Lang Downs

by Ariel Tachna

  As if sensing his change of mood, Caine, Macklin, and Walker returned the toast but waited for him to continue.

  “Sam and I have been going over the financial records Devlin left,” Jeremy continued, “and it doesn’t look good. He had a couple of bad seasons, by which I mean four or five, and he took out some pretty hefty loans to cover the losses. Those loans are going to come due, and we don’t have the money to pay them off. We might be able to do it if we sold off most of the mob, but then we wouldn’t have the resources to get through next year without taking out another loan. And that’s no way to run a station.”

  “The problem,” Sam said, picking up the thread of the conversation, “is that the banks won’t care about running the station in the long term. Their concern is the repayment of the loan, nothing else. We might be able to renegotiate the terms of the loan on the grounds that Jeremy just took over and needs some time to get his feet under him, but that’s not going to change the bottom line. We would need four or five exceptional seasons at least to pay off the loans without doing damage to the long-term viability of the station.”

  “So what’s your p-plan?” Caine asked.

  Jeremy winced at the stutter. Caine hated to stutter, but more than that, he only did it when he was upset these days. If Caine was upset at their situation, that was okay. If he was upset at them bringing him into it, they were screwed.

  “You have one or you wouldn’t have invited us over for d-dinner,” Caine said. “You would have told us you were selling and asked if your house was still available.”

  “We’re looking for investors,” Sam said. “An influx of capital now in exchange for a percentage of the profit in the future.”

  “And input into the running of the station,” Jeremy added. “We’re not asking for anything on blind faith.”

  “It wouldn’t be a small investment,” Sam said, “but I know the kinds of expenses Lang Downs incurs, and I’ve looked at the accounts for Taylor Peak. If we combine operations as much as possible without endangering the organic certification on Lang Downs, we can cut down on a lot of overlap.”

  “Like what?” Macklin asked.

  “Like paying for feed,” Sam said. “We pay a delivery fee and so does Taylor Peak. If we ordered one shipment for both stations, we’d only have one delivery fee, and since it would be a larger order, we might even get a better price on the feed itself. We’d have the work of distributing it, but we have to do that anyway. We could look at combining equipment as well. Do we need all the duplicate equipment we would have if we ran the two stations as one? Or could we sell off some things and have ongoing maintenance on fewer pieces of equipment?”

  “For that matter, we may not have to hire as many seasonal jackaroos down the line once we get to the point of being able to run a combined mob. That’s a couple of years down the road until the organic certification is far enough along that we won’t upset your standing, but within three years,” Jeremy added.

  “Or you add to the mob and keep current staffing,” Walker interrupted. “Earn more by expanding rather than by cutting costs.”

  “That would be the other option,” Jeremy agreed. “It comes down to this. We find investors, whether it’s the three of you or someone else, or we have to sell or let the bank foreclose. We’re out of options and out of time.”

  “You ran n-numbers, I assume,” Caine said.

  Sam passed him the sheet. Caine studied it in silence.

  “Well, I’m in,” Walker said. “I don’t know if I have enough to make a difference on my own, but ever since Lachlan came to Lang Downs, I’ve been thinking about getting a place of my own. I figure this is the best chance at it I’m going to get, and a lot less risky than trying to build something from the ground up.”

  “I d-don’t understand how D-Devlin could have such b-bad years when we didn’t have the same problems one station over,” Caine said finally.

  “He had a lot higher repair costs after the big storm two years ago,” Sam said. “The tornadoes mostly missed us or didn’t hit anything other than a few fences, but he had some significant property damage and loss of livestock. Another year, he got hit worse by the dry weather and had to buy more feed when prices were higher because of the drought. We rode it out better because you planted drought-resistant grasses and grains when you moved to organic production. I know we had to supplement, but not like Devlin did.”

  “A run of bad luck like that can do a station in,” Macklin said. “We were nearing that point when you arrived, Caine, if you remember. We got it turned around without having to go to the bank for a loan, but money was tight that first year.”

  “I r-remember,” Caine said. He set the paper down and looked across the table at Jeremy. “What do you want to do? You always said brumbies couldn’t drag you back here after D-Devlin kicked you out. Are you trying to save the station because you want it or because you think you should?”

  Jeremy took a minute before answering the question. He had said those things, but he had also continued to try to fix things with Devlin. It hadn’t worked, but it didn’t change Jeremy’s desire to make things right with his brother. “Lang Downs means something,” he said finally. “It’s a haven for people who need it. It was a haven for me when I needed it, and I wouldn’t have met Sam without it. It’s home in a way Taylor Peak hasn’t been for me as an adult. But Taylor Peak was home for me once, and it could be again, and maybe with Lang Downs as a model, I can make Taylor Peak somewhere special too.”

  “In that case, write up a proposal with the amount of initial investment, percentages of profits, terms and conditions and all the rest,” Caine said. “We can make the supply run to Boorowa next week, get it all settled at the bank, and combine the accounts at the store in Boorowa and anywhere else we need to.”

  “Just like that,” Jeremy said with a shake of his head.

  Caine looked at him, all wide-eyed innocence. “How else would it be? Yes, it’s a risk. I’ve spent enough years on a station to know that. But I came here with a lot less assurance things would work out because it felt like the right thing to do. Taking a chance on you is easy next to that.”

  “Does Macklin get a say in this?” Jeremy asked with a grin. “He is your partner, after all.”

  “Caine’s the businessman, I’m the stockman,” Macklin replied, “but I didn’t hear anything to make me think it’s a bad idea. I’d have said something if I did.”

  “And I would’ve listened,” Caine said. “We usually make the supply run on Monday. Does that give you enough time to get something drawn up, Sam?”

  “I’m not a lawyer, but I’ll write up what I can and we can get someone to look at it in town before we sign it,” Sam said.

  “Good,” Caine said. Then his smile took on a mischievous edge. “So if you’re staying here, does that mean you won’t need the house on Lang Downs anymore?”

  “Why?” Jeremy asked. “You planning on moving out of your house?”

  “No,” Caine said, “but Seth and Jason need a place of their own, and it seems silly to make them wait for us to build something if your house is going to be empty.”

  “Seth and Jason?” Sam said. “As in together as a couple?”

  “About bloody time,” Macklin muttered.

  Caine elbowed him, making Jeremy laugh. “Yes, together as a couple,” Caine replied.

  “When did this happen?” Jeremy asked. “I thought Jason was seeing Cooper.”

  “Probably the day they met,” Macklin replied.

  Caine ignored him. “Cooper got tired of playing second fiddle earlier this week and told Jason that where Seth could hear him. That was enough to finally push him to say something. They’ve been joined at the hip ever since.”

  “That’s not new,” Sam said. “I was surprised when Jason started seeing Cooper after the way he always latched onto Seth whenever they were home together.” He looked over at Jeremy, who nodded. “The house is theirs if they want it. I hope they’ll be as happy
there as we were.”

  “THAT WENT better than I ever expected,” Sam said as they got ready for bed that night. “I hoped they’d say yes, but I did think they’d take a lot more convincing.” He hung up the clothes he’d worn for dinner—he could wear them again before washing them—and climbed into bed in just his underwear. It was too hot for anything heavier this time of year. He was still getting used to the house, where everything was, and not having all of his and Jeremy’s things. Molly had cleared out most of Devlin’s personal effects for them, but they needed to make a trip to Lang Downs and decide what they wanted to move and what they could leave for Seth and Jason.

  “I can’t decide if Caine really thinks it’s a good investment or if he just feels sorry for us,” Jeremy said as he came out of the bathroom and joined Sam in bed.

  “He’s got a heart big enough to agree because we’re his friends,” Sam said, “but I kept his accounts for eight years. He’s nobody’s fool, and anybody who thinks otherwise has never seen the way he runs Lang Downs. He asked how Devlin had such bad years when Lang Downs didn’t, and the answers we gave him were true, but Lang Downs could have had the same problems to the same degree and they would have been in better shape than Taylor Peak. Devlin was a stockman, not a businessman.”

  “Then I’m doubly glad I have you and Caine in my corner,” Jeremy said, “because I’ve never even pretended to be a businessman. I can take care of the livestock, the equipment, and the buildings, but don’t make me deal with money.”

  “I won’t,” Sam promised. “You and Walker deal with all of that. I’ll keep things running on the other end. I’ve learnt Caine’s tricks, and with the two stations combined, we’ll have a lot more pull with distributors.”

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Jeremy said as he pulled Sam into his arms.

  “Good thing you’ll never have to find out, then, isn’t it?” Sam replied. He leaned into Jeremy’s kiss, and that was the end of their talking for the night.

  Fourteen

  “SAM AND Jeremy are staying at Taylor Peak,” Caine told Seth when he found him in the tractor shed the next day.

  “I expected as much,” Seth said, careful to keep his expression neutral. Caine would expect him to be happy to have a home for himself and Jason, because that was surely where this conversation was going.

  “They said you and Jason were welcome to have their house,” Caine added. “They’re going to come get the rest of their things one day this week, but you can start moving in whenever you’re ready.”

  Nailed it in one.

  “Thanks,” Seth said. He couldn’t tell Caine to leave, but he really needed this conversation to end. He rubbed his hands on his dungarees. “I’d better get this done, then, so I can check out the house and figure out that we’ll need. I might need to go into Boorowa on my next day off.”

  “I don’t imagine they’ll take many of the household items,” Caine said. “They have the house on Taylor Peak and everything in it. Unless it’s something special, maybe, like something Ian made for them, they’ll probably leave it for you two.”

  Seth’s stomach churned. If he couldn’t use needing to go to town as a delaying tactic, he’d have to find some other excuse. He loved Jason, but it was all going so fast. He didn’t know how to do this. He didn’t know what happy looked like. Chris and Jesse notwithstanding, he didn’t have any idea how to make this work. It was too much too fast—everything he’d ever wanted and more—and he didn’t know how to handle it. He could ask. Intellectually he knew Caine or Macklin or any of the other couples on the station would give him all the advice he could ever want, about anything from learning to live together to how to have sex with another man—okay, he wouldn’t ask Neil about that one unless it was just to watch his face go all red. But to do that, he’d have to admit he didn’t know what he was doing. He’d have to admit how much loving Jason scared him. They’d help him, but they’d also feel sorry for him, the poor kid with no parents and a shitty childhood. Fuck that. He was a grown man. He’d do this because he wanted it, and maybe he’d screw it up, but he’d give it everything he had until then because that’s what you did and how you loved someone. He’d learned that much despite his mum’s and Tony’s examples.

  “Seth?” Caine said. “Are you okay?”

  “Just thinking,” Seth replied. “I haven’t exactly had the best of luck being happy in my life. I’m having trouble believing it now.”

  “Believe it,” Caine said. “You have a job, a home, a family who cares about you, and a wonderful man who knows you through and through and loves every part of you. Falling in love is always a beautiful thing, but when you can also say he’s your best friend, it adds an extra level of amazing.”

  That was the problem, though. Jason didn’t know everything about him. Seth dug his fingers into his thigh. The cut had healed to the point it didn’t hurt anymore, but even the reminder of it steadied him. Jason couldn’t find out about the cutting. He’d never understand.

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” Seth replied, seeing that Caine was waiting for an answer.

  “You’re only alone if you want to be,” Caine reminded him. “But I’m keeping you from your work, and Macklin would have words with me for interfering with you doing your job.”

  Seth had a pretty good idea what that would look like. He’d slept in the big house when he and Chris first moved to the station, before Neil had moved into the foreman’s house and Chris and Seth had moved into Neil’s old house. At sixteen, the sounds filtering down the hall had been somewhere between funny and gross. At twenty-six, he had a slightly different opinion on the matter.

  “We wouldn’t want to upset the boss. I’ll see you at dinner.”

  “Have a good rest of the afternoon,” Caine said, “and as always, let me know if you run out of anything. I don’t want equipment breaking down because you couldn’t do proper maintenance.”

  “I’ll tell you,” Seth promised. “And I’ll have plans for the first couple of drover’s huts ready by the end of the week, I hope. I have a little more research to do when I’m done in here, but if I can find what I need in the next day or two, we can start thinking about when we want to start installing the first solar panels and generators.”

  “Wonderful. Come up to the big house anytime. You can even use the office computer if you need to. It’s usually more reliable than the wireless Internet.” Caine left with a wave.

  Seth waved back, trying to corral his wayward thoughts. A house. Caine had just given him a bloody house. That was daunting enough, but Caine hadn’t just given it to him. He’d given it to him and Jason. And Jason would want to move into it. They needed privacy. They wouldn’t have to worry about Chris and Jesse overhearing, or worse, the seasonal jackaroos. Cooper hadn’t said anything to Seth about Jason, and if he’d spoken to Jason since their breakup, Jason hadn’t mentioned it, but it still made being in the bunkhouse awkward. A place of their own was the perfect solution.

  Except Seth was a fuckup of epic proportions. He’d never managed anything permanent in his life, and this wouldn’t be any different. He couldn’t count how many places he’d lived before his mum married Tony, and they all knew how that had ended. Chris had done everything he could to provide for them after that, but it had hardly been easy. He’d had three good years at Lang Downs before going off to uni, but that was probably his record. Roommates, girlfriends, advisors—he’d run them all off in record time. It would be hard enough losing Jason when he figured that out as it was. If they were living together, it would be a hundred times worse. Jason would say nothing Seth could do would drive him away, but everybody got tired of him eventually. Chris was the only one who’d never given up on him, but even Chris had other priorities besides Seth now. He wouldn’t turn Seth away or kick him out, but Jesse would always be Chris’s first concern now.

  As it should be, but it still stung.

  “Stop it,” he muttered. “You’re not going for the razor, bec
ause life is good. You love Jason, you’re home, this is all you’ve ever wanted. Shut the fuck up and get to work.”

  He grabbed his toolbox and went back to the tractor he needed to work on. They needed to drag the roads again, and Caine was counting on him to have the tractor working. It wasn’t new, although Seth didn’t know how old it was. It still worked fine most of the time, certainly enough not to need replacing yet, but it meant the engine was temperamental at times. He’d start with the spark plugs and go from there. He’d fixed it before. He would fix it again.

  He lost himself in the familiar rhythm of loosening spark plugs, cleaning them, and replacing them. It worked at first, giving him something to focus on besides his own errant thoughts, but it was too familiar, and his attention wandered after a while, his hands moving by rote as he tried to imagine living with Jason. In one wave of Caine’s magic wand, he’d have it all—the house, the dog, the white picket fence, a picture-perfect life. It scared the ever-living fuck out of him. He’d never had the picture-perfect life. He’d never had anything other than what he could hoard away from his stepsiblings and a string of screwed-up relationships. He could argue that the relationships had failed because he was too hung up on Jason to commit fully to anyone else, but that didn’t mean he’d do any better now that he had Jason.

  He moved on from the spark plugs to the carburetor, but the bolt stuck. He cursed under his breath as his hand slipped off the wrench into a nearby bracket, slicing the back of his hand open. “Well, fuck,” he muttered even as the pain pierced through the chaos of his thoughts. He took a deep breath and went in search of a clean cloth to wrap his hand with. He didn’t find anything in the tractor shed, so cradling his bloody hand against his chest, he headed toward the kitchen. Sarah and Kami would fix him up.

  “Seth! What have you done to yourself?” Sarah exclaimed when he walked into the kitchen.