OUR ACCIDENTAL BABY

by Paula Cox

  Mitch suddenly pulled him hack and pressed his mouth close to his ear.

  “Means that they’re both not worth the free pass,” Mitch said. “So let’s make an example of them and get back to base.”

  Without Lena, all he had was Eric’s pride to take some comfort in. The thought of heading back triumphant burned faint against his soul. And when he saw Lena waving him off with a cold gaze, he thought of dealing with the debt right then and there. He would never hurt her. Even now the idea of laying hands on her turned his stomach. But Sully was still fair game. He had a job to do and---

  “You’ll have to get through me first,” Lena said.

  Mitch egged him on, and Jax almost went for his gun when he remembered the creek and couldn’t bring himself to aim the pistol again. But he had to so do something. Whatever else she thought, he was still a man.

  “Two days,” Jax said.

  “Kid, what the fuck do you think you’re---”

  “I’m giving him two days to make good.”

  Jax started to turn on his heel when he looked back and met Lena’s eyes. Part of him wanted to take it back and scoop her up into his arms. But for what? So she could knock him down again and keep playing him for a fool?

  “Better pay up,” Jax said. “Next time I won’t be so nice.”

  Chapter Six

  Jax nursed a beer in the Black Legion clubhouse. Music mingled along with the sound of pool cues smacking into balls. He waited for Eric to show his face as the long day started to turn to night. Would there be a price to pay? Probably. He still didn’t have the bread to show for any efforts, but he had put the fear of god into the loser. And Lena…

  She was so close but so far. He reflected on the endless nights at the creek. They used to talk through the shadows, and when Lena’s voice was spent, she snuggled against the grass and pillowed her head under her hands. Jax liked to watch her sleep, to see her dreaming. Was he part of it? Did she picture him at her side behind her soft eyelids? He could only hope and stroke her hair. She always looked like an angel, and he wanted her to stay like that forever so he could just drink in the feel of her, the sight of her. But dreams had a way of breaking, and Lena would always stretch her arms over her head as she awoke.

  And she would smile.

  You’re still here.

  I can’t leave you.

  He had held her and dared to bring his lips to her brow and pressed her closer. As much as he wanted her, it was going to be on her say so. The thought of forcing her made him sick. And it was enough to just feel her body in his arms.

  “Yo, Jax!”

  Turning away from his beer, Jax saw Eric moving closer as a cigarette dangled from his lips.

  “You gonna chew me out now or what?” Jax asked as he finished his drink and signaled to Artie’s old lady in a tight yellow halter for a fresh round.

  “No way,” Eric said as he assumed the stool at his side. Pushing a bill into the girl’s ample cleavage, he smiled and took another drag.

  “Maybe you didn’t get the money,” he said. “But you made a stand. That has to feel kind of good, right?”

  Jax tried to nod, but he just waited for his refill and sucked it down as soon as the foam frothed over the edge of the mug. He started chugging his fresh beer, and when he set the glass aside and asked for another Eric ordered the girl back and forced Jax’s face to his.

  “Let it feel good,” he said. “Maybe it hurts to see her in the all out. But better to know what you’re up against, right?”

  Somehow he nodded, but there was nothing but a rock in his soul as he made the move. He had always told himself that Lena ran because she was scared. Was it of him? Did it have to do with something or someone else? He choked back the bitterness of her departure and started to resign himself to the fact that she was moving on. Jax tried to follow a similar path. But staying in Deerfield meant memories of her around every corner. The creek was precious, but there were the times when she’d been on his bike as they raced away from the traffic, leaving school and every other kind of pain aside. Lena clung to him as he swerved towards a side road and drove his body like an expert over the dirt. Jax would turn his head over his shoulder and tell her that he’d never let her fall.

  I get that.

  And Lena’s voice would trail off as she pushed her palms to the air and let the wind fall across her form. Jax would slow up and try to find her hand. And their fingers would meet as she stayed perched behind his back.

  Make me fly, Jax.

  He could never deny her anything. All she had to do was ask. And he brought her hand to his chest as he hit the clutch harder and accelerated his speed. Lena laughed into his hair as he kept rising towards the horizon, and he dared to glance over his shoulder.

  I’ve got you. Trust me.

  Lena had laughed and said she believed in him. When they finally slowed to a stop, he had been quick to leap off his bike and wind his hands around her waist. He had her. And she could always trust him.

  “Maybe…if I’d only kissed her…”

  Eric laughed at the comment and slapped Jax on his back. “Even the best piece of tail ain’t worth all this what if,” he said. “And nothing trumps club politics. You know that, right?”

  Jax looked into his eyes and swallowed back the bile building in his throat as he narrowed his gaze and licked his lips. “Guess I learned from the best,” Jax grunted.

  Eric started to seethe, and Jax made no move to dodge what had to be an impending blow. He just waited with clenched fists and let the beer sour in his empty stomach as the buzz rushed towards his brain and caused the room to spin.

  “Something you want to say here?” Eric asked.

  Where was his mother? Why had she really left?

  “No,” Jax said. “Guess if anyone knows what it is to be let down, you could tell me a thing or two.”

  Eric’s jaw fixed in place, and Jax waited for him to spin the story in his favor when his stepfather just playfully punched his cheek.

  “Common ground could be good for business,” Eric said. “Hey, Mandy!”

  The girl in yellow shot to attention and moved to refill is glass. Jax shuffled in his seat as the froth started to foam, and as soon as she set the glass down, Jax moved to sip when Eric gripped his arm.

  “Keep kicking them back,” Eric suggested. “Anything to stop the pain, right?”

  Part of him wanted to keep his mind clear. Maybe he could still make his way back to Sully’s house and plead his case. But was there really a point? Lena had made her mind clear, and he retreated into his mug as Eric tousled his hair.

  “You’ll get over it,” Eric promised. “One pussy is as good as another.”

  To him, Lena was always more than that. But he choked her image down along with the beer. Better to push her down and never think of---

  “Oh yeah!” Mitch cried from the other side of the room. “Blondie would have been mine in like two shakes. Now that she’s home, looking forward to getting a fair shot at her cunt.”

  Jax tossed his mug aside and ignored the sound of the shatter as he stepped over the shards and hurried toward the pool table. “Don’t you even think about it!” Unleashed, with no one holding him back, Jax grabbed his neck and forced Mitch’s body into the green felt. Crawling up on the table, Jax held him in place and started throwing fists as he spat into Mitch’s yes. “You touch her, and I will fucking kill you!”

  Mitch lifted his fist, but Jax blocked the blow and kept pummeling his chest. He could hear the room and the club starting to close around him when Eric ordered the boys back. Seeing his chance, with no barriers blocking his way, Jax kept throttling him, when Mitch took hold of his hand.

  “She ain’t worth it, kid! Don’t you like fucking see that now?”

  Jax brushed him off and brought his fist to his jaw. Mitch moaned as he fell of the pool table.

  “Leave it, Jax,” Artie said as he tried to take him by the arm. “Maybe…maybe another beer?”

 
; “Not yet!”

  Picking up a cue, Jax twirled it over his head and started to crush the end into his sides. He felt nothing but a cold kind of satisfaction as Mitch groaned at the force of each impact and tried to scramble away. Jax allowed him the idea that he was on the verge of escape, but as soon as Mitch managed to move a few inches through discarded peanut shells, Jax forgot that this was a kind of brother and moved to strike again. Lena’s smile, the one he couldn’t help but remember, even though he tried to force the image from his mind, flashed before his eyes. Maybe something in her had shifted, but she still deserved better than a forced fucking when she was still unspoiled and so sweet. Did she have someone else? Someone far away from home? Jax choked on the idea, but even if he were out of the running, there was still no way in hell he would hand her over to the likes of Mitch.

  “You will not touch her!” Jax screamed. “She’s not for you!”

  Bringing the pool cue down again and again, Jax felt Mitch squirming underneath him, and he resumed bashing his head in, wanting nothing more than to kill any man that looked at Lena sideways. Let her push him back with both hands; he would still fight for her and he was ready to land the fatal blow when a soft, familiar voice hit his ears.

  Chapter Seven

  Lena knew the spot. This was where adults had pointed as they smirked through their eyes. It was the place that the likes of Sawyer and Ric thought of as nothing more than a joke. Sometimes she had asked Jax to bring her around. She told him he had nothing to be ashamed of. After all, he had seen her home, such as it was. But Jax always said that it wasn’t the same thing.

  And now, even as she clutched her purse close to her thigh, Lena couldn’t help but think he was right. The place reeked of all kinds of smoke, and she felt what seemed like a million eyes leering at her breasts, even though she had taken care to wrap a sweater around her shoulders and cinch it shut. She took some comfort at the sight of Mitch writhing about the pool table in the throes of pain. To hear her uncle tell it, he was where she should focus her rage. And then there was Jax, the weapon in his hand, his lip appearing to quiver as their eyes locked. Wanting to touch him again, she started forward when Eric Stiles blocked her path with a smirk.

  “Well look who’s here,” he started. “Home from school or something?”

  Lena froze, unable to voice the answer to his question. Wanting nothing more than to just get out with some stretch of her pride intact, Lena reached into her bag, and she pressed a loosely bound brown envelope into his arms.

  “Forget forty-eight hours,” she started. “Here’s your vig.”

  Eric lifted his eyebrow and peeled open envelope. Lena watch him finger the bills in the pouch, and she held her breath as his eyes were blank, and when he finally finished his count, Eric whistled and slammed the envelope to Artie’s chest.

  “All here,” Eric started. “Now how the fuck did you manage that?”

  Lena held her ground and stared into Eric’s eyes as she pressed her hands to her hips.

  “It’s enough, right?” she said. “What more do you want?”

  Jax was up and on his toes as he pushed between them. Seeing the money that had somehow come to pass, he spoke up. “It…what does it matter?” Jax asked. “It pays the debt, right?”

  “And then some,” Eric answered.

  Jax nodded, seemingly just wanting her to get out. Lena should never have come here; she shouldn’t be here now. But if she had made good on her uncle’s obligation, then there was no need for her to stick around.

  “You done good.”

  Lena cringed at the feel of Eric’s fingers on her chin, and she lowered her eyes as she saw Jax watching the scene unfold with baited breath.

  “You keep in check, baby,” Eric said. “Of course…if you can’t…” Eric nuzzled her cheek, and as she started closer to his side, he smiled. “Always other ways,” he said. “You know what I mean.” He kissed her hair and took off to join the party with pile of money in his hand. Eric promised more booze and several pizzas.

  Loathing that fact that this was the product of her sacrifice, Lena started to back way with no attention but to do anything but to walk back the same way that she had come. But Jax was suddenly right there...

  “Something you want?” she asked as she struggled to avoid his eyes. Jax started to speak when the screams and the catcalls from across the room caused him to push past her, his hand balled into a fist

  “Think the little slut asked you a question!” Mitch teased as he iced his cheek with a cold bottle of beer. “Course, if you ain’t up to showing her what you really need---”

  Jax started to charge forward again when Lena suddenly grabbed his arm and tugged him away from the clubhouse.

  “Lena, what are you---?”

  “Just cool it,” she hissed. “Haven’t you already made enough of a scene?”

  Jax came with her willingly, even as the laughter continued to ring behind them. The tension in his body made the simple act of getting him away from the club a monumental errand, and Lena wondered if she should just release and break into a run. She had done what she’d set out to do, so what was the point of leading him on? Or believing that his words might make any kind of a difference?

  “Lena?”

  The sound of his voice stopped Lena in her tracks, and she realized that they were in the fresh air at the precipice of an alley strewn with garbage. The sight and stench matched the way that she felt, and she started to keep moving, her fingers leaving his body, when Jax curled his arm around her waist, giving her no choice but to look up into his stark green eyes.

  “How…how did you come up with the cash?” he muttered, his brow furrowing as he spoke.

  “What difference does that make?” Lena challenged. “A payment is a payment. Aren’t you proud to see how well your tactics worked?”

  Jax gritted is teeth, and Lena took note of the slight quiver in his lip as he hung his head. Despite the rage bubbling in her soul, she couldn’t help but mourn the loss of his eyes. Time was when she thought of living in those emerald pools without ever needing to come up for air. Knowing it was wrong, knowing that she should pull away from him and run while she still had a chance, Lena still could not resist the urge to bring her fingers to his chin, and she tilted his face towards hers.

  “Lena…”

  His lips were near enough to kiss, and he started to lean closer when Lena’s voice, flat and calm, tripped off her tongue. “Guess this is how you handle all your problems now,” she said.

  “What do you mean?”

  Lena glanced down at his knuckles, bruised and bloodied, and Jax started to hide his hands in his pocket when she caught hold of his wrist, her eyes narrowing on the broken, swelling flesh.

  “Why mince words when you can just pound your point home?”

  Jax’s face started to fall, and she watched his lips curl into what had to be an apology, a lie that she had no thought of feeding into. But his fist came back to life. Pushing her away, he slammed his fingers into the nearby brick wall and smirked. “Time was when you had no problem with it,” he said. “Guess it’s okay as long as it’s for your own good, right?”

  Lena blushed under the weight of his words and choked down a guilty breath. If she were being honest, there was something exhilarating in the idea that he would slay any dragons that dared to cross her path. And she knew who he was, what he was, from the moment that they first met.

  “But you always swore you would never hurt me,” she said.

  “And have I?” Jax asked. “When have I ever let anything happen to you?”

  “You think roughing up my uncle doesn’t hurt me?” she spat. “He’s good for any losses. You know that. So would you hurt him?”

  “Why do you even care?” he cried as he grabbed her shoulders and pressed her body against the wall. “Who hasn’t been around in god knows how long? Who didn’t even say goodbye?”

  She always knew it had to have hurt him; while Lena’s classmates went th
rough the motions of freshman orientation, attended mixers, and signed up for anything and everything that screamed fun, she spent the better part of her first month on campus forcing a smile by day as she cried herself to sleep at night, the sound of his voice and the image of his face always the last things crossing her brain before she finally drifted off to dreams where things could have been so different. He was always near enough to touch, but before she could reach him, the dream came to a sudden stop, and Lena woke in a lonely bed, left to wonder where he was and how he was. Sometimes she longed for him to find forgetfulness with someone else; other times that thought made her sick.

  “Yeah. Maybe I should have called.”