Never Say Goodbye (Rebel Walking #6)

by Hilary Storm

"So this Kimber, do you love her?"

  "Yes." I answer without hesitation. I do. We've been through so much together and I do love her.

  "That's great! I'm so happy for you. You deserve to be happy, Luke."

  "Thanks. So how is married life?"

  "It's amazing! He's so good to me. I have a secret." She smiles ridiculously and I have a guess, but I would hate it if I was wrong, so I act clueless.

  "Oh yeah?"

  "I'm pregnant. I haven't told Talon yet, so don't slip and say something. I've been waiting to tell him ‘til all of this was over. So he will know in the next few days, but I'm just so excited to see you that I felt the need to share my news with you."

  "Wow, Ev! I'm so happy for you both. He will be a great dad to your baby!"

  "He will." Her squeeze around my waist is tight. I know she's one of the main people that I tortured by running.

  "Ev, I'm so sorry for leaving like I did. I just needed to get away from everything. I couldn't fucking breathe and running felt better than standing still."

  "I get it. I really do. Hell, I wanted to run with you some days. She was a great woman."

  "She was."

  "Promise me that will never happen again."

  "Promise. I'll always let you know where I go."

  "Are you two going to eat? The food is ready." Mr. Walker steps through the study door and leads us back into the crowd of people. I see Kimber working with Mrs. W. and I can see right away that she will fit in perfectly with this group.

  Chapter Five

  Kimber

  Meeting all of Luke's friends has been a whirlwind. So many people missed him and that's apparent by how many showed up tonight. I keep catching myself watching him smile. He didn't smile like this in California. In fact, I’ve only witnessed that smile a time or two the whole time I've known him.

  He catches me watching him and begins to move toward me.

  "Are you ready to go?"

  "Just whenever you are. I'm good."

  "What do you think of all these people?"

  "You're loved, Luke. You should embrace this and enjoy spending time with all the people who miss you."

  "I am. Are you having fun?"

  "I'm having a great time. Go. I'm about to have a few drinks with the girls."

  "Alright, but later tonight, you're mine. I want you all to myself." He says this while groping my ass and pulling me close. We've never been around people for me to see if his public display is normal or completely out of character.

  I'm not used to it though. My relationships have always been so straight laced in the public eye, so it's different for me to be with someone who shows affection like this. His kiss deepens and I work to stay with him. I don't want him to think I'm not completely fine in this moment. This night is about him. I'll get used to his ways and will learn to love them.

  "Kimber, thank you for helping me get back to me. It's been a long battle and without you, I couldn't have done it."

  "You're welcome. You know you've helped me along the way too. I think we might just be great for each other."

  "I agree."

  "Okay you two love birds, It's time we steal Kimber." Ivy walks up behind Luke and pulls my hand until I'm walking away from Luke. He smiles and waves at me as I go willingly outside with her.

  She sits down at a table with an empty chair between the one she sat in and Eaven. I follow her lead and take a seat.

  "So, who's ready for a shot?" Ivy begins to pour tequila into shot glasses and I cringe at the thought of the nastiness that is about to go down my throat. Damn, I really hate this stuff.

  "We need a toast!" Eaven looks at Ivy as she continues to pass out the tiny glasses.

  "I can do toasts all night long. Just be prepared to drink to everything I need to toast."

  "Kimber, she's the toast queen. She'll pull some crazy shit out of her ass."

  "Glasses up, bitches. This one is going to be an easy one. I'm sorry for the lack of creativity, but due to the circumstances of the night, I think this toast is only fitting." We all raise the shots in the air over the middle of the table and wait for her to continue. "To having Luke back and gaining a new friend in Kimber. May they have half as much fun with their relationship that I do with Taron." We all lean back and drink, and Ivy pulls my hand, drawing me closer to her. "I say that, because even with half, you're in for the time of your life. Welcome to the family!"

  Eaven sits her shot glass down beside mine and I notice the shine from the liquid just as Ivy does. We both look at Eaven, and a smile lights up her face. She holds a finger over over her lips, as if she's begging me to stay quiet.

  "I can't drink, but no one can know that here until I get a chance to tell Talon."

  I feel genuine excitement for her. She looks so excited and I know this is a great thing to happen when two people are in love. It seems like love is very prominent with this group, so I know it's a great thing.

  "Sorry, I need to see what he needs. I'll be right back." I sit with Ivy as she starts to sway her foot back and forth.

  "I hear you have a sweet baby girl."

  "I do. She's a mess. She's with a sitter tonight, so we'll have to leave soon. Taron and I don't do that very often, but we wanted to enjoy Luke's return. Babies are a handful at things like this."

  I bow my head as she talks about her baby. I think about how different things would be right now if I hadn't lost mine. I know Luke would've accepted me all the same, but life would definitely be more complicated. I wouldn't have been able to escape California this easily. I'm positive I would've had someone following me, claiming his child.

  I'd go through every bit of the nightmare that would be if I could go back in time and save the baby. I'd do it in a second.

  "Do you have a child?" Ivy's question surprises me and I try to find a way to tell her without crying.

  "No. I lost my baby."

  "I'm so sorry to hear that. Maybe you'll have another chance."

  "I'm sure I will. I'm not in any hurry."

  "Shit, neither was I and now I can't even imagine my life without her."

  "You'll have to introduce me to her one day."

  "Oh, I will for sure. She's usually with us everywhere we go. So I'm sure the next time you see us, she'll be the one bossing us around."

  "I look forward to it!"

  "Do you want to go back inside with me? We can find the guys and see what they're up to!"

  "Sure."

  We walk into pure chaos as Taron and Luke are playing some sort of game with a ping pong ball and a door. I step up behind Luke and he pulls me close just after he celebrates some sort of victory.

  "Double or nothing!" Taron yells before he chugs a cup from his end of the door. I look at the contraption they've created and notice it really is a door being used as the table, red Solo cups, and a ping pong ball.

  "How about we let the girls battle it out for us. I'll let Kimber in and you let Ivy take your side."

  "Ah shit. Do you know what you're saying? Hell, I wouldn't go against Ivy myself."

  "Ehh. I have a feeling my Kimber can handle it." He turns to me and whispers in my ear, "Tell me you drink beer."

  "Uh. Not usually, but I did in my day. A girl doesn't grow up around a bunch of men and not be able to hold her own on stuff like this."

  "Ok. All you have to do is land that ball in her cup before she does. It's all about the bounce."

  "Easy enough. What do we win if I beat her?"

  "The most important thing. Bragging rights. Taron will be a pain in my ass if we don't win this."

  "Well, that's not any pressure. At least we're playing for the big stuff tonight."

  "It is!" He kisses me and I taste beer on his lips.

  "Hmmm. Tequila. Tell me they've got you near trashed and you're almost ready to go find a bed with me."

  "Almost." I laugh. One shot of tequila is a far cry from how many I'd need to be 'trashed', but we won’t go into all of that right now.

 
"Okay. Good. Now chug that beer like you've done it your whole life!" It's insane to see him this determined over a game involving beer. He's obviously had a few drinks tonight. I'm not complaining, I actually like seeing him so care free for once.

  "Ivy, it looks like you're about to drink some beer."

  "Kimber. Don't cry when I kick your ass." She smiles and winks at me before she tosses a ping pong ball on the table, bouncing it straight into the cup at the front of my triangle of cups.

  I look at Luke for a clue of what to do and he's pretending to chug a beer, so I do just that. Dropping the ping pong ball on the table when I finish, I begin to line up my own shot. Mine lands in a cup on the right.

  "Nice shot." We continue back and forth until she misses her last cup. I have one shot at this because I know she'll nail the next one. Taron steps up next to her, I'm sure as a distraction. It's a good thing I've trained in focus and observation my whole life.

  I focus on the cup and bounce the ball on the table directly in front of it, landing perfectly. The room becomes even louder and I see Taron laughing with Luke as they all make Ivy drink the last cup.

  "She doesn't usually lose, so this is new for her."

  "I don't mind losing against a woman, I'm just not going to let one of you beat me. Hell, we haven't played this game in forever."

  "Yeah. We're getting a little dusty for our age." Taron kisses Ivy and my heart melts a little as I watch his soft side open right up with her. "Luke, my friend, it's great to have you back. I can't wait to spend a few more nights like this with you."

  "Sure thing. Let me get settled in and we can have something at our place."

  "Perfect plan, man. We're gonna hit the road. We need to get our little Heaven to bed." Taron slaps him on the back in a man hug and Ivy leans in to me and we exchange our own hugs.

  "Let's get together soon, Kimber. Eaven and I want to take you out for a pamper day. We'll make Lyndsey join us, even though she'll try to act busy and shit." Lyndsey smiles as she walks up. Ivy teasing her doesn't break her down one bit.

  "I look forward to it!"

  Holden and Lyndsey start to say their goodbyes and I begin to think this day might be coming to a close. I'm so exhausted, and could really use a bed right about now.

  "It was great to meet you. Please let Holden know if you need anything. I'll be in touch soon, but feel free to call if you need anything. We're here to help." I've never in my life been around so many people who sincerely want us to be happy here. My heart is filling by the second and I'm so happy they've accepted me, or at least it seems.

  Chapter Six

  Luke

  This night has been great. It meant a lot to see everyone want to welcome me back home. I can honestly say going to this BBQ made it easier. There's nothing like getting everything out at once. I don't have to drag it out and hopefully won’t be approached a million times asking about where I've been and how I'm dealing.

  "You two can stay with us tonight, then you can go back to your house tomorrow if you think you're ready." Talon invites us to stay with them, but I really want to go to my place. I want to move back into it quickly and get Kimber situated so she feels like we have a home. Living in my shitty apartment hasn't been a home and I know she needs to feel like she belongs here. I made the promise to her that she'd have that, so tonight, I'll give that to her.

  "I appreciate the offer, but we're gonna go stay at my place."

  "Luke, I had the place cleaned from top to bottom, your mail is all in a box at the edge of the bar, and I even bought you new sheets and towels... because really cousin, they were not good."

  "Coming from a perfectionist, I'll just take it. Thank you."

  "You have no choice! We'll take you home, unless you'd like to borrow my truck until you get one."

  "Well, her Jeep should arrive in a day or so. I'll need to buy another one for me. I sold the other one when I hit California."

  "Yeah, just borrow mine. I don't need it for anything, but I'm driving everyone home tonight. I haven't drank anything, so no arguing. Kimber, we always make sure there's a driver. It's just something we've always done. Tonight it was my privilege to be that person!"

  We say our goodbyes to everyone at the party and let Eaven drive us to my house. I get a very eerie feeling the closer we get. Feelings and memories of that night so many years ago begin to flood my mind, but I fight to keep my composure.

  This is something that I'll have to do sooner or later, I may as well do it tonight. She pulls into the driveway and I hesitate to get out. Kimber notices.

  "We can get a hotel, if you'd like. We can do all of this tomorrow."

  "It's okay."

  "I really don't mind. I like being pampered in hotels like we stayed in last night." I think about it for a few seconds. It would be so much easier to drive away from this house. From the memories that will haunt me. From the sadness that's bound to come, but going to a hotel is only delaying the inevitable. I'll just lose sleep knowing tomorrow will be the day I walk back into my old life.

  "Nah, I need to do this tonight." I open the truck door and wait to let Kimber out behind me. She follows closely as I wait for Eaven to open the door to my house.

  "I'll get you another set of keys. I'm not sure if you have your old set, but I know Kimber will needs some."

  "I do have the key in my suitcase, so just get her a set if you don't mind."

  "I can do that. Like I said, your mail is over here, and I was going to show you one of the letters." I hear the sound of her voice but I'm not hearing what she's saying. I don't give two shits about my mail. I'm trying my fucking hardest not to run again. I want to walk straight out of here and not look back. It would be easier, it has to be.

  I walk into my living room and feel all the memories around me as I try like hell to seem okay. It's not working.

  I turn around and walk back out the front door. Talon is standing at the edge of the driveway, leaning against the front of the truck. I pace in front of him trying to figure out what to do. How can I live here? How the hell can I try to make a house with Kimber when my past is screaming at me in every fucking corner of that house?

  "I know, brother. I can't even go inside myself." His deep voice cracks as he talks.

  "I can't stay here." We stand next to each other, saying nothing. We don't have to. He gets me. He understands this shit is fucking killing me all over again.

  He walks to the door and I can hear him talking to Eaven. I move to the edge of the driveway and look up into the sky and ask myself why the fuck this is still so hard. Just as the tears build up in my eyes, I feel her arms wrap around my waist. She's holding me from behind and places a few kisses on my back while she squeezes tighter.

  "Luke, I'm here. It's okay. We don't have to stay here. We'll find a place for us." I wipe the tear that escapes and take a deep breath. It doesn't make me feel better; my chest is getting tighter as we stand here. I take a step forward, trying to get some space.

  "Please don't shut me out. Let me be here for you." I turn to see Kimber in the moonlight, tears sliding down her face while she looks at me. "Please don't run. We can get through this together. I love you."

  "It's supposed to get easier." It's all I can say. I'm not supposed to still be grieving. I'm not the type to break the fuck down like this.

  "I need some fucking air."

  "Let's walk." She places her hand around mine and slightly pulls me toward the road. I go with her, because honestly anywhere but this house sounds perfect to me.

  "I know you love her. I know I can never replace her. But I'm hoping one day you can find a way to be you again through all of this. I want to help you through this, Luke."

  We walk in silence for a few blocks and I try to let the night air fill my lungs and take over the bullshit consuming my head. She's right here with me, reminding me that I'm not alone this time.

  I finally stop walking and turn to look at Kimber. I wish like hell I could tell her everything and she'd u
nderstand, but that's not fair to her. I know I need to let it all out one day, but tonight is not the night for it. I couldn't put all of this into words if I wanted.

  "Have you ever thought about writing music? You could let out all of your aggression in lyrics. Maybe you'll feel better if you do."

  "That's something we used to do together. In my house. We spent countless hours doing that."

  "Then I think you should try it. You can always try and if it doesn't work, you stop." Sounds so simple. So logical and equally as painful.

  "Yeah, maybe."

  "Let's get a hotel tonight. We can come back tomorrow and see if it's any easier."

  "Thank you."

  "For what?"

  "For understanding all of this."

  "I know you're hurting, Luke. I've known that since I met you in California. It's a process and I want you to know I'm here for you."

  "I know you are." I pull her in for a hug and we stay in each other’s arms for a few minutes. Eaven and Talon drive up next to us and wait for us until we're done talking.

  "Let's go get a room. I'm sorry I ruined tonight."

  "Luke, it's not ruined. I met all of the people who love you. How can that be a bad night?"

  Chapter Seven

  Kimber

  Last night was difficult. It was extremely hard to watch Luke pull back like that. I knew it would be hard on him; it's just hard when I can't fix it for him. That's what I do. I please others and when that isn't possible, it makes me crazy. He deserves to be at peace, I just don't know how to get him there.

  I've been watching him sleep for hours. He wrapped me up in his arms last night and we both laid in the quiet hotel room without making a sound. I could feel his hurt, but I knew there was nothing I could do to make it all go away.

  When he finally drifted off, I kept thinking about everything and trying to come up with a plan for today to make it easier on him. I have plenty of money to get us a different house. Lou made sure I left with a nice nest egg to get started with. My father's money was frozen in all of his personal accounts, but the gym was in Lou's name. He assured me that I'm due all of this for all the years of working for my father. I know one hundred grand isn't enough for a lifetime, but it should be enough to get me started.