Poison Heart

by S. B. Hayes

  Events then seemed to happen in slow motion. Merlin’s mum walked in through the glass doors, her hand protectively placed on a girl’s shoulder. The girl had her back to me but I could see the admiring expression on Merlin’s face and my stomach churned with jealousy. I wanted to walk confidently over there and break them up, but something stopped me and I stayed in one spot studying her. She had straight hair, almost the same shade of red as mine, and was wearing a crushed velvet coat similar to my own, a complete original that I’d made myself. They were almost identical in style, even down to the hand-stitched border. I didn’t hear a word that was being said to me until someone moved their hand up and down in front of my face.

  ‘Sorry, I was miles away.’

  ‘She’s always on another planet when she sees Merlin,’ Nat joked.

  I tried to act normally. ‘I’m not. No guy will ever come between us … right?’

  ‘You’ve had plenty of nice comments,’ Hannah assured me. ‘One lady said she hadn’t seen embroidery so skilled since she was a girl.’

  ‘Really? I suppose that’s a compliment, especially if she’s about one hundred.’

  ‘Gels knew how to stitch back then,’ Nat mocked. ‘And play the pianoforte and walk with books on their heads and rustle their petticoats …’

  The girl was definitely flirting now. Really moving in for the kill, one hand playing with her glossy hair. Damn. I’d just told Nat and Hannah that they were always more important than any male, but Merlin was practically being eaten alive. I had to do something.

  ‘I should really go over and say hi to Merlin. Thanks so much for giving me some moral support.’

  Hannah rolled her eyes. ‘Does that mean you’re dumping us?’

  ‘No course not. I just kind of promised …’

  Nat squeezed my arm affectionately. ‘We wouldn’t stand in the way of true love … go to him.’

  They pushed me in Merlin’s direction and I said an inward prayer that he wouldn’t humiliate me. We were still at the awkward stage where we weren’t sure how the other would react. My prayer was answered. He saw me before I reached him and actually held out his arms to me. I was enveloped in a suffocating hug, which should have said everything – this is where I belong; Merlin is my boyfriend. One hand brushed my cheek, and he kissed me in front of everyone. I even stood on my tiptoes and whispered something in his ear, which was pretty pathetic but I couldn’t help it. There was no need to turn around to see the girl’s face, I could feel her eyes burning into me and it even felt as if there was a stabbing pain between my shoulder blades.

  I kept my back to her as a deliberate snub, at the same time grabbing Merlin’s hand and giving him a secret look that said, ‘Let’s go somewhere alone.’ He took the hint and made his excuses. We were just at the door when he smacked his head as though he’d forgotten something and swivelled around on the smooth floor.

  ‘Katy, I’m so rude, I forgot to introduce you. Katy, meet Genevieve Paradis, Mum’s new protégé. She’s joining the college next week.’

  The blood rushed inside my head and it felt as if a train had whooshed past the building. The girl with the green eyes. Her voice echoed all around the hall, bounced off the vaulted ceiling and pierced me in the heart.

  CHAPTER

  SIX

  Merlin grabbed me just in time as my legs seemed to buckle beneath me. I took deep breaths, smiled grimly and pretended this was just a joke, annoyed because this girl had such an effect on me.

  I extended one hand towards her. ‘Hi. I think we’ve already met.’

  She turned to me and her eyes widened. ‘Have we?’

  ‘Yes, at the craft fair. The pendant … remember?’

  ‘Of course, that Katy.’

  ‘You looked … a little different then,’ I couldn’t help but point out.

  ‘Did I?’

  Her smile was warm, but for some reason it made me uncomfortable. ‘Your hair was a different colour, I’m sure.’

  The dark hair had made her skin look unattractively white; now it was fresh and dewy in an annoying country-maid-type way and in contrast mine appeared dull and lifeless. The same went for the coat; hers flattered every line and curve of her body rendering mine frumpy and illfitting.

  ‘This is my natural shade,’ she answered, and mussed her hair with a modest frown. ‘I was sick of colouring it all the time, and I hate to stay the same.’

  ‘Change is good,’ I began tetchily, ‘but I like to stick to my own style and be original.’

  ‘Nothing’s completely original,’ she came back. ‘Fashion, literature, art … it’s all been done before. If you look at my display over there I’ll tell you which artists and designers influenced me.’

  It was impossible to keep the annoyance from my voice. ‘There’s a difference between influence and complete imitation.’

  ‘But, Katy,’ she said sweetly, ‘imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.’

  This ping-pong backwards and forwards was beginning to wear me out. I really needed to escape from her and took the first opportunity to drag Merlin away.

  ‘Sorry, but Merlin and I are going somewhere. It was nice seeing you again … Genevieve.’

  I didn’t even reply to her parting remark, which sounded almost ominous. ‘Hope we’ll see a lot more of each other, Katy.’

  Merlin and I walked for a while in silence but, without knowing why, it felt slightly awkward between us.

  ‘You’re quiet,’ he commented.

  ‘I’m just tired.’

  He kissed the top of my head. ‘Not of me?’

  ‘Course not.’

  We sat down inside a little hut in the local park by a perfectly striped bowling green. Merlin’s hair looked even better in the driving rain, in a sort of windswept Heathcliff way, but mine had started to resemble a blackberry bush. I tried to tame it with my fingers and failed miserably. His jeans had paint splatters on them and lots of rips, but not in a contrived way. He looked like a Bohemian artist from another century, and every time I closed my eyes I saw the awful nightmare of Genevieve lying on his battered sofa, luxuriating in being painted by him. He’s painting YOU, I tried to remind myself.

  My head rested on Merlin’s shoulder as I wondered how to bring up the subject I dreaded. There was no alternative but to jump right in. ‘So … how does your mum know Genevieve?’

  ‘It’s a really tragic story,’ he began quietly, and I had to bite my tongue not to say something sarcastic. ‘Her parents died in a car crash on Christmas Eve when she was only about seven … She didn’t get on with her adoptive parents and she’s been shunted around children’s homes ever since.’

  ‘How terrible,’ I murmured, because he paused as if waiting for a reaction.

  His voice grew even more concerned. ‘She ended up sleeping rough for a while, until one of Mum’s friends stepped in and fostered her.’

  ‘Where do they live?’

  ‘In a converted barn, not that far from my house … close to the stables.’

  ‘Mmm … I think I know it. Isn’t Genevieve a little old to be fostered?’

  ‘She’s already sixteen,’ Merlin replied, ‘but it’s to help with the transition period.’

  ‘And that’s how you met her?’

  ‘Yeah, Mum pulled out all the stops to get her a place at college because she didn’t have all the necessary exams.’

  I moved position, suffused with sudden anger. ‘She helped her get a place at college? But we had to work so hard to earn the grades.’

  Merlin’s sharp tone took me by surprise. ‘It’s not Genevieve’s fault she was homeless. She couldn’t go to school, so Mum encouraged her to put together a portfolio and present it to the college board. They agreed she deserved a place. Did you see her collection?’

  My teeth were clenched so tightly together that they hurt. ‘No, but I’m sure it’s awesome.’

  ‘The weird thing is, she’s a real all-rounder … fine art, fashion design, textiles, jewellery.
Most people can only manage one.’

  ‘Good for her.’

  ‘And her work is completely formed, not just experimental, but … she had to sell her designs on the street or she probably wouldn’t eat that day.’

  I was like a robot. ‘Of course.’

  ‘Knowing about Genevieve makes you realize how easy our lives are.’

  ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘Don’t repeat any of the things I’ve told you, Katy. I’m not sure how much she wants broadcast.’

  ‘No, of course not.’

  There was a hole in the roof of the hut and the rain plopped on to my head and down my nose. Merlin didn’t even notice my abrupt answers because he was still talking rapturously about Genevieve.

  He paused for breath and I sniffed. ‘You never mentioned her before.’

  ‘Mum only brought her over recently.’

  ‘You mean last week?’

  He looked at me oddly. ‘Yeah, it was … Saturday, I think.’

  So, while Merlin was painting me, she was at his house, and it could have been her I saw through the trees.

  ‘Is that important?’ he asked.

  I waved my hand airily. ‘I was curious how long she’d been around.’

  ‘Not long, but you have a lot in common. I think you’ll be friends … real friends.’

  It wasn’t Merlin’s fault, but he seemed contaminated by her. He’d been mine and only mine for such a short time. Already I could feel him slipping away from me. I looked around. There wasn’t another person in sight, not even a lone dog walker brave enough to face the rain. I buried my face in Merlin’s neck and ran my tongue upwards to his chin. He tasted like salt with just a touch of sweat. I slid my legs over his until I was sitting on his knee and began kissing him. He gave an involuntary groan.

  ‘Katy … you weren’t like this the other day.’

  I laughed. ‘Maybe being outside … makes me feel … er …’

  ‘Wild,’ he finished, holding me at arm’s length to study my face with amazement. ‘I didn’t expect to be eaten alive on a park bench.’

  Merlin clutched my head as I kissed him some more, trying to erase every last trace of Genevieve. I unfastened the first three buttons of his shirt and rested my cheek against his chest, listening to his heart.

  ‘It’s beating like crazy, Katy. Can’t you feel it?’

  ‘Mine’s going crazy too.’

  Merlin’s hand tentatively wormed its way under my T-shirt, all the time watching for a reaction, then across my stomach until it pressed against my heart. We didn’t move for what seemed like ages.

  ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to be completely alone?’ he whispered. ‘Somewhere miles from here.’

  ‘Where?’ I sighed.

  ‘We could pitch a tent on one of the campsites.’

  ‘That’d be great,’ I breathed, convinced he didn’t mean it.

  ‘It might be cold.’

  ‘I love cold,’ I told him, which was true. I always felt happy when the days were growing shorter and summer was nearly over.

  ‘What would you tell your mum?’

  I pulled away. ‘You’re serious then?’

  Merlin’s smile was broad. ‘Why not? You can’t relax in my house, and yours is off limits …’

  I wasn’t ready to tell him the full extent of Mum’s problems because I wasn’t sure that he’d understand. ‘Mum’s a bit … clingy,’ I said at last. ‘It might be difficult. She doesn’t even like me going to sleepovers and you’re … you’re a guy.’

  ‘You’ve noticed,’ he teased. ‘Just one night, Katy. I’d love to watch the sunset with you … count the stars … and wake up together.’

  I tried not to shiver at this image and smiled hopefully. ‘Nothing’s impossible. I’ll think about it, try to come up with a plan.’

  ‘But you do want to?’ he pressed.

  ‘Of course I do.’

  It was totally unlike me to agree to something so risky, but I was determined to get Merlin all to myself to discover his innermost thoughts. Even when we were together, I sometimes felt shut out, and I knew there was a place he went to inside his head that I couldn’t share with him. Maybe being alone together, away from everything familiar, would bring us closer. We walked home at a snail’s pace, savouring every minute, while I tried to obliterate all memory of Genevieve. We kissed at the same spot by my house, but no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was exactly the same, it wasn’t – Merlin still reeked of her.

  CHAPTER

  SEVEN

  Mum was out of bed when I arrived home and there was some colour in her cheeks for once. The house felt different – warmer and almost cosy for a change. I could see she that was trying to make an effort and I should have been pleased, but the news about Genevieve had spoiled everything. Mum looked at me expectantly.

  ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, Katy. How did it go?’

  ‘It was fine,’ I lied, and made an excuse to go straight upstairs.

  I locked myself in the bathroom, determined not to cry, and gazed in the mirror, smoothing down my hair and sucking in my cheeks, trying to look like Genevieve. But I still looked horribly ordinary, as always. In a frenzy I threw open my wardrobe, stripped off my clothes and, indiscriminately, pulled T-shirts, dresses, sweaters and shirts off hangers. One by one I tried them on, mixing and matching, attempting different looks and different poses. It was pathetic, but I was trying to match Genevieve’s lazy couldn’t-care-less attitude, her languid smile and easy movements, because I’d just realized that my style wasn’t remotely offbeat and anti-fashion, it was total bag lady. I closed my eyes in despair, trying to banish her from my mind, but she was still there like a retinal echo. I blew my nose, ran a comb through my hair and went back down to Mum. She had so few good days that I felt guilty about leaving her alone and tried to put on a show that everything was OK.

  ‘So how did it really go today?’ she asked quietly.

  Everything must have been bubbling close to the surface because, without really thinking, it all spilled out. ‘The exhibition was great, but this new girl at college … she’s really got under my skin.’

  Mum gave a wry laugh. ‘I knew it. I can spot envy from a mile away. You’re positively green.’

  ‘I do that as well,’ I told her in amazement. ‘See a colour when I look at people.’

  She leaned over and patted my hand. ‘I didn’t mean it in the way you do, but I can spot a teenager whose nose is severely out of joint. The green-eyed monster is rearing its ugly head.’

  ‘Green-eyed monster?’

  ‘It’s a quote from Shakespeare’s tragedy Othello. Jealousy is compared to a green-eyed monster.’

  Luke was always quoting Shakespeare at me as well, but I wasn’t in the mood to even feign interest. I just pulled a face.

  ‘Do you want to talk about her, Katy?’

  I took a deep breath. ‘This girl, Genevieve, seems to be everywhere, following me and now copying me. Today I found out she’s had a terrible life … she was in a children’s home and then ended up sleeping rough. But I can’t find one shred of pity for her – it’s like something’s taken all my niceness away and turned my heart to stone.’

  ‘That’s not like you at all,’ Mum frowned. ‘Is there something else?’

  Of course there was something else – something I didn’t want to face. I swallowed, closed my eyes and winced with pain. ‘I think she’s trying to steal Merlin from me.’

  I gulped. That wasn’t what I’d intended to say. I meant to mutter something about Genevieve flirting. Admitting to this was my darkest fear, the worst thing I could imagine.

  Mum gave a derisory laugh and my heart sank. ‘You teenage girls are so dramatic. You both like the same boy, and you think it’s the end of the world.’

  ‘It’s more than that,’ I glowered.

  Mum knelt on the carpet at my feet, warming herself in front of the roaring fire because it had begun to get chilly in the evenings. I alway
s loved our real coal fire, but it was usually too much of an effort to light so we’d just plug in an ugly electric heater when the temperature dropped. For the first time in ages I could stare deep into the flames, searching for shapes in the same way I used to do when I was little. But even here I couldn’t escape from Genevieve – the flickers reminded me of her glorious red hair.

  ‘If he’s that keen on you, Katy, then he won’t betray you. But don’t drive him away with your jealousy. Jealousy is a poison that will destroy, you not her.’

  I was barely listening. ‘The weirdest thing is … she’s everything I could be but I’m not.’

  Mum gently shook my arm. ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘We’re about the same height,’ I said, scowling, ‘but she looks willowy because she’s so slim, and we’ve got the same colouring but her skin is disgustingly luminous, and our hair is the same shade but hers is silkily gorgeous …’

  ‘You have your own beauty, Katy, and people like you for what you are.’

  ‘I just want everything to stay the same,’ I replied wistfully.

  I didn’t want to add that it’d taken me years to feel that I finally belonged somewhere. I was always an outsider who never could make friends, but during my final year at school I’d grown closer to Nat and Hannah and now, unbelievably, there was Merlin in my life as well. Deep down, I had suspected it was too good to be true. Mum hadn’t finished with the sermon.

  ‘You’ll always meet people you don’t see eye to eye with – just think of it as one of life’s little lessons.’

  ‘I don’t want to,’ I said in a sulk. ‘I just want her to go as far away from me as possible … preferably to the other side of the world.’