A Secret Shared...

by Marion Lennox

  ‘Speak for yourself,’ she managed. ‘I’m sorted.’

  ‘Then why do you still look frightened?’

  ‘I didn’t until you came along,’ she said. ‘Now maybe I have cause. Back off, Jack, and leave me in my secluded world.’

  ‘I will keep you safe,’ he said, and he saw her flinch.

  ‘Don’t say that,’ she said. ‘That’s what Simon said from the time I was sixteen. My parents kept me safe and then Simon did, on his terms. My wounded dolphins are safe, but they’re locked in a pen. They’re so damaged they could never survive in the wild. Even though that pen’s as big as we can make it, they’re still locked in. Here...I didn’t feel locked in until you arrived. I felt like one of the wild dolphins, free to come and go of my own accord. That’s how I want to stay, Jack. Thank you for the kiss. It was lovely, but as for safe... I’ve depended on myself for that for a very long time, and I’m not about to relinquish control now.’

  * * *

  Why had he kissed her?

  He hadn’t been able not to. She’d been right in front of him and every single part of him had wanted her. Every part of him had responded to her.

  He’d felt this tug the first time he’d met her. She’d shrugged off his advances as unwanted but tonight she’d yielded. If he’d pushed... No, he wouldn’t have needed to push. She had been his for the taking.

  She was vulnerable. She was also his nephew’s treating doctor, plus he was already committed. Semi-committed. More or less committed.

  He didn’t feel for Annalise what he felt for Kate.

  But this was no ordinary situation. He was dependent on Kate to care for Harry, and somehow the professional side of him had surfaced. They needed to keep the doctor/patient relationship sacrosanct.

  Except it wasn’t. He’d gone to university with Kate. No court in the land would condemn...

  Yes, but he’d condemn himself. That’s why he’d managed to pull back. She was vulnerable, he needed her and the whole thing was unthinkable.

  Except he was thinking. He was thinking so much his head hurt.

  Thank God for babysitters. He needed a long walk. It was low tide, the moonlit beach beckoned and a man could walk for as long as he wanted. Until he found answers?

  Were there any answers to be found? Who knew? All he could do was walk.

  CHAPTER SIX

  HARRY DID MORE healing in the next few days than he’d done in the three months since the accident.

  Not just physically, Jack thought, although the physiotherapy sessions with the dolphins and in the pool were like gold. He was stretching his leg, he was moving his whole body, he was eating as if he’d been starved for three months—as indeed he almost had been because he’d lost all interest in food. In a week Jack could see a huge physical change.

  The biggest difference, though, was in his mental well-being. He’d turned into a little boy again.

  He had no worries here. This was a totally new environment and there was nothing to remind him of what he’d lost. He had Maisie, he had Kate and the rest of the awesome staff, and he had the dolphins. He tumbled out of bed every morning eager to see what the day would bring.

  Eager to spend it with Jack.

  Slight hiccup.

  Had this been meant to turn into a bonding session between Jack and his nephew? Maybe it had. Jack had insisted on taking charge, even when it meant bringing him here. He might have realised it’d mean that every time something momentous happened, like when Wobble bounced the ball and Harry managed to catch it, or when Kate released her hand under Harry’s tummy and Harry managed to swim six whole strokes by himself without the kickboard, or when the bottom of the hole Harry and Maisie were digging high up on dry sand finally managed to ooze water, it was Jack he turned to.

  Sometimes he’d give a tiny crow of delight. Most times he’d just catch Jack’s gaze, make sure Jack was watching.

  The same with Kate. She’d just catch his gaze, make sure he was watching.

  Harry was bonding, hard and fast, with an uncle who wasn’t sure where to take this.

  Kate was judging that same uncle, waiting and watching to see where he’d take this.

  It was up to him and it was overwhelming. Where was his nice, ordered world now?

  Muddled.

  Convoluted.

  Tied up with Kate.

  And there was another problem. The resort was small. Everywhere he went he seemed to see Kate. Her small patients adored her. Their parents thought she was awesome.

  He thought she was awesome and the dilemma he found himself in kept growing larger.

  She’d been his lab partner through medical school. He was starting to regret missed opportunities. Very much.

  But he had a perfectly good relationship with Annalise. Didn’t he?

  No.

  He’d always been on the outside, looking in, when it came to love. He never quite got it. He’d had relationships—of course he had—and they’d been fun and satisfying. But when Beth had come to him and told him she’d fallen head over heels in love, she’d glowed. His little sister had seemed transformed.

  ‘It’s hormones,’ Annalise had said. ‘That’s all romantic love is, your body responding biologically to the need to procreate. Once that surge is over, that’s when the trouble starts. You need to put it aside, go into relationships with your head and not your heart.’

  He’d agreed, not necessarily because he knew she was right but because he’d never had that surge of pure, focussed desire—which was what he was having now, every time he passed Kate in her perfectly appalling blue skin suit.

  Why? One kiss did not a relationship make.

  Annalise would laugh and tell him to get over it.

  ‘When are you coming home?’ she asked at the end of the first week. ‘I didn’t think you’d stick it this long.’

  ‘It’s doing Harry more good than I dreamed it could.’

  ‘That’s great,’ she said warmly. ‘But Helen wants to help as well. Maybe you could come home and Helen could take over. If Helen’s going to care for him long term, wouldn’t that be sensible?’

  Yes, it would.

  ‘Jack, if I helped you dig another hole we might be able to tunnel under.’ Harry’s request was almost a whisper as he disconnected from the call. It was as if Harry was still expecting the world to slap him down. ‘We might be able to join up.’

  Joining... Fathering a seven-year-old.

  He’d volunteered to do this. He’d pushed Helen into stepping back. He hadn’t realised until now how big a deal it was—or how much he wanted it.

  ‘Excellent,’ he said, and started to dig. Maisie helped—sort of.

  ‘You’re becoming champion diggers.’ Two feet down, and intent on their digging, Jack hauled his head from the hole and found blue-suited Kate smiling at them. ‘If you go far enough, you’ll reach China.’

  ‘I don’t want to go to China.’ Harry pulled back and looked at her, anxious again. His anxiety was never far away. To say he was clinging was an understatement, yet when Jack thought of the silent waif of a week ago he was astounded at how far he’d come. ‘I want to stay here.’

  ‘This is a healing place,’ Kate said, warmly but firmly. ‘It’s a place for you to get better. Most of the dolphins come here to heal, but when they’re better they zoom off with their friends to where they belong. They come back to visit but they’re free. It’s the same for you.’

  ‘Some dolphins stay,’ Harry said stubbornly.

  ‘Only the ones who are so badly wounded that they never get completely better, and that’s sad. We all want to get better.’

  ‘You stay here,’ Harry said.

  ‘Yes,’ Kate said. ‘Because it’s my job to make people better so they can go home.’

  ‘I d
on’t have my home any more.’

  Jack looked from Harry to Kate and back again. They were a pair, he thought suddenly. Two wounded creatures.

  He couldn’t do anything about Kate. Not yet. The not yet was an odd fragment of a thought, not fully formed. Maybe the not yet was a dumb notion that’d go away once the memory faded of an impulsive kiss.

  But what came first, front and centre, was Harry staring bleakly up at Kate. Saying: I don’t have my home any more.

  It was time to make a stand.

  ‘Yes, you do,’ Jack said, and he reached out and hugged. Or tried to hug. The little boy froze as he normally did, but Jack kept his hold.

  It’s not only Harry making a decision, Jack thought. This is me. It’s our future hanging on this moment.

  He didn’t have a clue what that future meant but somehow the last few days had changed things.

  He loved this kid. This child was part of Beth.

  He was part of him.

  ‘We’ll have a home,’ he said, and still he held. ‘Together.’

  And finally, finally the child’s body lost its rigidity. The tension seemed to seep out, slowly but surely. It was like a fight he’d been having for a very long time had suddenly been resolved.

  ‘Will I live with you?’ Harry whispered, in a voice that said he hardly dared to hope.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And with Annalise?’

  ‘I don’t know about Annalise.’ He glanced up at Kate and she looked impassive. This decision was his, her body language said. It was nothing to do with her.

  But somehow she’d made this moment possible. Somehow it had a whole lot to do with Kate.

  She was beautiful, caring and...she was his friend.

  Her body had fitted against his as if it was meant to be. He’d felt like he was coming home. The home he was offering to Harry?

  That was a thought for the future, he told himself. What might or might not be between him and Kate was for sorting out when he and Harry had sorted themselves out.

  ‘I don’t know who else will live with us,’ Jack said. ‘But you and me, Harry...wherever we are, that’s home.’

  * * *

  She had another client. Twelve-year-old Sam Harvey was waiting his turn in the dolphin pool. Another car accident victim, Sam had been more badly injured than Harry. He was paralysed from the waist down. He had three older brothers, all sports-crazed, and Sam couldn’t see past the fact that he’d never be like his brothers.

  His accident had been twelve months ago and he’d pretty much retired into a morose, sullen world where his parents couldn’t reach him.

  The dolphins were reaching him. His brothers had been left at home. His parents were here, giving him their total support. He’d been able to swim before the accident and the dolphins were pushing him to swim harder.

  None of his older brothers were anything more than competent swimmers. Kate had found videos of paralympians, swimming for gold. Sam was booked in for a month but in only half that time he’d gained self-confidence and he had a goal.

  He had a family who’d see that goal through, no matter what it took. It felt great.

  And now Harry had a family, too. Jack.

  The thought was just good, she decided as she watched Sam swim. Sam no longer took all her attention. The dolphins were taking on her role as mentor. They were playing a weird version of water polo where the dolphins kept shooting the ball just out of his reach so he had to swim for it. If he was too slow they zoomed in and took it back.

  His parents were cheering from the sidelines. Sam’s swimming was growing stronger every moment. Kate was cheering, too, but a part of her was distracted.

  A part of her had stayed up the beach, by a two–foot-deep hole, by a man who’d just decided to be part of a family.

  * * *

  He rang Annalise that night. She heard him out in silence, and the silence extended after he finished.

  ‘You do realise that’s the end of us as a couple,’ she said at last, and he’d known it was coming. He’d expected it to hurt, but to his surprise it didn’t. There was sadness, but no regret.

  Once upon a time a professor in medical school had said to his class, ‘Make the decision and say it out loud. Then stand back and recognise how you feel. If it’s the wrong decision your gut will tell you. Then be professional enough to change your mind.’

  He wasn’t changing his mind now.

  He found himself thinking of Beth. She’d been studious, intent, totally committed to the work she loved. Her epilepsy had made her even more intent, finding an inner strength to achieve her goals. She’d had her work and her karate and she hadn’t had time for boyfriends.

  But at twenty two she’d reluctantly accompanied him to a student party. She’d met Arthur and she’d come home glowing.

  Arthur had been a geek, a nerd, totally consumed with the need to discover new ways of keeping population water supplies unpolluted. That his shy sister had blossomed in this guy’s presence had been unbelievable, but blossom she had. She’d adored him, and that flame had stayed bright until their untimely deaths.

  But he didn’t get it. He’d never felt like that, and there was regret but he felt no searing loss now knowing that what he and Annalise had had was over.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ There was nothing else to say.

  ‘How will you manage your career?’ She felt the same, he realised, and he wondered if she’d known it already. She’d never shared his concern for Harry; she’d made it clear from the start that it was his business.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘You’ll need a bigger apartment.’ She was masking disappointment with efficiency, and he was grateful. She’d been a friend for a long time and he didn’t want to lose that friendship. ‘I’ll move back to mine at the weekend but you only have one spare room. You’ll need a house with an en suite for a nanny. If you’re coming back next week you should do some organisation now.’

  ‘I’m not sure I’m coming back next week.’

  ‘The Fraser International Symposium’s the week after next,’ she said, with horror. ‘Jack, you’re presenting. You need to be home for that.’

  ‘I don’t want to leave here yet. Harry’s responding to treatment.’

  ‘That’s fantastic,’ she said. ‘But there are fine child psychologists here.’

  ‘The dolphins are working.’

  ‘You’re kidding. Is this crystal-ball stuff rubbing off on you, too?’

  ‘Of course it’s not,’ he said defensively, but he couldn’t blame Annalise for her cynicism. He thought back to his scepticism of a week ago. How to explain?

  ‘I’ve been trying to figure it out,’ he told her, retreating into their common ground of medicine. ‘I’ve done some reading. The thinking is that the dolphins somehow cause transfer of endorphins. Endorphins lift moods, ease tensions and therefore support receptive and learning abilities.’

  ‘You’re suggesting we buy every wounded kid a dolphin?’ But she was caught. They’d had a good relationship, mostly based on their mutual passion for their careers. It eased what was happening now. She was open minded enough for her professional interest to be snagged.

  ‘Not possible,’ he said regretfully, thinking how amazing it’d be for Harry to have Hobble in his back-yard pool. ‘Dolphins’ brains seem as highly evolved as ours and they can’t be held in captivity for our pleasure. Hobble, the dolphin Harry loves best, was caught in a net when he was young, cutting off the blood supply to his tail and leaving him permanently lopsided. He also lost his mother before he learned survival skills. Being here is the only way he can survive, but it’s given Harry an enormous gift. It’s a gift I can’t bring home.’

  ‘So you’re risking your career, plus ditching a perfectly good girlfriend—’

&nb
sp; ‘Anna...’

  ‘It’s okay,’ she said briskly. ‘I’ve never seen you as a dolphin-loving daddy, and if I missed that then who knows what other levels of incompatibility we have? But I’m still fond of you, Jack, and I’m worried. This is your career.’

  ‘But it’s Harry’s life.’

  He was standing on the veranda of his bungalow. Out in the dolphin pool Kate was playing in the water with a kid called Sam. He’d been watching Sam’s progress as well as Harry’s. Kate was performing miracles with him, too.

  Kate...

  Break off with one woman, take up with another? What was he thinking?

  ‘It’s your life, too,’ Annalise said sharply. ‘Jack, be sensible. Think about it. If you change your mind...about us, I mean...’

  ‘There’ll always be Harry.’

  ‘Then you’re on your own,’ she snapped, finally letting anger hold sway. She disconnected, and Jack gazed out over the water at Kate and thought about that bald sentence.

  You’re on your own.

  Harry was inside, sleeping. Sam finished his session. His parents took him back up the beach and Wendy took his place. Wendy was eleven years old. She had neuroblastoma with metastases and she had only months to live.

  Wendy greeted Kate with joy and Kate gave her a hug and swept her in large, splashy circles before the dolphins came to join them.

  This place wasn’t magic just because of the dolphins, Jack thought. There was this woman called Kate.

  You’re on your own.

  He watched Kate some more. Things were changing inside him. What was it with these dolphins?

  What was it with this woman?

  You’re on your own. He wasn’t, he thought. He was here with a woman called Kate.

  Theirs was a professional relationship. She was the doctor, he was the guardian of her patient.

  He’d known her when they’d been students. They’d been friends before. Could he manage that again?

  Friends.

  He thought again of Beth, floating home after that long-ago party, blushing fiery red because of a boy called Arthur.

  Why was he thinking of that blush now?