-the-moment behavior. He raced dirt bikes in his spare time and had planned to move into auto racing after his final tour in Afghanistan. He wanted to give up medicine. He claimed he’d only done it to please his family—a long line of physicians before him—and he’d just fallen into the pattern.
She realized he had never asked what she thought about his decision. David had been everything that she was not. He loved speed and pushing the envelope. Now, with the space of time between them, and with her mother’s comments still echoing in the back of her mind, Mercy had to look at the truth. She had begun to question it herself, whether they would have ever married.
As a free spirit with a taste for walking on the edge, for him to step in and confront the gunman the night he was killed was in character. Perhaps if he hadn’t, he would have survived.
Perhaps.
Would she have been able to stand on the sidelines and watch him race cars and live in the fast lane every day? She’d never know the answer to that. When she’d met him, he was the dashing surgeon in the trauma unit. Then he had gone off to Afghanistan with his reserve medical unit. When she looked at the situation closer, she realized that she hadn’t believed he would walk away from medicine to follow his dangerous pastime. She did her job—and the fact others might consider it dangerous had never crossed her mind. She trained well, she counted on her fellow team members and their skills, and she put safety first. No daredevil moves; nothing left to chance.