Vodka & Handcuffs

by Brandon Witt

  Marlon wanted to argue. It wasn’t as simple as that. Sam was gone. Andrew was a nightmare. Something bad was going to happen with him; it was only a matter of time. He was tired. It wasn’t as simple as him running away because of Vahin or because everyone else finally knew.

  Or was it?

  MARLON LEANED against his car as the night grew cooler, the breeze playing on the water, then washing over him. He watched until the cheers from Lakeside faded and the lights of the rides blinked out. He turned his attention to the stars, though dimmed by the glow of the surrounding city, as they twinkled down on him, but they offered no answers.

  There were no answers. No solutions. No miracles. No easy way out. He couldn’t change anything.

  Now it is what it is, and you live with it.

  WHEN HE showed up at Vahin’s Capitol Hill apartment, it was by choice, not a meandering accident. It was also intentional to show up unannounced instead of calling or texting. If Vahin wasn’t there, Marlon would go by Mary’s, though they’d closed hours ago.

  Despite his nerves, the pounding of his heart wasn’t laden with fear, at least not as much as before. His father was right. He’d made his choice long ago. He wasn’t sure if Vahin was truly part of that choice he’d get to live with or just a beautiful detour along the way, but he wanted to find out.

  He’d fix things with Vahin tonight and then face his fellow officers in the morning as if nothing had changed. He was still Marlon.

  The main door to the old stone building opened and shut, a figure emerging from it. Marlon was halfway up the sidewalk when the person spoke. “Oh, Marlon.”

  She had been silhouetted against the lamps by the doorway, but as she shifted, the streetlight washed over her face, allowing Marlon to recognize her. “Oh, hi. Um….”

  “Pat.” She smiled at him, tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and touched his arm as she stopped beside him. “It’s good you’re here. I didn’t realize Vahin had gotten ahold of you.”

  He was about to ask if she lived in the building as well, but her words stopped him cold. “He didn’t.” There hadn’t been any texts in hours. Of course, Vahin hadn’t responded to the last one, so that was to be expected. “What’s wrong? Is Vahin okay?”

  “Oh.” Surprise cut across Pat’s features, and Marlon realized how exhausted she looked. “Ah, yes. He’s fine.” She glanced back at the apartment building, then again at Marlon. “You’re here to see him, right?”

  “Yes.”

  She nodded. “Good. He needs to see you. I’ll let him fill you in on everything.” She must have noticed the fear cross his face, and she reached out and touched him again. “Vahin is fine. I promise. I wasn’t trying to worry you, but it’s not my story to tell. Go on in.”

  Marlon hesitated. “Maybe I should—”

  “No,” she cut him off, then smiled, though it seemed forced. “Go on. Hopefully I’ll get to see you dance on stage again soon.”

  Marlon tried to laugh, but it didn’t come out. “See you soon, Pat. Thanks.”

  Another squeeze and she passed by him.

  Marlon hurried up the rest of the walk and tapped Vahin’s number on the metal keypad by the door.

  There was a crackle, and then Vahin’s voice cut through. “Miss me already, Pat? I’ll buzz you in. Come on up and get whatever you forgot.”

  “No, it’s—” A loud buzz cut off Marlon, and the door’s lock clicked. “Vahin?”

  There was no answer, and the speakers were silent.

  Marlon gripped the door handle, considered calling Vahin back, then shrugged and walked into the building. He made it up the two flights of stairs and had barely knocked when the door flew open.

  “I swear you’d forget your….” Vahin’s words trailed off as he saw Marlon. “Oh.”

  “Hey.” Marlon gave a little wave, then let his hand fall down to his side, feeling stupid. “I, uh, tried to answer you down there, but you were already gone.”

  A mix of emotions played across Vahin’s face, and Marlon couldn’t tell if he was glad to see him or not. After a few seconds, Vahin stepped backward and opened the door wider. “Wanna come in?”

  Without answering, Marlon entered the apartment far enough that Vahin could shut the door before turning to him. He looked across the room through the large, arched window, framing the moonlight falling over the lawns of Cheesman Park. So much beauty in the world, and so much fucking stress. Marlin turned back to Vahin. “Are you okay? Pat made it sound like something had happened.”

  His brows knitted. “Pat called you?”

  “No. I ran into her outside. She was leaving as I was coming in.”

  Vahin seemed to consider his words, like they’d been a riddle. “So you were already coming here to see me?”

  “Yeah. I was hoping to talk to you. Face-to-face. I didn’t want to text. I hope that’s okay.”

  Still his brows were furrowed, and he looked as if he expected Marlon to make some dreaded announcement or something. “I take it your partner gave you a call, huh?”

  Marlon balked. “Andrew? No. Haven’t talked to him since yesterday. That’s part of why I came here. To tell you why I disappeared yesterday.”

  “You were sick.” Vahin crossed his arms, then unfolded them and moved toward his sofa and took a seat on the farthest end.

  “No. I wasn’t. I—” Marlin stopped himself. “Wait. Are you okay? It seemed like something was wrong?”

  “You really don’t know?” Vahin’s expression began to soften.

  “Know what?” Marlon searched for what to say. “Vahin, I have no idea what’s going on here. I just came to talk to you.”

  Vahin thought for a moment, shifted in his seat, then folded his hands together in his lap. “Then talk to me.”

  “Are you okay?”

  He waved Marlon off. “Yeah, I’m fine. Talk to me. You came here for a reason, why?”

  Marlon tried to figure out if Vahin sounded angry or what he was feeling, but his handsome features were unreadable. Though the redness and puffiness around his eyes made it seem like he’d been crying. Marlon pointed to the free side of the sofa. “May I sit?”

  “Of course.”

  Marlon sat and felt crazy that he’d come over like he had. He’d done more talking in the past few hours with his parents than he’d done in years. He wasn’t sure he could do much more. He hesitated, glanced at Vahin, then away. Fuck, he was being ridiculous. Spit it out already.

  He looked back into Vahin’s brown eyes and refused to allow himself to turn away. “I went to work yesterday and found out that my asshole of a partner announced to the world that I was gay. I called in today because I wasn’t sure how to handle it, and I didn’t come over to see you last night for the same reason.”

  Vahin unclenched his fingers, and he leaned forward, his eyes widening. “Your partner told everyone?”

  At Vahin’s change of expression, Marlon felt a little relief. “Pretty much. I’m sorry I did a disappearing act. I needed some time. But I could’ve given you some explanation.”

  The relief on Vahin’s face was obvious. “It’s okay. It’s not like we’re dating or that you owed me anything. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Something about Vahin’s words didn’t ring true with his expression, and they didn’t help Marlon determine if he’d already messed things up before they really got started. “Nah. I should’ve said… something more than I did.”

  The room fell silent, and Marlon couldn’t meet Vahin’s gaze any longer.

  After several more awkward moments, Vahin spoke again. “So you came here tonight to tell me that’s why you went radio silent?”

  Marlon nodded, then quickly glanced back at Vahin. “No. Well, not only that. I’d like to see where we could go. You and me. Go on some real dates, or something. Maybe….”

  Vahin laughed. “You look like these words are killing you.”

  “I’m not a big talker, Vahin.” Marlon shrugged. “That doesn’t mean I don’t wa
nt what I’m saying.”

  He smiled, at last. “So you came here to tell me you’d like to see where this could go. Whatever it is between us.”

  “Yeah.” Hearing it spelled out like that made it sound so juvenile. Stupid, both to have made such a big deal and to even need to talk about.

  The relief on Vahin’s face helped Marlon feel better. “Good. I’d like that too.”

  “Really?”

  Another smile. “Oh yeah.”

  Marlon couldn’t wipe away the smile that he was certain was ridiculously wide. “Good.”

  They both sat there, staring at each other. Finally, Vahin let out a small laugh. “I feel like we’re supposed to hug or something.”

  That was all Marlon needed. Without another thought, he rose, closed the small distance between them, and pulled Vahin, who’d started to stand, into his arms and kissed him.

  The kiss wasn’t overly heated. It wasn’t full of clashing teeth or accompanied by straining erections like their kisses before, but more tentative, more questioning. And yet it had a soothing aspect to it.

  He pulled back, searching Vahin’s eyes, then kissed him a second time, then a third.

  Still in his arms, Vahin let out another laugh. “I’m a little nervous or scared or something.”

  “Me too.” Marlon grinned back at him. “I think maybe that’s a good thing. At least this is something more fun to be scared over than the prospect of walking back into work tomorrow.”

  Vahin’s expression fell. “Oh.” He shook his head and pulled away slightly. “I forgot.” He laughed hollowly. “I can’t believe I forgot, even for a second.”

  Marlon had too, forgotten that something had been wrong before he’d gotten here. He released Vahin, who sat back down on the sofa and patted the leather cushion beside him.

  “Here, sit.”

  Marlon did, a new sense of dread filling him, though he wasn’t sure why.

  Vahin took a deep breath, then let it out. He looked exhausted again. “So your partner, Officer Morris, came to see me at Mary’s tonight.”

  Marlon sat in dumbfounded silence as Vahin told him about nearly getting arrested by Andrew and Greg. Rage filled Marlon with every new detail.

  Then the cop in him showed up and pushed aside every unhelpful emotion that threatened to overtake him. He asked Vahin to get him a pen and paper, then had him repeat the story again. Three more times, as Marlon jotted down every single detail.

  By the time all the words had been spoken, there were only four hours until Marlon had to report to his shift. After giving Vahin a kiss good-bye, then a promise he’d see him that evening, Marlon went home, brewed coffee, pressed his uniform, and got ready for battle.

  STEVEN’S KNEES bumped Vahin’s as he twisted in his swivel chair. “Sorry.”

  Vahin rolled his eyes and tried to scoot back, but his chair was already against the wall. “It’s okay. We could’ve met somewhere else.”

  Steven shook his head. “Nope. I could hear it in your voice. You were trying to keep from coming back into Mary’s.”

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  Steven glowered and cocked an eyebrow.

  Vahin couldn’t suppress a chuckle, which was surprising, considering how much like a pile of shit he felt. “Well, at least not like you’re implying. I wasn’t trying to avoid Mary’s. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to be here right now. Less than a day after….”

  Cheers erupted from behind the office door—apparently whatever game was on the TV was going according to plan.

  “That’s what I mean. Avoiding. All of a sudden you feel like you don’t deserve to be here. We’re your family. And not the kind that’s going to turn our backs on you.”

  The words stung, hitting Vahin’s fears as if he’d been wearing a bull’s-eye. “You’re about as subtle as ManDonna.”

  Steven shrugged. “Screw subtle. We’ve known each other too long. And I’m starting to get a cramp from being in this tiny office with your hugeness and not able to move properly.” He bashed their knees together, this time intentionally. “I know you. I know you’re beating yourself up, and I have no doubt this is triggering being severed from your family.”

  Despite knowing Steven’s words came from a good place, a place of genuine love and care, they dug a bit too deep for Vahin’s liking. “You’re kinda hitting below the belt here. I’m beating myself up enough—”

  “Exactly! And you need to stop. It wasn’t your fault for being gay and not measuring up to your family’s religion, and it wasn’t your fault that you fell for a fake ID.”

  Vahin held his breath before slowly releasing it. Arguing with Steven was pointless, and he meant well. Hell, Steven was showing him more love than his biological family had shown him. But it was just a bit too soon. And whether Vahin’s frustration was aimed at his family, Steven, or simply a distraction from the past many hours, he wasn’t sure. Nor did he really care at the moment. “Great! So it wasn’t my fault. That means I can start my normal shift here in a bit?”

  Steven’s cheeks reddened, and he glanced away but seemed unable to find anything to focus on.

  Maybe Vahin was the one who was hitting below the belt, and the last person he needed to take his frustrations out on was Steven. “Sorry. I know I can’t work today. I know I won’t be able to work here again.”

  Steven’s gray-blue eyes met Vahin’s once more. “We don’t know that. Let’s see how this all plays out. You said Marlon sounded hopeful.” Vahin started to interject, but Steven didn’t give him a chance. “If the ticket holds up, then yeah, I can’t justify keeping you on staff. As it is, with whatever fine Mary’s is going to have to pay, our insurance is going to go through the roof.”

  Vahin felt another spike of guilt; though the fines he possibly faced as the server were high, he knew they were nothing compared to what Mary’s might have to pay. And that was money they couldn’t afford to lose. “I’m not going to ask you to hire me back, and I’ll help pay the fines that come down. I might have to do it over time, but I’ll pay you back. Every cent.”

  Steven waved him off. “None of that. This is part of serving alcohol. It’s a risk that I knew about going into it. We survived the stings that went on a few years ago, so our record is solid. It’s not like this is our second or third offense. That would be a different story.”

  That might have alleviated Vahin’s guilt if it had been a normal sting, but it hadn’t been. He wasn’t fully sure why, but this had been about him. Maybe more about Marlon and his horrid partner, but about him, nonetheless. “Well, I’m not going to argue about it. I’ll pay you back if Mary’s is charged.”

  It looked like Steven was going to protest again, but his expression changed. “So you’re certain you asked for ID before the kid took a drink?”

  Vahin tried not to let his frustration show. “We’ve been through this a billion times. The story isn’t going to change. I’m 99 percent certain I served the kid a drink, but then asked for his ID before he actually took a sip. Marlon seemed to think that was in my favor, but I still served the drink before asking for proof of age, and the kid drank before I saw any.”

  Rehashing that part made the walls of the tiny office begin to close in, and he could tell Steven was getting ready to go through every minute detail for the hundredth time. Vahin couldn’t do it, not even for Steven. He stood, causing Steven to try to back up to make room. “Thanks for letting me know you’re in my corner. It truly means the world to me, but I’ve gotta get some fresh air.” He paused with his hand on the doorknob. “Actually, is ManDonna coming in today?”

  “No drag shows today, you know that.” His eyes narrowed. “Why?”

  “Maybe I’ll just call her, er… call Daniel….” Despite seeing Daniel out of his drag persona countless times through the years, he still thought of him as ManDonna.

  “I can tell you’re thinking something.” Steven stood, his voice growing hopeful. “Did she see something that might help get this thing di
smissed?”

  “Hmm?” Vahin glanced over, his face so close to Steven’s he could almost feel the hairs of Steven’s beard. He opened the door and stepped through before turning back, the cheer and brightness of the restaurant not permeating past his eyes. “No, she was in the middle of a show. I’m sure she didn’t see anything. I’m going to call her… er, him, and ask to talk to his husband.”

  “How could Hershel help? He wasn’t even—” Steven’s eyes grew large, and he scowled. “You’re moving too fast, Vahin. You don’t need to look for a new job yet. Wait and see what happens.”

  “I can’t. I need to prepare for reality. And if I’m working for Hershel’s construction company, at least I’m still in the family. Kinda.”

  “You’ll always be in the family.”

  Vahin forced a smile.

  Steven’s expression changed again, his smile growing. “Although, if you and Marlon stay together and you end up working for Hershel, you’ll be halfway to the Village People.”

  Vahin tried to connect the dots. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Come on. Marlon’s a cop. You’d be a construction worker. You’d just need to find a cowboy and an Indian and you could go on tour!”

  “Oh. My. God.” Even as he groaned, Vahin couldn’t help but chuckle. “I swear, you’re a moron.”

  VAHIN COULDN’T make the call. He kept trying to convince himself that his unwillingness to take that step toward construction work was a sign he knew everything was going to work out. However, he wasn’t the optimist, at least not in this situation. Marlon seemed hopeful, and Steven did as well. Vahin, on the other hand, couldn’t get past that sinking feeling in his gut.

  Though, to be fair, that sensation might also simply be his inability to stop the mental replay of the events from the night before. Chances were, even had Pat not interrupted, everything would’ve been fine. Probably. He’d have been taken down to the station and ticketed there.