“I’ll be back. I’ll go find us some clothes.” I’d taken a step, and then his hand caught mine.
“Don’t bother,” he responded in a husky voice, clasping his hands around my waist, and I doubted we’d break the seal on the bottle for a while. Maybe we would. I never knew what to expect from one second to the next.
Hanging out with Courtney reminded me what it was to have a friend, and being with Drex made me feel needed. I held purpose, regardless how small it was, in people’s lives. Realizing that both terrified me and brought me joy.
Drex was never something I intended to pursue, yet here we were speaking in hushed tones, even though there wasn’t a chance anyone would hear us. His answers usually shocked me, and at times pissed me off, but I always wanted to hear them, regardless. Even if I didn’t admit that all the time.
His fingertips carefully found their way up my back and undid the towel containing my hair. His excitement pressed against the back of my leg and I ached between my thighs, knowing he wanted me as much as I did him. He kissed the skin where my shoulder met my neck, and his warm breath teased every inhibition I had. I’d always been modest, the kind of person who turned the lights off to have sex. Yet with Drex, it didn’t matter when we were by the lake, and it didn’t matter now.
I turned to face him, and I wasn’t sure whose mouth found the other’s. We were both too eager to close the little space left between us. His tongue slid between my lips and swirled the tip of my own. He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around him. Our towels got tangled in the mix.
He let out an annoyed sigh and smiled against my lips. He had a stunning smile, even though he didn’t let the world see it often. It was these tiny moments that made me feel special and helped me forget my sorrow. He chose to let only me see his beauty and hid it from the rest of the world.
It was a combined effort, removing the towels. One that would have been easier had he just put me down, even if it were only for a few seconds. He didn’t. I pulled at his while he tugged at mine and lost his balance. He leaned us against the wall, breathless, and we laughed together. Nothing was easy with us, but at this point, I wouldn’t expect it to be.
I gently untied his towel and held onto his neck as he released mine. He closed his eyes and eased into me until I was completely against him.
“I missed you,” he confessed with pleasure laced in each word.
There were moments that I wished to forget; in fact, I prayed to forget them. This wasn’t one of them. Drex admitting he missed me wasn’t a simple statement. I knew by his rough exterior he was like me. He pushed people away, afraid to get too close. To say he missed someone meant he felt it with every ounce of his being…and so did I.
“I missed you, too,” I whispered against his neck in between breaths.
20
Drex
A FEW DAYS LATER
It should have been easy to leave Eris’ apartment, considering I didn’t intend to stay the first night. I should have left, but I didn’t. She mixed pancakes as I watched her from across her small kitchen, secretly hoping there weren’t any damned blueberries within a ten-mile radius…there was.
She opened her fridge and pulled a box of those awful blueberries out and laughter touched her eyes seconds before the sound ever found her lips. In this moment, I didn’t care how much I hated their taste, even if they did gag me. I’d never seen happiness this pure on her. My eyebrows rose as I shook my head, laughing along with her.
“Don’t worry. I have strawberries for you. That is, if you like them.” She chuckled and tossed a few blueberries in my general direction, falling short a couple of feet away from me.
“I do.” I approved with a small nod of my head.
Her broken screen door rattled as someone’s knuckles knocked against it. Eris’ eyes shot to me like I would know who would be at her door. Of course, I wouldn’t. Confused, I shrugged my shoulders and took over making the pancakes, scooting the blueberries to the far end of the counter.
“I brought your umbrella back.” I heard her voice before I saw her tiny body and big mouth round the corner of the living room and into the kitchen.
“Lexie?” I questioned. The irritation was clear by my tone. If it wasn’t, I was sure it was apparent by the unnecessary force I was using to mix the pancakes in an attempt to stay calm. I couldn’t believe she’d hunted me down to Eris’ apartment. My sister’s intrusion knew no bounds.
“Lexie?” Eris’ perfect lips echoed what I’d said, puzzled as much as I was as to why my sister was here.
“This is Courtney,” she corrected me and I closed my eyes, forgetting around age twenty-five Lexie decided she actually liked her legal first name and had adopted using it. Never mind the fact she’d loathed it our entire lives.
“Courtney Alexandria Wolf. Drex’s older sister,” my sister announced in a singsong manner, swirling around me and stealing the pancake batter as she dropped blueberries into the mix. She didn’t mention she was only thirty minutes older. We were one of those freak births where twins end up with different birthdays, which rarely happens. Her birth time was 11:57 PM on May 22. Mine was 12:27 AM on May 23.
“I hate—”
“Blueberries, I know,” she interrupted, throwing a handful of strawberries into the batter and placing the bowl in front of me.
“You can avoid them. You’re great at avoiding things,” she said and glared at me. I didn’t argue. We both knew I had been avoiding her, but it was nothing new.
Eris leaned against the wall and silently watched us. I wanted to get rid of my sister, but it was clear she wasn’t going anywhere. If my sister was one thing, it was persistent. She hadn’t left me alone since we were born. At times, I’d wished she’d given up on me along with everyone else, but here she was, yet again, barging into my life.
“So, he’s the dick?” Eris’ curiosity got the better of her and she pointed to me.
“Who me?” I only half-pretended to be offended, because we all knew I was exactly that the majority of the time. I poured the first pancake into the skillet and watched the bubbles pop, waiting to flip it, and brown the other side. I wanted to ask how they knew each other and how long they had, but the more I watched my sister, the more annoyed I got, so I quit. It wasn’t her fault. I just wasn’t ready to share Eris with the rest of my life.
“Drex.”
“Huh?” I answered Eris, realizing I’d almost burned the side of the pancake and flipped it over, hoping it wasn’t completely ruined.
“Your, uh, Courtney. Lexie? Your sister is leaving,” she informed me, concern filling her eyes. Lexie’s eyes zeroed in on me, and I knew she had a million things she wanted to say. Sweat formed on my forehand with the anticipation of which she would choose. There were so many things I hadn’t told Eris, but talking about each other wasn’t our strong suit. Somehow, our lives hadn’t made it to the topic of conversation in between us continually taking each other’s clothes off the past few days.
“Drex.” My sister elongated my name and my heart felt each second that she paused before she spoke again. “You need to go check on Myra, and you know you’re the only one she’ll let near her.” She nodded her head and didn’t wait for me to answer as she walked out of the kitchen and Eris followed. I noticed the concern on Eris’ face before she turned the corner. I didn’t know where to begin telling Eris about my life, and honestly, there were parts of it I wasn’t sure I’d ever tell her…or anyone for that matter. Right now, I wasn’t sure of anything.
I knew Myra needed attention, especially now. That was something I hadn’t doubted. I had just thought Henry could have handled her for a little longer; she wasn’t due for two more months. It was obvious she preferred me to him, but she tolerated him. With Myra, it was all about approach. Henry wasn’t known for being subtle, which was what Myra needed.
Eris and I ate pancakes in silence. Every little bit I noticed her eyes traveling my face, but when our eyes met, they’d dart to something else. S
he wanted to know who Myra was. It was odd that although we’d never shared a lot about ourselves, I could read Eris. I didn’t know how, but I could. Perhaps she and I were more alike than I had once thought. The way her eyes screamed agony, but her mouth remained silent was something I understood. More than likely she didn’t feel as though she deserved to ask for an explanation, or she was afraid of the answer she would get.
“Have you ever ridden a horse?” I asked, wanting to clear the air, setting both our plates into the sink.
Her eyes flickered to mine and then widened. “A horse? Umm…No?” She scooted past me and squeezed soap onto a sponge, cleaning the syrup off the plate in a circular motion. Taking the plate and running it under hot water and then placing it onto the drying rack, I asked if she had anything resembling riding boots.
She finished with the last dish and led me down the hallway to her room. She slid her closet door open and waved her hand over the few pairs of shoes that scattered the bottom of the closet.
“These are the only shoes I own,” she admitted and then shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not a shoe girl,” she explained, lifting a pair of yellow rain boots and forcing an apologetic smile. She apologized for not owning many shoes and it made me almost fall for her a little. Almost. To be honest, I was relieved she didn’t have a closet set aside for all of her shoes. The more shoes a woman owned was usually a direct link to how high-maintenance she was or at least that stood true for the women I knew. Lexie’s closet was overflowing with shoes the last time I saw it.
“I’m sure we can find you something to wear once we’re there. You may want to braid your hair, though,” I said, offering my hand to help her up from the floor. She took it, and I felt my heartbeat quicken. I don’t think I could ever get used to seeing beauty this close. Standing close to Eris was a lot like standing too close to the sun. From afar, anyone could appreciate the beauty, but the closer you got, the hotter you became. That was how it was for me with Eris. Despite the flames that kindled between us when we fought, I craved her. In a way, I think the fighting just fueled my fire for her.
“I don’t know how to braid,” she pointed out in a quiet tone through a shy smile. “If you can’t tell, I’m not exactly the epitome of femininity.” She gestured toward the combat boots sticking out of her closet.
“I didn’t notice,” I joked, running my fingers through her hair and kissing her forehead.
I’d learned to braid hair long ago. Lexie didn’t have a twin sister. Instead, she got me. She had me braiding her hair, and I had her building treehouses. It was how we worked. We had friends, but we were always a bit different from everyone else. It’s said twins share a bond like no other, and we weren’t any exception to that rule. We didn’t always see eye to eye, but growing up we could always depend on each other. Now, not so much. I knew I was a pretty shitty brother to Lexie, but I didn’t want to plague her life, and that was what I’d be doing if I were a constant in it. I chose to distance myself from everyone, because it was better for everyone else.
Nervousness crawled into my veins as I turned Eris around and set her onto her bed. I climbed onto the bed behind her and ran my fingertips up her arms and goosebumps shadowed their path. Once my hands found her hair, I raked my fingers through a few times and tried to suppress the heartbeat in my throat. I shouldn’t have been this turned on by touching her hair, but I was.
I took my time braiding the top, but the closer to the end I got, the faster my fingers moved. Her hands inching up my thighs may have had something to do with the change in pace. I snagged a hair tie off her nightstand and hastily wrapped it around the end of her hair, needing to free my hands.
She raised herself from the mattress and lowered down onto my lap. A throaty groan left my lips and I took the end of her braid into my palm, pulling it to the side to access her neck. A loud moan left her lips when I did this, so I didn’t let go. She swayed her hips on top of mine, and I knew it would be some time before we left. This was how I ended up staying. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We’d been untainted by the world, with the exception of Lexie’s interruption, and I was afraid once we left her house, the moment would pass. I was afraid she’d remember I wasn’t worthy of her.
My tongue trailed her neckline, wanting to rid myself of those thoughts. Her pulse pounded beneath my tongue, and I slightly tipped her mouth to mine by guiding her braid further sideways. Her heavy breaths matched my own as she lifted herself, allowing me to remove her shorts, and then I did the same with the pair of basketball shorts she’d let me borrow. The thing about us was I knew neither of us could save the other from whatever demons each of us carried, but one thing we could do right was this. Sex. It was phenomenal. Unquestionably the best sex I’d ever had was with Eris. Each time was better than the last.
21
Eris
I felt myself falling for Drex, and it scared the ever-living fuck out of me. I should have walked away from him when I could. I knew there was no way to do that now. After this morning, the deal was sealed. With Drex, things I never found sensual before now had me practically begging for sex. Exhibit one: I basically gave him a lap dance. Many people had fixed my hair before, for prom or what have you, but I’d never been turned on by it. That was when I knew any time spent with Drex was dangerous. There wasn’t a future I could foresee for us. I never planned to have anyone in my life, but now the Wolfs had taken it in full force.
I wasn’t entirely certain we were really going horseback riding. It could have been the innuendo for this morning, but I really hoped it wasn’t. Regardless, Drex picked me up in his truck and we were going somewhere.
“Are we going to see Myra?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer. My voice broke when I said her name, and my lips fell into a thin line. I didn’t want Drex to think I was jealous…even if I might be.
“Yes, she needs me.” He beamed and his smile gleamed out from his newly trimmed facial hair. I wasn’t sure when he found the time to trim it when he went home. I barely had time to change clothes and freak out a little.
“Oh,” I said. The disappointment was clear in my tone. I looked away from him and out the window, counting the red fence posts as we passed them.
“Relax.”
His hand squeezed my thigh and lingered there before he shifted the gear. I wished he hadn’t noticed how tense I was. Maybe I wasn’t as good at hiding my emotions as I thought I was. First, Sam could read me, and now Drex.
“I’m cool,” I lied, remembering I was on number twelve of the post counting, and continued where I had stopped. It wasn’t my choice to let him in; it just kind of happened. I couldn’t even stand to be around him all the time, but I knew I wanted to.
“About as cool as the Sahara.” He laughed. “Or balls.” He wailed with laughter and swerved, laughing at himself.
My mouth dropped open with shock, and honestly, disgust. I watched him try to compose himself, but he didn’t seem capable. “Woo.” He blew out a breath of air and smacked the steering wheel.
“Seriously, Drex?” I said as I shook my head, and a small giggle bubbled out of my mouth. “Balls. You compared me to balls.” Our laughter filled the truck, and it was wonderful. For us, moments such as these were rare. Two lost souls were incapable of happiness. I was certain of this. When we both laughed, I did my best to etch each second into my memory, never knowing if it’d be our last.
We passed a sign that read, “Iron Maidens,” which had a silhouette of two horses kneeling down on opposing sides of a shield pictured on it. It was then—I was one hundred percent certain—we were going horseback riding. I was comforted to know Drex wasn’t calling sex horseback riding earlier. Although, thinking of riding a horse brought on an entirely different wave of anxiety. Horses are beautiful, but their size had always intimidated me. Spending time on a farm wasn’t a real possibility when I grew up, and then once I was pregnant, I didn’t want to. Sure, I’d been to petting zoos and local fairs, but I usually only attende
d those so Jaxson and Noah could see everything. Animals had never really been my thing, which really wasn’t something I let many people know. It was as if people believed if you didn’t love animals you were a psychopath, which might be a bit of an overstatement. Yet, people’s reaction was similar. Once, I’d mentioned to another mother that I wasn’t a dog or cat person. She said she didn’t care for cats. In response, she rushed her kids away from Noah and me, like we’d plague their bodies with our poisonous ways, using the excuse they needed to get home and brush their teeth. Really? I wanted to explain it to Noah, but how did you explain stupidity to your child? Noah loved animals, thankfully. Otherwise, I think having the name Noah would have been an oxymoron.
“Myra.” Drex put the truck into park and calmly acknowledged a spotted horse approaching the nearby fence line. I breathed a sigh of relief as we met her at the fence. I was glad she was a horse and not someone Drex was seeing, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him.
She was bigger than most horses I’d seen, but then again I’d never really been close to any. Her stomach appeared fuller than the other horses in different parts of the surrounding fenced in areas. I didn’t understand why she was in a fence by herself, when the others were together, free to socialize and play with others.
“She’s an Appaloosa. See how her neck is more of a solid color, and her back and butt are spotted?” He turned to me, reaching out to rub the space between her nose and expressive eyes. She leaned into his touch, but kept her eyes on me. Her tail switched left and right as flies flew around it swaying at her will.
“Yeah,” I simply answered in awe. She was the definition of beauty, and seeing him with her made my heart pound against my ribcage with amazement. Now I knew what’d made him so handsomely unkempt. Well, sort of. It had something to do with this ranch, I assumed. Perhaps he was some type of farmhand.
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