Shame On Me

by Cassie Maria

  I also found out that each section has its own set of waitresses and bartenders. Waitresses and bartenders service the billiard room, bartenders service the main bar, and waitresses service the booths and area surrounding the dance floor. There is a small bar located in the billiard room because it’s located the farthest from the main bar and can be a pain to get to on a crowded night.

  At the end of my shift I’m told that Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I will either work the main bar or the billiard room alone. Thursday and Friday I will work the main bar with another bartender.

  I noticed that my tips were better on Thursday due to the low tank top and makeup I was wearing. The tank top was on purpose but the makeup was purely Ava’s doing. I hated being treated like a doll but it paid off when I received my portion of the tips later that night. If I tend alone or waitress then I get all of the tips given to me. If I work with another bartender, then the tips go in a tip jar and are split equally. Since my look on Thursday was such a hit I decide to make tanks, eyeliner, mascara, and lip gloss my new uniform.

  After I’m done in the mirror I glance at my phone and see that I still don’t have a missed call or text from Ethan. I shrug my shoulders in an attempt to convince myself that it doesn’t matter but it does. I know I’m the one who said it was a one-time thing but he had me convinced that he wanted more. I mean he didn’t even try.

  I hope I never see him again.

  ****

  I’m half way through my shift when I notice Ethan slide onto a stool. He aims a smile at me like everything is fantastic, so I send a smirk his way. His eyes immediately go from happy to worried. Good. If he wants to play, I will show him how the game is played.

  “What can I get you?” I ask as if he is a stranger and not the man I’ve been missing all week.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call or text you. A coworker had a family emergency and I took on his shifts along with mine,” he explains looking sad and hopeful.

  “If you’re not going to order anything you have to get out of the seat,” I say as if I could care less about his life.

  “Fine, I’ll have a Heineken,” he says tersely. I nod my head and grab his beer from the cooler.

  “Three bucks!” I yell while nodding to another waiting customer. I quickly snatch up his $5 and hear him mumble, “Keep the change.” I put his change in the tip jar and move on to other customers.

  I flirt with male customers when I know I can get more tips or drink orders out of them. By the time I allow myself to look Ethan’s way I see that the boys are with him. I quickly greet them, make their drinks, and move on.

  I know that ignoring him makes me come off as a bitch, but it’s the only way I know how to give him a dose of the rejection I felt all week.

  I hear Malik’s whistle cut through the music and when I look his way he nods towards Ethan. When my eyes settle on him I notice that he’s staring blankly at his beer. Great! He messed up but I’m the bad guy. I need a break so I grab the bathroom keys and head there to calm my nerves.

  ****

  Kate has a set of employee bathrooms next to her office, but I have to use the hall that the customer restrooms are located in to reach them. On my way back to the bar I notice Ethan waiting patiently in the hallway for me. His eyes narrow when he notices me, and it takes everything in me not to retreat to the bathroom.

  When I near him, he quickly reaches out and wraps his long fingers around my upper arm. He gently yanks me towards his chest then spins us so my back is to the wall. His frame hovers over me in a way that conceals our identities from others in the hall. I inhale deeply when he runs his nose along my jaw.

  “My sweet Mia why must you be so mean?” I decide that standing stock-still and silent is my best option. “I’m sorry darlin’, please don’t be mad at me,” he whispers.

  OMG he smells great! Is he wearing Usher? Damn if it don’t smell like it was made with him in mind. It’s strong and sexy yet gentle enough not to be overwhelming; just like him. I move my nose closer for a closer whiff. Stop it Mia!

  Focus!

  I have to bite my lip to continue my silent treatment. My eyes want to peruse his body but my pride won’t allow him the pleasure of seeing me do it. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Just give me a chance to.”

  “No. I don’t ever want to see you again.” See, I can resist his charms.

  “Darlin’ I know I messed up, but give me a chance to make it up to you.”

  “I said no Ethan.” I attempt to push him away from me but he doesn’t even move an inch.

  Not one inch!

  “Don’t shut me out like this baby. Let me remind you how great we are together,” he whispers in a husky voice as his lips graze my ear and one of his hands settle on my hip.

  “No,” I breathe.

  “No?” he asks incredulously with a smile playing on his lips.

  “Hell no,” I whisper yell at him because I hate that he can laugh while I’m trying my hardest to be strong. I watch as he pulls his head back in order to take in my entire face. After a thorough inspection he uses his hand on the wall to push away from me with a challenging glint in his eyes.

  Oh shit, I think I’m in trouble.

  “I’m not going to let you push me away. I know you’re working so I’ll talk to you later.”

  “You won’t talk to me later because we’re done.”

  Ethan leans in so close that all I can see are his eyes. “I eff’d up and I apologized. You can be upset with me tonight but after tonight you’re going to let it go. So like I said, I’ll talk to you later darlin’.” He stares at me for a beat longer before he turns and casually walks away from me. I wait until the crowd swallows him up before I bend over and place my hands on my knees in order to catch my breath.

  Why can’t he just leave me alone? I’m use to men following my orders without question. Am I losing my touch? I groan as I straighten my frame and get back to work.

  ****

  The rest of the night flows without any drama and I’m grateful for it. I drive home in record time and am in my pjs in under an hour. Just as I find the comfy spot in my bed my cell rings indignantly loud. I snatch it off the nightstand and answer it without looking at the screen.

  “Hello?” I answer on an angry huff.

  “Hi darlin’.”

  I close my eyes and attempt to remind myself that his voice doesn’t sound sexy and that I don’t want him.

  “What do you want?”

  “Would you like to go to lunch tomorrow?”

  “No.”

  “How about dinner?”

  “I’ll be working.”

  “How about a nightcap?”

  “Ethan, I will be exhausted after work. Just like I am tonight so better luck next time.” I have my finger hovering over the end button when I hear him speak.

  “Darlin’ I will not let you push me out of your life. Sweet dreams Mia.”

  My eyes widen at his declaration and before my mind can formulate a witty response my phone beeps twice indicating that he’s hung up. I scramble to pull up my recent call list to call him back and give him a piece of my mind.

  When I get the list pulled up I notice that his number is saved as a contact in my phone. My finger hovers over his name ready to dial when a photo catches my attention. I hit the arrow to pull up his info and my heart speeds up when I see the image.

  In the photo Ethan is lying on my couch with a smile on his lips but he isn’t smiling at the camera, he’s smiling at me. My upper body looks attached to his torso as my head lies contently on his chest. My eyes are closed but I look completely relaxed as his left hand plays with the end of my hair.

  I drop the phone back onto the nightstand and close my eyes as reality hits me. He’s the type of guy I can lose myself in, and I really don’t want to lose myself in another man. I wouldn’t mind getting lost in a bed with him but I don’t think he’ll go for it.

  I know that he’s not going to leave me alone just because I
push him away so maybe he’ll be willing to compromise. I fall asleep contemplating how I can talk him into a secret hitter relationship.

  ****

  Saturday

  Tonight is my first night working at Ice. It’s a popular nightclub that has two bars located on the main level and a bar located in the VIP section (located upstairs with a balcony that overlooks the dance floor). Fortunately, this club is so busy it keeps me running from open ‘til close and gives me a legitimate reason to ignore Ethan’s texts. Unfortunately, this means he has an excuse to be waiting for me on my doorstep.

  I slowly climb out of the car and make my way to the front door. I’m too tired to argue and make him leave so I don’t protest when he follows me inside. I drop to the couch and half-heartedly pull off my platform peep toe shoe. Ethan drops to his knees in front of me and takes off my other shoe. I can’t stop my eyes from closing or the sigh that escapes my lips as I sink into the couch.

  “Why do you wear them if they hurt?”

  “Better tips if I wear heels, leggings, tight pants, or skirts,” I mumble sleepily. I cock one eye open when he begins massaging my foot. “You score major points for the foot rub but I’m way too tired to give you any cupcake.”

  “Cupcake?” he questions chuckling. I nod and point at her. Ethan full on laughs at this and asks, “What do you call your clit a sprinkle?” I roll my eyes and mumble a “shut up” before I feel myself being lifted into strong arms.

  “You must be tired if shut up is your best reply. Don’t worry darlin’, I just want to hold you tonight.” When we hit my room I’m carried to bed, stripped to my panties and bra, and tucked in. I feel the other side of the bed dip before protective arms wrap around me.

  I never slept so well in my life.

  Chapter Six

  Laying Down The Law

  Sunday…Ethan

  I’m awake before her and I’m content to lie here watching her sleep. I can’t resist playing with the end of her hair as I take in her mocha complexion, long curly lashes, cute pug nose, and pouty pink lips. How can someone look so sweet and inviting but the minute she wakes up, pushes you away? I run my index finger over her nose and watch as milk chocolate eyes meet mine.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi. We need to talk Ethan.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you want to get out of bed first?”

  “No, here is good.”

  I watch as she sits up in bed before speaking. “I’m attracted to you and after having sex with you I know I won’t be able to resist you so I suggest we continue to sleep together occasionally.”

  I knew after neglecting her she was going to try to throw up another wall but I didn’t expect it to be this. I decide to have a little fun with her before I lay down the law, so I sit up and cross my arms before responding.

  “Just sex huh?”

  “That’s all you took from what I said?”

  I don’t respond; I just stare at her.

  “Okay it was great sex.”

  I still don’t respond, but I do raise an eyebrow at her.

  “Alright, it was phenomenal mind blowing amazing sex!” She exclaims exasperated and I smile at her annoyance.

  “That’s better, but as of last week you are my girlfriend and that’s the end of it. If all I wanted was a permanent booty call I would have already had one set up. I want a real relationship and I want it with you. So no I don’t want to have a hitter relationship with you.” She looks shocked that I even know the term hitter, but before she can ask I continue my rant. “The Boys warned me you would try this but I’ll tell you the same thing I told them. You are what I want and when I want something I don’t stop until I get it. So get up so we can eat.” I stare at her a moment longer before I roll out of bed and head to the bathroom for a shower before going downstairs.

  ****

  Mia

  Damn I really thought that would’ve worked out in my favor. I plan to stay in bed seething but once I catch a whiff of the aromas dancing its way upstairs I hurry to the shower. Breakfast is great and the three of us eat like we’ve been starving for days. Once we’re done eating we all make our way to the comfy room to relax.

  My head is all over the place so I do the only thing that keeps me calm. I pull out my book and read some poetry. During a commercial I glance at Ethan and see he’s staring at me. I quickly drop my eyes to my book and hope he doesn’t notice my nervousness.

  “What are you reading?”

  “A poem.”

  “About what?” he asks while playing with a lock of my hair.

  “Matters of the heart,” I say as I flip the page.

  “You like poetry?”

  “I had to read a lot of it in college plus it’s a nice way to pass the time.”

  “What themes do you like?”

  “Romance.”

  “Interesting choice for someone who favors hitters over real relationships.”

  “Do you like poetry?” I raise my eyes to his and completely ignore his comment.

  “I had to take a few literature courses in college and I picked up a few things.”

  “Like what?”

  “All in due time darlin’,” he whispers as he softly caresses my cheek. I drop my eyes to my book to keep him from seeing my cheeks rosy. Because my eyes are lowered I completely miss the subtle nod Ava gives Ethan.

  ****

  I decide that I need some air so I volunteer to make lunch and dinner, which means that I have to go to the store for ingredients. I return home and immediately begin fixing subs for lunch. While fixing the sandwiches I hear Ethan chuckle behind me before I feel his hands grip my hips.

  “What’s funny?”

  “You in the kitchen, humming as if you’re proud to feed your man.”

  I’m not humming.

  Shit am I humming?

  Okay time to deflect.

  “You’re not my man,” I whisper before he turns me to face him and he looks pissed. I should feel elated that I’m proving he can’t bully me into a relationship; but I’m worried that he’ll think I’m being childish and decide that I’m not worth the trouble. I want him to walk away right? Then why am I afraid that I’ll never see his hazel eyes again? I hold my breath in fear of what he’s about to say.

  “We’re attracted to each other and I want to see if it will turn into something more. Our chemistry is great and we can hang out for long periods of time without annoying each other. I’ve dated girls that I’ve had chemistry and great sex with but I couldn’t stand to be around them for more than a few hours at a time. I don’t know why you’re scared but eventually you’ll realize that I’m not the person you’re comparing me to. The sooner you realize that I’m not going anywhere, the sooner we can fall for each other. Once that happens I’ll put my ring on that adorably small finger of yours, give you my last name, and have some babies with you. If you don’t give me a fair chance then we’ll never know what could have been. Sometimes we fail at relationships and get our hearts broken, but it only takes that special one to make all of it worthwhile and I think you’re the one. ”

  He thinks I’m the one and wants babies with me.

  Babies!

  Babies!

  I can’t respond to what he just said because the word babies continue to roll around in my head like a skipping CD. He takes my silence as acquiesce and pushes away from the counter.

  His face softens before he speaks again. “I know you didn’t plan on meeting anyone but these things can’t be planned. If you give me a chance I can be the man that makes your dreams come true. You just have to give me a fair shot. Can you give me that?”

  I bite my lip as I contemplate his proposal. On one hand I don’t want to lose myself in him but on the other hand I don’t want to lose him, at all. I stare into his eyes and wonder if falling for him would be such a bad thing. I mean he seems like a good guy and I’m wiser than I was when I was younger. I don’t want to regret losing out on someone good because I’m compar
ing him to Noah. So I swallow nervously and nod at Ethan. His eyes follow the movement of my throat before they return to my face.

  “I like extra vinegar on my sub darlin’,” he says after lightly kissing my lips and walking out of the kitchen.

  I get back to work constructing his large overflowing Italian sub with tons of vinegar, Ava’s slightly smaller turkey sub on a wheat roll, and my ham and cheese sandwich with two slices of meat and one slice of cheese on wheat bread. I load up their plates with chips and serve it with beers. When I sit next to Ethan with my small sandwich, water, and no chips I see him smiling at me.

  “Are you on a diet?”

  “No, I just don’t like to eat too much salt and bread.”

  “I love all your curves babe, eat a real sandwich,” he suggests leaning closer to me. “Ow.” He laughs after I punch him in the arm.

  “Don’t make fun of me.”

  “I love to laugh and you’ll learn to love it too.” We smile at each other for a few moments before he asks Ava to play a video game with him.

  “You’re on loser!” She yells energetically as she runs our dishes to the kitchen and returns with three beers. “Mia, you playing?”

  “No, I’ll watch the action while I make chili and cornbread for dinner.”

  ****

  Ethan

  Ava and I play the game for a while before she leaves to buy a new game she heard about. I decide to go into the kitchen to watch Mia cook while she’s gone.

  “Ya’ll don’t have guys come over often do you?”

  “Why do you say that?” She asks while chopping peppers.

  “Because of all the chick food, you had to buy beer, no sports package on cable…” I say as I count off each point on my fingers.

  “We have ESPN.”

  “Well I had to throw that in there so I don’t sound like a complete girl.”

  We both laugh as she resumes chopping veggies.

  “Thanks for including Ava today.”

  “Caught that did you? That was my other clue that you don’t have swains here.”

  “Swains? What are you seventy?”

  “Swain is a good word woman.”