Ghostface Killer ~ M. Never

by Never, M.

“That’s not fair.”

  “No, you’re right. None of this is fucking fair. Finding out on my wedding night that my wife was having an affair with my father is not fair.”

  “Baz, what I have with you and what I had with Benny is completely different.”

  “How so?”

  “Because you were my choice! My first real choice in ten years. I gave you something I never gave him.”

  “Access to your ass?” Baz is lucky I can take a sucker punch to the face.

  I seethe. “No, you asshole. My heart. Benny was never interested in that. I thought I loved him, but then I met you and realized what true love really is. I love you, Baz.”

  “Do you realize that’s the first time you’ve ever said that to me?”

  “What? That I love you?”

  “Yes. You’ve never actually said it.”

  “I had to have said it,” I argue.

  “Never, Stevie. My mind works funny like that.” He taps his temple. “I keep track of those stupid kinds of things. And you’ve never said it until now.”

  “I was going to say it on the altar, but the minister interrupted us.”

  Baz just stares down at me coldly.

  “Everything was moving so fast. I was experiencing feelings that I never felt before. I was processing at the same speed I was living. If I didn’t tell you, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. Or that I didn’t love you. I just wanted it to be right. I don’t let my emotions flow freely. I was taught that was wrong. A sign of weakness, and weakness was punished in the house I grew up in.”

  My statement seems to register with Baz. He knows exactly what I’m talking about. Benny rejected him because he was different. Because he had issues that were beyond his control. Because those issues were seen as a weakness.

  “Tell me, Stevie. I want to know everything. The whole goddamn story.”

  “Right now? Here?” We’re standing under the deck, next to another outdoor living area with black-and-white pinstriped cushions, an outdoor kitchen set in stone, and a flat screen TV.

  “Right fucking here and right fucking now.” He crosses his arms, planted in place.

  “Fine. If you want to know, I’ll tell you everything.” No point in keeping any more secrets. “When I was fourteen, I was living on the street and pickpocketed this guy in front of Cipriani’s. I thought I got away scot-free, but he tracked me down. Pulled me into a dark alleyway and basically taught me lesson.”

  “Benny?”

  “Yes, Benny. After he humiliated me”—I recall the spanking—“he handed me over to the cops.”

  “How did he humiliate you?”

  “He spanked me in the alleyway. I thought he was going to rape me, but that’s not Benny’s style.”

  “Well, thank God for small fucking favors.”

  “The story isn’t over yet.” I narrow my eyes at him. I glazed over the details of my sexual assault the day after Baz proposed. It was just so hard to talk about. He understood, and he didn’t force me. Which is so Baz. He caught the drift and that was enough. “Benny handed me over to an undercover hanging around on the street. But not before he took my mother’s ring as collateral. I had been in front of a judge twice already that year, and the cop was spewing words like grand larceny and jail time. I didn’t want to end in up in juvie It was my worst nightmare, so I offered the cop a deal. He was crooked. It was obvious. He agreed in a second flat.”

  “What kind of deal, exactly?” His suspicion is on the right path.

  “I’d give him what he wanted if he gave me what I wanted. I’m not proud of it. And I didn’t used to go around whoring myself out, if that’s what you’re thinking. I was just desperate. So, he drove me to some abandoned dock, and we did it,” I rush out, not proud at all. “He didn’t even uncuff me, just bent me over the hood of the car.” Nausea creeps up my esophagus as I begin to let the memories back in. “Once wasn’t enough for him, though.” I look at Baz through the corner of one eye. It’s hard to face him and share this part. “He wanted more, but I said no. So he took it instead. He was particularly brutal.” I clear my throat, keeping the tears at bay. I will not fucking cry. “He . . . sodomized me repeatedly, until I was raw and crying and begging him to stop.” I spit out the words like I’m running over hot coals. “He raped me the entire night, and when he was done with me, he took me to jail.”

  “Stevie.” Baz’s voice is soft as he steps forward, but I stop him. If he touches me, I won’t finish. I’ll just fall apart in his arms. He wanted to know everything, so I’m going to tell him. “I don’t know how long I was alone in the jail cell. Just sitting there emotionally crumbling. Then he appeared. Benny was the last person I ever expected to see. I didn’t want anything to do with him at first. But he pushed, like Benny does. He asked me how much I thought my life was worth. To be honest, I thought he was a nut job. Then he held up my ring and asked ‘is your life worth enough to kill for?’ I had no other options, so I said yes. He brought me home that day and gave me a new beginning.” The next part may be even harder to share, but I’m going to do my best to keep it together. “A few months after Benny took me in, I found out I was pregnant.”

  “It was his?”

  “The cop’s,” I explain. “I wanted to keep it, but Benny refused. He said he wanted a murderer, not a mother. So, I got an abortion. I think that hurt more than getting raped. I wanted that baby so badly, regardless of how it was conceived.” I place both hands on my belly. “No one was taking this one from me.”

  “What happened to the cop?” I know what Baz is thinking. He wants to hunt him down and kill him. I see the wrath in his eyes.

  “You’re too late. He was my first kill. It was my sixteenth birthday. Benny and I snuck into his house together, and I put a bullet in his brain. Benny made him look me in the eyes while I did it. Just lying there, in his bed, head resting on his pillow. Immediately afterwards, we boarded a plane and disappeared to an island. That was the first time it happened. Benny seduced me.”

  It wasn’t terrible. It didn’t feel wrong. Benny was handsome, strong, powerful, and I wanted to please him. In every way. And he made sure I did. That I knew how. But it was a selfish love. A self-serving love. It was one-sided. And I was too naïve to understand that at the time.

  “He made me a killer, Baz. His killer.” I step closer and place my hands on his crossed forearms. “And now, I’m your killer.”

  In reaction to my statement, Baz clutches my face with both hands, an unidentifiable emotion burning in his bright green eyes. “I don’t want a killer, Stevie. I just want you. I want a woman. I want the mother of my child. I want my wife. Not the machine my father built.”

  “You have all those things.” My eyes water, tears finally breaking through.

  “Do I?” He’s pessimistic.

  “Of course, you do. Don’t let my past come between us,” I plead.

  “I just don’t know, Stevie.”

  “Baz.” I can barely breathe. After everything we’ve been through, he’s going to walk away now? He’s going to let Regina win?

  “I need a little time, Stevie.” Baz releases my face, and my heart sinks like a stone. “Don’t follow me.” He walks into the house, leaving the stuffy August air to choke me.

  I SIT ON the outdoor couch with my head in my hands. What a mess. What a goddamn mess. I wipe away the tears, unsure of what to do next. Unsure of where to go. Without Baz, I’m lost in this house. I’m lost in life.

  Someone clears their throat next to me, and I look up to find Gianni standing there. I wipe my face hastily, trying to pull myself together.

  “May I?” He motions to the empty cushion next to me.

  “Of course.” I sniff.

  “Not how you foresaw your wedding night ending.”

  “Not in the least.”

  “My sister is a vindictive bitch.”

  “I’m well aware. She helped raise me.”

  “She didn’t always use to be like this. She was sweet on
ce. An adorable child. The apple of our father’s eye.”

  “I can’t picture it.” I frown.

  Gianni laughs. “It was a long time ago.”

  “Did you hear everything?” I wouldn’t put it past Gianni for eavesdropping.

  “Everything,” he confirms. “I have always been curious about you.”

  “Did my outpour answer all your questions?”

  “Many of them, yes.”

  “Are you going to kill me after the baby’s born?” I come right out and ask.

  Gianni’s face drops. “My brother must have painted one heinous picture of me.”

  “I just know how things work. If Baz doesn’t want me anymore. Won’t protect me, what’s the point in keeping me around?”

  “One point is you’re the mother of my future grand-niece. She’s going to need you. Baz needs you, too.”

  “Not at the moment,” I mutter despondently.

  “Couples fight. This is normal. Just wait until she gets here. If you think things are challenging now.” He wags his hand in the air, his big pinky ring nearly hitting me in the face. “Just wait.”

  “That doesn’t sound encouraging.”

  Gianni smiles. It’s warm and sincere. “I’ve been watching you, Stevie. You’re good for Baz. You bring out the best in him. He had never acknowledged his title before. Never once. Rejected it from the moment my father named him his successor. But seeing him fight for something he wants? Fight for you?” Gianni nods approvingly. “I knew he had turned a corner. And I knew it was because of you.”

  “I couldn’t have done much. We haven’t even been together that long.” The fact that we’re married is crazy. We haven’t even known each other a year.

  “Time means nothing. Baz had a very isolated childhood. Desmond was his only friend. And the hole Benny left inside him was gaping. But with you, I see a different side of him. One I always believed was there. That has nothing to do with how long you’ve been together. It has everything to do with the connection you share.”

  Even if I didn’t want to admit it at first, Gianni is right. Baz and I have always had a unique connection. It was apparent from the moment we met.

  “I don’t want to lose him over this, Gianni.”

  “Then fight for him. It’s what Baz needs most. Someone to fight for him.”

  “I can fight.”

  “I know you can. And I know that’s what Benny saw in you. A fighter. And that’s exactly the type of person Baz needs. Don’t let your emotions, or his, intimidate you.”

  I nod my head sternly, taking his advice to heart. “Okay.”

  “Good.” Gianni taps my knee lightly. “I’m going to polish off the rest of the bourbon before Desmond gets any ideas. It’s a nineteen-eighty vintage.”

  “Enjoy.” I smile weakly.

  “See you in the morning, Mrs. Sabatino.” Gianni winks.

  MRS. SABATINO.

  I had originally thought that was an alias, but it turns out Sabatino is Baz’s mother’s maiden name.

  He was born a Velona but changed his last name to Sabatino in his early twenties.

  He didn’t want any ties to Benny, even if that meant giving up the family name. He was serious about not wanting to be a part of the corporation, and Gianni doesn’t force him. Unfortunately, my ties to the family aren’t so loose. I have a debt to pay, and I have a feeling Gianni is going to hold me to it one way or another.

  I take my time walking through the house. The private chef who cooked dinner has already vacated the premises, along with all the wait staff. The hallways are quiet as I climb the stairs to the second floor. I don’t know where Baz is, so I’ve decided to slip into some comfier clothes and go look for him.

  Gianni said fight for him, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

  To my surprise, I don’t have to go far to find him. He’s already in our room, shirtless, staring out the window in the sitting area.

  He looks despondent. Like a little boy who just wants to be loved.

  He is loved, though. By me, and Gianni and Desmond and the rest of the people in this house. Baz is a light, and he doesn’t even know it.

  “Hey.” I pad into the room, stopping at the base of the canopy bed.

  “Hey,” he responds but doesn’t look my way.

  Playing with my rings, I try to figure out something to say that will get his attention. Gianni said fight, which is something I definitely know how to do, so I go straight for the jugular.

  “The only person I belong to is you,” I announce.

  Baz whips his head around.

  “I’m sorry you had to find out about Benny and me that way. It was wrong. And it was my fault. I should have told you. I just didn’t want to hurt you. I wanted to tell you the right way. At the right time.” I take a cautious step forward. I want to touch him. I want to wrap my arms around his bare stomach and press kisses all over his chest.

  Baz’s eyes are guarded, but a small fire is kindling behind them.

  “Don’t come any closer.” Baz forces me to cease and desist.

  I stand in place, several arm lengths away from him.

  “I hate him, Stevie.”

  “I know you do.”

  “He touched you. Took advantage of a sixteen-year-old girl.”

  “I let him.” That statement enrages Baz. “I didn’t have any other options. I had no family. No money. No future. Benny gave me everything I needed.”

  “And what do you need now?” He’s fishing, and I know it. But to relieve his bruised heart and his bruised ego, I tell him what he wants to hear, and I mean every word of it.

  “Now, I need you. I only want you.”

  Jesus, his face. That beautiful, broken, rugged face. It’s twisting my heart so hard blood is dripping from it.

  “Why are you with me, Stevie?”

  I bat my eyelashes incredulously from the question. I have vastly underestimated Baz’s self-esteem.

  “Because I have been dictated to since I was fourteen years old. Told how to dress, how to act, how to look, and now it’s time I decide who I want to be. And who I want to be with. And I choose you. If Benny was standing right here, right now, I’d still choose you. I will always choose you. Don’t let his ghost come between us. I can’t erase my past, but that doesn’t mean you have to live in it. We can move forward together. We were moving forward together.” I run a hand down my circular belly. She’s fluttering.

  Baz looks wracked with indecision. I’ve put him in a vulnerable position. As sturdy as he appears on the outside, inside he’s still a scarred little boy who’s different, who’s weird. Whose father doesn’t love him. “I love you. Don’t doubt that. I wouldn’t be standing here if I didn’t. I wouldn’t have stayed in that cabin and waited for you to wake up if I didn’t.”

  Baz’s right eyebrow twitches.

  I hope it’s a good sign. I hope it means I’m getting through to him.

  “You’re the only one who can hurt me, Baz.” I lay it all out on the table. I lay it all on the line.

  His chest visibly rises and falls as he breathes. Once, twice, three times, four times. The silence is unnerving.

  “Baz—”

  “Take your dress off, Stevie.”

  It’s my turn for my eyebrow to twitch. Without hesitation, I slip the thin crystal straps over my shoulders and let the shiny material fall to the ground. Usually, I wouldn’t feel at all self-conscious, but my body has changed dramatically in the last three months. I’ve been a size six most of my life and worked out so much that fat was like a myth for me.

  Not anymore. I’m mostly belly, but still, seducing your husband at almost nine months pregnant is a bit of a confidence challenge.

  Baz gradually drags his laser-beam gaze from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. A low growl vibrating from his throat, like a lion. My lion.

  Equally parts graceful, majestic and commanding. Standing there shirtless, the ridges of his defined chest, chiseled arms, and trim waist gl
ow silver under the bright moonlight.

  He stalks over to the bed, unbuckling his belt as he does, sliding it slowly through the loops. He drops it to the floor. It clanks when it hit the black wood. He then unfastens the top button on his pants and painstakingly lowers the zipper with me watching the whole time.

  His pants disappear, and we are on even playing field. Panties and boxer briefs are all that’s left.

  “Get on the bed.” He motions with his head. “Sit on your knees.”

  I go to remove the crown of roses, but he stops me. “Leave it.”

  Drifting across the room, I do as he asks.

  I climb on the bed and sit on my knees, waiting for Baz’s next request.

  He doesn’t say another word, just crawls on the mattress and settles behind me, rumbling deeply with desire as he does. The sound induces goosebumps. All at once, my nipples harden and my clit tingles from just a simple fucking noise.

  Baz runs his fingers down my arms at the same time dragging the tip of his nose along the curve of my shoulder. My pulse thumps in my ears, in my neck, and in my sternum.

  “Did my father touch you like I do, Stevie?”

  My eyes fly open, the serene moment shattering.

  “Baz—”

  “Just tell me,” he presses.

  “No, he didn’t.” I turn my head to look at him. “It was nothing like it is with you.”

  “How so?” He nearly salivates for the answer.

  How do I say this without sounding completely idiotic? “You . . . share the pleasure. With him, I always had to find my own.”

  Time seems to stand still as he absorbs this information. It was always one-sided with Benny, from the very beginning. I had to learn what I liked. Learn how to get off. And he enjoyed watching the show.

  Baz seizes my face suddenly, slamming his lips down so hard against mine it feels like I was hit by a Mack truck. And he doesn’t just kiss me, he claims me.

  I moan into his mouth, draping my arm back around his neck. This is what I wanted. What I needed. My husband on our wedding night.

  “Tell me you love me.” His voice is husky.

  I don’t hesitate. “I love you. From the moment we met, I loved you.”