I was wired wrong, and combined with Drex, we’d create disaster. Eventually, the fire between us would burn us, but tonight, I didn’t care. We removed each soaked piece of clothing in between desperate, breathless kisses. The quicker the raindrops fell, the harder our thrusts became, and the closer we drew to one another. With each piece of ourselves we gave to one another, the more lost we became.
His warm breath against my neck made me forget how cold the rain was. My nails dug into his back, and I prayed to leave tomorrow behind and forget yesterday. I wanted to live in this moment forever. There were no hurtful words spoken or spiteful actions between us.
All it took was his voice speaking my name for my universe to come to an abrupt halt, slamming all emotions I’d pent up into my forefront.
“Eris,” he said in the middle of harsh breaths. “We. Should. Stop.” His body shook as he forced the truthful words outward into the air, letting the stale truth suffocate our moment. I swallowed his words, along with the fear that crept up my throat. I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to hear them any more than he wanted to say them.
His fingertips wrapped around my shoulders as he tried to prevent something neither of us was capable of doing: staying away from each other. It was out of our control. We craved each other. I shook my head against his chest, knowing I should agree, but desire and greed won my internal battle.
I opened my eyes and looked into his that begged me for an out.
“I’m not good for you,” he whispered his plea in a thick voice and leaned his forehead to mine.
“And I’m not good for you,” I answered his desperation with the truth.
He took my head in his hands and then kissed the tip of my nose.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he groaned.
“I do,” I said, not able to keep my mouth from his any longer. He moaned into my mouth as I did the same to him. He pulled me closer to him, and we got lost in one another again.
I’d never had sex in a storm, and I wasn’t sure I would again, but with Drex, the risk made perfect sense. Lightning struck and he cradled my body in his muscular arms. I didn’t know what the rest of the storm consisted of because it was just the two of us. Everything else just stopped.
I was not sure what it was about Drex, but he brought me to zero point. He struck every nerve in my body, regularly multiple ones at a time, but being around him helped my mind rest. He brought out every flaw I had, but in the same instance would take them from my lips. This was my reason for staying. Drex was zero point.
Drex walked me home, but neither of us spoke of anything important. We enjoyed each other in silence, letting the moment be what it was: beautiful.
17
Eris
Every day the sunshine came through the diner’s door and Drex didn’t, I hated. There were no promises traded, and he told me he wasn’t good for me. What he didn’t tell me was I’d miss him. I didn’t know I would need him. Each time my mind would wander into the dark, I’d pray for rain. I knew it was stupid, but I wanted the rain to come to help me remember him.
“I hate sunny days,” I mumbled, pouring sugar into the tea, the steam traveling around the white grains.
“Do ya now? What has you suddenly hating on this beautiful gift?” Ray said, stabbing an order ticket down and ringing the bell to let Gretchen know her order was ready.
“Just don’t care for it anymore,” I lied.
“Right. Well, you’ll be happy to know a storm’s coming tomorrow.” His eyebrows raised, and he nudged my side with his elbow.
I answered with a smile, “Thanks, Ray.”
“Any time, girl.” He laughed, shaking his head as he walked away to prep the next order.
“Um, there’s a woman with the ugliest dog in the world outside asking for you,” Gretchen said, popping her gum and putting a pen into her bun. “You want me to get rid of her?”
“No, it’s Courtney.”
“Courtney?”
“Yeah.” I didn’t explain who Courtney was, because why would I? The real question was, why was Courtney here and how did she know where I worked?
Courtney was bent down talking to V with her back to the door. The bell dinged as I opened the door and slid through, watching her tap V’s nose with her fingertip.
She jumped at the noise, and her butt landed on the cement. “Ugh. Today has been shit!”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, wondering how this brought her to me.
“Anyway.” She stood and brushed the dirt from the back of her pants.
“You haven’t been into the vet and V missed you,” she said cheerfully, handing me her pink leash.
“Courtney, how’d you know where I work?”
Her skin flushed and she peeked at me through her thick, dark lashes. “I saw your uniform top in your bag the other day. You left it open. I wasn’t snooping or anything. It was just there,” she babbled.
Of course, there was a logical reason she would know where I work. I was paranoid.
“Well, if V missed me, I guess I better visit with her. I get off in twenty, if you, I mean, she wants to wait around or come back.” I smiled half-heartedly. I’d planned to go home and well, go to bed, honestly. I didn’t have anything else to do.
Courtney returned the smile and took the leash back into her manicured hand.
“Sure! Yeah! I’ll be back. I’ll go grab us something to eat.” She paused and her lips formed a thin line. “I mean, unless you’ve already eaten. I was going to get a pizza with my brother, but he ditched on me. Probably for booze. I’m hungry, but I can eat without you—”
“Pizza is great,” I interrupted her to keep her from continuing. I pulled some cash from my apron, and she shoved my hand back into the pocket.
“It’s my treat. I didn’t want to eat alone. Thank you.” She squeezed my hand.
“You’re welcome, Courtney.” I smiled and headed back into the diner.
Sam was standing behind the counter. A wide smile graced his lips, which, of course, had a toothpick in the corner.
“What?” I said through a smirk.
“Not a thing, Sug. Not a thing.” His broad hands wiped down the bar with a clean rag, and then he dipped it into the sani-bucket. “I’ll clean up out here. You go ahead.” He wrung the rag with his hands over the bucket, forcing the excess to drip back into the water.
“Thanks.” I smiled. “But I still have to sweep.”
He handed me the broom and didn’t argue. I wanted an excuse to hang around here a few more minutes. I really didn’t want to chase after Courtney.
“Get to it then.” He chuckled.
Courtney not only picked up pizza, but she returned to the diner with a box of wine under her arm. I raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question her.
“I figured we could go to your place. That is, if you don’t mind Veronica,” she added, smiling down to her as she excitedly danced in a circle at our feet.
“It’s not like I have to worry about her getting fur everywhere, right?” I joked, wanting to ease her worrying. I still haven’t figured out why I didn’t try to push her away like I did most everyone else, but it was a little too late to start now.
“Box wine, huh?” I said more to fill the silence than anything else, taking the box and snugging it under my arm as I led the way to my apartment.
Courtney’s eyes darted up to the break in the frame of my screen door. Her eyes filled with curiosity, but she never asked about it. I knew she wanted to, but I didn’t give her an explanation. I used my side to hold it open as I unlocked the interior door, flipping the light switch up so she could see to take off her shoes.
We were halfway through the wine and pizza before Courtney or I really said anything of importance. I was surprised how hungry I actually was.
“My brother’s a dick,” she spat out, setting her mostly eaten slice of pizza into the box. I drew imaginary circles with my fingertips onto the couch, not sure if I should say something in retu
rn or just listen. I hoped she would continue to talk because I didn’t really know what to say. Each time I heard her cuss it shocked me.
“What about you?” she questioned, lightly kicking my knee with the tip of her toes.
“Am I a dick? Sometimes,” I answered, confused by her question, straightening my back in an unnecessary stretch.
She laughed and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “No, I meant, do you have any siblings?”
“Oh.” I didn’t want to answer her. I didn’t want to talk about my past, but here she was sitting in my apartment with her wide, innocent looking brown eyes. She had bought us dinner…and wine, which tasted as awful as I figured it would, but I didn’t mention it to her.
“I have a little brother and he isn’t a dick at all. He’s amazing,” I whispered, fighting back tears. My throat burned with sadness, and my chest tightened with regret.
“Hmm…must be nice,” was all she said as she stood up and cracked her neck. “I think I should get Veronica home.” She scooped her into her arms and looked out the window. “I want to beat the storm.”
Ray had said the storm was supposed to hit tomorrow, but I guess his weather report was wrong. Dark clouds bellowed across the sky that had been a clear blue just a few hours before. A huge smile crossed my face while we watched the storm move in and the sky darken.
“I think you’ll need this,” I suggested, handing her my umbrella as she opened the door.
She looked across the lawn while leaves blew around, warning us of the upcoming storm.
“I think you’re right. Thanks.” She opened it while walking out the door I held open for her. I then followed her onto the porch. “This was nice.”
“It was. Thank you,” I answered, smiling in her general direction, climbing onto the swing, and kicking my feet outward. I was always awkward with goodbyes, which had worsened with time. A leaf skirted across the grain of the board beneath my feet as I swung them backward to pick up momentum. I watched it move to avoid eye contact.
“Thank you,” she announced her leaving, and then she and V were on their way to, well, I didn’t know because I didn’t ask.
18
Drex Night 30
A red light flashing on my cell phone was the first thing my eyes focused on, but I didn’t check my voice mail. Sweat poured down every inch of my body, and the sheets were soaked. I didn’t remember much of the nightmare, but enough to know what the whole thing had been, something I didn’t want to think about.
Slipping on a pair of boxers, I shuffled my feet to the freezer and reached for a bottle. It didn’t matter what kind I got as long as I drowned myself into it or at least my thoughts. I only had two to choose from anyway.
I set the cap on the counter behind me because I wouldn’t need it. I was finishing this bottle tonight…or morning, depending on how you looked at it. My sleep schedule was so fucked up— this was my morning. I hadn’t seen daylight in a few days now.
This wasn’t who I wished I were—wasted all the time, sleeping through the day, and drinking all night. I was a coward for not facing my nightmares, but at least I wasn’t hurting anyone.
I found my couch, and Mulder, my Pit, groaned in protest as I sat beside him. I didn’t bother turning on the lamp. There was enough natural light shining in here from the moon, which surprised me given how heavy the rain was coming down. He opened an eye, cocked his head sideways, and then readjusted himself, getting comfortable. A soft snore came from his mouth, followed by a long loud one. My sleep schedule might be off, but nothing about his was. He could sleep anywhere and did if I let him.
With the bottle pressed against my lips, I watched the bubbles form and disappear as I chugged away my sorrows. Thunder rumbled and then lightning took its place, filling my living room. A weather tone came from my cell in the bedroom, and I knew I needed to get to Homer’s before we lost power. He always closed during power outages.
It was a quick jog to Homer’s. I could have brought my car, but I had a strict no drinking and driving policy. Nowadays, I drank more than I didn’t, so my car hadn’t moved in quite some time.
The rain fell against my skin and traveled down my arms. The cool breeze was enough to give me a chill, but it felt nice. Closing my eyes, I tipped my head upward, letting the raindrops streak my face as I caught my breath.
The neon sign wasn’t on in Homer’s window. Shit. I was too late. The power must have kicked while I was on my way. His door opened, and I expected to see him coming out to lock up and go home. Eris smiled into the shop, and then her eyes landed on me. We hadn’t seen each other since we were together. I’d made sure of it. I locked myself in my house. Other than nightmares, she was all that had been on my mind. She was amazing, and I was horribly wrong when I told myself if we had sex, we’d be out of each other’s systems. At least for me it made the situation one hundred times worse. I hadn’t thought so much about sex since I was a horny teenager, shoving porn magazines under my mattress.
She brushed her blonde hair behind her ears and tucked a brown bag under her arm, slowing her pace as she walked to where I was standing. My body ached the closer she got. Everything in me wanted everything about her. I was speechless.
She stood toe-to-toe with me, but neither of us spoke. Rain soaked her clothes and they clung to her curvy frame. I was already drenched, so I didn’t care to get out of the downpour. I knew I should walk away from her, and she sure as hell should run away from me, but neither of us moved. Her chest rose and her breathing seemed uneven. Mine definitely was. Despite every reason I had told myself we shouldn’t have been together in the first place, I couldn’t remember even one of them now.
Her tongue rolled against her bottom lip, and I bit mine to keep from taking her mouth with my own.
“Hi, Drex,” she barely said in a faint voice. Looking down, she took the bottle from the waterlogged paper bag and tossed the bag into the nearby trashcan.
With two words my entire body felt her. My mind replayed her voice, trying to remember one reason we shouldn’t be together. I came up empty. My mouth went dry, as though she took my voice with her own. I didn’t know where to go from here, so I forced myself to answer her.
“Hello, Eris,” had only just left my dry lips before I bit them again, trying to maintain my composure and not lead her into the alley behind Homer’s. It wouldn’t be romantic, not that our first time was necessarily, but there was nothing appealing about having sex beside a dumpster. Even I drew the line somewhere.
A small smile touched her lips before she laughed to herself. “Wanna share?” She lifted the bottle up and shook it. Her blue eyes searched my face for an answer, and after a few seconds, I remembered I could speak.
“Why not,” I agreed, not wanting to show how much I wanted to share a lot more than liquor with her tonight.
We’d barely made it into her apartment before our wet clothes started coming off and were thrown to the floor. Something needed to be said, but I had no clue what to say to her. We weren’t known for saying sweet things to one another, and I was far from a romantic guy.
“I’m cold,” she said, leading me down the hallway by the hand and putting my hectic mind to ease.
“Me, too,” I agreed, forcing myself to answer, not wanting to be rude.
We entered the bathroom, and her free hand twisted the knob to turn on the water. I balled my fist up and straightened my arm to my side to keep from bending her over. Not sure that wasn’t what she wanted, though. She was dangerous, but so was I. I wanted to be a gentleman, but I wasn’t sure what one would do in this situation, so I just waited to find out her plan.
19
Eris
His soulful brown eyes curiously watched me while I turned on the shower, adjusting the water temperature slightly warmer than I normally would. He led us underneath the stream and wrapped his arms around my body. I was embarrassed to tell him that I was cold, but I thought I could beat the rain and had stupidly let Courtney borrow my only umbrella.
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“I’m not sure what we’re doing,” he honestly admitted what I had been thinking.
“Me either,” I confessed.
“One step at a time?” he asked, but I knew we weren’t just talking about whatever was going on between us at the moment. It was one of those heavy statements people used in the moment when there was nothing else to be said. As if giving the steps to fate somehow made being clueless easier. It didn’t.
I nodded my head before his mouth found the side of my neck, and a moan left my mouth. My fingertips inched up his tone body and wrapped around his back. He lifted my body upward and my head knocked the shower nozzle out of the holder, spraying him in the face and then snaking around the floor of the tub from the pressure of the water.
“Shit, are you okay?” he said in a concerned voice, reaching for the top of my head. I nodded and quickly turned the knob off in hopes of not flooding my entire bathroom.
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He hung his head and leaned it against the shower wall. “I don’t do…people anymore. I try to keep to myself and my animals.” He closed his eyes and scrubbed his face with his hand.
“It’s fine. I don’t do people anymore either,” I repeated his statement, understanding exactly what he’d meant. We both had distanced ourselves from the world, but somehow found each other.
“Come on.” I stepped out of the shower and handed him a towel. “We have a bottle to drink.” I smiled, wrapping a towel around my body and then securing one on my hair, trying to salvage the night.
“That we do.” He grinned, drying the water from his beard and then drying the rest of his body. I wanted to give him some privacy, but he’d never been inside my home, and I knew he wouldn’t know where to go from here. I awkwardly turned my back to him and stared at the wall across the hall.
Chaos (Blackwell Bayou Series Book 1) Page 6