Inside, Pt. 1

by Kyra Anderson

  I could not answer him. I wanted to say no, but I figured he would ask, regardless of my answer.

  “Do you hate me? Or are you just afraid of me?” he asked coolly, his eyes sharp as he stared me down, shaking my convictions.

  “…I hate you.”

  “Are you sure you don’t hate me because you’re afraid of me?” he grinned. “Generally, people are afraid of what they can’t understand, and then that fear can very easily turn to hate,” he shrugged. “That’s what happens to all the people we bring into the Commission.”

  “That’s cruelty,” I growled. “It’s evil.”

  “It’s fear,” Dana corrected. “That’s all it is.” He stood straight and walked closer. I tried to keep myself from feeling terrified. I needed to become stronger. I had to learn how to play his game.

  “See?” he noted. “You’re afraid of me.”

  “Everyone is afraid of you…”

  “Yes, and just like you, they all try to hide it.” Dana sighed. “Why not embrace it? Why not fall into it? What is so wrong about being afraid? Don’t you think it’s a little exciting?”

  “No.”

  Dana moved faster than I could blink and grabbed my wrists, pulling them up to pin them next to my head as he pushed me against the closed door. I gasped, adrenaline rocketing through me. My eyes locked on Dana and he studied me, slowly moving his head, his eyes locked on mine as he moved.

  He was beautiful.

  There was no doubt. He really was beautiful, a predator wrapped in a human disguise, his appearance luring unexpected prey into his clutches. His eyes saw through everything, searching out every secret of the soul.

  Without warning, his hips pushed forward and pinned mine against the door.

  Another feeling pushed through my body and I trembled without meaning to.

  “W-What are you doing?” I managed to breathe.

  “I’m proving my point.” He leaned close. “That adrenaline coursing through your body is heightening your senses, causing you to feel things with even more intensity. Imagine always living in this state…where even the most mundane task could be exhilarating…” He blinked slowly, the movement hypnotic. “Everything you have ever dealt with in your short life has been the product of fear. Starting from your conception all the way to this very moment. You have tried to avoid it, but it has consumed your life. Everything you have ever learned has been fear…”

  “No.”

  “Fear is the easiest way to rule a human, and it’s the way we train each other. Evolutionary fear of not spreading genes leads to conception, learning how to walk and stay balanced is induced by the fear of falling, learning how to eat when you’re hungry out of fear of starvation…fear of any sort of pain will lead a human to do anything.”

  “How is this your point?”

  “There is evolutionary fear and societal fear, and one is more dangerous than the other. Which one do you think I bring out in people?” I could not speak. “Do you know that there is only one person who does not hide their fear from me?” he whispered. “Can you guess who that is?” When I did not answer, he grinned wider. “Sean. He shows me his fear…he allows me to control his fear completely, and there is absolutely no fun in a willing victim.”

  I pushed him away as he laughed, unsurprised by my actions.

  “There we go,” he laughed. “Would you have done that if there were other people around?”

  “Yes!” I barked. “You’re a monster!”

  “Why? For doing what I want?” he laughed. “Little Lily, you have no idea how many years I lived in fear. Then, I realized something,” he said, keeping his distance. “I realized that the fear I felt was the same kind of fear everyone feels. So there’s no point in feeling fear for other people, because that fear can be projected right back onto them.”

  “What does that even mean?!” I snapped. “You are insane!”

  “Am I?” he challenged, his face changing in the blink of an eye, taking on the air of a teacher. “Why? Because I don’t conform to society? Because I’m different? Why am I insane?”

  For some reason, I could not come up with an answer that made sense. Wasn’t insanity just something you understood as a fact rather than putting reasons to it?

  I quickly realized that Dana was pulling this conversation in circles and that we were going to end up fighting until he scared me badly enough to run away.

  I shook my head and sighed.

  “Do I really need to explain something so obvious? You’re the one who’s obsessed with your pet experiments,” I said, trying to pull him back on track. He was still and silent for a few seconds before sighing and smiling.

  “I will accept that just because I know that you have no better way to turn this conversation to your advantage,” he grinned darkly. “Why is it so hard for you to think that I would be obsessed with the experiments and, therefore, want to continue them? Don’t tell me you haven’t been intrigued by Mykail.”

  I halted. That was a topic I had to be very careful with. I had to keep it under wraps that Mykail and I were getting closer because I knew Dana would not approve, and there was no way of knowing what he would do to either of us if he found out.

  “Think about it, Little Lily.” He stepped forward again. I fought the urge to retreat. “I told you this already. Wouldn’t it be amazing to have wings? To fly above a city? What about infinite strength, able to move any object in your way, tear down every barrier? That’s the stuff that makes superhero stories.”

  “Have you ever really read those?” I asked darkly. “What about all the downsides?”

  “What about them?” Dana shrugged. “It’s just like the downsides of being human, isn’t it? That’s why it’s so incredible to create these experiments. I get to see the very limits of humanity pushed to the edge and see just how far we can go as a species. I swear, Eyna’s getting to the point where he can read minds. I don’t even know how much more he can progress, but I can’t wait to find out.”

  “You said that the experiment that killed Bryant Morris was dealt with accordingly,” I said, trying to keep myself from shaking at his close proximity. For some reason, in his office, in the darker areas of the Commission, it was extremely difficult to think clearly. My head was swimming in a fog. “Was it an experiment from the Machine of Neutralization project? Aren’t you worried the same thing will happen?”

  “Not at all.” Dana shook his head. “No, he was not from that project. He was just a stubborn, but ordinary, criminal brought in by the Commission. Bryant Morris became obsessed with that experiment because he was terrified of him. I am fascinated by our experiments. And, unlike Mr. Morris, I am not afraid of death.”

  “Everyone’s afraid of death.”

  “Not I.” Dana smiled darkly. “I’ve already stared death down and realized how little there is to fear in it.”

  “What the hell are you talking about? Where the hell did you even come from?!”

  “I told you, I worked under Mr. Morris at a young age.” He grinned. “I have been here forever.”

  There was a knock at the door that made me jump. Dana chuckled and pulled out his sunglasses, replacing them on his face.

  “Come in,” he called, pulling me off the door.

  Mrs. Markus, Clark’s mother, walked into the room.

  “I am sorry to disturb—oh, hello, Lily.”

  “Hello, Mrs. Markus,” I greeted weakly.

  “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude,” she said, turning back to Dana. “While we were in the meeting, I missed a call from Leader Simon’s Chair of Finance about the Europe delegation. I called him back and he asked if he could meet with you Thursday when Leader visits.”

  I was immediately intrigued.

  I wondered how Leader Simon really felt about the Commission and if he was really alright with the way Dana ran things. It was a thought that had worried me and one that I had spoken to Mykail about. If Leader Simon was really alright with the experimentations, then the chan
ces that we would succeed bringing down the Commission were significantly lower. If the leader of our country was supportive of Dana, then we had to infuriate the people of America in order to overthrow the entire Central system.

  “That’s fine,” Dana nodded. “Danielle, how late were you planning on staying tonight?”

  “Not late,” she said, not sure what Dana was asking. “Why? Is there something you need me to do?”

  “Not exactly.” Dana looked at me. “Tommy left his little girl here to talk to me, and I was hoping you could take her home when you leave.”

  “Oh, of course.” Mrs. Markus grinned. “Clark is in the first conference room, if she wants to stay there until we leave.”

  “Alright.” Dana nodded. “I’ll just finish up our conversation. I’ll be in the back for the rest of the night, so you are welcome to leave whenever you want,” he told her. The sentence was said with such authority that I realized Dana really did own everyone. He told them when to show up, what to do, when to leave…he was the master of the Commission of the People.

  “Very well,” she smiled sweetly, closing the door as she left.

  “Don’t you let your people sleep?” I groaned, glancing at the clock and realizing that it was nearly two in the morning.

  “Of course,” Dana laughed.

  “Then why are you going to be in the back with the experiments at this time? Why do you experiment on everyone at night?”

  “We don’t,” Dana corrected. “We’re a twenty-four hour operation, Little Lily. We’re never closed.”

  The news startled and perplexed me. How were we supposed to sneak people out when there was constant activity?

  “What about you?” I pressed. “When do you sleep?”

  “I don’t,” Dana said with a dark smile. “I gave up the habit.”

  There was one of those ridiculously perplexing answers again.

  “Besides, I wouldn’t miss Eyna’s testing time for anything,” he smirked.

  “You test on him at night?”

  “Generally, he’s tested on around two to three in the morning.”

  “Why?”

  “Easier to bring him out when everyone else is sleeping or quiet,” Dana shrugged. “I think he’s becoming overly sensitive to some things, like sound and movement. His reflexes are phenomenal, and his speed is incredible. You really should see him change by the day. It’s fascinating.”

  At first, the thought horrified me. I was playing a very dangerous game. If I showed too much interest, Dana might get spooked or suspicious, or he might start bringing me there every day and then I would be trapped in the Commission, just like Clark.

  “I know you’re interested…” he whispered, his voice dangerous and playful.

  “Even if I was, there is no way I would want to be stuck here with you every day,” I said as coldly as I could manage. I had to play hard to get. “Why would I want to be around you every day?”

  “Because, just like Mykail, you find me fascinating,” he smiled cockily.

  “Why would I?” I growled. “You think you’re someone who can make the judgment on other people’s lives? You take people and test on them, and kill them, even though they’re human.”

  “What is the definition of being human, Little Lily?”

  That stopped me. I tried to think of something to say, tried to think of how to explain how I felt in a strong enough way to throw him off-guard.

  “Do you want to know why it is so hard for you to accept what happens here? You’re still feeling everyone else’s pain and fear for them,” Dana stated. “Don’t you think you have enough problems in your own life without taking on everyone else’s problems as well?”

  I was quickly losing ground again. This was like a game of tug of war. Even though we were not close physically, I could feel the pull between us, and Dana was pulling me closer, a place I did not want to be.

  “This is a part of my life,” I whispered, my voice weak. “This is part of my problems.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you pulled me into it, and I don’t like what you do to people.”

  “Ah,” Dana said, still smiling. “You raise an interesting point, Little Lily.”

  “How can you be the one to decide who lives and who dies?” I growled. “What gives you the right?”

  “You do,” Dana said, his voice flat and strong. “You, the people, decided enough was enough, and you deemed who was fit for society and who wasn’t. Isn’t that what the revolution was for?”

  “No, the revolution was to gain back what we lost,” I snapped. “Thomas Ankell fought the revolution because people were stealing from each other, the government was so corrupt that the entire world was suffering from it, the people were suffering.”

  “So, it’s alright that he killed thousands? That he and Mr. Bryant Morris decided it was best to ‘cleanse’ the population to avoid another situation like the one that bred the Second Revolution? That he took the extremist approach in order to reform the country? But the Commission of the People, his legacy, is too extreme for you?”

  “Yes,” I nodded. “That was war, this is a time of peace.”

  “Ooh, you better be careful, Little Lily. You’re starting to sound like a politician,” he chuckled. “Everything is alright as long as it’s in the name of war and money, no?”

  “That’s not what I meant!”

  “Then what did you mean? Your argument is weak. You think that everyone is equal, but if everyone was equal, do you think we would need to exploit and rule each other? Do you realize how many people line up for slaughter at a single word from someone who holds a title over them in name alone? Fear is the power people have over one another. Why do you think all of your other friends won’t talk to you anymore? You’re more powerful, and they’re afraid of you for it. You don’t even have to do anything. All you have to do is tell them you’re part of the Commission and others immediately see the monster looming behind you, waiting for them to make a mistake and devour them.

  “The government is the exact same way. The laws and the legislations passed are meant merely to scare and to control. There was never a point in time where people were allowed to live freely without fear,” Dana continued. “Really think about it. Back when the public could have guns, everyone had one for protection. Against who? Other people with guns. Why did all of these people get brought into the Commission? Because people were afraid of them, and afraid of the way those lives would affect the upstanding citizens.”

  I was not sure what I could say against him. Even if I could form the words, I was afraid to speak them. He seemed angry, powerful, and I was worried that if I made the wrong move, he would hurt me.

  “Humans cannot live without fear,” Dana whispered. “Fear of what’s different, fear of pain, it’s the only way to keep people from tearing themselves to pieces. So, if I have to take these people in and change them into something else to give them a new life, I will do it, because, overall, it will be better for everyone. That is something you would do well to remember.”

  “How can you say that?” I barely managed to breathe. “Can you feel anything for others at all?”

  Dana smiled sickly.

  “I’ll take you to Clark, now.”

  * *** *

  When I walked into the conference room, Clark was shocked to see me. He stood up quickly, blinking.

  “Lily…”

  “Clark, you and your mother will be taking her home tonight,” Dana said, his hand finally leaving my back as he turned and closed the door behind him. I had never seen a conference room in the Commission. A half-wall of windows showed the hallway outside, and a long, oval table with several comfortable-looking chairs around it were the only details I could notice in my foggy state of mind. Clark’s school books were spread over the surface of the table, meriting some notice.

  As soon as Dana was out of sight, Clark walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder. I could not think coherently, every thought a jumbled mes
s.

  “Lily, talk to me. What did he do to you?” Clark asked, pulling out a chair and moving me to sit as he took the seat next to me.

  “Nothing…” I whispered. “I just…I can’t…I can’t...think when I’m around him…”

  “He has that effect on people.”

  I turned to look at him and, for some reason, the tears came. I saw the horrified expression on Clark’s face and, normally, that would have caused me to gain control of myself again, but I could not stop. I covered my face and bent forward. Clark’s arms wrapped around me and pulled me close. I grabbed onto the collar of his shirt and cried.

  “I’m here…” he whispered.

  “I couldn’t argue against him…” I managed to get out around my sobbing. “I couldn’t…I can’t…h-how…”

  “Shh…don’t think about it.”

  “What if he is right?”

  Clark was still for a moment and then he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back to face him. I wiped the tears away and tried to focus on his face.

  “What he says about humans is generally true, that’s how he can convince people to do what they do,” Clark told me seriously. “No one can deny that humans are horrible creatures, but if what he is doing is right, would we feel this way about it? Would our instincts tell us that he is dangerous if he was doing some good for the world?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “No, Lily,” Clark snapped, tightening his fingers around my shoulders. “No, you have to stay strong against him. Don’t be so frightened that you give up. You can’t give in.”

  “I’m not…giving in,” I growled, trying to wipe tears away. “But…damn it, Clark, he made sense…”

  “He has his moments,” Clark groaned. He rolled his eyes. “What am I saying? He can see right into all of us, and he attacks our weaknesses. Don’t let him get to you. Don’t let him tear you down. You are a strong person and you have to stay strong.”

  I nodded slowly, wiping away the moisture I still felt in my eyes. After a few moments I shook my head.

  “You know…I never thought about the way the population must have been before the Second Revolution…” I breathed. “All mixed together. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone from another race in real life…”