Beauty and the Book Boyfriend

by K. M. Galvin

  Caleb turns into an animal in the sack when jealous.

  I exit the bathroom, one hand shaking out my curls and head to the bar. I scan the club hoping to catch a glimpse of Natalie or Logan, but they’re still nowhere in sight.

  I make my way over to where Caleb is chatting amicably with a bartender and see two shots in front of him. As I get closer I see they’re both filled with rainbow liquid and my mouth lifts in surprise, “You remembered!” I reach up to kiss his cheek.

  “Of course. It’s the last thing on our list.” He smiles, handing me my shot before taking his own. “To Team Leave Us Alone.”

  I muffle a laugh and clink my glass with his before taking the shot, eyes widening at the taste. Ugh, for the record the rainbow does not taste good. My lips smack at the remainder of the sugary liquid on my lips. “Yikes. I feel like I just drank cotton candy that packs a punch.”

  The bartender laughs, taking our glasses. “You essentially did.”

  Caleb nods his thanks and drops some money on the bar before taking my hand, towing me back out from where we entered.

  “What about Natalie and Logan?” I protest, looking behind us as we reach the exit.

  “I texted them we were heading out. I have a feeling they’ll be busy for a while,” Caleb says knowingly.

  “What makes you say that?” I arch a brow.

  “Because if that place was able to bring the minx out of you, I can’t imagine what it’s doing to Logan and Natalie.”

  I think of our already exhibitionist friends and laugh. “Oh man. Let’s hope they don’t get arrested.”

  “They’ll be fine,” he assures me, leading me to a car waiting for us. He must have ordered one while I was still in the bathroom. “Did you have fun?”

  My cheeks burn as the realization of what we just did hits me. “Something like that.”

  Caleb tucks me close, “Don’t be embarrassed. You were beautiful.”

  I hide my face in his chest. “Let’s just get back. I only want you, a bed, and quiet.”

  “I only want you too,” he says meaningfully, and I look into his somber gaze.

  My hand brushes his cheek, thumb caressing his cheekbone and I almost reveal how much he’s come to mean to me. How much I can’t imagine going a day without him. How he’s wormed his way into the very soul of me. But I bite my tongue and hope he can see it in my gaze.

  Caleb drops his forehead to mine and we sit quietly together the entire way back, the silence saying a lot more than we’re both willing to admit.

  THE FOLLOWING DAY EVERY ONE is slow to move. Not because of hangovers, but because it’s our last day together. This is the last stop on the first leg of the tour. After my signing tonight, which summed up to about an hour, we’d all be heading to the airport. Natalie and I will be heading back to Atlanta and the boys would head back to their homes in LA.

  Everything that I wanted to say last night and didn’t, has to be said today. No more waiting, I don’t care if it makes things awkward or ruins the rest of our trip.

  Lying here next to him, after everything we’ve shared the last three months, I couldn’t go another second without telling him how I feel.

  I shift onto my side, facing him. He’s still asleep and a kinder Bellamy would let him sleep. I shuffle closer until the tip of my nose grazes his and I run my hand along his jaw. “Caleb.”

  He burrows deeper into the covers, eyes furrowing in annoyance and my heart tugs at how young he looks. How relaxed. I rub his jaw again and lean in to give his mouth a peck. “Caleb, wake up.”

  He blinks his eyes open, bleary with sleep, but still manages to gift me a smile when he sees me. My eyes fill thinking I might not see this smile again. I trace lips with my fingers and he purses his giving them a tiny kiss before I bring them to my mouth.

  “What’s wrong, baby?” his smiles turning into frown at the sight of my tears.

  “Do you know you smile every time you see me?” I ask softly.

  He shakes his head “no.”

  “You do. The second you see me you smile. I can’t tell you what that does to me here,” I rub my hand over my heart.

  “Why are you crying?” he whispers urgently.

  “I love you. Did you know that?” I confess on a sob.

  “Bellamy, baby,” he croons, drawing me in tightly so I’m tucked under his chin.

  “I didn’t have one freak out last night. Can you imagine what that’s like for me? I have so much power over myself. You taught me to be fearless simply by holding my hand and leaping with me.”

  “I’m in awe of you. So proud.”

  “But this? Caleb, you haven’t mentioned once if you’re coming with us.” I squeeze my eyes tightly, tears running down my cheeks.

  “Blue Bell, look at me,” he urges.

  I shake my head equal parts embarrassed and heartbroken.

  “Please, honey. I need to see those eyes. Come on.” He tilts my chin and I let him until I’m looking into his eyes. “Bellamy Strong, the first thing you need to know if that I love you too,” he says so solemnly it takes a minute for his words to penetrate the fear.

  I whimper and slam my eyes closed, completely rocked. To love someone is one thing. It’s a devastating fear and exhilarating. I want to sing and scream. But to have that person love you back? There aren’t words.

  I have written about love for years. What a pale facsimile my imagination is for the reality of it.

  “I love you so fucking much. How could you not know?” he laughs lightly, sheepishly. “You turn me into such a wimp. Do you know that after the panel you did in Portland I was so proud of you my eyes fucking welled up? There are so many moments…” he trails off, staring into space before shaking his thoughts loose and focusing on me again.

  “Does this mean you’re coming with me?” I ask, lips trembling. I’m not playing fair, but I’m being selfish.

  Caleb sighs heavily and kisses me roughly on the mouth before searching my face. “I can’t.”

  My heart sinks and I go to move away, but he holds on tight. “Listen to me. How can I talk all this shit about being brave and not do the one thing that scares me?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Caleb swallows. “I mean I’m quitting modeling. I’m going to take my test, hopefully pass, and then apply to school.”

  Ugh, God, how can I be selfish in the face of this. “That’s fantastic.”

  Caleb gives me a knowing grin. “I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I need to do this. I’m tired of being unhappy.”

  “Ok,” I tell him grumpily.

  “It’ll be good for you to have a break,” he continues, and I sit up.

  “Break?” I question calmly, although I feel the exact opposite inside.

  Caleb avoids my eyes as he continues. “I want you to take this time on your own to really think about everything. It’s a long distance relationship. You’re coming off a tour, the end of your series, and you’re starting a new book. I understand that it might be hard to keep in touch.”

  “What are you doing?” I ask harshly, getting out of bed.

  “We’ve spent nearly every minute together for the last three months. I need to focus on school and you need to focus on everything you have going on,” he insists, and I have to admit, it’s pathetic.

  “Are you serious right now?” I demand, finding my pajama bottoms and shrugging into them. I don’t really enjoy the idea of fighting without pants on.

  “I’m trying to do the right thing. There’s a lot to think about.” He gets up to stand on the other side of the bed.

  “Caleb. I love you. You love me. What else is there to think about?” I practically yell.

  “This isn’t some fucking fairy tale, Bell,” he spits out harshly and I flinch. “I live across the goddamn country. I just want to make sure it’s something you actually want. Some distance will provide a clear head and we can see where you are when you get back.”

  Blinking back tears. “Why do
you keep saying ‘you’ like I’m the one who’s questioning this relationship? I know what I want. Sounds like you don’t.”

  “I need to make sure you actually want me!” he yells furiously, and I rear back shocked by his display of emotion. “I’m trying to be a better man for you. I’m trying to be someone worthy of standing next to you.”

  “I don’t understand why you have to break up with me to do that?” I cry.

  Caleb sinks back to the bed, dropping his head into his hands. “Bellamy I’ve been the bad guy for so long. Let me try to be the good guy for you.”

  I crawl up on the bed and hug him from behind. “You are the good guy, Caleb.”

  “I’m a different person when I’m with you, but I want to be him all the time.” He whispers brokenly and as much I don’t want to I understand.

  To truly test yourself you have to get out of your comfort zone. I’m his comfort zone.

  “Nothing you do is going to change how I feel about you.” I kiss his neck and he laughs softly.

  “You can be so frustrating sometimes. What if I kill someone?”

  I snort. “I don’t fall in love with murderers. Stop deflecting. I’m serious. Whether you follow through with this, decide to continue modeling or try something totally new, it doesn’t change how I feel about you. Let me know when you figure that out.”

  “I love you.” He turns to hug me tightly.

  “I wish that was enough for you.”

  “It’s not you, Bell—“ he begins, but I cut him off.

  “Believe me, Summer. I know this is all you. I know exactly what I want, despite all the bullshit you tried to feed me earlier. You figure out what the hell you want and look me up. I won’t be waiting around for you. My life won’t stop because you decided to take time.”

  I get off his lap and grab my clothes before heading into the bathroom. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  I close the door on his hunched over body. I always thought I had the biggest issues in this relationship. Guess Caleb is better at hiding them.

  I turn on the shower, scalding hot like I used to have them when I was an anxiety-riddled girl afraid of losing control.

  The water mixes with my tears and I try to keep my cries silent.

  How could someone who’s shown me how to be confident feel so insecure about themselves?

  I suck in a sharp breath and finish showering.

  Toweling off I remember what he told me. There’s only so much worrying you can do for a situation until it becomes counterproductive.

  No, I wouldn’t wait around for him while he figures his shit out.

  But that doesn’t mean I don’t still love him.

  Yes, my imagination pales to the horror of love. It’s the one thing I forgot to write about in my books, the pain of loving someone more than yourself. The pain of loving someone so much you let him go and hope he finds his way back to you.

  Goddammit, Summer.

  Two months later

  FINALLY… FINALLY WE’RE HOME. AFTER Caleb’s little meltdown as Natalie calls it, we got the hell out of dodge the very second the signing was over. Logan was pissed at Caleb since by him not going meant he wouldn’t be able to continue travelling with his girlfriend. Though that didn’t prevent them from keeping in near constant contact with one another.

  I nearly called Caleb hundreds of times while those two were on the phone just to say, “See! If they can do it, so can we.”

  But I kept the whole dead air, we’re on a break, fucking weird rule he put on us. I didn’t ask Logan one question though I know for a fact Natalie asked. Every time she brought him up, I’d death stare her into submission. He wanted a break; I’d give him a break.

  That was the first month.

  In the time that followed, I realized I was travelling to six different countries with my best friend and decided to get over myself. The memories I have with her are ones I’ll cherish for the rest of my life.

  Touring the Tower of London, walking around in awe at the Louvre, to falling in love with the architecture of Rome. We stamped ourselves all over Europe and with every locale I felt myself expanding. There’s a sense of self I never experienced before until I travelled abroad.

  Stripping yourself of everything you’ve known, surrounding yourself with different cultures really highlights the flaws and strengths you have. I silently thanked Caleb for this time because I only continued to grow. I only gained more independence, spread my wings further and learned to cherish every moment as it happened instead of constantly worrying about what would happen next.

  And in those moments I was creating, I reflected on events in my life that were not so cherished, most involving my family. Which is why, though we’re back home in the United States, I’m heading to my parents house.

  Unannounced.

  For the first time in five years.

  What the frick am I doing?

  My parents live in a small town about a half hour west of Savannah, Georgia. It’s a quiet town filled with nosey neighbors and houses that remember everything. It’s a one traffic light kind of town. It’s a town where the Prom King and Queen aren’t just some dumb high school achievement; it’s a promise of more to come.

  As such, my dad is the town’s deputy sheriff and my mom serves on the county school board. They are societal darlings, and when they had me, everyone ooh’d and awe’d at the future town princess.

  Except I hated pageants, didn’t want to play sports. Never really excelled in school. My head was too busy in the clouds.

  Instead of heading off to field parties, I was in my room writing of adventures with Makyla and Maxsen. My poor parents had no idea how to handle a bookish, quiet girl. They loved me, sure, but I was more or less left to my own devices for most of my life.

  Which is how I liked it, in control of myself.

  Until I wasn’t…

  I realized I had no idea to lean on someone in a healthy way or ask for help. Or that asking for help didn’t mean surrendering a large part of myself.

  Ugh!

  I sigh and rest my chin on the steering wheel as I stare at my childhood home. The modest three bedroom, white house stood out brightly amongst the moss-covered trees, even in the waning dusk.

  Cicadae’s beat a constant rhythm I didn’t realize I missed until I heard them again.

  The porch light flicks on and I duck in my seat as if that hides the fucking car in the driveway.

  Shit. Ok, you can do this.

  Shit.

  Get out of the car, Bellamy.

  My dad is silhouetted against inside the doorframe, looking as tall and imposing as I remember, but it’s his hand hovering at his hip that has me hoping out the car instantly.

  Damn small towns. Any unknown car is a threat.

  “Dad? It’s me.” I jokingly put my hands up and slam the car door.

  “Belly?” his deep voice, rasps. The Southern drawl thicker than molasses down here.

  “Hi, Daddy.” And to my absolute shock, I burst into tears.

  Bradford Strong crosses the small path to my car immediately, yanking me into a tight hug whispering indiscernible words. I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze, inhaling his scent. Old Spice and the barest hint of the cigars he hides from mom.

  “Brad, who is it?” Jenny Strong calls out, and I pull myself out of my dad’s arms to take a few cautionary steps towards my mom.

  “Hi, Mom,” I call out sheepishly. Jesus, I’m near toeing my foot in the dirt and whistling. Embarrassing.

  “Belly?” She echoes my dad and I wince at the terrible nickname they have for me. Mom comes out further on the porch, clutching a beam tightly.

  I walk the rest of the way to her and for the first time I notice what people have always told me. I look exactly like my mother. We have the same Italian skin and hair, same shape of our eyes and mouth. I’m her spitting image in all things but personality.

  “Are you ok?” she asks shakily, blinking as if she can’t bel
ieve I’m really here and my heart clenches.

  “I am now. Sorry it took me so long.”

  She reaches a hand out and I grab it desperately, smiling brightly. Seeing that same smile echoed on her face.

  “Welcome home, baby.”

  I set my bag on my on my old twin bed, looking around more than a little shocked. Not a single thing is out of place from the day I left for college. It’s like a shrine in here, which begs the question: how could I have gotten it so wrong?

  And then, how could I have been anything but wrong?

  I was a kid. What did I know of my parents’ motivations? I barely navigated my own mind, what made me think I could comprehend my parents? I clearly couldn’t.

  My light purple bed spread is smooth over my floral sheets and smells clean and fresh. My favorite sheets. I used to joke I was sleeping in a bed of flowers. My posters of Heath Ledger, Orlando Bloom and Chad Michael Murray were still pristine and covered in the red lipstick I stole from my mom.

  Embarrassing, sure, but sweet that they kept them up.

  Natalie’s parents turned her room into a home gym.

  “We kept it just like you liked it,” my mom says from behind me.

  I clear my throat twice before I’m able to speak. “I see that.”

  “With one addition,” my dad adds, moving around my mom to enter and walk over to my bookshelf. “We have every one.”

  He leans down and hands me a copy of my first book. “Dad.” I croak, overcome.

  “We expect you to sign them, of course.” He smiles softly at me and moves to stand with my mom at the doorway.

  My book hangs limply in my hand, heartache making it hard to lift my head, but I do. “I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry it took so long to come back.”

  “Belly, you came back when you were ready. All that matters is you did,” my mom says through tears, and I let out a sob.

  “Why aren’t you mad?” I mean shit! I spent so much time being angry.

  My dad grabs my hand and pulls me in between them. “You can be angry, but we don’t find that to be very productive.”