by Tiana Cole
“I want you right now,” he whispered into my ear. He pulled away to look into my eyes and read the thoughts in them. I didn't have to utter a single word. My eyes told him I wanted him too. In fact, my whole body ached for him. I half closed my eyes and smiled. Joshua took my hand and walked me towards a tall building.
There were lights on in the foyer as we entered and walked to the elevator. Joshua got in after me and stood behind me. He pressed the button and drew closer to me, his hands sliding up to my breasts, grabbing them hard as he placed tiny kisses on my neck. I was become moist between my legs.
The elevator door opened. Along the corridor Joshua unlocked a door. His apartment was big. He put on a side light and came to join me where I stood with my hands on the back of the large sofa in the middle of the room. With my back to him he put his hands onto my hands and began to kiss the side of my neck. He licked the skin and pressed his body closer to mine.
Next he pulled the bottom of my dress up to my waist and pulled my panties completely off. I heard the zipper of his trousers come down and felt his cock hard against me. He shoved it between my legs and began to rub it near the entrance of my pussy, the wetness coming from me was making it moist and ready to enter. He placed a finger on my clit as he continued to pulse his hips and kiss my neck.
I moaned and opened my legs wider. He liked to tease. I remembered that. He knew I wanted him to push straight into my waiting pussy but he continued to let the tip of his cock rub tantalizingly close to my entrance.
He pulled his pants completely off and walked me to the front of the sofa. He took off my dress. I stood in front of him in just a lace bra. He drew tiny spirals on my nipples over my bra. I grabbed his cock with both hands and stroked it from tip to base.
Joshua backed up to the sofa and sat down. He pulled me onto him and guided myself onto his hard penis and let it sink into the damp opening of my pussy. I began to rotate my hips on top of him. I felt the friction of his lower stomach on my clit and it was electric. I reached behind to undo my bra. Joshua held my buttocks and guided me on to make faster movements with my hips. I threw off my bra, Joshua pulled my nipple into his mouth and sucked hard.
I gyrated faster, I heard Joshua moan. My orgasm was overwhelming me, flowing from the deepness of my pussy, out over my clit, along my whole body as I gripped the back of Joshua's hair, screaming in complete surrender of the moment. Joshua pumped my hips faster as he climaxed, releasing my nipple as he panted and came, the side of his face against my breasts.
“God,” he whispered. “That was so good.”
“It's just like I remembered,” I said under my breath.
“What did you say?” Joshua looked up at me.
“N-nothing.” I eased myself off Joshua. “Can I take a shower?”
“Of course,” he said and pointed to the door. “It's first on the right, through the bedroom.”
I realized that he was looking at me completely differently and I could feel his eyes following me to the door. I could swear there was a questioning look in his eyes as well as in his voice.
I turned on the taps in the shower, flashes of the night I ran away from the hotel room that first night with Joshua came to me. Then something else occurred to me, something I hadn't thought about until that very moment. What would have happened if I'd stayed in the hotel that night?
Chapter 13
When I stepped out of the shower, Joshua was in the room.
“You made me jump,” I said.
“I'm sorry, I was coming to join you but you've already finished.” He got under the water while I went into his bedroom with a towel wrapped around me. I went through to the living room to retrieve my clothes before drying off back in the bedroom. I slipped off the towel and began to pat my skin with it when Joshua came into the bedroom.
He had a towel around him but I could see he had another erection. I tried to ignore it and reached for my panties.
“Wait,” he said. “You told me you didn't have to rush off. I don't want you to leave so quickly.” He was coming towards me and removing his towel at the same time. We were naked again and he took my hand and placed it on his cock. I led him to the bed and threw myself onto it. He climbed on top of me and we began to kiss. His kisses were all over my neck, my chest and on the dark, erect tips of my nipples which he spiraled with his tongue before biting me.
I arched my back. I was ready to receive. He plunged inside me and I immediately hooked my legs around his waist. We made love, silently. I came quickly and enjoyed the feeling of Joshua thrusting deep inside me and taking his time before exploding into a wild and rough orgasm. His face was buried in the pillow and he came without a sound.
Eventually, he looked up.
“You're not going to run off are you?” he said. “I've got some brandy in the other room. Join me?”
I nodded, yes. I was becoming tired and it was now or never. I had to tell Joshua. He wrapped his towel around him and offered me his bath robe.
“One drink,” he said and led me to the living room. I sat on a stool at the bar in the corner of the vast space. Joshua poured two very full tumblers of brandy.
“I'm not sure I can manage that much,” I said.
Joshua leaned over the counter and stared into my eyes while we sipped our brandy. I couldn't understand why I felt like I was under scrutiny. Had he read something in my eyes or my actions that told him I had a secret? I thought he must have picked up on something and was staying quiet while I gathered the momentum to say what was on my mind. He was sensitive like that. I liked that about him.
But his intense gaze was making me nervous. The words, “Do you remember a night in a bar nearly three years ago?” were on the tip of my tongue but I had to stop looking into those eyes of his. Instead, I let my eyes wander to the mahogany table on the other side of the room. I noticed for the first time the row of photographs. Joshua's family I assumed. I saw that there were a few that were black and white and they got me curious.
“The family?” I said breaking the silence as I pointed towards the framed pictures with my glass.
“Yes, a few old favorites from my mother's collection. She was clearing out and wanted to distribute some of them around the family.”
“May I?” I asked and stepped down off the stool.
“Of course, be my guest.”
Joshua followed me to the table. It looked like it also had been in the family a long time. All of the picture frames were silver and heavy looking. I pointed at one of the black and white ones of a married couple.
“Are those your parents?” I asked.
“Grand parents. They're my mother's mom and dad.”
“You look a bit like your grandfather,” I said.
“So I've been told.”
“And who are these girls?”
“My sisters. Libby?” Joshua cleared his throat.
“Yes?”
“Do you remember the first time we met I had this feeling we'd met before.”
I lowered my eyes. “Yes I do.”
“Well I went away thinking it was deja vu or something. But I thought that, in life, you meet and see so many different faces, eventually they all start looking like one you thought you'd seen before.”
“I guess. I read somewhere that there are only a certain number of types of faces and pretty soon you will come across someone who looks like someone else, even if they're not related.”
“And the other thing I thought about was something my grandfather, the one in the picture, said to me about the time he first met my grandmother.”
“Oh? What was that?”
“Well, they were seventeen when they met and my grandfather said he took one look at her and instantly a flash in his head showed him what my grandmother would look like when she was old. That's when he knew they'd always be together.”
“That's so romantic. I'm sure everyone dreams of having a romantic first encounter with the one they love.”
I became self consci
ous again. This wasn't going as planned. Joshua bringing up such a sweet first encounter made me all the more worried about letting him know that ours was far from sweet. Hot, yes, but sweet, no way. Not with all that blood pumping, sweat on our bodies and limbs all over the place.
Then, all of a sudden, I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell Joshua, not then. One day but not that night.
“Joshua, I'm going to get dressed. I think I should go.”
“Really?” he said. “Already?”
“Yes. It's pretty late and I've had too much to drink.” I pushed my glass into his hand. I noticed then that he'd drank most of his large amount of brandy. The whites of his eyes were almost pink, with his hair in a mess. He reminded me so much of the Joshua as I remembered him from Adrenalin. Wild and yet peaceful at the same time.
It was obvious that Joshua was drunk again.
“Go,” he said. “Go, get changed and I'll call for a taxi.”
I went swiftly to the bedroom to get dressed, all the time thinking that I'd let Tracy down. I hadn't owned up. But in truth, I'd let myself down. I shouldn't have held on to this for so long. It now seemed impossible for me to ever say anything to Joshua. Maybe not face to face. Maybe I could put it all in a letter. The coward’s way out. That way he'd have time to think it through, decide what he thought of me, decide what he was prepared to do for his daughter.
That was it, I thought, as I zipped up my dress. I'd put it all in a letter.
Back in the living room, Joshua was sitting on the sofa. He had one of the framed photographs in his hand.
“The taxi will be here in five minutes,” he said.
“Okay, good. I better find my purse and go down.”
“I'll walk with you,” he said.
“No, honestly. You stay here. You look like you could just fall into bed.” I noticed then that he had drunk the rest of my brandy. Both our empty glasses were on the coffee table in front of him and he still had hold of that photograph. As I walked towards him to kiss him goodbye he stood up and turned the photo onto the coffee table, face down.
He hooked my chin upwards and thrust his tongue into my mouth. It tasted of brandy, but I suspected mine did too. I put my arms around his broad, bare shoulders, wishing deep down that I could stay wrapped up in his arms for the rest of the night. But I had to get home. Reluctantly I pulled away and walked to the door. I expected Joshua to at least walk me to his front door but he stayed where he was.
I looked back at him. “Joshua?” He seemed to be looking through me.
“Libby – I know.”
“What do you mean, you know? You know what?”
“I know who you are?”
I tried to swallow but the inside of my mouth was dry. I took a couple of steps back towards Joshua.
“How long?” I asked him. “How long have you known? Did you just work it out because we slept together. Because I knew it was you from the moment I saw you.”
“So why didn't you say anything?” he said.
“Why? Because I panicked. I was embarrassed. You had no idea who I was. Do have any idea how that feels, Joshua? To have given yourself to a man and for him not to even have remembered you.”
“I'm ashamed for that, Libby. You have no idea, but it wasn't because of tonight that I remembered. I started putting it together since the party. Then after lunch, the way you laughed, your smile, a certain expression on your face and I could see you clearly from that night. We were both so drunk. It actually took a few days for the information to even come back to me.”
“Well, now it's back. We had a one night stand and now you can lose respect for me can't you? I'm a slut in your opinion. Like Laura and Penny?”
I turned to leave.
“How could you have had lunch with me and let me shoot my mouth off about not respecting women who had one night stands?” he said. “Why didn't you stick up for yourself instead of letting me sound like an ass and make a fool of myself like some pompous fool?”
“Well maybe you are a pompous fool, Joshua. Maybe that's you all over.” I had my hand on the door handle.
“And maybe you're just a liar,” he said to me. I stopped in my tracks. I turned cold and slowly rounded on him.
“What are you talking about?”
“Knowing who you are isn't all there is to it,” he said. “I asked you lots of questions about Giselle and because of her age I got thinking... what if she was mine? But I kept saying, no. Libby might not want to admit to a one night stand but if she had my baby then surely she'd have told me by now.”
“Joshua, I-”
“Libby couldn't keep such a secret from me, she's not like that.” He picked up the framed photograph and walked with a drunken slant towards me. “I asked you when Giselle was born and I asked you when you separated from your husband. I knew there was a chance then, a chance that she was mine. But still I kept saying, no, Libby would have said something by now. It's been two months. I was in your office a second time and I looked at Giselle's photograph. The resemblance was just too much.”
“Let me explain, Joshua...it's not as bad as you're making out. I'm not a liar.”
“Not telling the truth is the same as telling lies.” He looked down at the photograph. “When mom was giving the old photographs to us, I asked for one of me. Because I remembered she'd shown me a picture taken when I was about two years old, and she gave me this.” He held the photograph right up to my face, so close it almost touched my skin. I squinted at it because up so close it was blurred. But it was unmistakable. It was almost as if Giselle had copied the pose and the smile of the two year old Joshua in the photograph. It was like looking at the same child.
“Joshua, I'm sorry.”
“No more lies, Libby. I just want you to go.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I can't tell you how you lying to me has lost me more respect for you than any one night stand could ever do.”
“So you've been testing me all this time? Testing to see if I'd tell you?”
He turned his back on me and walked back to the sofa. Letting the photograph fall to the floor he reclined onto the sofa as if he needed a rest from me. Like I'd broken his heart and left him devastated. I was infuriated by his blatant arrogance. I marched over to him. His head was back and he covered his eyes with his arm and turned away from me.
“How dare you judge me!” I blasted the words into his face. With his eyes covered by his arm as though the light was bothering his eyes, but all I could see were of his face were his lips. They shaped the words: “Just go.”
I ran from his apartment and slammed the door behind me. It seemed that each time I ran from Joshua, I was running to another phase of my life. Who would I be tomorrow and had I lost Giselle the only real chance of every knowing her real father? As far as I knew, Joshua never wanted to see me again.
Chapter 14
My cheeks felt cold as I got onto the street. I realized it was because I'd been crying and the air was cooling my hot and angry tears. I stood for several moments outside Joshua's apartment building my shoulders heaving up as I continued to cry until I reached a point of exhaustion.
I had run all the way down because I didn't want to stop for the elevator. Now I was regretting that decision as I had to stop and bend over my knees to catch my breath through the sobs.
I half hoped he would come after me but I knew that he was angry and maybe too drunk. What would be the point? So that we could argue on the sidewalk instead? I tried to calm my breathing and think back to the conversation. I was convinced I had every right to be angry with the way Joshua led me into a trap like that. Testing me, deciding in his mind whether I was a trustworthy person or not.
I sat in the back of the taxi, fuming all the way home but with every second passing that brought me closer to home, I came to see the whole thing from Joshua's side. Of course he was angry. He wasn't testing me, he was giving me an opportunity to tell him the truth. The truth should have been out long ago. If I'd
been straight with him, the ball would have been firmly in his court. How he chose to handle the situation would have been down to Joshua.
I had second guessed his reaction and always put a negative spin on it; he'd think I was cheap, he'd run a mile. I should have just damn well told him.
But if he knew she was his, if he’d so brilliantly put it all together, why did he sleep with me before he picked such a horrible fight. Why would he throw a fit like that no matter how drunk he was? If I was so important to him then why did it take so long for him to realize who I was?
None of it made sense. I became angry, it wasn’t his right to judge me and she was just as much my child. Really she was more, I’d raised her all this time. I wouldn’t want to just blurt that kind of news out to him without really knowing what kind of person he was first.
That was understandable, wanting your daughter to have the best father possible, and if you didn’t know someone, dating them was the best way to make sure you knew them before you spilled the beans. Was I just making excuses for myself?
I let myself quietly into the apartment and gently opened the door to Giselle's bedroom. Layla was asleep on the floor in her room with the quilt from my bed by the looks of it. I looked at Giselle sleeping soundly and pulled my lips into a thin line of despair.
What had I done?
Tracy called me the next day.
“How did it go?” she asked.
“Not good,” I told her.
“I'll swing by later honey.” She could tell in my voice that I was cut up and there might have been a slight quiver in my lips that gave away my need to want to cry again. I had barely slept all night and now I was so tired I could cry from sleeplessness alone.
I had given Giselle a bath and tucked her into bed when Tracy came around later that evening. She had with her a bottle of red wine and a sympathetic expression on her face.
“Tell me everything,” she said as we sat down in the kitchen with the opened bottle of wine in the middle of the table and our glasses already filled. I told Tracy all about my night.