His Shadowed Heart ((Books We Love Regency Romance))

by Hazel Statham

  “I am trying to be serious,” complained Caroline, a twinkle in her eyes. “But how can I convince you of my love when you will insist on diverting me from my purpose?”

  He found it imperative to catch her to him once more. “Do I divert you from your purpose, sweetheart?” he asked with a seriousness that belied his words, his amused gaze turning to something far more intense.

  “Most certainly. You always will,” she replied, raising her face to receive his caress.

  *****

  To the servant’s confusion, the earl and his wife breakfasted uncharacteristically late the following morning and lingered in the small salon long after the covers had been removed. Their mood was exceedingly light with smiles and teasing much in evidence, something never before witnessed at Lordings. Even the autumn sun played its part and streamed through the tall casements that lit the room, bathing all in its golden light.

  Eventually, the earl asked his wife to tell him of her protégé.

  “There is little to tell,” she replied openly, “but that I am teaching him to read and write. Oh yes, and he has a dog named Dog.”

  “Very original,” he said, smiling, “and how long is the boy to remain?”

  “I was hoping you might find employment for him.”

  The earl raised an indulgent brow. “As what? Stable boy? Kitchen lad? What exactly did you have in mind?”

  “He is quite bright,” replied Caroline eagerly. “I had hoped for something better than that. Perhaps something in the estate office. He could help your agent.”

  “I applaud your enthusiasm for his ability, my love,” he said, smiling at her keenness. “If he is as bright as you say, and it is your wish that he should remain on the estate, then we shall see what can be found. I’m sure something suitable will present itself.”

  Watching from beneath lowered lashes, hardly daring to hear his answer, she asked with more than idle curiosity, “When do you return to London?”

  “Whenever I return, so shall you, Caro,” he said extending his hand across the table. “We will not be separated again. I will not allow it. Your company is too precious to me. My presence at Whitehall is not so necessary at the moment that I need be forever in attendance, so we remain at Lordings as long as is possible.”

  Much pleased by his answer, Caroline rose from the table saying, “Julia will be prodigiously pleased to have her papa once more.”

  “Then I had better present myself in the nursery and make her aware of my presence. Do you accompany me?”

  “I think after your absence, she would like her papa to herself for a little while. If you have no objections, I will inform Peter of your arrival and perhaps continue with his lessons.”

  *****

  Upon leaving the nursery, the earl went in search of his wife’s company. However, entering the garden room, he was not prepared for the scene that presented itself, a scene that halted him in his tracks as he entered the room

  Before him, totally engrossed in their lesson, sat his wife and a young man, a certain ease seeming to exist between them, and he observed them for some moments, his arrival going unnoticed. From his wife’s letters he had assumed Peter to be not much more than a child, twelve or thirteen at most. Seeing this darkly handsome young man, who appeared so confident in his wife’s company, created a numbing coldness he found difficult to quell. The thought, youth will to youth, came to his mind and he tried hastily to put it aside, not daring to contemplate its implications, but remnants of the thought persisted. Even when Caroline raised her head and, perceiving him standing there, came quickly to her feet, did the thought remain, refusing to be put aside.

  Running to him, she grasped his hand and drew him into the room not noticing that he came with reluctant step. Neither did she notice the look that passed between the two men, the one of unconscious possession as the earl passed his arm about her waist as they stood before her pupil, the other almost of defiance as Peter closed his book and waited for the comments that must surely come. He in turn had not been prepared for this striking, erudite, nobleman who appeared so abruptly before him and whose existence he had previously found so easy to ignore.

  “So, this is your protégé Caro,” said the earl, attempting to keep emotion from his voice.

  Peter took up his crutches and rose up from the table, a sullen look overtaking his countenance as he pushed himself erect, squaring his shoulders as if preparing for opposition. Dog came to stand at his side aware of the tension in his master’s stance but not understanding its cause.

  Caroline looked from one to the other and for the first time noticed the reserve. “He does so well,” she enthused, hoping to break the coolness of the moment. “I have high hopes for him, Richard.”

  “Just so,” replied the earl, once more noting her enthusiasm and suppressing the urge to give it other meaning.

  “I shall ever be grateful to Her Ladyship,” said Peter with a slight edge to his voice, showing no deference toward the earl, speaking almost as his equal.

  “Of that I have no doubt,” replied His Lordship, retaining his coolness of manner, still unsure of the young man who stood so boldly before him, thoroughly aware of his hostility and recognizing its cause. “My wife is so convinced of your ability that she has asked me to find employment for you, and I will speak to my steward.”

  “But he is not fit to take up a position yet,” replied Caroline hastily. “It will still be some weeks before he can dispense with his crutches.”

  “That as it may be, my dear,” replied the earl coolly. “Though perhaps we should find him a different tutor, as now you will have other demands on your time.”

  Peter stiffened. “I need no further tutoring. Employment need not be found on my behalf,” and he raised his chin defiantly.

  “What nonsense,” reproved Caroline, moving away from her husband’s side to stand facing her pupil. “There is every need. Would you wish to return to your former way of life? I cannot believe a life of vagrancy preferential to that of gainful employment and the chance to better yourself.”

  “There is no need for this show of pique,” said the earl, as he came forward and indicated that Peter should resume his seat. “I am sure you will agree that it would be more practicable should your lessons continue under the supervision of Bradshaw, my steward. He would be more able to channel your education in the direction needed to take up employment within his office. If she so desires, my wife may continue with your reading, but it is best that all other tutelage should be left to Bradshaw. She assures me of your ability, therefore you would benefit from a wider education.”

  Sitting once more at the table, Peter put aside his crutches. “Forgive me, sir,” he said, only slightly mollified, but reassured that he was not to be put away from Caroline entirely. “You are right, I see the sense of it, and indeed I am eager to learn.”

  Caroline smiled warmly at her husband, grateful for his understanding of the situation. “Then we will put aside our books for today and arrangements will be made,” she said, turning toward her pupil. “I am sure you will profit enormously from the teachings of others. You have a greater potential than I am able to fulfill, and to realize it, your education must be continued.”

  Feelings of hurt and jealousy raging within his breast, and giving no answer, Peter confined his attention to putting away his books. When told of the earl’s arrival, he had convinced himself that all would remain the same, but it was obvious now that it would not. A cold weight settled in the region of his heart and he fiercely resented the intrusion.

  With an equal feeling of disquiet, the earl brought the interview to an abrupt end and, without further words, escorted his wife from the room.

  *****

  Whilst unable to find anything in his wife’s manner that would indicate that her interest in Peter was anything other than charitable, Richard could not quell his unrest. Their relationship was too new to allow for intrusion and he needed to be assured of her undivided devotion.

>   “More appropriate accommodation must be found for your pupil,” said the earl, as they sat over a light luncheon. “It is not fitting that he should stay in your garden room. He cannot remain there indefinitely.”

  “Won’t it seem that I cast him off completely if I should order his removal at this time?” asked Caroline with some concern. “I don’t feel that he is ready for that.”

  “Surely you must see that I need have you to myself, my love,” he said, watching for her reaction. “I won’t share your company, however worthy the cause. He cannot live forever in your garden room, so now would seem as good a time as any to find him somewhere to live. Indeed, there are cottages on the estate that would suit him admirably, and when the time comes that he should seek a wife, then so much the better. He will have a home to offer his bride.”

  “I can see the sense of it, Richard, but could he not stay at least until his leg is healed?” she asked with some concern. “I would not wish him to think I put him aside.”

  “Do you not see how he hangs on your every word, that his eyes never leave your face?” said the earl, determined to persist with his cause. “’Tis better that these arrangements should be made now. The boy thinks himself in love with you and it would not do to foster the illusion.”

  “I’m sure he does not,” she said, attempting to shrug aside the idea. “I have given him no encouragement whatsoever.”

  “Encouragement need not be given in such cases, my love—these emotions arise totally unbidden. What then of me? Will you not consider my feelings in the matter? How his regard for you must affect me?”

  “You are jealous, Richard,” she stated incredulously, laying aside the glass from which she was about to drink.

  “And if I am, don’t you think I have the right?”

  “Every right if there was something to be jealous over,” she said, rising from the table and going to his side, “but I can assure you, my love, there never has been, or ever will be, any cause for your jealousy.”

  He pushed his chair from the table but without rising pulled her deftly onto his lap, holding her securely there. “You must allow me my jealousy sweetheart,” he whispered against her cheek. “How else am I to prove my devotion?”

  Later that night, the earl lay awake long after his wife had drifted into oblivion, and rising up on his elbow, he watched her sleep. He dare not give rein to his imaginings and dwell on the boy’s presence in the house. Their newly found happiness was too precious for him to allow jealousy to come between them, but still its beginnings would rise, proving his vulnerability. He did not doubt Caroline, but he could not help but resent Peter’s intrusion into their lives, wishing him gone. It was some hours before his thoughts allowed him sleep and even then it was not a peaceful repose but one fraught with disquiet.

  *****

  Within a week, Peter and Dog had been installed in one of the estate cottages and arrangements were made that a groom would collect him, twice a week, and convey him to Lordings for his lessons with Caroline. The move had not found favor in his eyes. Indeed, when he was informed of the change, his resentment toward the earl deepened as he recognized him as the cause of his removal. However, he said not a word to Caroline, cautious lest he alienate himself from her. The cottage was comfortable enough, but he saw it as exile, and not an hour went by that he did not think of his benefactress and what he saw as the earl’s incursion. It was ordered that whatever he desired would be delivered from the kitchens, indeed, all his needs were to be met. At any other time, he would have been quite content, but contentment was the furthest emotion from his mind.

  A post had been secured for him with the steward and to this end, Bradshaw visited him as often as he was able. Eventually his leg was stated well-repaired and although he retained a slight limp, he was soon able to get about the estate with Dog remaining forever at his heels.

  The days grew chill and the frosts came, and still the earl remained at Lordings, showing no desire to return to London, and Peter’s resentment grew. However the flames of his resentment were destined to be fanned to an even greater height when, after reading the final chapter of Thomas Bowdler’s Family Shakespeare, Caroline smiled and pushed the book aside. “You certainly have no further need for my instruction, you read as well as I.”

  In his eagerness to please, he had shown himself too adept a pupil and he cursed himself for not seeing this earlier. “Could we not continue to read together,” he asked, not entirely managing to keep the unease from his voice. “We have yet to attempt the classics.”

  “Those you could well pursue on your own,” she chided softly. “They would be a diversion over the winter months and you would be well rid of your mentor.”

  “Caro—” he cried, pushing his chair from the table and rising hastily.

  She looked sharply at him. “You must not call me that,” she remonstrated. “It is my husband’s name for me and only he may use it.”

  “You cannot put me aside,” he continued in an agitated manner. “Have you no feelings for me? Your husband is so much older than you, surely you cannot love him?”

  Caroline also rose, but moved to the other side of the table, wishing to put a barrier between them as he appeared so impassioned. “I certainly love my husband. Whatever misconceptions you harbor on that point must be dispelled. I will not have it otherwise.”

  “But what of me, do I mean nothing to you?”

  “If I have led you to believe that you could be anything other than a friend, then I most wholeheartedly apologize. It was not my intention.”

  “Friend? Friend?” he cried, leaning across the table in his passion. “It would have been more the actions of a friend not to have drawn me to you, to have cast me off immediately. If you have no feelings for me, why find me employment on the estate so that I remain near to you, see you almost every day?”

  “You must sit down Peter, your actions alarm me. How can I explain to you when you are so agitated? You frighten me.”

  Calming slightly, he resumed his seat, clasping his hands tensely before him on the table and seethed through clenched teeth, “I love you. Does that mean nothing to you?”

  She too resumed her seat and placed her hands over his clenched fists to soothe.

  “You think you love me, but it is naught but gratitude you feel for me as your benefactress,” she cajoled. “You will laugh at the situation in years to come. I do indeed think of you as a dear friend, a very dear friend, but I remain in love with my husband. It will never be otherwise. Surely, you realize that. If you will persist in your declaration, it will make it more difficult for you to remain at Lordings and that would be a pity, you show such great promise. Let us put this behind us and resume our friendship. How else can we continue?”

  Peter lowered his eyes, withdrawing his hands from her clasp and allowing his arms to drop to his side, his whole manner changing to a deadly clam. “I see I overstep the mark, my lady,” he said in a cold voice. “I attempt to look above my station, which will not do. I must beg your forgiveness.”

  “And this will be forgotten?” she asked not quite understanding the implications of his mood, not recognizing the danger which lay below the surface of the change.

  “Aye, my lady.”

  “Then there is no reason why we should not resume our friendship.”

  “There is every reason,” he replied once more through clenched teeth as turning to face her he was unable to disguise the hurt and frustration he felt so intensely. “My lady cannot be seen to befriend a servant, it is not seemly.”

  “Peter—” she began, but at that moment, the earl entered the room, throwing aside his hat and hunting whip onto a chair and completely ignoring the air of tension that pervaded the room.

  “Is the lesson concluded?” he asked, as he drew off his riding gloves.

  Peter rose abruptly and casting a look of intense dislike at his employer, flung from the room.

  “You handled that well, my love,” approved the earl, as he c
ame to stand behind his wife and place reassuring hands upon her shoulders.

  “You heard?” she asked in some surprise, turning quickly in her seat to face him.

  “I suspect not all, but enough to understand the situation. It is as I feared, and I am sure you will understand when I insist that he no longer comes to the house?”

  “You are perfectly right, Richard. No further encouragement will be given. I have no wish to perpetuate any hopes he might have. You must know that it had not been my intention to evoke such feelings.”

  “Your sentiments do you credit sweetheart,” he replied bending to place a kiss on her brow, “but you must understand that young men of that age are very susceptible to thinking themselves in love and it will be hard for him to convince himself otherwise.”

  “Did you think yourself in love at his age?” she asked curiously.

  “I did, and with a hoydenish young miss whose brother shared a room with me at Oxford,” he chuckled, “but my passion lasted no more than a sennight.”

  “Then I hope Peter’s infatuation lasts no longer. I would not wish him pain for all it is not desired.”

  “He will come about,” assured the earl. “There is nothing more resilient than youth. I will see to it that Bradshaw keeps him well-occupied and he will have no opportunity to dwell on the matter. However, I must warn you Caro that should he persist in his obsession, I will be compelled to find him employment away from the estate.”

  “I quite understand,” she said quietly, dropping her gaze. “If I had not pleaded his cause, the situation would not have arisen. It is all my fault, but I believed I was acting for the best. I should have foreseen the state of affairs. I have no desire that he should foster false hopes.”

  “Your motives were for the best, my love, and you should not reproach yourself,” assured the earl, seeing her unease. Wishing nothing more than to divert from the subject, he took her into his arms and smiling said in rallying tones, “Now if that matter is settled and you have no objection, I have need of my wife’s company, and I will not have it that she should neglect me.”