“Will,” I warn, turning to face him, “shut the fuck up. What’s hurt and what’s not hurt is none of your business. I don’t want you saying a word about it. Got it?”
He tosses my bag in my truck and watches me climb in. “Okay. This is your call. I’m team . . . What are we called?”
I think a second. “Team Believe.” I turn the engine on. “Believe I don’t fucking kill myself.”
“Not funny, man.”
I laugh anyway. “I’m heading home. Want to come by and drink the beer that’s left in my fridge? It’s not that fancy Craft shit you drink, but it’s free beer.”
“Free beer is free beer. I’ll follow ya.”
I close the door and head home, fighting to ignore the pain that is starting to lessen a bit across the back of my shoulders. Team Believe. Although I was joking when I said it, I like it. I like the word believe. It’s what I’m doing now in every aspect of my life—believing I won’t get fired for being so tired at work. Believing I’m doing the right thing in this mess I’m in the middle of. Believing that I won’t fuck it up worse than it already is somehow. Believing that I will figure out a way to win this fight with Davidson.
I pull into my driveway, Will on my tail. There’s a red beat up car parked along the curb and I don’t recognize it.
I get out of the truck and meet Will on the lawn.
“Who’s that?” he ask, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder.
“Don’t know.”
We walk to the front and up the steps, a strange quietness moving between us. I twist the handle and go inside, the light on in the living room. I hear voices, more voices than there should be.
Standing next to my television are Jules’ parents.
“What the fuck are they doing here?” I scowl. “You have about two seconds to explain this.”
“Crew,” Julia says, jumping off the sofa. She runs to me and I pull her in close. She falls into my side like it’s the most natural thing to do. Any other time, I’d relish the moment. But right now, there are two assholes staring at me that I want to deal with.
“Crew, my man,” her father extends his hand. I let it hang in the air. They smell like stale cigarette smoke, the odor permeating the air around them.
Harry and Greta are almost unrecognizable; the years have not been good to them. They’re unkempt, their hair practically uncombed. They look dope sick, like they’re desperate for their next hit of whatever they’re on. I wonder vaguely if Julia realizes they’ve moved on from alcohol.
“Why are you here?” I ask.
Will walks to the other side of Jules. “Where’s Ever?” he whispers.
“Bedroom. Asleep,” she whispers back.
“Join her,” I growl.
“Crew, wait—”
“No. There’ll be no waiting, Jules. Unless they came here to tell you how sorry they were for fucking up your life, there’ll be no waiting.”
“We came to see our daughter. Apparently, our granddaughter is sick and we wanted to see her, too.”
“And they wanted me to sign a car loan for them,” Julia says softly. I can hear the sadness in her voice, the feeling of being letdown by her parents yet a-fucking-gain.
“You had the audacity to walk in here, knowing your granddaughter has cancer, and ask her to sign a car loan for you?” I can’t believe it, even from them.
Harry puffs out his chest. “I gotta do a lot of runnin’ back and forth between here and Baltimore. I need a car that will make it. Why do you fuckin’ care?”
“I bet you do. Runnin’ a lot of dope between the cities now, are ya?”
“That’s none of your business,” he says, his voice sloppy.
I look down at Jules. “How did they know you were here?”
“Because she called me,” Greta says. “She told me what’s going on. I didn’t think you’d want us to know. You never wanted her around us. You took her away from us!”
I take Julia’s hands off my waist and gently nudge her towards the hallway. “Go in Ever’s room and stay there. Okay?”
“Crew . . .”
“Jules, I’m not playing.”
With a last, tear-filled glance at the people that brought her into the world, she heads off down the hall. I wait until I hear the door gently close before I speak.
“You two worthless pieces of shit aren’t to contact either of them ever again. Do you hear me?”
Harry steps to me, pointing his finger at my face. “You can’t tell me if or when I’m going to see my daughter and grandkid. You’re nothing to her. You’re not her husband and even if you were, I’m her father!”
I laugh angrily. “You’re gonna want to get that finger outta my face before I fucking remove it from your body.”
High as a kite, Harry steps another step towards me. “You think you can do that, big boy?”
Greta grabs his arm and shoves him toward the front door. “Harry, let’s go,” she says, seeing the wickedness behind my expression. “Come on.” She leads him to the front and out onto the porch.
Harry shakes her off and turns to face Will and me again. “I’ll be back here again whenever I damn well feel like it.”
I turn sideways to set myself up to throw a punch at his face when Will steps between us.
“Harry, trust me on this, you need to shut your suck.” Will looks at me over his shoulder and winks. “Now, as a totally unbiased opinion here, Harry, you’re a complete fucking douchebag that needs his ass whipped in a royal fashion. You’ve needed that for years now, you cocksucker. And Crew, as much as I’d like to see you give out the beatin’ I know you’re capable of, you need to not go to jail for obvious reasons. But I can.”
Will shoots a right to Harry’s face, busting his nose. He staggers back, already off balance from whatever drug he’s taken this morning.
Greta screeches, catching Harry as he falls against the column on the porch.
Will pops a left-right-left into Harry’s face again and he’s too slow, too out of it to even defend himself.
“You’re an animal,” Greta breathes out in disbelief. She wraps her arm around Harry and practically drags him to the car while he holds his nose. “I’m calling the police!”
“That’s fact as fuck. But you better think that cop-calling bullshit through,” Will says.
There are little droplets of blood dotting the ground from the porch to the car. It’s better than the pieces of flesh like would’ve happened if Will hadn’t stepped in the way.
We watch them drive off as fast as their car will go, the tailpipe rattling the whole way down the street.
Will shakes his hand again. “Man, that fucking hurt.”
“Suck it up, pussy,” I say, working my shoulders in a circle to alleviate some of my own discomfort.
Will starts to comment on it but stops himself. “Can I get some ice?”
I laugh. “No. You want to be a fighter, you gotta deal with the pain.” I wince at the last word as a burst of it sends chills down my body.
“I don’t want to be a fighter. I want to keep you from going to prison. If you touched him—”
“I’d have killed him.”
“Exactly.”
The door cracks behind me and Will looks over my shoulder. He smiles before turning his eyes back on me. “I’m going to head out. I’ve had enough excitement for the day.”
“Thanks, Will.”
“No problem. See ya, Jules.”
“Bye, Will.”
I turn and she’s standing wide-eyed. “Do I want to know?”
“Nope,” I say, pulling her into me and forgetting, for just one minute, the world outside of she and I exist.
JULIA
“What’s going on?” I ask.
Crew comes into the kitchen after work, followed by Olivia. She’s grinning ear-to-ear.
“Crew called me this morning and asked if I could sit with Everleigh this evening.”
“Why?” I look between them, not understanding. “Did
I forget something? Did something happen?”
Crew chuckles. “I want to take you somewhere. Just the two of us.”
A small flutter begins in my belly, reminding me of a time long ago. I feel almost giddy that he wants to take me somewhere. He looks tired and worn down. His hair has started to grow back, a couple of days’ worth of stubble dotting his face. He’s incredibly handsome, the boy I fell in love with years before grew up into one fine man.
Even so, I hate the idea of leaving Everleigh.
“Do you think we should?”
He nods, biting his lip. “We are.”
“But what if—” I start.
“Julia, I’m here. She’s been fine today. You said so yourself when I called earlier.”
“You set me up!” I look between them and they laugh. “Crew!”
“Take it easy on him,” Olivia laughs. “He wants to do something nice for you and it’s exactly what you need right now.”
“When did you get on Team Crew?”
She grins at him and then looks back to me. “I never said I wasn’t.” She turns on her heels and heads to the living room. I hear my daughter squeal when she sees Olivia. I hope it helps her spirits. She was so sick last night, throwing up and complaining of stomach pains and a headache. It was a long night. I called the doctor and they said it was normal, but if she seemed at risk for dehydration or got a fever to bring her right in.
I feel Crew’s gaze resting on me and I know this isn’t a battle I’m going to win.
“Just an hour or so, okay?” I ask carefully. I don’t want to offend him, but I can almost not bear leaving her.
He kisses the top of my head, smelling all dirty from work. “Yeah. I’m gonna grab a quick shower and then we’ll go.”
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“For a little drive.”
“Don’t you have to train tonight?”
“Night off.” He winces a little as he rolls his shoulder. “Gotta rest the body a little bit.”
“Should I change?” I look down at my jeans, a rip tearing through one knee, and my Boston Red Sox shirt.
“If you’re gonna be seen out with me, that shirt’s gonna have to go.”
I roll my eyes. “The shirt goes or I don’t.”
He growls playfully. “Fine, but it’s a good thing you’re pretty.”
JULIA
I glance at my phone again. I’m worried Olivia will call or text and I won’t hear it. I thought Crew was going to have to pick me up and carry me out the door. It feels so unfair, so hedonistic, to leave Ever when she’s sick, even though she told me to leave so she could play Candy Land with Olivia.
Crew’s hand grabs my thigh and gives it a little shake. “She’s fine. She’s having fun.”
“I know,” I say through gritted teeth. “I just feel bad . . .”
“For what? Recharging your battery for an hour? You feel bad about that?”
“Yeah.” I rest my head against the back of the seat and let the early evening sun warm my face.
He turns the radio down. “You’re dumb.”
“Thanks.”
“No, I mean it this time,” he laughs. “You can’t feel bad about leaving Ever with the only person besides the two of us she loves. She’s going to have a good game of Candy Land while we go out and get an ice cream.”
I look at him and he grins.
“We’re going for ice cream?”
He nods and pulls into Castle Island. “I thought it would be a nice thing to do. Grab a cone, sit by the water, have a few minutes together. Just the two of us.”
My heart fills. This is exactly what I need.
He parks his truck and we climb out. He meets me at the front and grabs my hand immediately, like it’s the way we always do. I like it. I like all of it. As we walk through the entrance and over to the ice cream stand, I like every bit of this evening.
Our hands, clasped together, swing gently between us. His thumb strokes my knuckles and each swipe sends a warm sensation through me. I love the way I feel safe. I adore the way I feel important to him. I love looking up to him and seeing him looking at me through the corner of his eye and the grin that tickles the corner of his mouth.
“What?” I ask, a grin tugging at my lips, too.
“Just wondering how I’ve stooped so low to be seen with a girl wearing a Red Sox shirt.”
I bump him with my shoulder and he feigns like it hurt. He covers his shoulder with his other hand and sours his face. “Ouch. I was kidding.”
I shake my head. The ice cream stand is in front of us, the menu hanging off the front just like I remembered.
“What do you want?” he asks. “You still like the coconut flavor?”
“I haven’t had the coconut ice cream here since the summer you left.”
A look flitters across his face. “Really?”
“Gage and I never came here. Not for ice cream.”
He nods and looks away. “What do you want then?”
“Coconut.”
He orders me a cone and himself a chocolate one while I do a quick check of my phone. I’m relieved to see the screen blank. He hands me my cone and we walk away, licking our treats. “Want to go sit by the water?”
“Yeah. Let’s do that.”
His hand finds mine again and our fingers interlock. We walk leisurely down to the beach and sit close together on the sand. It’s warmer than it has been, but the breeze still makes it a little chilly. The waves roll in easily, lapping against the shore.
“I think the first time I ever saw you, you were right over there,” he says, pointing to an area near an outcropping of rocks. “You were with your friends and laughing. You looked so beautiful, like you didn’t have a care in the world. There were guys walking past you, checking you out, and you seemed oblivious.”
“I was,” I said, thinking back to that day.
“You know, if I could go back to that day, I’d change everything.”
He holds his cone in both of his hands in front of him, his elbows resting against his knees.
“If I could go back to that day, I’d tell you I loved you right off. It might scare you, but you’d know that I was serious. And I’d get a job and save money and get us a house together as soon as I graduated high school.”
He takes off his Golden Gophers hat and puts it on my head, grinning. “I’d move you in with me and away from your parents and take care of you for every day of the rest of our lives. I wouldn’t go to Minnesota, I wouldn’t worry about being famous. I’d give all of that up just to have you.”
My cheeks ache from smiling, his words something I never thought he’d ever think. It’s the exact thing I’d wished had happened more times than I could count, but never in my wildest dreams did I think he’d wish for that, too.
He leans to me and kisses me sweetly on the lips. “I wanted to bring you here tonight to tell you that. To tell you if I could take you back here on that day we met, I’d change everything I’ve ever done for you.”
“Oh, Crew,” I say, cupping the side of his face.
“I don’t expect you to say anything,” he says. “I know things are more complicated for you than they are for me. Just know I loved you then and I love you now. As a matter of fact, you’re the only person I’ve ever loved and the only person I’ll ever love.”
“I love you, too,” I whisper, kissing him.
He rests his forehead against mine. “Whatever happens with everything, just know that. Know I love you and that I never loved anyone else. It’s important to me that you know that. Things are going to get really serious with this fight and I want to be able to rest assured that you know that. Okay?”
“About the fight—”
“No. There’s nothing to discuss.”
We watch the waves lap at the beach, the seagulls squawking in the air.
“I’d do anything for you and Everleigh,” he says, almost to himself. “Whatever happens the night of the fight, I want you to know
that I made that decision. I’m not going into it thinking it’s gonna be roses.”
“What are you telling me?”
He shrugs. “Nothing in particular. I just want you to know that I’ve considered every angle. I don’t want you to ever think you didn’t argue enough for me to not fight or try to think another way out of this money thing. This wasn’t your choice.” A small smile graces his lips. “This has given me a purpose in life. A way to give my life back the meaning it lost when I lost you.”
“Crew . . .”
“No, it’s true. This is my second chance at so many things, to right some of the wrongs, to put some good into the world . . . to love you the right way.”
He presses a kiss against my lips, stealing my breath. He starts to say something else when my phone buzzes beside me. I snatch it off the ground, my heart leaping in my chest.
“Hello?”
“I’m sorry to have to call you, Julia,” Olivia says, “but I think you need to come home. Ever’s not well.”
JULIA
My chest is warm and not just because Everleigh is curled up on my lap, her face buried into me, sleeping. The peaceful rise and fall of her chest, the way her little lips dip together like she’s kissing, the way her little eyelids flutter with her breathing, warm my heart. When she’s sleeping, everything else goes away. The pain from her face, the fear in her eyes, diminishes just a bit. I don’t get that relief often anymore; I know she never does. I hope her dreams are as peaceful as they sometimes seem.
Last week we were home and, until the last couple of days, it was bliss.
Ever demanded special “daddy time” with Crew. It was my first instinct to object, to panic, but the look on both of their faces when they came into the kitchen and told me they were going to the park stopped me.
They walked out the door, her hand tucked safely inside his, my heart completely melting. Regardless if it worried me if it was right or wrong to allow her to call him daddy, it made her happy. The smile hadn’t left her face all morning, something of a miracle these days.
After a few tears, a mixture of happy and sad, quietly in the bathroom, I felt my first true moment of peace. Some normalcy, although nothing normal at all, seemed to be back.
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