by Debra Holt
Had there ever been passion between them? A small voice whispered that her mother had been very close to the truth. As she looked again at the photo, she suddenly realized she was comparing David to another man. She’d said others looked at life through rose-colored glasses. She needed to admit that she had blinders on, too, much of the time. Josh Wellman had touched her heart in a way that David never had. Josh’s touch, his kisses—they had stirred feelings deep inside her that she had never experienced with any other man. Not even with David.
Josh’s kisses took her to unexpected heights and left her craving more. His arms gave her a peace she’d never known existed. He challenged her mind and made her question her choices, and he had the uncanny ability to know her thoughts almost before she did.
The truth came with crystal clarity and settled around her. Tears filled her eyes and blurred her vision. Mercy had made a life-changing decision based on feelings for a man whom she now realized she had never fully loved. She had loved David, true enough. But she needed to acknowledge the fact that she had not been in love with him. Not the love one should have for the person they want to spend their life with, raise children with, grow old with. She had made him into her shield after his death—a way to keep the world at bay. She had been wrong.
And she’d pushed Josh away out of the fear of losing him. What she had done was to bring past pain to the present, letting it taint some possible day in the future that might or might not ever come.
At any rate, it didn’t do any good to dwell upon it. That one chance with him had passed by, just as her mother had forewarned it might. Memories were the only thing she could carry forward.
Mercy took one last look at David’s picture, and then, instead of setting it back in its usual spot, she opened a dresser drawer and placed it inside. The box with the small gold stud earrings went in beside it. She had returned the heirloom engagement ring he had given her to his mother a year after his death. That had only felt right. Now, the time had come for her to move on; beyond the past she’d hidden behind, the past David represented. She could finally let go.
How unfortunate that her release had come too late.
Chapter Seventeen
The end of September arrived, bringing gray skies and a drop in temperatures. The talk among the farmers and ranchers pointed to an early fall and colder, wetter weather. At least the season matched her attitude.
She was walking in from an airlift where they had lost the patient en route when her phone rang.
“Mercy, what is going on?” Her mother got right to the point. “Is it Larry? Or have I done something?”
“Mom, what are you talking about?” Needless to say, it was not the best time for a weird phone call from her mother.
“We’ve asked you over for dinner a half dozen times since we returned from our trip. You can’t always be that busy. Josh is just as busy, but he finally came by for dinner two nights ago. What’s the real reason?”
“Look, Mom, it’s been hectic, and this was a very bad day. I’ll do my best to get over there as soon as I can.” Mercy wanted to confide in her mother, but how could she when the man she needed to talk about was the reason she stayed away from Lawson. Yet, she knew she needed to get past this. Josh had evidently gotten over it. She could too. She needed to see her mother.
“Look, how about this Friday? I can be there about six thirty.” Mercy’s about-face surprised even her. Once the words escaped her mouth, she couldn’t recall them.
“That’s perfect! We’ll go to the new steakhouse over on Main. We’re looking forward to seeing you, sweetheart.”
The happiness in her mother’s voice made her feel even more of a heel for having avoided her for so long. She vowed to put a smile on her face and enjoy herself, no matter what. It would be another step in her determination to keep moving forward and not look to the past.
Mercy looked around their table in the crowded dining room. “The place is certainly doing a booming business,” she said.
She recognized a good number of the patrons and exchanged smiles and nods with many of them. Jan had explained that Larry was tied up in an unexpected meeting, and he would join them as soon as he could, so they had gone ahead and placed their salad and drink orders. It felt nice to have time to sit and visit with her mother, and Mercy found herself envying her obvious happiness.
“You look good, Mom … relaxed. I haven’t seen you like this in a long time. I take it that Larry has played a big part in that.”
“Larry is such a dear man.” Her mother beamed as the waitress set their salad plates in front of them. “He wants to take me to Ireland over the holidays. He knows how much I’ve always wanted to go. But I told him that I didn’t want to be away during that time.”
Mercy blinked at her mother in disbelief. “Mom! It’s a trip to Ireland. Are you crazy? Of course, you should go!”
“I want to spend our first holiday in our home with our family. I’m trying to talk Steven and Russell into coming, and then you and Josh are right here, so it will be wonderful. Better than any trip. A real family Christmas.”
Mercy felt panic rise within her. Great. A family holiday … with Josh. Why hadn’t she thought of that possibility? The two of them would be thrown together repeatedly during the coming years. And how much harder would it be when the day came that Josh had a family—a wife and children. Her stomach knotted, and she felt sick. What could she do to get out of this? She took a bite of her salad and worked to control the expression on her face.
“It’s about time! There’s Larry now.” Mercy sat with her back to the doorway, and she didn’t turn immediately. “And how nice! This is a wonderful surprise, Josh.”
Mercy immediately felt thankful she hadn’t turned around as the men approached the table. Her senses reeled as her mother spoke his name. She had time to swallow the bite of food now threatening to choke her, and she took a swift sip of water to clear her throat. He stood between her chair and her mother’s, just out of her range of vision, but she could feel his presence. The blood drained from her face. Gripping the arms of the chair, she willed herself to pull things together and fast. She also made a quick mental note that, in the future, all dining with her mother would be done in the city and not in Lawson.
“Hello, Jan. It’s good to see you. I’m sorry I kept your husband longer than expected.” The sound of his voice resonated straight through Mercy’s body.
“Hello, Mercy. Sorry to intrude on your dinner.”
Mercy had no recourse but to acknowledge him. Her eyes met his, and the sudden jolt of electricity astonished her. She hoped he had not noticed her reaction. She fixed a smile on her face that she hoped would suffice for the audience at the table.
“Hello, Josh.” Thankfully, she didn’t have to manage any more than that.
“It’s good to see you, young lady.” Larry stepped forward and gave her a hug before he slid into the chair across from her. “We’ve missed you.”
“Please join us, Josh. This is just wonderful to have both of you with us under the same roof.” Her mother smiled warmly at the man standing beside her.
Had Mercy been the only one who noticed the slight hesitation in his demeanor?
“Thank you, Jan. I have only a few minutes, but maybe for just a glass of tea.”
He took the only other chair at the table … to her right. Mercy’s keen eyes took in the fact that he looked tired. She immediately wondered if he had been overdoing things again.
“I think a special drink is most appropriate. Let’s get a bottle of champagne over here for a celebratory drink.” Larry motioned for their waitress.
“What are we celebrating?” Jan spoke up.
Larry turned a beaming smile of pride upon his stepson. “Ladies, you are looking at the newly appointed judge for Powell County. Josh was chosen to fill Bob Darnell’s vacancy until the election. He is also the leading candidate to keep that position in the regular election.”
“How wonderful!” Her m
other responded immediately. “From sheriff to county judge. That is certainly a vote of confidence in you by the community. You truly deserve it, Josh. They picked a good man for the job.”
Mercy felt stunned at the news. Hadn’t he said he always wanted to be the sheriff? That he couldn’t leave law enforcement? She looked up to find his silent gaze upon her. He seemed to be gauging her reaction.
The champagne came, and Larry made the toast. Mercy took a sip and saw Josh do the same. In a flash, her mind went to the last time they’d shared a toast in Vegas. She felt warmth creep across her cheeks. Did it register with Josh? She glanced over at him, but his eyes gave nothing away. Then, as she dabbed at the corners of her mouth with her napkin, the hint of a knowing smile appeared for her to see. Immediately, she knew he was remembering when he’d chosen to kiss away the telltale sign of their toast. She made her mind move away from that memory.
Was he happy with this decision? Why should it matter to her? And yet, it did.
“I-I thought you wanted to follow in your grandfather’s footsteps— to be sheriff here for a long time.”
Josh’s blue gaze narrowed. “I followed in his footsteps when I became sheriff. It’s time to make my own path now, in a different direction.”
Mercy couldn’t leave the topic alone yet. “But law enforcement was the most important thing in your life. Now you’re leaving it?”
“It is important, but not the most important thing in my life. I’m still in law enforcement. I’ll just trade wearing the gun for a black robe. It’s still enforcing the law, just in a less dangerous way.” The look he gave her, along with the inflection on the key words, made her stomach do a quick somersault. Why couldn’t he have said this to her in Vegas? Why now?
“How about you? I suppose you’re still flying to the rescue?”
“Yes, she is.” Her mother answered him before Mercy could. “We’ve lost track of how many times in the last few weeks she’s canceled plans with us due to being so busy at work.”
“Well, I hope the people in crisis know how lucky they are to have such a dedicated angel coming to their rescue. I know I won’t forget it … ever.” A long pause followed his words.
Mercy remained speechless. Josh cleared his throat.
“Well, I need to be on my way. Thanks for the toast. You all enjoy your dinner.” He stood and shook Larry’s offered hand and then bent to place a quick kiss on Jan’s cheek.
He looked across at Mercy. “Stay safe up in that sky, angel.”
Josh didn’t wait for a response. Mercy’s eyes followed him as he made his way across the room. He didn’t look back as the door closed after him.
A few days had passed since the dinner and her chance meeting with Josh. She had replayed each word, every look. It didn’t make things any easier. She supposed she should be thankful that he wouldn’t put his life on the line every day as sheriff anymore.
But did the new role make him happy? What did it matter to her? He’d done it. She shook her head and brought her focus back to the present.
“There’s a front moving down from the Rockies. We may have to shut down operations if those expected wind speeds hit.” Jorge, their pilot, greeted Mercy with the news as she entered the ready room for the beginning of their shift. He was a seasoned veteran in the air, and Mercy trusted his knowledge. He didn’t take chances.
“We’ll do what we can before it gets here,” she replied.
Her eyes absently went to the view outside the window, her mind still not intent on the gathering clouds. Ever since the dinner with her mother and Josh’s surprise entrance, she had thought of little else. She needed to find a way to put it all from her mind, but she couldn’t. It stayed, along with the restless feeling that seemed to plague her more and more as the days passed.
A call came in two hours before the end of their shift. A four-car pileup on the interstate west of town, midway between Lubbock and Lawson. A toddler had been thrown from one of the vehicles. They needed to transport the child quickly. The helicopter lifted into overcast skies, the ceiling still good. Once or twice, they hit a pocket of rough air but moved through it. At the scene, they loaded the child and soon headed out on the return flight.
Paul checked the child’s vitals while Mercy conferred with the hospital. Suddenly, the craft dropped several feet, forcing Mercy to grab a handhold to keep upright. It felt like the bottom had fallen out from beneath them.
“Easy there!” Paul threw toward Jorge over his headset.
Mercy looked out the window. The sky had grown darker, and the ceiling had lowered, pushing them to travel at a lower altitude. The turbulence increased at this height. She returned her attention to the patient, leaving the problem of the weather to the pilot. The child was her concern.
Mercy prepared to take another blood pressure reading just as the helicopter shuddered and the craft dropped again, causing an alarm to sound in the cabin. Paul’s eyes swiftly met hers. This was not good.
“You guys better hang on back there,” Jorge’s voice crackled over the airwaves. They could hear him giving their coordinates over the radio to the ground. “I don’t know if I can keep her in the air. There’s something not right. Don’t know if it’s hydraulics or just the wind itself. But there’s a problem.” She had never heard those urgent underlying tones in the pilot’s voice before. They were in trouble.
Mercy thought of her patient. How could she protect the child in this situation? No matter what, he remained their primary concern. She and Paul both moved as best they could, given their restraints in the cabin, to position close to the child, hoping their bodies could somehow protect him from a rough impact. The aircraft began to lose altitude, the alarm sounded again, and at the same time, the helicopter began to rotate.
“We’re going down. Hang on! It’s going to be bumpy.” Those words sent a chill through Mercy’s mind and body.
God, please protect this child. Her hasty prayer went up automatically. Her next thought was that Josh had been right. She had a dangerous job.
Josh. There were things she needed to say to him. This couldn’t happen now. Josh!
Cold, hard, biting raindrops pelted her face. Mercy became aware of them as she fought to open her heavy eyes. Something coarse, littered with sharp pebbles and bits of broken stalks, felt strange beneath the palm of her hand. The sensations culminated in one reality—she was outside the helicopter. Mercy could vaguely remember a violent jolt. Then she’d been thrown against the door, and then she fell. Somewhere in the black background of her mind, she could hear sirens in the distance. She tried again to open her eyes. The sirens grew louder. She tried to raise her head, but a sharp pain halted that idea.
Her mind fogged. Was someone calling her name? She couldn’t reply. Words formed in her brain, but she couldn’t get the sound to leave her throat. Fighting to focus, she inhaled a deep breath and forced her eyes to open. A familiar form bent over her.
Josh? How did he get in the helicopter? Why was he yelling at people she couldn’t see? Her head began to pound again.
“Stay with me, Mercy! Keep your eyes open! Don’t you dare leave me.” His voice was pleading and demanding all at the same time. Where did he think she might go? She had to get to work, but she couldn’t sit up. “Mercy—wake up!”
She couldn’t do it. She felt too tired to fight the pain. Blackness engulfed her.
Mercy drifted in and out. Bits and pieces of lucid moments ran through her pounding head like a slideshow. A constant throbbing in her body sought to match that going on in her head. The more she tried to keep her eyes open, the more her conscious mind fought it. Through all the haze, she became aware of a kaleidoscope of images coming into focus and slowly blurring until they disappeared.
Instead of being the one caring for the patient on the gurney, she now occupied it; she was the one being wheeled into a hospital. Vaguely aware of bright lights and faces of doctors and nurses … most of whom she should know … she tried to put their names to thei
r faces but gave up. More bright lights raced above her down a long hallway, and then she passed out again. When she finally managed to raise her eyelids halfway, the room was darker and stationary, and she could focus a little better. She was obviously in a hospital room. The soft light above the bed remained dim, and little noise came from the hall. No light seeped in through the closed blinds at the single window, so she guessed it must be nighttime.
The haze threatened again, but not before she saw a figure slumped in a chair in the corner at the end of the bed, a light blanket half hanging over long legs. His chin rested on his chest, and his eyes were closed.
Josh. Once again, was she dreaming?
For whatever reason, the sight made her feel safe. He provided a solid anchor in a room too prone to spinning out of control. What was he doing here? The answer did not come before she sank back into sleep.
“Why is it so bright in here?”
Was that her voice that sounded just above a croak? Mercy tried to raise her head from the pillow, but that was the wrong move. She grimaced in pain.
“She’s awake! Get the nurse!” Her mother’s excited voice made it through the fog, and she opened her eyes to see both her mother and Larry hovering close beside her.
“It’s about time you decided to join us.” Larry attempted some levity, but the concern in his eyes kept it from succeeding.
“What happened? How long have I been out?” Mercy tried to push herself up on the pillows, but found she had aches in places that she didn’t know she had.
The doctor arrived, followed by a nurse. “Well, Mercy Smith, you and your crew decided to set down in a cotton field.” He answered her question, while shining another bright light in each of her eyes. Then he had her follow his finger in a standard exercise. “Luck was with you— every one of you came out without life-threatening injuries. You have some cuts and will have some lovely bruises for a while. You also have a pretty good concussion. Nothing that won’t mend with rest and time. You’ve been out of it for a while. The accident was Saturday evening. This is Monday morning. Your body decided to have a rest, and that’s the best medicine. What’s your full name?”