He turned away from her and made his way down the hall, realizing he could never cut her as deep as that glass had. Not even if he tried.
It would take the kind of devotedness that neither of them had to give.
Not anymore.
20
Lila frowned down at her watch the next morning, shaking it back in place with a huff. “Well, ladies, it looks like our time is up. I’m sure a few of you had a lot more to say, and I’m so sorry. I might have to look into making these meetings a little longer than thirty minutes since we have so many new people coming in.”
Her eyes moved around the circle. It had started as a circle of seven and now exceeded twenty. Her office was large, but pretty soon she was going to run out of space for all of the women—and now, even men—that were coming to her for escape. For release.
To talk.
If the group had grown to this size during the summer session, she couldn’t imagine what kind of numbers it would climb to once fall semester hit. How many students were on vacation, back home with their families, but still just as desperate for this kind of outlet?
“Same time next week?” she asked, smiling and saying goodbye as the students filed out of her office.
One student lingered, a slim, attractive brunette with striking gray eyes and heavily freckled cheeks. Her stick straight hair shot down her back. She stood in the far corner of the room, playing her hands together.
Sensing the yearning in her eyes, like she wanted to talk but didn’t know where to begin, Lila leaned back on her desk with a smile. “You remind me of a girl I used to council back in New York City.” Her smile grew. “I know this is your first time at group, and when you walked through the door, for a moment, I thought you were her.”
She seemed shy, coming up to her toes. “What was her name?”
“Heather.” Lila already adored the student before her, just because she reminded her so much of feisty Heather back at Dalton. “We didn’t get a chance to hear you speak today. Remind me what your name is?”
The girl came to her toes again, showing her nerves. “It’s Brittany.”
Lila smiled. “Hi, Brittany.”
Brittany motioned to the door of the office. “Do you mind if I?”
Lila sat a little taller, motioning to the door herself. “No, of course not. Please go ahead.”
Brittany hurried across the room; head bowed as she moved, long hair floating behind her. The thick strands settled at the bottom of her back as she closed the door of the office and locked it. She turned, met Lila’s eyes, and then lowered her head again before crossing the room to the window. She closed the blinds.
All the light extinguished from the office.
Lila’s eyelashes fluttered as the rapid change in lighting affected her vision. When Brittany’s face came back into focus, Lila’s eyes widened. “Is everything okay?”
Brittany turned back to her, lingering at the window. A cell phone the size of Lila’s head twirled between her perfectly manicured fingers.
“I’m co-captain of the cheer squad,” Brittany said.
Lila’s spine straightened. She knew most teenagers these days were nothing short of crazy. That fact was amplified when said teenager was on the cheer squad. Lila had waged war on a bunch of hormonal girls. God only knew what Brittany’s plans were for her that day in her office. Was she there to retaliate? Why had she locked the door? Lila looked around the office, searching for witnesses that weren’t there. When her eyes went back to Brittney, they widened even more.
Was this girl here to murder her?
Brittney held out a hand. “I come in peace. I swear.”
With wounded eyes, Lila crossed her arms over her chest.
“I’m actually the person who talked Caitlyn out of pressing charges against you.”
Caitlyn, Lila assumed, was the captain of the cheer squad. The one who she’d ripped that disgusting t-shirt off of before Jack had pulled her back.
Lila raised her head. “Going against your entire squad, putting your own social neck on the line, for me?” She shook her head. “Why?”
Brittney moved away from the window, approaching until she was facing Lila. Their eyes danced, and then Brittany breathed deep. “I was gang raped at a party freshman year. I’m a senior now, but I still think about it every second. Not every day. Every second. I was rolling pretty bad, and I don’t even remember most of it. But what I can remember?…” Brittany didn’t finish.
Lila didn’t need her to. She uncrossed her arms, eyes softening as she nodded. Brittany’s eyes weren’t filling with tears. She didn’t even seem upset. That upset Lila, because it proved this girl had managed to bury everything, and burying everything she was feeling wasn’t the answer.
“Those shirts were vile,” Brittany said. “And I’m glad you came on the field and ripped it off that poisonous bitch’s body. She’s such a...” Her heart wouldn’t let her finish whatever she was about to say. “I’ve been trying to get her off the team forever, but everyone is so terrified of her, it’ll probably never happen.”
Lila tried to fight the smile that came with the new camaraderie she was now feeling with Brittany. “You must have been one of the few girls who weren’t wearing the t-shirt that day.”
“I would never let something so awful touch my skin.”
“Good for you.”
Brittany still had a somber look on her face. “It’s pathetic that Harvard doesn’t have a place for us to turn to. It’s even more pathetic that they’re willing to completely ignore students like Julie when they cry out for help. All in the name of their precious football team, and a bunch of funding they don’t even need.”
Lila felt herself getting angry just hearing it.
Brittany pushed a chunk of hair over her head. It tumbled back down into her eyes in an instant. “I kept the truth to myself because I wished I’d had a place like this my freshman year. I respected what you were doing, so I kept my mouth shut.”
Lila frowned. “Kept your mouth shut about what?”
Brittany breathed deep. “Julie is lying,” she said.
Lila’s blood ran cold. It was the same words Jack had said to her, but somehow, coming from Brittany, they hit her harder. She went to stand to, to motion Brittany out.
Brittany held out a hand of peace. “And I know you have no reason to believe me, because I’m on the cheer squad, but I would never lie about something like this. That’s why I kept this to myself for so long.”
“Kept what to yourself?” Lila demanded. “I know this was your first meeting, and Harvard might tolerate victim blaming, but I sure as hell will not. Not here. So unless you have solid proof of the accusations you’re spewing, I think it’s best you leave my office.”
“I have proof. I wish I didn’t. Like I said, I believe in what you’re doing here. But I have proof that Julie is lying. I heard that you were at the provost’s office every morning, that you were organizing a protest, that you’re putting your promotion on the line, that you’re still fighting.”
“I’ll never stop fighting for this,” Lila said. “Not until they fire me.” Every day that Lila came to Harvard and realized she still had a job was a day she was in shock. The vibe she was getting from her superiors, her fellow faculty, and even a lot of the students was far from friendly. She knew every day she continued to speak out, her days became more numbered. She lived in constant anxiety, waiting for the Dean to come knocking on her office door to tell her she’d been replaced. To leave campus and never come back.
That day hadn’t come, but she knew it would.
Brittany continued. “I know that you’re fighting, I know what you’ve put on the line to help us, and I’d hate to see it all delegitimized even more than it already will be once the truth comes out. I was going to wait until your proposal for The Safe Space got approved by the university, but now that it looks like that’s not going to happen, I think you should see this. Maybe you can get a head start, and get in front of i
t before it explodes.” Brittany tapped away at the screen of the phone she’d been fiddling with, and pulled up a video.
Lila groaned when the sight of Julie on the bed, naked and languidly rolling around the sheets at the party came into focus.
“I’ve already seen this,” she said. She never wanted to see it again.
“Just keep watching,” Brittany said. “I took this video myself. Most of the players were fucked up beyond belief, some of them were so gone they didn’t even know I was in the room, but Jeremy did. He saw me filming it all, and this video starts after they all turned off their cameras.”
“Why would you sit there and film all of this?”
Brittany met her eyes. “Because I knew they wouldn’t do anything to her while I was there filming it. They’re huge guys, it’s not like I could force them to leave her alone on my own. But I knew, if they saw me sitting there, documenting all of it, they wouldn’t touch her.”
Lila could hear the frustrated, angry voices of the players, demanding that Brittany leave the room, turn the camera off. A couple of them even tried to take it from her hand, but she dodged them. She shouldered the weight of their anger in her fight to protect Julie, took every vile word they spewed, never faltering or turning off her camera.
“Please don’t misunderstand me, Professor. If I hadn’t been in that room filming, they would have raped Julie. I have no doubt in my mind.” She pointed to the camera. “But since I was there, they just stared at her. They made jokes. Some of them had a look in their eye… That look…” She visibly shivered.
So did Lila. “It was a dangerous risk you took.”
“Totally worth it,” Brittany said, pointing to the camera.
Lila’s eyes went back to the footage just as the dark room was suddenly filled with light. Someone had opened the bedroom door. The music from the party blared in, stealing the attention of everyone in the room. The shaky camera went to the door just as a young brunette girl, fully dressed and completely sober, barreled into the room.
“What the hell?” the brunette screamed, hurrying to the bed where Julie was nearly passed out. “What the hell, Julie?”
Looking horrified, she went to work snatching up all of the clothes Julie had thrown off. The camera followed her every move as she stumbled around the room, flinging her dark brown hair out of her eyes while cussing out every football player who found the balls to challenge her presence.
“Fuck you, bitch. Fuck all of you. You better not have laid a fucking hand on her.” As the brunette screamed, most of the football players began to file out of the room, their fun having been ruined.
The camera moved shakily across the room, and then Brittany’s voice chimed in.
“They didn’t touch her. Don’t worry. I filmed the whole thing, just in case…”
The brunette looked up at an area above the camera; Lila assumed she was looking at Brittany, and her striking blue eyes were wet as they fell back to the camera’s lens.
Lila shivered, feeling like she was looking right at her. The horror in her eyes moved under Lila’s skin, and she immediately felt it too.
“Thank you,” the brunette said, fumbling with shaky hands to get Julie’s clothes on.
“I’ll help you.” Brittany set down the camera, and for several minutes all that was visible was the top of the canopy bed frame. The camera jolted as the girls whispered to each other, and then the image shook, bringing Julie and the brunette back into focus.
Julie stumbled barefoot in a tiny red romper and was slinging an arm around the brunette’s shoulders.
Brittany gave Julie her other arm, managing to keep the camera somewhat focused as they helped her out of the room.
They moved through a long hallway upstairs, and the trembling camera showed various kids. Most of them had drinks in their hands, stepping out of the way as the girls went down the grand staircase, through the packed foyer, and out the front door.
The camera picked up the wind whooshing by when they stepped outside. Brittany helped throw Julie into the passenger’s seat of a red coupe parked at the curb. She slammed the door closed, and the brunette came back into frame as she circled around and climbed into the driver’s seat.
Once inside, the brunette rolled down the passenger window, and looked into Brittany’s camera, again.
“Thank you,” she said.
“You would do the same for me,” Brittany responded.
She filmed the car until it zoomed down the street and out of sight.
Then the video went black.
“They never touched her,” Brittney said, regrettably.
Lila’s eyes rose to Brittany’s, and they watched each other for a long while.
Lila’s chest moved up and down wildly, and it was a miracle the fury didn’t eat her inside out.
--
The house was the last on the block, tucked into a cul-de-sac on sorority row, and had been painted pink. Even the sorority’s moniker, sitting grandly at the top of the roof, was hot pink and covered in rhinestones, flashing against the afternoon sun.
Students, still coming down from hangovers, were scattered across the perfectly landscaped lawn, some sleeping, and some just staring blankly up into the clouds. At the far end of the massive front yard, a volleyball game was in progress. Screams of pleasure emitted from where the fraternity and sorority members were entrenched in their weekly match.
Lila climbed the steps to the house unnoticed. She didn’t even bother knocking as she charged through the front door that was, not surprisingly, unlocked.
She immediately came face to face with a blonde girl wearing thick glasses.
The girl’s eyes widened. “Who the fuck are you?”
“Where is Julie?”
Cocking a lip, the blond pointed down the hall.
Lila followed her pointed finger without another word.
She found Julie in the kitchen, still wearing pink cotton pajamas, in the midst of pulling waffles out of the toaster. Teeth bared, Lila closed the space between them and opened her briefcase, pulling out the files she’d been collecting over the weeks.
Julie didn’t even realize there was someone zeroing in behind her as she placed her waffles on a plate and turned away from the counter.
The moment she caught sight of Lila, took in her wounded eyes, Julie knew.
“Professor James.” She froze, her voice laced with regret, trying to explain.
Closing in on her, Lila took in Julie’s wide brown eyes and threw the file at her. Hundreds of papers flew out of the folder, some hitting Julie square in the face before fluttering haphazardly to the floor.
Julie screamed at the impact, dropping the plate of waffles. It crashed onto the tile floor, hundreds of files floating to a stop all around it. She gripped the edge of the kitchen counter and pushed her body back against it, trying to get away from the fire in Lila’s eyes.
“How could you?” Lila seethed. A pair of hands took Lila’s arms from behind, but she was too wrapped up in her anger to notice. When another second passed with Julie looking stupefied, but not saying a word, Lila’s voice rose. “Do you have any idea how many girls have really been hurt—beyond human comprehension, and are called liars every single day? Do you have any idea what you’ve fucking done? I put everything on the line for you! How could you?” she screamed.
Julie continued to push against the countertop. She didn’t respond. Soon, her eyes fell from Lila’s, avoiding her gaze.
“You make me sick,” Lila spat.
Whoever was holding onto Lila’s arms tightened their grip, and when she snatched against the clenching fists, looking over her shoulder, she was stunned to find Chase behind her.
He was watching Julie with wounded eyes. “Jules,” he demanded, eyebrows raised in anticipation for an answer from Julie. For an explanation--any explanation that would make sense of all this.
When Julie continued to stand there, eyes lowered, not saying a word, Chase tugged at Lila’s arms.
Lila took her arms from Chase’s hold without tearing her eyes from Julie, pointing to the files all over the floor. They contained the unheard stories of dozens of girls on campus. Some Lila had gotten from The Safe Space, and some had been anonymously emailed.
“These are women who have actually been hurt at this university. Women who’ve been completely stripped of their dignity, their pride, and their self-worth as women. You just shit all over every single one of them. I hope you’re fucking proud of yourself.” Lila felt Chase take her arm again, becoming infuriated at Julie’s silence. “You can go straight to hell, Julie Barnes. Go to hell.”
Begrudgingly, Lila allowed Chase to pull her away. As they left the kitchen, the last thing she saw was Julie kneeling to the kitchen floor, eyes still lowered as she slowly began gathering up the scattered files.
Lila’s face was still struck with shock as she and Chase made their way out of the house.
--
“What are you even doing here?” Lila demanded, looking back at Chase as they flew down the porch stairs and across the front yard.
His truck was parked at the curb, along with dozens of other cars that stretched down the block.
Chase shoved his hand in his pockets, following closely after Lila as he fingered his car keys out. “Julie called me earlier. She was upset. Crying. I just came to check on her.”
Lila scoffed. “Yeah, I bet she was upset. Upset that she’d lost your attention for all of two seconds. You’re the reason she lied; you know that right? Clearly she feels like this was the only way to get you to look at her. Now she’s destroyed any chance I had of giving girls who are really suffering a serious chance at this god forsaken school.”
Thunder Rolls (The Almeida Brothers Trilogy Book 2) Page 29