Lang Downs

by Ariel Tachna

  “You’re asking me to risk everything I’ve spent twenty-five years building for a few nights of sex.”

  Caine recoiled as if Macklin had struck him, the words so sharp and painful he would have preferred a fist to his face. “Is that r-really all it w-w-was t-to you?”

  “That’s all it can be out here.”

  Caine nodded once, gritting his teeth to keep the emotions racking him off his face. “Then I guess there isn’t anything else to say. I’ll expect an update on the breeding at the end of the week. Good day, Mr. Armstrong.”

  Keeping his head high, Caine pulled the shreds of his dignity around him and left the barn. He’d come back later for the pitchfork, but he couldn’t stay where Macklin was a second longer. He wouldn’t beg. He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t let anyone, not even Macklin, see what those few words had done to him. They wanted strength? He’d give them strength.

  He made it as far as Uncle Michael’s office, shutting and locking the door, though he had to struggle to get the latch to fall into place, before he slumped into the chair and buried his head in his hands. He didn’t cry, but he let the despair wash through him. He’d been so certain that Macklin’s tenderness and attention to his pleasure had been signs that the other man was coming to care for him. He’d obviously been wrong.

  “What do I do now, Uncle Michael?” he asked the empty room. “You lived with a stubborn Aussie foreman. You obviously convinced him it was worth the risk. How do I do the same when he won’t even acknowledge we might have something worth taking a risk for?”

  He ran his hands through his hair, noticing that it had gotten long since he’d arrived. If he’d thought about it last night, he’d have asked Macklin to cut it for him, but that wasn’t an option anymore. Maybe Jason’s mother would cut it for him if she was still talking to him after Neil spread the news around the station. He hoped she wouldn’t forbid Jason from seeing him, but he’d live with it if she did. He’d live with it the same way he’d live with Macklin’s choice: this was his life now, and he wouldn’t let their prejudices run him off.

  Firing up the computer, he went back to searching for sources of organic hay in their area so they could move forward on the organic certification while they were looking at producing their own feed for the sheep.

  CAINE WORKED right through lunch, a fact he excused by reminding himself that a lot of the jackaroos choose not to come in from the fields for lunch. He couldn’t ignore dinner, though, and not merely because his stomach wouldn’t let him. He was sure Neil had told the entire station about his sexuality by now, and if Caine didn’t show up for dinner, they would view that as a sign of weakness for sure. He might spend the entire meal at a table eating by himself, but he would be there. They would see he wasn’t ashamed of who he was or cowed by their opinions of him.

  Kami had a rare smile for him as he handed him a plate, making Caine wonder just how bad it really was if Kami was trying to be supportive. He took a seat and started eating, not really looking around. A moment later, Jason plopped down next to him.

  “Hi, Caine. I didn’t see you working outside today.”

  “I was working on the organic certification application,” Caine explained. “I didn’t get a chance to come out and see what you were up to.”

  “Schoolwork as usual,” Jason said, “and pretending I couldn’t hear my dad arguing with Neil.”

  “What were they arguing about?” Caine asked, sure he knew the answer.

  “You,” Jason said. “Dad told Neil to keep his mouth shut because if he was too mean to you, you might leave and sell the place and we could all end up working for someone like Devlin Taylor.”

  “And your dad thinks working for someone like Mr. Taylor would be worse than working for me?” Caine asked.

  “Oh, for sure,” Jason replied. “You care about Lang Downs. You might not know everything about sheep, but you’re trying to learn and trying to make improvements. Mr. Taylor doesn’t care about anything but the money in his pocket, and that’s not good for any of us. Have you seen Taylor Peak?”

  “Excuse me, boss.”

  Caine looked up to see Ian, another of the jackaroos, standing in front of his table, hat in hand. “Yes?”

  “One of the rams busted out of the pen this afternoon. We rounded him up, but we’re still missing a few of the ewes. We searched for them, but we haven’t found them yet.”

  “Thanks for telling me,” Caine said. “Have you told Macklin?”

  “We haven’t seen him all day,” Ian replied. “What do you want us to do about the missing sheep?”

  “It’s getting dark,” Caine said. “Searching for them now isn’t going to do any good. We’ll look again in the morning. If you see Macklin, make sure to tell him as well.”

  “Will do, boss,” Ian said, walking away with a nod of his head.

  “Ian thinks you’re a better boss than Taylor would be too,” Jason confided in a whisper. “Dad said Neil was a stupid Galah and I shouldn’t listen to him.”

  “I hope he’s not the only one who feels that way,” Caine muttered.

  “Being gay doesn’t have anything to do with how you run the station,” Jason said with a shrug. “You’re a good boss. Even I can see that.”

  “Does that mean your dad’s okay with me being gay?” Caine asked.

  “I don’t know about that,” Jason said, “but he said it wasn’t any of his business as long as you didn’t go bothering him or me or anybody that didn’t think the same as you. I told him you weren’t like that.”

  “No, I’m not like that,” Caine agreed. Since Jason was willing to talk, he took a deep breath and asked, “Are there others who feel like Neil?”

  “I don’t know,” Jason said. “I don’t get why it matters so much. I mean, sure, if you were trying to do stuff to me, I could understand people being upset, but you wouldn’t do that. Who cares who you fall in love with?”

  “I don’t know why Neil cares,” Caine replied honestly. “Some people say it’s against their religion and that makes it wrong. Some people say it’s unnatural and that makes it wrong. I say God doesn’t make mistakes and it doesn’t feel unnatural to me, so it obviously isn’t wrong as long as I respect the preferences of the people around me. That includes other gay men who might not be attracted to me, not just straight men.”

  “Well, duh,” Jason said. “That would be the same for me if I liked a girl. If she didn’t like me back, I’d have to deal with it and move on.”

  “Exactly,” Caine said. “The only difference is that I’m going to look for a cute guy to like instead of a cute girl.”

  “Dad’s right. Neil’s a Galah. Don’t listen to him.”

  “I won’t,” Caine assured him. “I just hope nobody else listens to him either.”

  “I don’t know about that, but nobody’s making anyone stay here. I mean, if someone doesn’t like you, they can just leave, and you can hire someone who won’t care to take their places.”

  “I sure hope it’ll work that way,” Caine said.

  “Boss? Did Ian tell you about the sheep getting loose?”

  “He did,” Caine said, looking up to see Kyle standing on the other side of the table. “I told him we’d look for the stragglers tomorrow.”

  “That’s not the only problem. I was fixing the pen where they busted out. I think they might have had help.”

  “Did you get the pen fixed?” Caine asked. He hated to think someone had deliberately sabotaged their fences, but he had to think about the sheep first.

  “No worries about that, boss,” Kyle said. “We completely replaced the broken section. They won’t get out through there again.”

  “Okay, then let’s go look at what you found,” Caine said, standing up and putting his plate with the other dishes to be washed. “Jason, are you coming with us?”

  Jason stacked his plate with the others and ran after Caine and Kyle, his face so joyous that Caine ruffled his hair affectionately.

  “Can’t
get a real man, boss?” Caine spun around at hearing Neil’s accusation. The jackaroo stood on the veranda of the canteen with a couple of other men.

  Before he could answer, Jason flew at Neil. “How dare you say something like that? Caine has been nothing but nice to me since he got here, and he hasn’t ever done anything inappropriate.”

  “You’re wasting your breath, Jason,” Caine said, dismissing Neil completely. He could argue with someone like that until he was blue in the face, but nothing he said would register. It wasn’t worth the effort. “He isn’t going to hear what you say. Your parents know we’re friends and they don’t mind. Neil can think what he wants.”

  “That’s really low, Neil,” Kyle added. “Just because he’s a poof, it doesn’t make him a pedophile. Get over yourself.”

  At least one hand besides Jason’s father didn’t seem to care about his sexuality. He hoped there would be others, but he didn’t have time to worry about that now. He needed to see about the potential sabotage.

  “Show me the damage to the fence,” Caine said to Kyle, leading Jason away from where Neil and his cronies stood.

  Kyle led Caine to the outmost pen where the ewes had been separated for breeding. They grazed peacefully, oblivious to the excitement they had caused earlier in the day. Kyle pointed to the far side of the pen. “This is the section we repaired. You can see the slats are new. These are the slats that broke.”

  Caine examined the wood Kyle handed him. The boards showed all the ragged edges to be expected when wood cracked under force. “I obviously don’t see what you’re seeing.”

  “Look here,” Kyle said. “The wood broke, but do you see that hole? It looks like something bored through it. That could have weakened it enough to break. And they all have marks like that in the same spot. On one slat, maybe it was a hungry insect, but the same spot on four boards is suspicious.”

  “I agree,” Caine said. “I’m going to take this one with me. Any idea who would have done something like this?”

  “Yesterday, I would have said Taylor,” Kyle replied immediately. “After today, I could add a few names closer to home.”

  “He’s a bigoted Galah, to borrow a phrase, but that doesn’t mean he’d resort to sabotaging the station,” Caine said, “and wouldn’t someone have seen him if he’d done it in broad daylight?”

  “Maybe,” Kyle said, “but with just the year-rounders here, the station isn’t exactly swarming with people. We trust the pens to keep the sheep safe since the dingoes don’t come down into the valley unless the weather gets a lot worse in the highlands, which means no one was actually standing watch. If he timed it right, he could have done it today.”

  “Couldn’t he have done it last night?” Jason asked. “Or a week ago for that matter.”

  “He didn’t know I was gay until this morning,” Caine said. “If that’s his reason for doing this, that is. He said he heard a rumor yesterday at Taylor Peak, but he didn’t confront me until this morning. If it wasn’t him or that wasn’t the reason, then yes, I suppose it could have been done at any time.”

  “And then when something spooked the sheep, they charged the fence and it gave way,” Kyle concluded. “He, whoever he is, wouldn’t have to be anywhere nearby and it would probably look like an accident and no one would be any the wiser.”

  “I need to talk to Macklin,” Caine said, stomach churning at the thought of going to Macklin’s cabin, where they had made love so tenderly the night before. “He needs to know what’s going on. Jason, could you find him and ask him to come to the big house so I can talk to him?”

  “Sure, Caine,” Jason said, running off.

  “In the meantime,” Caine said to Kyle, “it’s too late to check the other fences tonight. Is it worth setting a watch to make sure no other sheep get loose or that the person responsible doesn’t try again?”

  “You’re the boss,” Kyle said. “If you think it needs to be done, we’ll do it.”

  Caine stifled a sigh that would surely be misunderstood. Macklin wouldn’t hesitate. Macklin would order done whatever needed to be done. Taking a deep breath, Caine nodded. “Set a watch tonight,” he said. “Two men at a time for an hour each. That way they can take breaks to get warm, and it won’t be too long for anyone. We’ll check the other fences first thing in the morning.”

  “Yes, boss,” Kyle said.

  Caine grinned. “Give Neil the 2 a.m. shift.”

  Kyle grinned back. “With pleasure, boss.”

  Nineteen

  CAINE PACED the living room of the big house, waiting for Macklin to arrive. He didn’t think the foreman would refuse a direct request to come talk to him, especially if Jason explained any of what he’d seen or heard in relation to the pen and the sheep, but he didn’t expect Macklin to be happy about it.

  When the door slammed open and then closed, he discovered how right he was. “You wanted to see me?”

  No “pup”, no “Caine”, not even “boss”, just that one terse sentence.

  “We have one problem, we may have two,” Caine said, struggling to keep his voice steady. If Macklin didn’t want to be his lover, then Macklin didn’t get to see his vulnerability anymore either.

  “Besides Neil?”

  “He might be part of it, but it’s more than that,” Caine said. “Ian said some sheep got out of their pen today, and they couldn’t find all of them before it got dark, and then Kyle came to tell me he didn’t think it was an accident that they got out. He showed me the boards they busted through, and it looks like someone drilled a hole in them to weaken them. Less obvious than using a saw on them but still enough to allow the sheep to break free.”

  “You think Neil’s responsible? Until this morning, he’s been a model employee.”

  “I didn’t say he was responsible,” Caine replied immediately. “I think Taylor is a much more likely suspect, although I don’t know how we’d prove it unless we can catch him or one of his men in the act of sabotaging something, but I think we have to consider the fact that Neil is pretty disillusioned at the moment. He practically accused me of molesting Jason a few minutes ago. Jason jumped to my defense and Kyle told him to stuff it, but wherever his prejudice comes from, it’s pretty strong.”

  “So what are you going to do about it?”

  Caine’s jaw clenched at the choice of words. Macklin hadn’t even treated him this way when he first arrived at Lang Downs. “I asked Kyle to set a watch through the night in case whoever did it comes back and tries again. I told Ian we’d search for the missing sheep in the morning. That said, if you have suggestions, I’d like to hear them.”

  “That’s pretty much what I would have done,” Macklin said.

  “Not all the men reacted the way Neil did,” Caine said softly when Macklin didn’t say anything else. “Ian and Kyle are still calling me boss like they always have, and they brought the problems to me when you weren’t around. Kyle even told Neil to stuff it when he made the pedophile comment. And Jason said his dad didn’t mind Jason and me being friends.”

  “Just drop it,” Macklin said, his voice flat. “We said everything we needed to say this morning.”

  “Did we?” Caine asked. “I don’t want to lose you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Really?” Caine asked. “Then come over here and prove it. Kiss me, or better yet, come upstairs with me and make love to me again. Spend the night in my bed and come down to breakfast at my side.”

  “You’re asking for things I can’t give you.”

  “Won’t give me, you mean,” Caine insisted. “You can do those things because you did them when we were in Boorowa. I won’t hide, Macklin. The men are shocked right now, but in the long run, they’ll respect me far more for being honest and not hiding who I am. If we skulk around and they find out about it, then it’s a dirty secret. If we’re proud of who we are and what we are to each other, they’ll accept it because it simply is. Isn’t that what you said happened with Uncle Michael and D
onald?”

  “I can’t discuss this tonight,” Macklin said, going to the door. “I’ll make sure Kyle has the watch set for the night.”

  He was out the door before Caine could stop him.

  “Well, fuck,” Caine muttered.

  “He’s a stubborn one,” Kami said from the door to the kitchen hall.

  “How much did you hear?” Caine asked, embarrassed.

  “Not much. Enough to hear him dismiss your logic,” Kami replied.

  “Your logic,” Caine reminded him. “So what do I d-do now?”

  “You give him a few days to see that the world hasn’t come to an end because the jackaroos know about you,” Kami said. “He’ll come around.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I’ve known that man for twenty-five years, and I’ve never seen him act like he has since you arrived. He may not be willing to say it, but he can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “That’s not the same as loving me,” Caine said. “If he can’t do that, if he won’t do that, it doesn’t matter how often he thinks about me.”

  “If he’s thinking about you that much, he’s fallen in love with you,” Kami assured him. “He just doesn’t know it yet.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  ALONE IN bed later that night, Caine struggled to hold on to Kami’s reassurances. The doubts that had always plagued him were stronger in the darkness, making him all the more aware of the empty space next to him, a space he had hoped Macklin would fill. Perhaps not every night, but most nights. If Macklin had been on watch or out with the sheep for some reason, Caine wouldn’t be nearly as troubled by his absence. It would be a temporary one, related to work, not to Macklin’s desire to be with him. His absence tonight had nothing to do with work and everything to do with Macklin’s desire to be with him.

  Unfortunately.

  Caine forced himself to consider the possibility that Kami was wrong, that Macklin wouldn’t come around if Caine gave him enough time. Caine didn’t want to leave Lang Downs despite his promise to Macklin that he would leave rather than make the foreman go, which begged the question of whether they could coexist as colleagues at the station after having spent three nights together as lovers.