by T L Osborn
I turn around to check on my group of children which include Charlotte and her best friends Amelia, Matilda and Sophie. They’re all sitting nicely on the bus talking, laughing excitedly together.
Smiling, I look out the windows. The bus pulls away from the school and Glenn gets all the kids in the mood for singing some songs. Mainly The Wheels on the Bus, Incy Wincy Spider and he even brought along a copy of The Wonky Donkey by Craig Smith, which the kids demanded to be sung over and over.
By the time we arrive, the adults don’t want to hear another version of The Wonky Donkey.
Gathering my group and making sure they stay together, everyone makes their way inside where Glenn pays the funds for the trip and is told we just need to wait for the officers who will be coming.
My heart soars, hoping that it will be Toby showing us around, but he can’t. Surely he’s got much more important things to be doing than showing a bunch of school kids around the museum.
Gathering the students, we move into the main area when a police officer enters from another room.
“Uncle Toby,” Charlotte squeals with delight and my heart leaps into my throat. I can’t believe he’s actually here. Before I can stop her, Charlotte is running over to him and he’s lifting her into his arms.
“Hey squirt.” She gives him a huge hug and jealousy wells within me. Yes, I’m jealous of a little girl who possibly loves him more than I could ever dream. I’m being stupid, I know I am but I can’t help it.
Snap out of it idiot I scold myself as he puts Charlotte down.
I lift my eyes to look at him and find his locked onto me. Those hazel eyes are ablaze with lust and he smiles my way. I feel my face flush with heat as the rest of my body is awash with desire.
God! He looks so fucking sexy in his uniform.
“Hello everyone I’m Detective Tobias Thompson. I’ve been with the police force for nearly twelve years, rising from a constable to a detective. Within my line of work, I’ve done many roles along the way before finally deciding I enjoyed solving puzzles the most. Today, it’s my job to help you all learn about the police and what we do within our community. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and no question is a silly one.
There’s complete silence from the boys in my class which surprises me because usually they never stop talking.
Toby continues. “For now, we will break into smaller groups. Some of you will go with Officer Jodi to try on the uniforms, do some colouring and learn about the different ranks. Others will head outside to join Officer Craig and his dog Fido where he has a car you can look at, and will show you some of the training we do with the dogs. I will take the remainder of your group through the museum part. Does anyone have any questions?”
One boy shoots his hand into the air. Toby points to him. “Do you have a question?”
The small blonde haired boy nods. “Where’s the toilet?”
Toby’s face cracks into a grin. “Oh, umm. That’s a really great question.”
Glenn takes control of the situation and takes the wee fella away.
“How about anyone else?” Toby asks.
Another hand shoots up. “Have you ever caught a bad guy?”
“More than once I can assure you.”
A few more hands shoot up with other questions to which Toby answers all of them the best way he can before we break off into our groups.
I’m part of the first group to go around with Toby and to my disappointment so is Felicity who literally tries to hang off the man. Toby manages to take hold of Charlotte’s hand and her friend Amelia’s instead. Shaking my head, I follow behind them, trying to listen to what Toby says while enjoying the exhibits. Every time Toby gets close to me, Felicity somehow manages to worm her way in between us and I swear I hear Toby mutter something beneath his breath.
Once our turn is over, our group heads to the colouring and dress-up section before heading outside. We’re watching the kids look at the cars and bikes on display when a familiar figure comes out to stand beside me.
“Staring at another hot cop?” he whispers in my ear.
I lean towards him and before I know it, the words tumble from my mouth. “No one is as hot as you in the uniform.”
I swear, beneath his beard, I see him blush.
“How have you been?” he asks.
“Not too bad just busy working. You?”
“Good. I’ve been waiting to hear from you.”
“I’m only about halfway through the box; give me a chance.”
“Aww, come on! It’s just like reading a romance book, which from memory you love.”
“Was that your memory from four days ago or fifteen years?”
“Both.”
“Ah. Well you know I loved the Sweet Valley High series back then and now I love reading anything I can get my hands on—especially romance.”
He rolls his eyes. “No wonder you get along with Aria so well.”
“So how did you get roped into being here for the day?” I ask.
He chuckles. “Luck I guess. I didn’t know it was your school coming. I’m glad you’re here Sash, I’ve missed you.”
The way my name rolls off his tongue sends a delicious shiver down my spine. My vagina begs to be touched. Only, I don’t get to tell him I’ve missed him too as we hear the laughter of all the kids as they come screaming out of the building and ready to sit down to have some lunch.
Charlotte comes racing over. “Uncle Toby are you staying for lunch?” she asks him with some hopefulness.
“Sure squirt.” He laughs, but before we can chat further he’s dragged away to sit with her and her wee friends. I notice as soon as he sits down she practically leaps into his lap, securing her place.
I walk over and join them, having brought my own lunch. As I open my lunchbox, Toby immediately spots the double chocolate brownie.
“Is that what I think it is? Your famous double chocolate brownie recipe?” he asks.
“Sure is. It’s never failed me yet.”
He grabs it up and begins to unwrap it. I stare at him in absolutely horror. “Thanks. You know its hard work showing all these kids around.”
“Uncle Toby, you need to ask Miss Sasha if you’re allowed that. It’s polite,” Charlotte scolds him.
“You’re right. Miss Sasha, will you share your brownie with me?” Toby asks.
I nod as he smiles. I feel a set of eyes watching us and as I turn my head to find out by whom, I see Felicity is giving me the most evil look she can muster.
Once lunch is over and the kids are accounted for and on the bus, I turn to say goodbye to Toby and he opens his arms which I gleefully step into.
He squeezes me tightly. “It was great to see you, Sash. We will catch up soon.”
He doesn’t seem like he quite wants to let go and I’ll admit, neither do I. I feel his lips softly graze my cheek in a soft kiss. I’d much rather have those lips touching mine.
Reluctantly, I climb onto the bus and watch him walk away to speak to his work colleagues. He turns, giving me one last wave.
“Miss Sasha is he your boyfriend?” One of the girls asks. I feel my face flush with heat. What I would give to answer ‘yes’ to that question.
Toby
“Mummy, I saw Uncle Toby hug my teacher today,” Charlotte bursts out over dinner, making me almost inhale my mouthful of food and start choking.
Banging my chest, I struggle to swallow until Simon whacks me hard on my back.
“You all right there, mate?” he asks, sliding my beer over to me.
I nod, taking a swig.
Fuck! I didn’t think anyone saw it.
“Uncle Toby are you going to marry my teacher?” Charlotte asks me point-blank.
I shake my head. “No squirt, she’s just a very old friend of mine who I was surprised to see today.”
“Then why did you kiss her?” she asks.
I drop my knife and fork.
Fuck! She saw that.
“You kissed her
?” Simon asks, throwing me a ‘you dog’ grin. “Wow. Okay, I know you had a thing with this chick but isn’t she engaged?”
“She is and I didn’t kiss her. I think it might’ve looked like I did.”
I’d kissed her all right and I wanted more, so much more.
Charlotte pouts at me in disappointment.
“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Aria asks.
“I want them to get married and live happily ever after,” she whines.
“Well honey, things don’t always work out like that. I was lucky that I found your mummy but unfortunately Sasha, your teacher, and Uncle Toby are just friends,” Simon says. “Now, come on; eat your dinner then I’ll give you a bath and we can go watch a movie in Mummy and Daddy’s room if you’d like.”
“Can we read a book too?” Charlotte asks.
“Well you do have a homework book to read so how about you read that to me?” he suggests.
She sighs. “Okay. If I have to.”
I smirk into my plate, making sure this time Charlotte doesn’t see. She’s already got Aria’s sass.
We finish dinner and Simon marches Charlotte upstairs for her bath.
“So you kissed Sasha?” Aria asks as her and I rinse the dishes.
“It wasn’t like a romantic kiss, more a glide across her cheek. A friendly gesture. I didn’t think anyone had seen it.”
“Clearly someone did and she doesn’t know what keeping a secret is,” Aria says. “Toby, you’re playing with fire.”
“I know but I can’t stop nor do I want to. Sis, I want Sasha in my life but I know I’m fooling myself that we can be friends. She’s engaged to another man for Christ’s sake. But if this is the only way I keep her in my life, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“At the expense of your own happiness?” Aria asks, pouring herself another wine.
I shrug. “Happiness. What is happiness? For me it only ever meant Sasha. I go to work, come home, eat, shower, sleep and repeat. Ari, I haven’t been happy since she walked out of my life, not truly at least; and now she’s back. So yes, if this is all I have to cling to then so be it.”
She sighs and grumbles something about men as her husband returns. “Something wrong baby?” Simon asks, kissing her.
“Talk some sense into him would you?” she snaps, pointing at me.
She marches away and Simon looks my way.
“What sense am I talking into you because I have a feeling nothing I say will make a difference? You’ve already made up your mind about keeping Sasha in your life and how you want to do it but I will warn you to tread lightly especially around this fiancé.”
“Aria said when she first met him that he rubbed her the wrong way.”
“Your sister is usually right about these things. Try to involve him where you can and if things go your way don’t push a relationship to happen straight away. Be there as friend, not her rebound hook-up. If she’s the only one you ever want, you don’t want to be her rebound.”
“You reckon they could break up?”
He shrugs. “I dunno, I’m just giving you my advice. Just…uh…don’t tell my wife that instead of talking you out of it, I’m supporting you because like her, it would be nice to see you truly happy, and the only time you smile like you’re really happy is whenever Sasha is mentioned.”
“You’ve been hanging around my sister and her romance book club far too long, bro. You need to come to our place for a guys’ night.”
He chuckles. “And you need an ass kicking at pool.”
Aria comes back into the room moments later. “Charlotte is asking if Uncle Toby would read to her before he goes home.”
Smiling, I take the stairs two at a time, racing up to Charlotte’s room. I secretly read her two stories instead of one and tell her not to tell anyone else I kissed Sasha. Once done, I make my way downstairs.
“Thanks for dinner guys but I’m going to leave you to the rest of your night and go home. I probably have a large mess to clean up that Henry made or at least a litter tray to tidy.” I laugh.
“Take care Toby and we’ll arrange that guys’ night,” Simon says.
“Yeah, will do.”
I hug Aria goodbye and exit the house, leaving them to their evening.
Driving home, I think of Sasha, especially as I drive past the school where I know Charlotte goes. She hasn’t given away what she’s thinking about those letters. It leaves me frustrated. I don’t know where we stand. Lucky for me I have the next two days off of work and I’m hoping she calls.
Chapter Eleven
Sasha
My Angel,
It’s been a year since you left. A year with this hole in my heart. I don’t think I can take this anymore. For six months I’ve been writing and getting my letters returned. I know it’s not you writing ‘return to sender’. I would know your handwriting anywhere but someone, my love, is trying to tear us apart and I’m afraid they’ve succeeded.
I never thought I’d have to live my life without you; without seeing your beautiful face every day, without seeing our dreams come true.
I’d spin the bottle one last time just to feel your lips upon mine, but for now I can only hope that one day you’ll come back to me.
Always and Forever.
Love Toby.
Tears stream down my face as I read this letter. This is the final letter inside the box and I’ve devoured every single one over the last few days.
I wipe my eyes with my fingertips before re-reading his words again.
My heart breaks like it did the first time, when I was driven away by my dad—without saying goodbye—without one last hug or kiss from Toby, my love, my life—at least he was when I seventeen.
Folding the letter up gently, I place it back into the envelope but it’s only as I turn it over in my hands do I see there’s no ‘return to sender’ written on it.
Does that mean he never sent this one? If so, why?
I don’t recognise the handwriting on the outside of the letters and I’ve wracked my brain over that fact and reading them repeatedly in the last few weeks. I finally realise that Toby was telling the truth because I never got any of these letters. However, I don’t understand how he never got mine because mine weren’t returned to me. Tucking the envelope containing the letter into my handbag, I gingerly apply a new light layer of foundation before turning the car on and making my way home.
This is the routine I have had all week since I started reading the letters. Kyle noticed I was upset on Monday night when I got in and I lied, telling him I’d had a horrible parent confront me which I hadn’t. Tomorrow I’m determined to go and see Toby, confront him and ask a few questions that have been lingering.
I park my car and make my way inside where I find Kyle in the bedroom changing out of his work clothes.
“Hi sweetie, how was your day?” he asks.
“It was long but I got through it.”
“That’s great. Listen, I’m going away next week for work. I leave on Sunday night and I’ve left your number with my colleagues as their wives are having dinner next week. I’d like for you to make an effort and get to know them.”
I hesitate and look at him. His strong masculine face is firm and his eyes are cold as they stare at me.
Does he seriously expect me to get along with these ladies? The same ones who barely spoke to me the other night?
The simple answer is yes.
“Sure. I’ll try.”
He smiles. “That’s my girl.”
He places a kiss to my forehead, the most affection he’s shown me in a while, and exits the room, leaving me confused.
I care and love Kyle. I know it’s silly but I believe the issues we have are just teething problems of living together. Though, more often than not with Kyle, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and I need to watch what I say, how I act and can’t be myself.
Then there’s Toby and things with him are easy, uncomplicated and fun. He makes me laugh and smile in a way
I haven’t for a long time. A pit of guilt forms in my stomach as I think about my meeting with Toby and the secret letters.
Do I do feel a deeper love for Toby than I should? Is it normal? I’m so confused I don’t know what to do or how to feel.
“Are you coming downstairs, honey?” I hear Kyle call from the hall.
A moment goes by before I find my voice. “Coming.”
I make my way towards the stairs. He’s holding a glass of wine and being very sweet towards me. It makes me wonder what he’s hiding or not telling me, or has he just woken up and realised that I actually exist and I’m not just his roommate? Either way, I decide to enjoy his company for the evening and he even helps in the kitchen to cook dinner. For the first time since I moved in, I get a glimpse of the old Kyle, the one I fell in love with and I wonder if we might have a nice normal evening together, sip some wine, maybe find our attraction again.
“This is nice, just the two of us,” I say as his phone vibrates on the dining room table.
Picking it up he smiles as he answers the message.
“I’m off to have a few drinks with the guys.”
“Ky, what about spending some time with me? You do go away next week.”
“Sasha, I said I’m going out and that’s final. God! You’re so needy.” He huffs as he pulls on his jacket and exits the house. No kiss goodbye or nothing. I knew his behaviour was too good to be true and I stupidly believed he might have changed.
I’m such an idiot.
Toby
I arrive home after my 5 km run, sweating profusely and still thinking about Sasha. I’d hoped the run might’ve helped alleviate some of the anxiety I’ve had since I handed her my box of letters but it hasn’t. I haven’t heard from her at all and I’m beginning to think she thinks I’m nuts or maybe there was no chance for us to have a friendship at all.