Ella and I shared a knowing look and she winked at me before placing a final basil leaf on top of what looked to be a margarita pie.
“What’s the latest on the surgery anyway?” Mom looked up from her pizza, finding my eyes and holding my gaze with a warm smile.
My poor mother was so torn. On one hand, she was grateful for my generosity—I’d be helping out one of her oldest and dearest friends. But on the other hand, she was worried about her son. She feared the obvious, much like London, and she’d grilled me more than once to make sure she was in the loop about every detail. But I didn’t want anyone to worry about me, even if I guessed it came with the territory.
“Last we spoke, Doctor Bronson was ironing out a few last minute things and she’d get back to us with a date.” I spoke as I searched for the corkscrew in the drawer. Learning where London had placed all of our stuff was still a challenge for me. She must’ve sensed this, because she came up behind me with the fancy new electric wine opener already in hand.
“Where’d this come from?” I asked.
“Housewarming present from Sophie. She got us this and a beautiful set of wine glasses. We have to have her and her husband over one night.”
“Definitely.” I smiled, taking the new contraption from London and leaning in to tap her nose with my lips.
“Ella, have you heard from Memphis at all?” My mom’s question made the entire kitchen fall silent save for the buzzing of the electric corkscrew.
Ella’s face bunched up with saddened frustration and my heart stopped at the mention of him. Again, I prayed my guilty conscience didn’t give me away, but before I could change the topic altogether, London answered for her mother.
“No, none of us have heard from him. He hasn’t answered a single text, call, or email.”
“Are you sure he’s okay?” Of course, Mom thought like a mom. At first Ella had, too. But after countless attempts and knowing his track record, London and her mother had simply given up. Which bided me more time. Time that was running out because that guilty conscience of mine was not only keeping me up at night, it was also a constant reminder that I was lying to London.
“He’s fine,” I butted in before anyone else could. I would come clean. Maybe even tonight. But not now. I didn’t want to upset Ella and there was still the matter of figuring out how to make sure London stayed safe once I did tell her. “This is what Memphis does, isn’t it?”
I looked to London and then Ella, and immediately felt like a piece of shit for keeping them in the dark. Memphis was indeed fine. But he was also in over his head, and it was in everyone’s best interest if he stayed away until the smoke cleared and he found his footing again.
“Yes, unfortunately, it is,” London mused, closing the oven door after placing all the pizzas inside. She wiped her hands on a dishcloth that hung over her shoulder and then walked up to me, hugging me at the waist. “I just wish that wasn’t the case. I don’t know what we did to him to make him hate us so much.”
London’s summation of her brother’s disregard for his family had Ella in immediate tears. Seeing her cry and hearing London so wistful only made this that much harder. It also made it painfully clear that they were better off not knowing the real reason Memphis hadn’t come around.
If only I could tell them a little bit, ease their minds and let them know that he didn’t hate them, even if he was a selfish, reckless asshole.
I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I had to give them something. “I guess now might be a good time to tell you that he sent me a very vague, very brief email about a week ago.” It was a lie, but it was the best I could do right now.
London perked up at my side and Ella swiped at the last of her tears. My mom clutched her friend’s hand, waiting on bated breath to hear what I would say next.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” London’s first reaction was enough to prove that if she found out everything, she’d hate me even more for not telling her sooner.
I eyed all three women before bringing my gaze to the only one who really mattered. “Babe, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to upset you. And he didn’t say much anyway. Just that he’s been very busy at work and feels terrible he can’t get away for the surgeries.”
“That’s it?” she scoffed, pushing off of me and crunching her nose in disgust. “He didn’t mention anything about the hundreds of times I tried to get him, or about not being tested as a donor? He really is something else. What a selfish piece of—”
“London.” Ella interrupted London’s tirade, rising from her stool to walk to her daughter. “It doesn’t matter. Like Sam said before, this is what Memphis does. He’s too wrapped up in his own world. Forget about it. I did. I can’t say it doesn’t hurt, but I learned a long time ago to just let him be. He’ll come around when he wants to, not because he has to. It’s what I have left of him and I’m okay with that.”
“But how?” London shouted. “How can you be okay with that? He’s your son. You were an amazing mother. You raised us on your own and gave us everything, even when you couldn’t. How can he just forget that? Pretend you don’t exist? You need him now and he should want to repay you for always being there when he needed you. What the hell is wrong with him?”
Ella released a deep, lung-emptying breath and then threw her arms around London.
I wanted to swoop in and comfort them both, but they needed to lean on each other. As much as it killed me to not leap to London’s aid, I backed away and walked over to Mom, who was shaking her head. “I’m so sorry I brought him up,” she whispered. “I would’ve never said anything had I known it would turn into this.”
And therein lay the number one reason I’d chosen to keep my mouth shut. Yes, I was lying. Yes, I was risking London’s trust. But at the slightest mention of his name, everything went to shit. I wasn’t having that. I couldn’t watch my girl hurt.
Fuck, I was in the predicament of all predicaments, wasn’t I? I was pretty sure I wouldn’t sleep a wink tonight, either. But it was my job to make sure London was happy at all times. It just so happened it was also my job to keep her out of harm’s way—the way Memphis and Hunter had made me promise.
TIME HAD SOMEHOW managed to sneak up on us. It was hard to believe our surgeries were tomorrow. I had so many emotions rattling through me, it was impossible to relax—as per the advice from every doctor and medical website under the sun.
WebMd had told me how to prep my mind and body for the kidney donation, but WebMd didn’t know shit. Not even the detailed info I read from the National Kidney Foundation could mentally prepare me for what I was about to do.
It was scary but it would be rewarding because the bottom line was—it was necessary. Ella needed my kidney. London needed Ella. And regardless of what those websites and pamphlets said every donor needed right before surgery, I really only needed one thing.
London.
I needed to spend the night in her arms, inside her, making love to her like I’d never get the chance to ever again. I needed to tell her what she meant to me, how much I loved and cherished her, until the words were branded on her heart. And I needed to tell her what I should’ve told her the minute I came home from China and decided to fight for her.
But how? Hearing the truth would hurt her. I didn’t want to hurt her. Tonight especially, all I wanted to do was love her. And as I stared into the most beautiful brown eyes I’d ever seen, I couldn’t bring myself to release this weight unto her. I couldn’t break her when she’d finally been put back together. When she was finally mine.
I was a coward, a bigger asshole than her ex-husband, a more selfish prick than her brother. But London didn’t know that. She only saw me as the man who would give her the world, the man who owned her heart. And even though the confession burned the tip of my tongue and begged to be spit out and set free, I couldn’t do it. Not yet. Not before I had her one more time.
“I’m scared,” she said, caressing my hairless face. I’d shaved the beard
for the surgery and London seemed enamored by the smooth skin beneath her dainty fingers.
I cupped my hand over hers and smiled. “Don’t be. Everything is going to be fine.” But would it? I was confident that the surgeries would go well and I had a gut feeling Ella and I would recover like champs. I hated that I couldn’t focus on those positives and go into this with a clear head. I didn’t want tonight to be the night I told her, but maybe it was time. Maybe it was best to get it over with. London couldn’t be too mad at me right before I was about to give her mother my kidney and essentially save her life. I’d give her permission to hate me afterward.
“Babe,” I started, my jaw ticking, nervous sweat clamming my palms. “I need to—”
“No. Shhhh.” Her finger was at my lips so fast the unspoken words remained lodged in my throat. “I don’t want to talk anymore. Not about this. I just spent all night going over everything with my mother ad nauseam. Trying to ease her mind while my own was racing with the fear of the unknown—it wasn’t exactly easy. I’m trying to be strong for both of you, and I hate myself for even admitting this to you when you and Mom are the ones actually having the surgeries, but . . . I’m a mess, Sam, and there’s only one thing—one way—for us to spend this night together. And it’s not rehashing what we already know until we’re blue in the face.”
At that, she shed the quilted blanket that covered her body and straddled me. “I need you, babe. I need to feel you tonight. To feel your love.”
She wore a silky white nightgown that bunched up at her thighs as she spread her legs on either side of my body. Her nipples were already hard, poking through the thin fabric, her dark hair falling down her back in long, sexy waves.
I couldn’t stop staring at her as I rubbed my hands up and down her thighs. In the white nighty she looked like a virgin waiting to be taken on her wedding night. Maybe I was a pussy for letting my brain go that route with her slickness grinding against my already rock solid shaft, but fuck it. I couldn’t help it. She was a seductive angel and it’d be a sin to not give her what she needed. What we both needed. Everything else could fucking wait.
“I love you so much, Sam. You know that, right?” Her declaration was breathy and wanton.
“Of course, I know it. But why don’t you show me?” I grabbed her tiny waist and pulled her against me, bucking my hips upward for more friction.
Her lips instantly curled up into a devious smile, her fingers tugging at the hem of the silk.
“No.” I reached out to stop her from removing it. “Leave it on—for now. You look . . .” I bit my lip, growling, “You look fucking gorgeous.”
There was no mistaking the blush that crept to her cheeks. I laughed to myself as I watched her shift uncomfortably with the weight of my eyes on her. If that made her flush, I could only imagine her face would be fire engine red when I was through with her tonight. Because while I knew what she craved was slow, passionate lovemaking, this would be our last night together in a while. The recovery period would be hell. I had to make this count for all the nights I wouldn’t be able to touch her. I would make her remember how hot I was for her, how her body drove me to the brink of madness.
“Come here,” I demanded, pressing my hand against the small of her back. “I want to kiss you like it’s the first time and the last time.”
“Sam,” she whined, her open mouth hovering over mine. “Don’t say things like that.”
“I’m sorry, babe. But I want you to fuck me like there is no tomorrow. I want you to love me so hard, you take my breath away.”
“Oh, God,” she moaned this time, her lips seeking mine and her hands fumbling with the band of my boxers at the same time.
I aided her in removing them completely and kicked them off the edge of the bed, our kiss never ceasing, the connection never lost.
My fingers twisted in her hair as I fucked her mouth with my tongue. Her pussy, wet and tight, slid up and down my cock, teasing me to blindness. The sounds of desperation erupting from her throat matched my urgency to bury myself hard and deep.
“I have to have you,” I growled as I urged her upward, grabbing fistfuls of her tits and pinching her nipples until she screamed.
“Say what you really want,” she said, reaching between us to pump my cock and position it at her entrance.
Just the slightest feel of her slick heat on the tip of my dick had me dying for all of her. “God, London, I want to go slow. I want to taste you and touch you, every which way imaginable. But I have to fuck you. I need to be inside of you, so deeply rooted there is no beginning and no end.”
“You make even the most carnal desire sound beautiful.” She smiled at me with hooded lids, her grip becoming tighter as she lifted her hips just the slightest bit and then lowered herself down on top of me.
“Fuck,” I hissed, entering her. I would never get enough of how tight and wet she was for me.
“So good.” Her head fell back as she rocked back and forth. Her hips moved slowly at first to acclimate to the blissful intrusion, but then she picked up speed and fervor, crashing harder with each thrust, squeezing my shaft so perfectly I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.
I lifted up on my elbows but let her take charge, biting her shoulders, licking her skin. Our bodies arched and folded together as if a magnetic force anchored us to each other. Maybe it was that our hearts were tethered so closely. Like this, they beat more intensely, more in sync.
I drove into her and her hands sought out my hair, digging into my scalp and then raking down my back.
“I love you so much,” she cried between precious moans.
I could repeat the same words, the way I had many times before, or I could show her that the kind of love I had for her was not suitable for words alone.
In a fluid flash of movement, I slid out of her and repositioned our sweat-damp bodies. Pulling her to the edge of the bed, I tugged the backs of her knees so that her perfect ass teetered off the mattress. Deliberate and slow, I spread her legs and then plunged into her drenched heat once more.
“Oh, Sam,” she cried, her hands fisting the sheets at her sides.
The sound of her raspy voice, the sight of her sexy mouth in an O, and her body—her flawless, vulnerable body heaving beneath my touch—sent me into a frenzy. I pulled back only to propel forward, over and over, reaching between her legs to circle her throbbing clit with my thumb.
London unclenched her eyes and found mine. I was sure I must’ve looked like an untamed animal; I couldn’t get enough, couldn’t bury myself deep enough. But one look from her, one hint of that beautiful smile assured me that she understood.
“Love me, Sam. Love me harder and don’t ever stop.”
Locked with hers, my eyes widened. It was as if she read my mind. I shouldn’t have been surprised because there wasn’t a soul who knew me better. But it hit me hard, it rocked me to the core, to hear those words fall from her lips.
“I won’t ever stop.” I grunted, pumping harder, circling faster. “Never.”
Her soft moans became loud cries, her hands wild and uncontrolled as she clutched the sheets, her breasts, my wrists. There was no vision more breathtaking, no sight more magnificent. London let loose, our eyes refusing to disengage, and I pitched forward once more and came right along with her.
Gloriously wet and sticky, I lowered myself on top of her and held her in my arms as the last of our tremors shook through us.
When our breaths had evened out, I slid out of her but kept her in my embrace. I heard her swallow hard; I felt her heart still beating wildly against my chest. I pulled away an inch to look at her and that’s when I noticed the tear gliding down her cheek.
“Don’t cry, babe.” I lulled her with my hands in her hair, drawing her even closer.
“I can’t help it, Sam. I can’t help feeling like I wasted so much time. We haven’t had enough. I want more. I want . . . I want forever.”
Forever. The gravity of that word was not lost on me. I wanted for
ever with London more than I wanted anything else in this world. Hasty and impulsive as it sounded, I contemplated proposing to her tonight.
What we were skating around anyway? I knew this was it. She was it. And now I knew she felt the same way.
But London deserved better than a half-assed proposal without a ring. And she was scared. I didn’t want those fears to overshadow the happiness asking her to be my wife would bring us both.
Swiping her tears away with my thumb, I cupped her face in my hands. “Listen to me.” I paused to make sure she was, and not just to placate me, but to hear me.
The last of her tears glistened in her eyes and she blinked them away only to gaze back at me in wonderment.
“No time with you was ever wasted, London. Every second of our friendship meant more to me than any other relationship I’ve ever had. Without those years, those cherished, memorable years as best friends, we would just be two lovers, mad about each other, but learning at every turn. The last seventeen years taught me everything I needed to know in order to love you the way you deserve to be loved, forever. And I am going to give you that forever, babe. I will give you everything you’ve ever wanted out of life, out of love, but first, I need to give your mother my kidney. And after that, I promise you, forever is ours.”
She blinked again, another tear leaking from the corner of her eye. But when she looked at me this time, I could tell she was a little more at peace than she was before. “You just promised me forever. You can’t go back on that promise, Sam.”
I knew what she was asking. It was impossible to guarantee that nothing bad would happen on that operating table tomorrow. It was impossible to play God and pretend I had any control over the outcome of our lives. But for London, I would do or be anything. I would promise her the sun and risk being burned to lasso it from the sky.
London
I WAS A nervous wreck. I couldn’t sit still, and I was pretty sure my tear ducts had dried up from all the crying I’d done last night and this morning. Watching them roll my mother into the operating room set me off in ways I never expected.
Take My Breath Away (The Every Breath Duet Book 2) Page 6