STEP (The Senses)

by Paterson, Cindy

  But she knew it was imperative that he make this promise. If it came down to letting her die and giving her his blood to let her live, even if it was to be something he detested, he might weaken and . . . “Promise me. Never let me take your blood. This is very important.”

  The tension in his hand increased, and she winced at the pressure he caused unknowingly. His silence said much, as if he needed time to contemplate the choice. But to her there was no choice. He had to see that. Must see that.

  “I will not be Liam’s slave. Don’t make me become his slave, Damien. I can’t. It would destroy me. You must promise me no matter what happens that you will let me die.”

  “No,” Damien answered to her utter shock.

  Senses killed vamps. He had to promise her this. She was dangerous as a vampire. If she told him what she was capable of, then maybe he’d realize how serious it was. The Senses would hunt her down if they knew. She’d be a danger to herself and to everyone else if she became a vamp. “You can’t. It is against your laws to—”

  “It is against Senses laws. You’re not a Senses,” Damien clarified.

  “Yeah but—”

  “What do you want from me, Abb? I can’t give you that promise. End of discussion.”

  “So you’ll have me become something evil? Something you hate?” She was pissed. How dare he deny her this one request. “So you’d rather I take your blood and go through the Transition, then have to kill me anyway when I kill a human with my thirst.” She pounded her fist into his chest. “How dare you? Do you know what I’ll be able to do? Do you know what happens when I turn twenty-five—”

  Damien cupped her chin and his cold stare drove into her like daggers. “End of discussion, Abb.”

  She was about to refute him when his cell rang. He picked it up off the nightstand and said an abrupt “What.” She tried to hear the conversation on the other end, but whoever it was talked too swiftly and the voice was muffled. Damien said nothing, merely listened intently until he hung up.

  He got up from the bed and walked out of the room, locking the door behind him. She could hear him pacing back and forth in the tiny kitchen, then the slam of the front door. She panicked, her heart racing and her breath coming in short gasps. He never left her alone. Never. Not once had he ventured farther than the next room, and she was afraid that he’d left her here to die alone.

  Oh God, she didn’t want to die that way. Not alone. Not without his familiar scent next to her.

  But she deserved this fate. She deserved to die alone and cold, struggling for each last breath, thirst so intense that it strangled her voice. She deserved Damien’s hatred and condemnation for putting him through so many horrid months.

  But she couldn’t control the panic as time slipped by from minutes to hours and still he failed to return. She pounded on the door as a horrifying scream wrenched from her throat.

  Chapter 19

  Kilter headed back downstairs to the Tomb. He was about to knock on Rayne’s door when he heard the shower turn on. Instead, he picked up the pool cue, corralling the balls.

  He had just shot his fifth ball into a pocket when footsteps came down the stairs. He ignored them, not bothering to look up as he leaned over the table to take his next shot.

  “Hey, old buddy.”

  Kilter stiffened as he smashed the cue into the white ball and sent it flying across the room to crash into a glass table. He threw the cue onto the table and straightened. He was having no luck with the bloody game lately. “What the hell are you doing here, asshole?”

  “Waleron called Xamien wanting some help. I volunteered.” Tye walked over and grabbed the white ball that had settled in shards of glass. “Nice one.”

  Tye was a reminder of all that went wrong centuries ago, a thorn in his side that refused to come out even with a scalpel. Tye had been responsible for protecting Gemma when he was away from the castle. He failed. Kilter could hold a grudge for eternity, and Tye didn’t seem to take the hint that he held him accountable. “Fuck off. I don’t need your shit right now.”

  “No can do, buddy.” He grinned and picked up a pool cue and chalked it. “Heard Ryker finally lost it.” He sighed, shaking his head. “Hannah was sure something special. And Sandor and Derek . . .” Tye set the chalk down on the ledge. “Wish I could’ve been there to kill that Anton bastard myself.”

  Kilter pictured Rayne’s soft velvet skin being caressed by the warm water. Should be his hands caressing it. Instead, he was listening to the butthead who inadvertently led Gemma to her death.

  Tye leaned over the table and eyed the white ball. “How’s Rayne?”

  “Stay the fuck away from her,” Kilter growled.

  Tye ignored the threat and shot the white ball, which hit the green striped and sank into the left corner pocket. “Lighten up, buddy. Just asking, heard she went through some major shit. Also heard she’s a Senses. What is she? We need a Healer. Xamien has been searching for years for another Healer. She could live in Europe with— ”

  Kilter’s control snapped. Tye talking about Rayne sent his anger into overdrive and funneled his powers into his eyes. They began to burn and brighten, pulsating as they focused on Tye.

  “Whoa, man.” Tye straightened, throwing the cue down and stepping back while holding up his hands. “Shit, what’s your deal?”

  “My deal? My fuckin’ deal? You son-of-a-bitch. You let her go with Ulrich. You sent Gemma to her death, but not before my brother raped her. She was innocent. She was sweet and innocent and you destroyed that. You destroyed her.” Kilter approached, and Tye backed up until his back was against the wall. “I loved her. I promised her she’d be safe. I swore to her everything would be okay.” Kilter grabbed him by the shirt and pressed him into the wall.

  “Jesus, Kilter, I told you. We told you. It didn’t go down like that,” Tye said, his eyes wide with alarm. “For once in your life listen to me. I’ve had enough of this bullshit. You can kill me, but before that, listen to the truth about Gemma.” His eyes bulged as the pressure on his chest increased. “Kilter, listen to what I’m telling you. Gemma . . . Gemma and Ulrich . . . she left with Ulrich willingly. She never loved you, man.”

  Kilter pressed him further into the wall and the drywall cracked under the pressure.

  “Think about it.” He coughed as the pressure in his lungs increased. “Clear your goddamn head and listen to me. It was a setup.” Tye coughed again and sputtered up blood. “She was in love with him. Kilter, she knew about the Senses, and Ulrich promised to change her into one of us. She knew you’d never make her one of us. Shit, you kept what you were from her.”

  “No,” Kilter shouted and slammed Tye into the wall. There was a sharp crack of ribs breaking, and Tye screamed with agony. “You’re lying.”

  “No, buddy.” He spit up more blood. “We tried to tell you, when you escaped Ulrich, but you were crazed, man. Every bleedin’ time we mentioned her name, you went nutso.” Tye attempted to catch his breath as Kilter continued to press into his chest. “Shit like this. You gotta let it go, man.”

  He never heard her approach, but he felt a gentle hand on his back and the other on the arm that was holding Tye against the wall.

  “Kilter,” she whispered.

  “Get out of here, Rayne.” Kilter growled.

  “Rayne . . . get Keir.” Tye winced as the pressure in his chest increased.

  Kilter slammed him into the wall again. Blind rage filled his mind and body, the horror of his past releasing uncontrollable emotions. Nothing else mattered except destruction. The pain of what he suffered mixed with the fury of Gemma’s torture and death. It was the Senses’ fault. They had done that to her.

  “Kilter, please,” Rayne said.

  The warmth of her hands spread across his body causing a warm glow through his insides as if the darkness was being melted away. The fury was disintegrating into sparks of light that twinkled then dissipated.

  “What the hell?”

  His erratic br
eathing began to calm and his pulse slowed. The muscles in his body relaxed with the decline of his rage. What was going on? His confusion intensified when he looked at Tye and saw the agony in his expression and the blood dripping from the corner of his mouth.

  What had he done? He dropped Tye and grabbed his head with his hands, staggering back as the rage left his mind. “Rayne?” he asked bewildered.

  She kept her hands on his arm as if she had to be touching his bare skin. He noticed her nod to Tye, who in turn returned the gesture. “Tell him what he needs to hear,” she urged. “I can keep the rage away.”

  “What?” Kilter asked with confusion.

  “Tell him,” Rayne said.

  Tye hesitated.

  “Please. He must hear the truth.”

  Tye conceded, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Kilter, remember how Gemma looked at him? Your brother. The way she appeared flustered around him.”

  “She . . . she loved me. I loved her.” Kilter said, his body leaning against the pool table, Rayne next to him.

  “I know you did, buddy. But you have this false perception of her. See the signs. Think about it. Cause they’re all there. We just never saw it, until it was too late.”

  Numerous times she’d appeared out of nowhere, her checks flushed, dress and hair in disarray. He’d thought she was blushing at his attention. That she’d been hurrying to greet him. He’d thought it was sweet. That she was nervous around him.

  Gemma was a virgin, it couldn’t be true. She always spoke badly about Ulrich—how she didn’t trust him—that he was looking at her weird. Could it all be a lie, a setup?

  “No. He tortured her. I heard her screaming,” Kilter said, but with the rage gone, he saw it more clearly. Ulrich never tortured her in front of him. All he heard were her screams. If Ulrich wanted to make him suffer, why hadn’t he tortured her in front of him?

  Rayne’s fingers curled around his forearm, and he put his arm around her waist and pulled her snug against his waist. She quickly put her hands back on his bare skin and he instantly felt lightness inside him.

  “Explain,” Kilter told Tye.

  Tye smoothed out his shirt and winced when his hand touched his ribs. “We thought you were dead. Ulrich and Gemma played it so well, the remorse, the tears. I’m a Taster and I could taste sorrow all over Gemma. Found out later that they’d killed Gemma’s mother so she felt sorrow, and we never picked up that it wasn’t you she was sad about. Ulrich being a Reflection could take on any emotion and, well, there was no way to tell.

  “A few weeks after you disappeared, Gemma asked to be taken to where Ulrich found your horse’s dead body and where you were thrown over the cliff. Ulrich was the only one to know where it occurred so therefore he was the logical choice to take Gemma.”

  “While I was being tortured in some hellhole.”

  Tye nodded. “None of us trusted Ulrich, so I followed them, to make certain she was okay.” Kilter jerked at the knowledge. He had hated Tye for so long. “That was when I saw them . . . well, they were . . . you know, all over one another. They were laughing and . . . shit, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Ulrich must have heard my heartbeat because he came after me like a maniac. Gemma—” he raised his shirt and Kilter saw a small scar just below his left pectoral, “—shot me in the back. Bullet went right through my chest. Zurina healed me, but it took them hours before they found me. Your brother was smart. He actually hid my scent by dousing me in horse dung. They would’ve never left me alive, but I managed to slow my heartbeat enough to fool them.

  “When Ulrich heard I was alive, he and Gemma took off. We knew it was possible that he’d lied about your death, so we contacted Senses across the continent and we searched for you.” Tye winced as he shifted. “We found Gemma’s body about a year after they ran off.”

  Kilter knew that was about right. Ulrich had kept Gemma alive for months, taunting him time and again.

  “Damn, buddy, this sucks. Shit, I wish you’d listened to us. Even Waleron couldn’t control you long enough to make you listen. But crap, just mentioning her name or Ulrich’s sent you into a whirlwind of anger.” Tye snorted. “None of us wanted to have to kill you just to make you listen, least of all me. So we all decided it was better to let it be, that maybe it was better you believed Gemma loved you.”

  He’d been crazed when he finally escaped Ulrich. Destructive. Alone and filled with hatred and loss. Mourning Gemma. He spent so many years mourning Gemma.

  “I’m sorry, Kilter,” Tye offered. “Christ, buddy, I don’t know if it’s better you know the truth or not, but it is the truth. We never abandoned you. You were our strength in the Talde, we looked to you for guidance.” Tye shook his head with sorrow. “Man, we loved you.”

  Rayne stood silently beside Kilter. The calm after the storm, she thought. Like Danielle’s painting.

  She felt his muscles give way, the release of emotions with Tye’s heartfelt words. She was in shock over the horror he’d suffered. No wonder why he was so crass and cold. Why he mistrusted. Everyone he cared about had betrayed him. His own brother. The woman he loved. And he assumed the Senses, his friends, had abandoned him.

  She had no experience giving anyone sympathy or offering condolence or even just a shoulder to lean on. All she knew was that Kilter’s pain ran deep. Everything in her wanted to give this man her heart. He’d given it to Gemma, and it was destroyed, at the time by her loss, and now by betrayal. It was remarkable he had offered her any compassion after what he’d been through.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, having no other words to offer for something so horrific.

  She laid her forehead against his arm. It’d been so long since she’d used her ability that she’d been uncertain whether she was even capable anymore, but with Rebecca’s help, she was stronger now. Her ability had come full force.

  His emotions had been the most intense she’d ever felt, swirling like a whirlpool into a black void. Her mind had gone dark with the absorption of his emotions then suddenly there’d been brilliant colors of his emotions, bright red, violet and black. Violent. Uncontrollable fury had torn through his mind and body as if a missile.

  She never wanted to feel that much rage again. Ever.

  She held tighter to his arm as her knees weakened, but it wasn’t enough. Her grip disconnected and she began to fall. Kilter scooped her up and hoisted her into his arms. “Rayne? Oh baby, what have you done?”

  “I’ll get Anstice,” Tye said, already heading for the stairs.

  “No, I’m fine, just give me a moment,” she murmured, trying to control the trembling in her body as it sifted through the strong emotions that encumbered him and now her. “Please Tye, don’t.”

  “Rayne,” Kilter warned.

  “I need to lie down for a few minutes, that’s all.”

  Kilter shook his head at Tye then strode across the room. He kicked the door open and carried her to the bed. Gently, he lowered her to the mattress, his hand sweeping over her brow in a tender caress. “Baby, tell me what’s wrong. It was your ability, wasn’t it?”

  She reached up her hand and smiled as she recognized the concern on his face. Her fingers caressed his jaw, and the sweet sensation of his skin on the tips of her fingers made her more aware of how she’d run from these wonderful and yet frightening feelings.

  He sat on the bed leaning over her, one hand on the opposite side of her near her head, his hair falling forward across his forehead. “You did something to me with your body. I’ve never felt anything like that before. It was as though all my emotions of pain and hurt were being sucked out like a vacuum and replaced with warmth and calmness. You did this. How did you do this?”

  “You took away my anxiety,” Rayne reminded him. “It’s the same concept.”

  “No, it’s very different and you know it. You took my rage, my anger, and replaced it with calmness, warmth. Even my heart rate slowed. God, that is . . . it’s incredible.” He stroked one finger down he
r nose, then slowly across her lower lip. “You sure you’re okay? I can call Anstice.”

  She shook her head, smiling then grasped his finger with her mouth and drew it in. She savored the slow sensations that took flight through her body, and watched his eyes close and his expression of concern change swiftly to desire.

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged him forward so that he lay hovering above her. She smiled at his uncertainty and quickly soothed it. Time to be brave. Take what you long for because it may not be there for you to take tomorrow. Words of her therapist, ones she had yet to use until this moment.

  “I’ve never had sex with a man I desired before.” She tightened her grip when he went to back away. “No, let me finish. I want you, Kilter. My body has craved you from the beginning, but I was too sick to know it and my mind was too frightened and closed-off to recognize it. But somewhere inside I knew.” She traced his lips with her finger. “But, Kilter, know this. I’m not Gemma. Don’t ever make me her.”

  “Rayne,” Kilter gasped. “God no. Gemma, shit she was . . . she was nothing like you. What I feel for you is something different than what I had with Gemma.” He grabbed her on either side of her face. “Do you hear me? Cause this, I’ll never repeat.”

  She let a slow sensual smile grace her lips and said, “Then show me, Kilter. Show me what can be between us.”

  He stared into her eyes, his body tense with his arms holding him up so he didn’t crush her with his weight, but she wanted to feel his weight, craved the touch of his skin against her own.

  “And waiting?” he asked.

  “I’ve waited long enough,” Rayne said in a silky voice that even she didn’t recognize.

  “It’s been, what, ten minutes?” Kilter mimicked.

  “I change fast,” she replied, imitating what he’d once said.

  Kilter’s slow, sensual grin was all she needed to boost her confidence. She yanked him down, collapsing his arms so that his full weight lay like a hot blanket on top of her.