by Lucia Franco
Ten vaults including timers.
Ten beam routines.
Two full floor routines.
Five bar routines.
This was my life for the next three days and most of it fueled by adrenaline, muscle memory, and a dream. A dream that could be ripped from me if I made one mistake and hurt myself.
I performed a round-off back handspring layout when something caught my eye.
Rebounding off the floor, I glanced toward the lobby and caught sight of Kova's back just in time as he strode inside marching toward the back, presumably to his office.
I smiled inwardly. I hoped he'd read what I wrote before coming out here. Then maybe we could talk when he did another blading on my Achilles later tonight when no one was around. I also needed to ask if he had picked up Plan B for me. I really didn't want to take it, but after last night, I couldn't chance it. I made a mental note to ask my doctor for birth control when I spoke to him later. My cramping had been terrible lately, my cycles were off, and my last period was much thicker than usual, so I could always use that excuse to get on birth control.
Ten minutes later, Kova walked into the gym. Anticipation curled my belly at the sight of him. I shot a quick glance at him. He looked at me then quickly averted his gaze to the floor.
Kova pointed to one of the corners. "Get in line. You know what the week ahead looks like, ladies. I expect nothing less than perfection from you all. Winners train. I do not want to hear any complaints this week. Let us get started."
Walking briskly to the opposite corner, he dragged over a landing mat and stood a little in front of it. Clapping his hands, he signaled for us to start. Holly went first. She started running toward him, Kova bent his knees and eyed her steps, then stepped closer to her running form, gauging when she would take flight and flip. He stepped in to spot her and raised his arms in the air to help her twist. His shirt rose, showing a hint of his toned stomach as he grabbed her waist with his forearm then guided her to stop with his other arm once she executed a double twist.
He gave her instructions and nodded, then waved for Reagan. He repeated his stance and eyed her as she took off running. As she went to perform a double back tuck, he popped her lower back up with his hand on the first rotation to give her a little more height, then raised his arms in the air to spot her landing, moving with her as she rotated.
Then, he nodded for me and it was strictly coach mode. Taking off, I performed a full-in, a double twisting double back tuck with the first twist performed on the first back tuck. His arms came up, helping me spin my twist a little faster, popping my lower back for more height and then putting his hand behind my back to stop the power.
"Good," was all he said when I landed. I looked at him, but he was already looking for Holly, waving at her to go.
I frowned. Good? That was all? He'd given my teammates suggestions and all I got was good? I didn't want to hear I did good, I mean, of course I did, but I wanted to hear where I needed improvement more. There was always room for improvement and I knew Kova lived by that.
I paid attention to Holly and Reagan. Kova gave them both detailed suggestions.
When it was my turn again, I looked into his eyes, but he wasn't looking at me, he was watching my feet to prepare to spot me.
I performed another full-in. I had so much momentum that I rebounded and kicked back with one leg. My heart dropped and Kova placed a hand on my stomach to stop me, then quickly removed it like touching me burned his skin.
I knew my mistake was because my chest was too low to the floor, a typical landing during warm ups.
And he said nothing. Absolutely nothing. This was a man who didn't like the way I breathed on the balance beam and yelled at me for it. But I take a huge step out on floor and he's tight lipped.
Something wasn't right.
I looked at Kova, but he was looking over my head for Holly, purposely avoiding my gaze. A sharp pain shot through my chest and I rubbed the ache.
I waited for Kova to give me instructions.
But nothing ever came. He just continued to look over my head. My stomach knotted and my face fell when I felt the springs of the floor recoiling from Holly taking off. With no option but to get out of the way, I got back in line.
The same thing happened the next ten, maybe twenty times I went. I lost count. He said nothing to me, hardly physically spotting me, not that I needed it, and he wouldn't look me in the eye. Detached and distant, after last night, this was the last thing I ever expected from him. Kova was a cold stranger on edge.
His lack of attentiveness was messing with my head big time. Kova thrived on barking orders, yet he gave me none. Not even a sigh. He demanded precision and perfection and dedication. My dedication was there, but the way he was behaving, pretending like nothing I did mattered, when I knew in my gut everything I did mattered to him, threw off my perfection and precision. I knew he knew that, he had to. There was no way he didn't notice I was off. The man had an eagle eye, yet he was holding back from me, and it was making the cramping in my stomach much worse because I couldn't stop dwelling on it.
I chewed my lip, trying to figure out what to say when he finally spoke.
"Please, get back in line, Adrianna," he said above a whisper, still not looking at me. "Please." The tightness in his voice rendered me speechless. All I could do was nod silently and turn around.
As I walked to the opposite end of the floor, the front door to World Cup opened and in stepped Katja.
God, she was the perfect Russian Barbie. Pulling her sunglasses up to rest on her head, something sparkled in the light as she moved her hair. Her gaze immediately shot to the gym. She looked around like she was looking specifically for something…and her eyes stopped on me. I gave her a friendly smile, but she didn't return it.
Instead, her hostile gaze raked down my body and I stiffened, despite my heart pounding against my ribs. A chill exploded down my spine and my stomach churned.
All the noise in the background faded away and I immediately looked over my shoulder at Kova. He stood with his hands on his hips, intently watching Katja, but he wasn't looking at her with hearts in his eyes.
No, he was staring at her like he was terrified he was about to lose everything, despite his confrontational stance.
I glanced back toward Katja and her eyes were still on me. I shook it off and walked to step in line as Kova made his way toward her. He opened the door and stepped up to her, placing a kiss on her cheek. I looked around the gym to see if anyone had noticed anything, but it appeared they hadn’t. Holly and Reagan were having their own conversation, and Madeline was watching Kova and Katja with a big grin on her face. The rest of the gym was in their own world.
Confused, I looked around again. I was missing something, I just didn't know what.
Trying not to let the awkwardness of the situation bother me, I shook it off and took off running and completed another tumbling pass, landing it nicely this time.
A cramp formed in my stomach and I looked around, trying to make a point not to stop on Kova and Katja and make it seem like I was aloof. My skin prickled with awareness, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
Maybe it was just me. My nerves were jittery, and I was guilty of sleeping with her man.
I got back in line and watched Holly tumble. Reagan stepped up behind me and my gut told me not to take a turn.
But I did. I had a meet coming up and I had to practice. I took off running again and heard Reagan say something to Holly about celebration right as I started my tumbling pass halfway across the floor, but I accidently undercut, making it difficult to perform the next sequence of skills because of my poor hand placement. I didn't do the double back twist, instead, I did a simple back layout mid-flight.
I tried not to look toward the lobby, but I did. All I could see were lips moving and Katja's startling peridot eyes fixated on Kova. Her eyes shifted toward me and I quickly averted my gaze, pretending I was looking somewhere else.
She
definitely caught me looking at her. Guilt consumed me, and I kept my eyes focused on the floor as I got back in line.
I was too ashamed, yet I wasn't. He needed something she couldn’t give him, and he found it with me.
"Yeah, I'm so happy for them," Reagan said cheerfully to Holly. I applied some chalk to my hands to absorb the moisture then stretched my wrists, flexing them back and forth, pushing on my palms. They'd been aching lately from the hard impact they often took. I'd have to get my wristbands from my bag just to be safe.
"Me, too," Holly responded. "It's about time. I mean, I knew they would eventually tie the knot after how long it's been. They seem so in love."
My head snapped up and I glared at Holly, but Madeline called my name to go. Reagan eyed me too curiously and I struggled to look away.
But I didn't. Our eyes locked onto each other and something tender shifted in her eyes that said everything, everything I needed to know.
I blinked. There was no way.
Lips parting, my chest rose and fell faster with each intake of air.
"Adrianna! Today!" Madeline shouted, clapping her hands, but I couldn't tear my eyes from Reagan's or allow my mind to drift from replaying what I’d just heard over and over.
It couldn't be. There's no way Kova would do that to me. Not after he made love to me last night.
"Adrianna," Reagan said gently, "let me go first." My vacant eyes shifted to hers, but I ignored her and took my position.
My mind thought back to the sparkle I'd seen when she walked in. I felt like I would be able to spot an engagement ring.
The knot in my stomach tightened. Had I and not realized it?
"Keep going and I'll be right back," Madeline said, then jogged away toward the lobby.
Inhaling then exhaling a huge breath of air, I tried desperately to focus as I rose up on my toes and leaned forward. I started running, eyeing the corner, and angled into a round off, my mind replaying their conversation.
"It's about time."
"They would eventually tie the knot."
"They seem so in love."
There was no way Kova wouldn't tell me if he got married, especially after last night. My mind had to be playing tricks on me, it had to be.
No, I thought to myself as my feet punched the floor and I leaned backwards into my back handspring. Eventually meant they had gotten married, I thought as I rebounded and reached for the sky, turning into a full twist, and rotating my hips so I could pull a double back tuck.
But I didn't.
I only executed one twist and landed with both feet, a sharp pain shooting up my leg. I feigned a rebound and grabbed my leg, then hobbled away, pretending like it never happened and I was stretching it out. This time, I kept my gaze strictly on the floor as I made my way back to the corner, even though I could sense eyes were on me.
Holly was in front of me when I uttered the words to Reagan, though my focus was anywhere but on her.
"Are they married?" I asked, barely moving my lips. I knew I shouldn't ask her, my tone giving a lot away, but I couldn't not. I had to know. I had to.
My eyes lifted to the scene in the lobby. I watched as Madeline leaned in and kissed Katja's cheek. I assumed they exchanged joyous words, judging by their happy expressions and how Madeline lifted Katja's left hand, but she blocked the view.
My heart dropped. No… It couldn't be. It just couldn't.
"I found out two days ago from my mom. I thought you knew too," Reagan said quietly under her breath. I shook my head, staring straight ahead. "It's why there's a big celebration dinner for both parents and coaches tonight."
She found out two days ago.
All air left my lungs.
My chest caved in and I struggled for oxygen as my eyes locked onto Kova's grief-stricken eyes that were begging, literally begging me for forgiveness.
Kova was married. No. There was no way in hell he would marry, let alone leave me in the dark for everyone to know but me. He wasn't that cruel.
Tears tickled my eyes, my jaw ached with a pain so severe I fought to conceal my emotions. Kova subtly shook his head but I ignored it.
I didn't understand why he was shaking his head no, but I refused to allow this bombshell to mess with my focus. I refused. Not after how far I'd come.
Feet together in the corner, I made an effort to complete another tumbling pass…but I couldn't. My foggy mind wouldn't let me. I ended up executing a skill, something so simple and almost mundane for my level, then got back in line, totally empty inside.
I couldn't help myself and I shot a brief glance over my shoulder toward Kova. His eyes were already looking for me and all I could think was, you married her.
His burning green eyes held my gaze for a long moment and the stone-cold conviction in them made me look away.
It told me everything I needed to know. Everything.
Kova, was in fact, married.
Chapter Sixty-One
I forced myself to look in the opposite direction to hide the anguish in my eyes.
Kova was married and I was the last to know.
"So they got married two days ago?" I asked Reagan, mumbling out the question.
"No, I only found out two days ago." I looked at her with curious eyes to see if she knew when. "Apparently, they married a few months ago," she whispered.
I gasped. A knot the size of a tennis ball lodged in my throat, my hand flew to my pounding chest.
A few months ago? That couldn't be right. Because if it were, then Kova had ample amount of time to tell me he was in fact married to Katja, and he hadn't. I didn't even know they were engaged.
Not only that, he'd had sex with me just last night. I still had his semen in me.
I tried so hard not to cry. Why would I? He hadn’t promise me anything, and I shouldn't have expected anything other than truth and honesty because we weren’t anything anyway, so it shouldn't hurt me, but it did. Never in a million years did I see this coming. Kova should've been the one to look me in the eye and break my heart. I shouldn't have had to find out through the grapevine, he should've told me he was going to ask Katja to marry him.
But he hadn't, and I didn't know what to think about that.
I looked at the lobby again and stepped aside to let Reagan go so I could see for myself. I had to see the ring, that would make it official.
It just so happened that Madeline moved to the side to come back into the gym…
And I saw the massive multi-diamond engagement ring and blaring gold wedding band that could not be mistaken for anything else other than a woman who's very much married.
My blurry eyes shot to Kova's. He looked utterly heartbroken, devastated, it was obvious he felt horrible, but I didn't feel bad for him. I wouldn't let myself, even though it was hard not to when I was tied to him in ways that I wasn't sure could ever be severed, no matter how hard I tried.
Kova had betrayed me.
In this moment, I knew there was no way I could feel bad for him with how desolate I felt inside. There was no way, when he didn't give a shit about me.
I wanted to crawl inside a hole, light myself on fire, and die a painful death.
I didn't have any emotion left to give; my entire being had been sucked dry. I just couldn’t. Kova should've been man enough to tell me the truth. I mean, he's had months to at least try and tell me, and yet he never did. I was breaking inside. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly feel any more pain than I did when I learned the truth about my mother, this topped it all. Kova destroyed me, and I was the stupid girl who let him.
My mind went back to last night when he was deep inside me and repeating the words in Russian.
Oh God. Was he telling me way more at the time and I didn't realize it? I'd been too lost with trying to help him ease his pain that I hadn't thought about anything else. I was going to be sick. I'd meant to look up the words but I'd forgotten.
I should've known. I really should have known. I knew Kova expressed himself through touch,
through his kiss, through sex. I just never would've thought this was what he was trying to tell me.
Ignorance at its finest when someone else is trying to heal another's pain.
I looked away and tried to focus on the tumbling pass I needed to complete. I tried to think about each skill, the physics of it, then visualized it.
In the corner of my eye I could sense someone shaking their head no. I saw someone move.
But it didn't register.
Leaning into the tumbling pass, I attempted to concentrate on the skill at hand, but it all happened in the blink of an eye.
I took a few steps, power hurdling into a round off, into the back handspring that I made sure to extend and not undercut—and my mind flashed to last night when Kova spoke in Russian—my feet punched the floor and I raised my arms as high as I could reach and began rotating into the twist—hearing the words in Russian that I thought he was asking for help, the way he looked at me—turning into the first twist, rotating my hips back again into the second flip, but something happened, and I panicked in the air before I could complete the skill.
I freaked out mid-flight.
I didn't execute the second twist and my body moved of its own accord. I shifted and turned however my body wanted to with little to no control to stop it. Every once in a blue moon this happened, and when it did, I couldn’t control it. It was impossible. The only thing my brain could process was folding myself into a ball so I didn’t break a bone on the way down.
And so, that's what I did. I hugged myself tight as my back made impact with the floor. I hit so hard, my arms shook and loosened, my knees hit my cheekbones. My head flopped back, the back of my head hitting the carpeted spring floor, and I choked out a breath of air. My body ricocheted, and I came loose until I flipped over again, landing haphazardly on the floor, this time trying miserably to catch myself.
Panting hard, I clutched my injured ankle, pain shot through me. Somewhere in between I hurt myself trying to land, but I couldn't figure out where. It didn't feel like my Achilles, more like a twist, but I couldn't think straight to focus on it.