Starlight Cowboy

by Stephanie Beck

  “What? Everything all right?” she asked.

  “No. Why the hell would I call if things were peachy keen?”

  She blinked, her blue eyes different from Annalina’s yet possessing the same sort of intelligence he’d become accustomed to in his first mate. “I’m dealing with a pretty huge outbreak here, Shields. So if this is erectile dysfunction or a fuzzy mole, I’m going to choke you through the com.”

  “What outbreak?”

  She rubbed her eyebrows. “I suppose I should tell you, too. You popped up on my list from my assistant. The last batch of birth control was mislabeled. What we thought was a five year was a six month.”

  He froze, the ton of bricks hitting him from all directions. “What?”

  “Yeah. So, anyone you fucked while on Earth is fine—no problems. I’m saying from here on out, wrap up. When you stop at Mars, get your inoculation updated. Even then, still wrap up for a week or two, because there can be a bit of a lapse.”

  He swallowed several times, mind racing to different answers. “What about Annalina?”

  “She wouldn’t be affected by the issue. She’s allergic to the shot and doesn’t get it. I’ll contact her, though, so she knows to have any lovers wrap up if they haven’t checked their shot record. I have—literally—fifty patients coming in every single day to be tested for pregnancy. The rates have increased two hundred and fifty percent. What is your problem?”

  “Um. Headaches. Annalina has been having them.”

  Dr. Missy tapped her pen. “Small ones? Lasting? Migraines? What are we talking here?”

  “We’re on day six of her being out of commission for several hours at a time and needing to rest. I got out the largest mood light we have and mandated an hour a day for her. It hasn’t helped.”

  Missy nodded. “Doesn’t sound like her. Have her call me in an hour.”

  “She’ll be sleeping.”

  “Then wake her ass up,” Missy snapped. “This falls under doctor patient confidentiality as of this moment.”

  “Why?”

  Missy’s eyes darted around and behind her. She waved someone out of the room. When the door closed, she leaned closer to the screen. Shields did the same.

  “You guys are a week out from landing on the Jup moon. Annalina has talked about it since she was approved for the mission. I want nothing—and I mean nothing—standing in the way of her getting to go down on that moon. Do you hear me?”

  “I do, but what the hell is wrong with her?”

  Missy leaned back and rubbed her face again. “Your name means idiot, doesn’t it?”

  “No, it means protector. Come on. Give me a break here, and tell me what’s going on, so I can help her.”

  “She’s fertile all the time. I thought you were taken care of under my better batch of medications, but the files say you got the first shot of the short-dose batch. Your inoculation kept you blank for about six months, but you’ve been fully loaded ever since. Can you tell me you two have been celibate?”

  “Um.”

  “That’s what I thought. Time for you to start living up to your name. Command will restrict her duties—including walking on the moon. I’m going to forget we had this talk, and I suggest you find some chocolate. I’m out.”

  She disconnected before Shields could question her assessment or ask what the hell he needed to do now. He’d never dealt with a pregnant woman before. People went through extensive training before going off their meds. They planned. They talked and went to counseling—the whole nine yards before committing to a new life. Unplanned…it hadn’t been an issue for generations.

  How would he feel if Annalina came to him and told him she was pregnant? He slumped in his chair and rubbed his face. He’d freak the fuck out. The only reason he wasn’t right now, was shock and a sense of responsibility. Annalina needed him now more than ever. He had to hold it together.

  Pregnancy made her sick. He’d caused it and he needed to care for her. His mission was clear—and having a mission and purpose was all an Albright needed.

  Shields pushed to his feet. If Annalina kept to her routine, she’d be asleep for another two hours…wake groggy and nauseated. They’d share a quiet meal—after which she’d shuffle off to her room.

  It all made sense. He headed for his quarters, but stopped himself. He’d been planning on searching how to tell his first mate she was pregnant, but that would alert the admirals. Instead, he found himself in front of the giant wall of books in the shared commons area. Somewhere among the classics, nonfiction, and fiction there had to be some guidance in telling Annalina they were going to be parents.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The mood light hadn’t worked, and Annalina couldn’t even blame her issues on menstruation as her cycle had skipped again. The change in gravity did that to some women. She’d appreciated it at the start, now she wished for the crimson scourge to be the answer for her misery.

  She’d put off acknowledging the truth for too long. Severe headaches, moodiness, exhaustion, nausea, sensitivity to light, and bone pain. It meant one thing. She was dying.

  Her grandmother—bless her—had the same symptoms before she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. A tear ran down Annalina’s cheek. Her grandmother hadn’t suffered long. She couldn’t remember everything about those weeks, having been a young teenager at the time. Her loving grandmother had turned shrewish, slept a lot, and eventually didn’t wake up.

  Annalina pushed to sitting on her bed, the small movement enough to send her brain pounding and guts turning. This sort of crap could only be the result of serious illness. At least she’d flown to Jupiter. Hopefully, she’d be able to stop at Mars before going home. If she made it that long. More tears wetted her cheeks. Why now? Why, when she was living her dreams and spending time with a man she believed she could love and be with forever?

  A quiet tap came at her door. Shields walked on eggshells around her these days, and she didn’t blame him. That the man even had that ability was a testimony of how much he’d grown in the last few months. She wanted to be with him as they continued to blossom—because she was growing right along with him. It had taken effort, but she’d lightened up. She’d fostered more respect and understanding for her fellow man since meeting Shields and had been rewarded with love and companionship. Love. She finally knew love, and she was dying.

  “Come in,” she called, her voice cracking.

  She grabbed tissues from her bedside stand and mopped her face.

  “Oh fuck, what’s wrong?” Shields lay beside her in an instant, the first time he’d ever been on her bed.

  What was wrong with her? The distance she’d maintained between them was wasted space. She threw her arms around him. “I’m sorry. I’ve handled this between us badly. When feelings started getting involved—and they’ve been engaged for some time now—I should have said something. I…I didn’t know how.”

  He gathered her close, offering the warmth and sweetness she’d rebuffed so far.

  “I’m sorry, too. I should have let you know what I was feeling. I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

  She pulled away, wiping her cheeks again. “See? See how far you’ve come? You could have done your round-about nonsense where you called me an idiot or my behavior idiotic. But, instead, you were honest and kind. This…you’re amazing, and I’m sorry I waited so long to say it.”

  “Not being a dick doesn’t qualify as amazing, Annalina. What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He wiped a stray tear. “Are you feeling okay?”

  She rested onto his chest, breathing him in. “No. I feel terrible. My head hurts, my stomach is turning and…I think I’m dying.”

  “Honey, you’re not dying.” He stroked her back. The contact soothed her soul, and she’d missed out on this for so long because she was a fussy bitch.

  “You don’t know I’m not dying. With all my symptoms, obviously I have something serious. This has lasted more than two weeks. I didn’t tell you about it earlie
r because it wasn’t as severe. It’s getting worse. The headache pills, the light, the added sleep—I should feel better.”

  He nodded, but stayed quiet.

  “I’m going to call Missy after we’re done on Jupiter. I’m afraid…I’m afraid they’ll order me home now if the medical team hears about this. My grandmother had brain tumors and died from them. If they know…”

  The truth in her head was one thing, saying it out loud broke her heart. Shields shifted on the bed and lifted her into his lap. She could have been in his arms for months, enjoying his touch and sharing affection. Now, her time was limited. What a waste.

  “Annalina, I promise you’re not dying. There is another explanation.”

  “No, there’s not.” She sniffed against his neck. “But you’re sweet to say so.”

  He swallowed, so loud she heard it. “I spoke to Missy an hour ago. I was worried and thought she might have advice for the headache.”

  “And?” Annalina bit her lip. Maybe there was something she could take to help her function.

  “And the problem is…or was, in me. Not you. You heard her before we left. I’m up to date with all my inoculations.”

  She frowned. What could his inoculations have to do with her new illness?

  “There’s been an epidemic since we left Earth. One started due to an inoculation being mislabeled.” He swallowed again and pulled away until he looked her in the eye. “Annalina, I’m so sorry. But, considering everything, and with Missy’s input…”

  “What is it?” She held tight to his shoulders. “What’s killing me?”

  His lips kicked up in a tiny smile. “Not killing you…growing inside of you.”

  “A…parasite?” Maybe she might live yet.

  “I guess you could call it that, but I’d prefer to think of our child…as a baby.”

  Darkness closed in around her, making good on the threat from her brain. He was wrong, and now he’d see.

  There was no way she was pregnant.

  No way.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Shields liked the pasta and pork dish in front of him, but with Annalina’s pale face staring at him—her caramel eyes wide, mouth agape—he couldn’t eat.

  “Babe, you’re killing me here.” He sipped his water instead. “You know I didn’t mean for this to happen. This is the kind of shit that plagued the turn of the last century.”

  She nodded and picked up her fork. “I know. It’s just… It’s easier to believe I’m dying of a brain tumor.”

  “This is the better scenario, right?” He thought having a kid beat the hell out of dying, but then they hadn’t discussed children in their arrangement. His extremely limited knowledge about children included what not to do. Don’t whack your kid upside the head and call him a dumbass. Don’t leave your kid with a crew of idiots. Don’t challenge your kid to drinking contest. All things he’d learned from his old man—all things he would be happy not to do. Shields didn’t know what edge that gave him, but other than blinding fear, he had positive emotions when he thought of having a baby with Annalina. She’d be a hell of a mother.

  “Sure, sure. Just unbelievable.” She lifted a bite of pasta toward her mouth, but dropped it before it was close enough to eat.

  Her show of weakness chased away fears of his own inadequacy. “What? What’s wrong? I cooked it all right, didn’t I?”

  She pushed the plate away, dropped her head forward, and rested her forehead on her arm. “I’m sure it’s fine. You’re good at making these meals. I know I’m not dying, and I’m happy about it. Even the thought of being a mother doesn’t freak me out—a shock, yes. But I’d always planned on having a family one day, and I wanted it to be with someone I love. That all lined up, even if the timing is so crazy. You’ll be a decent father, probably even better than decent.”

  Her confidence bolstered his own. “So what’s the problem?”

  “Maybe you need to give my guts one of your famous backhanded talks where you make it believe it’s not sick because only idiot stomachs are sick and my stomach is not an idiot.”

  Holy shit. He was going to need a manual for dealing with her. He set down his fork and moved her meal aside, deciphering something about her feeling ill. If she felt bad, the food wouldn’t help. He nudged the peaches toward her instead.

  “Try those.”

  She groaned. “I hate peaches. All stone fruit is disgusting.”

  He jerked them away and put them on the counter behind him. “I don’t blame you. I don’t like those either. And I would have stopped making them if you had told me.”

  She didn’t look up. “You were so happy. I’m not going to kick you when you’re trying so hard to be a good guy.”

  “I didn’t think we were this bad at talking to each other, but maybe we are.” He wolfed down his food, not willing to forgo his own meal, but not wanting her to suffer, since the scents seemed to make the problem worse.

  “Maybe.” She sighed and peeked out from her arms. “But, honest truth—I feel terrible all the time. This is stupid. I’m terrified Command is going to find out and forbid me from walking on the moon or tell me not to go to Mars. I’m here.”

  “Others have done those things while pregnant,” he pointed out.

  Her eyebrow rose. “Oh?”

  “Yeah. My great-great-whatever grandmother was pregnant when they set up the first Mars space station. She even delivered on Mars with my great-great-whatever grandfather catching. Human babies develop and deliver fine in space. You shouldn’t have any problems. But you’re right about the admirals culling your duties—liability issues, I’m sure. We’ll keep this quiet. If you’re able to walk on the Jup moon, you will. If you’re well enough to stop at Mars, we will. I trust your judgment.”

  She closed her eyes. “I trust yours, too.”

  “Ginger.” He jumped to his feet and riffled through the cupboard. “Hot damn. I knew it. We have a shit-ton of ginger rice. I hate this crap. You should eat it, though.”

  “Really? I could just not eat it…if it’s gross.”

  He popped it in the warmer. “No, ginger is good for stomach trouble. I don’t like it, but it does work. If you want to do all the things coming up, you have to maintain your strength. So eat.”

  It took seconds for the sweet scent of mild ginger and rice to fill the room. He cracked open the lid, fluffed the rice, and set the container in front of Annalina. “There. Real food. Eat.”

  “Okay.” She picked up her fork, the exaggerated slowness another show of her dread. “I’ll eat it.”

  “Damn right, you will. You’ll like it, too. And say thank you.”

  She raised her middle finger, the first show of sass he’d seen in weeks.

  “There’s my girl. Eat it, feel better, and then tell me I’m a dumbass.”

  Ten minutes later, she’d choked down half the tray of rice before she tossed in her fork. Her color was better, she sat straighter, and met his eyes for the first time since she had passed out.

  “We’re going to be parents, Shields. We’re going to have to learn…stuff.”

  He gathered the dirty trays, rinsed, and set them to sanitize. “I’m not worried. You’re a quick learner and an excellent teacher. And we have, literally, months to learn. By the time we return to Earth and the podling is ready to be born, we’ll be good.”

  “Do you mean that?”

  He turned to find her staring at him, eyes so wide and vulnerable they made his heart hurt. There’d never been another time in his life when he’d wanted to be the man who made the right calls, followed through, and took care of business. “Yeah, I do. Now, if my dad were still around, he’d be all kinds of pissed and have some stellar advice. Something like, drop you off at Mars and run like hell.”

  “My mother might have something similar to say about you,” Annalina said.

  “Oh yeah, your family is still around. What are they going to say about you getting—jeez, I read it today—‘knocked up by a no-good scoundrel�
��?” He offered her his hand when she started to stand.

  She accepted the help and flowed into his arms for a hug. He swayed, dancing to the music in his head. When Annalina was near, there was always music.

  “What were you reading? You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know. My parents…I don’t know. I’m not super close with my siblings. I sort of stopped having things in common with them after they started breeding like rabbits. I suppose I’ll have something to talk to my sisters about now. They’ll be happy, if I’m happy.”

  He wanted her to be more than happy. Not just so her parents would be accepting. He’d never met them, didn’t give two shits about them. But Annalina? Yeah, he cared.

  “I can’t believe this happened,” she muttered against his chest. “After all we did—the lengths we went to not to form emotional attachments.”

  “Then we make a baby. Right? Crazy. And somewhere in the last few months, it appears we’ve learned to enjoy each other’s company as well. Double crazy.” He kissed her hair, the tiny freedom she didn’t balk more special to him than he would have thought. “This is good for me. Would you maybe…consider sleeping with me tonight? Just sleep. I know you’re sick, and I’m not being a pig.”

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  He tried not to be disappointed and did his best to not show it. This closeness was new. She was in his arms, dancing without music—he could take that win to bed with him. They’d have to move in small steps. So, she didn’t want to sleep with him right now. They had seven months before they landed on Earth. In the same amount of time, he was pretty damn sure he could entice her to his bed. Pretty sure.

  “But maybe you could sleep in mine?” she offered. “I sleep pretty well in mine because I piped in extra air vents to keep the room cooler. Your room is nice, but it’s pretty warm. If you want to bring your pillow, you can.”

  He’d bring his pillow anywhere if it meant it was next to hers.

  “Um, yeah. I could do that.”