To make things worse, we were receiving sketchy reports of other attacks. A shape shifter pack in New York had been slaughtered. A werewolf pack in Norway were decimated by an attack which killed every man, woman and child. All over the world, the Consiliului were continuing their campaign to eliminate anyone they deemed unsuitable. And we were hiding, running from one place to the next, descending into anarchy through a lack of cohesive organization. Other groups had begged to amalgamate with us and I was denying them the opportunity – I couldn't keep the numbers I had safe, more would only increase the catastrophic death toll.
And everyone was terrified. Including me.
Even worse was the reality that despite every effort, we were no closer to a solutions for killing the demons. The newcomers had commenced training and whilst they could successfully kill the younglings, demons were another matter entirely. The angel weapons alone had the power to eradicate them. Nobody – neither werewolf, shape shifter nor vampire was powerful enough to send a demon back to the Otherworld. It wasn't for a lack of trying. Day after day Conal and Lucas were out in the field, urging Epi to create demons to practice on but despite them both being amongst the strongest of the group, they couldn't get rid of them.
And a myriad of other troubling issues continued to plague us. We were headed into October and winter was fast approaching. We needed somewhere to live, where we could settle. We'd been making do by camping since leaving Jackson, with Epi producing tents enough for everyone to share. But winter would see the need for something solid, when the weather would make it much too cold to camp. But if we could only manage a week in any one location, how the hell would we organize a more permanent living arrangement for the group?
We desperately needed structure. Whilst the supernatural could survive by hunting for sustenance, we had a contingent of humans who didn't share the same ability and needed both nourishment and protection. We had children in need of education, people in need of medical treatment and only this morning Jerome had warned us one of the shape shifters and a werewolf were nearing the end of their pregnancies and would require somewhere safe to deliver their babies.
I sighed heavily, wanting to switch off to the problems I was dealing with on a minute by minute basis. I'd come up here to escape, if only for an hour. The issues were beginning to overwhelm every waking moment and I dreaded getting up each day. Despite the desire to switch off, multiple worries continued to filter through my mind as I agonized over what we should do. Everyone looked to me for answers and I had nothing.
Rolling onto my stomach, I rested my head against my crossed arms. The sun overhead warmed my skin, made me sleepy. I'd never felt more like running away than I did right now. Maybe it would be better for all of them if I did. It was what I'd been trying to explain to everyone this morning – if I was away from them, they'd be safer. The Drâghici were intent on locating and killing me and would murder every person surrounding me without blinking an eyelid.
Conal argued passionately against the proposal, refusing to consider breaking up the group. Some of his argument made sense - he insisted everyone was in danger whether we were together or not. And as he'd pointed out, while they were with me, at least they would receive advance warnings of imminent attacks. But the guilt was crushing every time I thought about it. The Drâghici were hell bent on destruction and they'd continue to pinpoint my position while Archangelo kept drinking the potion. Risking everyone I loved, people I couldn't bear to think about losing.
Lucas wouldn't consider being separated from me. Neither would the Tines. Epi was staunchly determined to remain at my side, insisting he could teach me more than anyone else. But I thought Conal and Nick's people should separate away and seek somewhere to hide. To my intense frustration, Conal and Nick refused to consider it as an option. Thut had further infuriated me by calmly announcing he was here to stay, his dark eyes determined.
The meeting had concluded abruptly when I lost my temper. Lucas, Conal and Nick had collectively sided against me and I'd stormed out in a rage, wanting to escape from everyone and avoid the recriminating looks from people wondering if I could help them at all.
To top it off, the continuous apprehension was destroying the one thing we needed the most – collaboration between the factions. The panic which was threatening to overwhelm everyone was creating mistrust. In the past few days, there'd been a number of skirmishes amongst the groups. If it wasn't nipped in the bud, any hope of winning this conflict would be destroyed before we even began to fight.
“A penny for them.”
I rolled over to discover Marianne, casual in a white tank top and her favorite tattered jeans with the safety pin decorations. Her blue-streaked hair was slicked back, framing her delicate features and revealing the earrings dangling from her earlobes. A second glance confirmed the earrings were shaped like miniature Elmo's from Sesame Street and I managed a tiny smile. She sat down gracefully, cross-legged in the grass as I hauled myself up to sit opposite her.
“Trust me, Marianne. My thoughts aren't worth a penny.” I yanked a long blade of grass from the ground, savagely tearing it into small pieces. “How did you find me?”
Marianne gazed at me for a moment, arching one perfectly shaped eyebrow. “Charlotte, remember me? The vampire? I followed your scent. Which, I might add, is rather aromatic and very delicious.” She grinned wickedly and I was delighted to see her looking so much healthier. It had been a long battle for the vampires and it wasn't over. The starvation and torture meted out by the Drâghici was still affecting the Tines. Their special abilities were functioning in fits and starts – only Rowena had completely recovered her empathic ability. Ripley was occasionally getting access to people's thoughts but Striker and Acenith were frustrated by the continuing absence of their ability to calm moods. While they had regained full physical strength, they were still enduring psychological problems related to the kidnapping and Lucas believed the loss of their 'special' abilities was a direct effect of the damage to their psyches.
“Lucas told me what happened this morning,” she announced.
I groaned aloud. “These people are relying on me and I don't have any way of helping them.” I yanked another stalk of grass from the ground to destroy.
“You've done so much, Charlotte. It's your ability to foresee the attacks which is keeping so many people alive.”
“They all hate me, they think I'm not doing enough.” I plucked at the grass, tearing pieces off and flicking them away. “And they're right - I'm not. We've moved five times in four weeks and every time we get settled, we have to make a run for it. People have been killed. There are only so many places in my mind to portal to. And this thing with the demons – Marianne, how do we overcome that?”
“I don't know.” She reached across and caught my hands in her own, halting my destructive assault on the clearing. “I assume everyone's already suggested the obvious - asking the spirits for advice?”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Lucas and Conal are both frustrated with me, they're under the illusion it's like asking for subway directions. But it's not, the spirits never give a straight answer. I get snippets of images, advice about good and evil, right and wrong and then nine times out of ten they announce the answer is inside me.” I couldn't keep the frustration out of my voice. “And Epi's no better, he keeps assuring me I'll find the answers if I search for them.” I inhaled sharply, drawing my emotions back in under a tight reign. “Being an angel sucks, quite frankly. It's like being in a pitch-black room, trying to find your way out with no candle, no torch.”
Marianne studied me for a minute, her head tilted to one side. “Lucas and Conal are both frustrated because of the decision you made in Jackson,” she pointed out evenly.
“Marianne, what else could I do? I love them both – I don't want to hurt either one of them!”
Marianne sighed heavily, her eyes filled with sympathy. “You're hurting both of them. And yourself.” She leaned forward to capture my cheek against her co
ol fingers. “My poor Charlotte. You must be so lonely on your own.”
I shook my head, resolute in the belief that the decision had been the only one I could make. “It's better this way.”
Marianne dropped her hand from my cheek and enclosed my hand in hers. “For whom?”
I snatched my hand away and rubbed my temples. “For them. I don't know if I'm going to survive this, Marianne. Odin and his goons are hell bent on killing me and most likely will. I don't want Conal and Lucas to grieve like I did, when I lost my family.”
Marianne frowned a little, clasping her hands together in her lap. “I understand your concern, I really do. But don't you understand? They would both mourn your loss whether you are involved with them or not. They love you, Charlotte. Closing yourself off from them is not going to change how they would feel if the worst happened.”
I couldn't stop my unhappy scowl. “I guess it's not only them I'm trying to protect. Marianne… if either of them die, I'll never forgive myself. Knowing how they feel about me, how can I make a choice? How could I choose Lucas, if there's a chance Conal could die? How can I choose Conal, knowing the same thing? How can I live with myself if the one I didn't choose died, knowing how they felt about me? Whatever choice I made, someone would get hurt.”
“What's your heart telling you?” Marianne asked gently.
I shrugged and decided to be honest. There was no point in hiding my emotions from Marianne, we spent so much time together and she knew me well. “My heart tells me I belong with Lucas. It's always told me I belong with Lucas.”
Chapter 13: Speak the Truth
Even as I spoke the words, I was tormented by the thought of spending my life without him.
“You should tell him,” she urged.
“I can't, Marianne! I thought I could, but I can't. Conal knew I intended going back to Lucas – up until we rescued you that was always my intention! But I felt so guilty about what I'd be doing to Conal by dumping him so coldly and then I felt so uncomfortable when I first saw Lucas again and it all got so complicated.”
“Charlotte, the way you've chosen to deal with this isn't working. Neither of them will move on while they think they have a chance with you. You owe it to them to clear this up. Make your decision and tell them,” Marianne announced determinedly.
“I did make my decision. I told them I wouldn't pursue a relationship with either one of them.”
“Which neither of them believe,” Marianne pressed. “They both imagine you'll eventually choose one of them. Neither Lucas, nor Conal are going to attempt a relationship with anyone else while you're undecided. They won't risk doing something to hurt their chances with you.” The hurt must have shown on my face because she continued, her voice softer. “You deserve happiness, Charlotte. You deserve to love Lucas and spend as much time with him as you can. Conal deserves the opportunity to meet someone else, to pursue a relationship where he won't be second choice.”
I cringed, knowing she was right. “I'll think about it,” I agreed quietly.
“That's all I'm asking, Charlotte.”
“You just want me to get back together with Lucas,” I pointed out.
“That's not true. I want… we all want you to be happy. Whether that is with Conal, or Lucas is completely your choice.”
“But you'd prefer it to be Lucas.”
Marianne shook her head firmly, her lips creasing into a smile. “I'm not getting involved in a debate over this. You have to choose who will make you happy and I like both men.” She scrutinized me carefully. “Now let's move on to another subject. What are the spirits saying that you're having trouble understanding? Maybe I can help.”
I screwed up my nose. “Half of it doesn't make an ounce of sense. It's like when I knew you were in Sfantu Drâghici and we had to get you out. I had parts of the puzzle, but not all of it and it took weeks to figure out what all the signs and clues meant. Right now, it feels like I have half the information I need and I'm stumbling around in the dark. Like a jigsaw with half the pieces missing.”
“I love jigsaw puzzles,” she responded with a bright smile. “Tell me what you do know and let's see if we can't figure it out.”
“Marianne, I've never seen you do a jigsaw puzzle.”
She shrugged delicately. “Work with me here, will you? I'm offering to help, the least you could do is accept the offer.”
I huffed out a sigh. There wasn't any point to hashing this out all over again, nothing was making sense and I was in a bitch of a mood. Glancing at Marianne, I saw her narrow her eyes and cross her arms, clearly determined. “Fine. I keep getting a vision in my dreams, it's a city surrounded by a big wall. I don't recognize it as somewhere I've been before. It's surrounded by open land and in the distance, there's a forest. There's a big archway, with a heavy wooden gate and sigils are marked on the walls on either side of the gates, ones I haven't used and don't recognize.”
“What else? What do the spirits say?”
“They keep telling me I need to go home. Initially I thought they meant Puckhaber, because that's the only place I've considered home in recent years. Then I wondered if they meant where I lived in Georgia with my family. Neither answer is the right one though, because the spirits keep telling me I'm wrong.” I thought silently for a few minutes, frustrated about the lack of concise information I was receiving and sick of the worry which gnawed continually in the pit of my stomach. “The spirits keep showing me a wing, like the birthmark I have on my neck. Then they talk about completing the circle, whatever the hell that means.”
Marianne considered what I'd said for a few minutes, her ocean blue eyes taking on a faraway look as she stared into the distance, her expression thoughtful. “This place you're seeing – how do you feel when you think about it?”
“What do you mean?” The question startled me out of my own musings.
She huffed out an impatient breath. “Does it feel dangerous? Safe? Give you warm and fuzzy thoughts?”
I narrowed my eyes, but contemplated the question. “It makes me feel… calm. Peaceful. When I'm seeing it, I can smell the sweetness of the earth surrounding the city, the scent of wild flowers floating on the breeze. The trees have the rich smell of pine and I can hear the wind rustling through the leaves. It gives me a sense of deep contentment, as though I would be safe there. But I don't know it, Marianne. I don't know where it is… whether it's even a real place. I'm not certain if it's a place to provide a haven for our group, or if it has something to do with the fight with the Drâghici? It doesn't matter, either way, because I don't know where it is, or how to find it.”
We both lapsed into silence and while Marianne pondered thoughtfully, I called to the spirits. Mom appeared, calm and serene.
“Mom, you've got to give me more information – please?”
Her green eyes were tranquil and she offered an apologetic smile. “I can't, Charlotte. Only you can do this.”
“I don't know what to do! I'm frightened that I'll get it wrong! And more of these people – my friends are going to die if I can't help them.”
“Charlotte. You have the answer…”
I interrupted hurriedly, struggling with my temper. “Mom! Don't tell me I have the answer inside of me, because if I do, it's not making any sense. And what's with this…”
Marianne gripped my arm and shook it urgently. “Charlotte!”
“What?” Mom dissipated, carried away on the breeze when my attention was diverted to Marianne.
“Think like an angel!”
Staring at the excited woman before me, I wondered if she'd gone nuts. “Marianne, I don't…”
She jumped up, dancing around excitedly. “You're thinking like a human! The place you're seeing in your vision – what if it's a haven for Nememiah's Children? What if the place you're seeing isn't somewhere you've been before? What if it's somewhere only Nememiah's Children would regard as a safe refuge and you can only envision it because you know what you are now?”
My min
d raced as I considered the possibility. Perhaps I'd been looking at this from the wrong angles? I'd been considering our options from a human point of view. It never occurred to me that the haven we were looking for, the safety would come in the form of a sanctuary known only to Nememiah's Children. Closing my eyes, I probed the visions I'd seen, searching for guidance. With sudden clarity, I decided Marianne might just be right. I jumped to my feet and stared at her, eyes wide with excitement. “We need to talk to Epi.”
“It'll be faster if I piggyback you.”
Eyeing her warily, I considered the option and dismissed it. Despite her height, Marianne was incredibly slender. “Marianne, I don't think…”
“Vampire – remember?” She stepped forward and turned her back to me. “Jump on.”
I stepped awkwardly behind her and made an inelegant and halfhearted leap onto her back. Marianne snorted her amusement and used her arms to hitch me up effortlessly, so my thighs were braced around her waist. And then she ran effortlessly, her movements swift and fluid. Within minutes, we'd reached the ramshackle tent city we were calling home and Marianne dropped me lightly to my feet. Holding hands, we walked past the many occupied tents and I saw surprise registering on the faces of those around me. I realized they were reacting to an emotion in my expression which hadn't been visible for weeks.
Hope.
Chapter 14: A Safe Harbor
We burst through the entrance to Epi's tent, where he was sitting with Conal, Lucas and Ben. They were congregated around a wooden table and turned in unison as Marianne and I hurried in through the open tent flap.
“Got over your temper tantrum, young lady?” Epi scolded, glaring over the top of his glasses.
“Epi…”
Knowledge Hurts (The Nememiah Chronicles Book 3) Page 11