Chaos (Blackwell Bayou Series Book 1)

by Chelle C. Craze

  “Not at all,” he murmured and took my hand in his grasp, caressing my palm with his thumb.

  When we arrived at his house, I was on the verge of being shocked by its size, and would have been had I not learned he was a doctor. It was much too large for one person, but I didn’t expect less from Drex, oddly. He wasn’t a person who wore expensive clothing and didn’t wear any jewelry at all, but his personality was so complex I wasn’t surprised that his house reflected his complexities.

  We parked the car in the garage, and he held the door open for me to walk through as we passed the washer and dryer. Connected to the laundry room was a foyer with a large carpeted staircase, leading to the rest of the house. As we passed a door leading to the outside, I assumed, he checked the knob and locked the deadbolt.

  Drex took my hand, leading me to the main living area. Neither of us had spoken a word, which until tonight, wasn’t something that would bother me. We thrived in silence. It was in the moments that we were allowed breaths that we found one another. Yet, tonight the air between us had changed. I didn’t know if I was alone in this feeling or if he felt the change, too. If he felt it, he hadn’t given any indication that he had. Insecurities swam in my head, and I prayed I wasn’t the only one who now had feelings.

  26

  Drex

  Sometime After Midnight

  Having Eris in my house was something I hadn’t planned when I left the house today. If I’d known she’d be here, I would have at least cleaned the blood from the wall, but hopefully she wouldn’t notice. I suggested we play a game of pool and poured us both a drink, making mine considerably stronger than hers. She was the first woman that made me feel I actually needed to drink to have the courage to be with. I knew that was because I cared for her, and truthfully, I had no idea how she felt about me. At times, I think she just tolerated me because we kept running into one another.

  Eris’ hand cupped the cue ball while she placed it in the precise spot she’d decided to be best for the break. After I racked the balls, I moved the corner balls up to the second row to form a crown. She’d suggested we play slop, which was probably best. I tended to get too competitive, otherwise.

  I programmed the surround sound to connect to my phone and put the playlist on random. “Mojo Fix” sailed from the speakers and seemed fitting to our situation. She swayed her hips to the music as she bent to take the shot. The pool stick moved through her fingers back and forth as she prepared to break the balls apart. I forced the hard lump forming in my throat down, swallowing the hormones raising my blood pressure. I shouldn’t be turned on watching her aim, but I was.

  “Drex.” Her voice lightly said my name with an underlying sense of pleasure.

  “Yes?” I answered, breathing outward and telling myself to take a step away from her. Instead, I used the excuse my tip needed chalked and took a step forward to get it off the table.

  “I have no fucking clue how to play pool.” Her head bounced backward in laughter and I watched the beauty feather the room. Her laughter was musical. It was rare that Eris let her true self shine through, but when she did, my world stopped on its axis. She held that much power over me.

  “Me either,” I whispered, hanging my stick in the wall rack and closing the space between us. We both knew that was a lie, but didn’t care. Pressing my crotch to her ass was almost my stopping point, but I wanted to try to spend some time with her, so I stuck to the plan at hand. Leaning forward, I took her hands in mine and showed her how to aim to sink the balls.

  After explaining the geometry behind playing pool, I helped her make the break, sinking the one ball.

  “I have big balls,” I announced, not considering it could and would have more than one meaning.

  “Actually, they’re about average, AC/DC.” She met my statement with a joke and then slyly smiled, offering no excuses for what she’d just said.

  “Are they?” I took it as a challenge, but honestly with her ass pressing against me I wasn’t sure how much more I could take without bending her over the table completely.

  “Well, yeah…they’re normal, I don’t know…ball sized.” She laughed, dropping the stick from our grasp and tightening her fingers around mine.

  “Really?” I pressed my hardness against her, forgetting every bit of modesty I was clinging to since we arrived at my house. Not pushing her had been my motive of the day, but I was realizing I wasn’t the one who held control, as I once thought. She drove my every move, even if she was unaware of doing so. The image of her body was permanently seared into my mind, and that gave her the power to control me.

  “Umm, I may need a refresher,” she whispered, turning to face me. As I supported her back with my arm and our eyes locked, I knew with one look that she could pull me from the depths of hell. Aphrodite was in my arms, and all I could think of was how lucky of a man I truly was. Luck was an emotion that was foreign to me. There hadn’t been much I’d been thankful to experience in some time, so for me to feel this was astronomical. My only hope was the stars would remain in their proper constellations and not crash to the earth. Over time, I had come to accept the worst of situations. After all, if you expected the worst out of people, you could never be let down again.

  Her mouth found mine, and she giggled as my facial hair grazed her face. “I like this.” She smiled and ran her fingers down the length of my face before biting her lip, driving every nerve in my body insane. Maintaining a level head around Eris was out of the question. She challenged me when I wanted to have the last word and moved me when my only wish was to remain. She’d led me to the unknown and forced me to drink from its waters.

  Her path was the one road I was reluctant to travel, but fortunate enough to have accidentally stumbled upon nevertheless. She was important to me, and although I in no way resembled the man she needed me to be, she was undoubtedly, without a question, the one person who could complete me. Yet, I didn’t know if that was a puzzle I intended to finish. Even when a puzzle was removed from its box and seen to completion, eventually it was torn apart and the pieces were shoved back into the box never to be thought of again. I wasn’t sure where in that process we lay.

  Selfishness was tangled into the complex web of traits that made me who I was. Even if I wasn’t proud to admit that, there was no point denying it either. Yet, in the time I’d grown to know Eris, my only wish was I wouldn’t be selfish when it came to her. I wanted nothing more than for her to run as fast as she could away from me, but she hadn’t. Instead, she ran toward me and shattered through every wall I’d built to distance myself from everyone, including her.

  Perhaps it takes nearly drowning yourself to learn how to live again. As if in your last moments of life, reality consumes your thoughts and provides you with the self-preservation you need to fight. Eris not only delivered new water to the stagnant pond that had been filling my lungs for years, she extended her arms and gave me the strength to climb from its murky bottom. It was abundantly clear my mind would never be able to find the positives in every day, given the amount of time I’d spent living in the negative, but with Eris I had a fighting chance.

  As her fingertips untucked my shirt and her nails traced up my bare back to my shoulders, chills overtook my whole body. They had little to do with her actions, but she was most definitely the source. She was undeniably paradise, and I would be the tragic drought to wither her beauty. Eventually, I would draw every ounce of joy from her, leading her to the bitterness I knew.

  Her fingers linked behind my neck, and I laid her onto the pool table. Incapable of doing the right thing, my mouth found hers and I closed my eyes, savoring every minute with her. Our end would come; I just couldn’t predict when that would be.

  The next morning, I stretched my arm across the sheets, searching for her, but she wasn’t there. Opening my eyes, I scanned the room for her. Thankfully, she was standing in front of the guys’ cage. She jumped as Mike stood on his hind legs and sniffed in her general direction. None of them were u
sed to anyone other than Lexie and me being here, so he was justified in his curiosity. We were too busy last night for her to get the grand tour of the house, much less meet the guys.

  She did, however, meet Mulder. At some point, he awoke from wherever he was sleeping and joined us at the pool table. In normal Mulder I-don’t-give-a-fuck fashion, he pressed his wet nose against Eris’ foot and snorted as he went on his way. He’s the reason I almost had blue balls today. I wasn’t sure what she thought was against her foot, but once he snorted, she screamed and promptly climbed off me and grabbed her heaving chest. If the whole situation hadn’t been so hilarious, I would have been pissed at Mulder. As soon as her bare feet touched the floor, he shot out from beneath the pool table and licked her knees as his tail wagged with excitement. She smiled and bent to his eye level, leaning her forehead against his.

  “You sure know how to make an entrance,” she joked with him in a casual tone, scratching behind his ear.

  Afterward, I introduced the two of them and was quick to lead him out of the room. Thankfully, he hadn’t completely ruined the chemistry between us. Actually, I’d grown to expect something to go wrong when we were together. If it wasn’t a showerhead spraying us in the face, it was Mulder’s wet nose. Typically, something found a way to deaden the moments we shared, but they somehow found a way to continue to live.

  “You have rats and a dog,” she stated, not looking for a reply. Her pointer finger dragged the rungs of the cage, making a metallic clinking noise as she walked away from it. Cheddar rose from their hammock, eying her finger, and inched closer. I was happy she moved her finger when she did. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he was getting ready to bite her. I didn’t mention that fact to her, though.

  “Do you have any more…pets?” Eris questioned in a light tone and raked her fingers through her hair as she sat on the edge of the mattress.

  “Not here.” My body scooted to her side, and I kissed her bare thigh. “Wizard is at the office, unfortunately. He wanted to kill my rats, so I gave him free rein over the area.” I frowned against her skin, wishing I hadn’t had to rehome him to the office. He was a cuddler. At one point, I slept with both Mulder and him, which usually resulted in Mulder practically pushing us both out of the bed. That was the reason Mulder now slept everywhere, other than my bed, of course.

  “Hmm,” she simply replied, running her fingertips through my hair. “What made you decide to be a veterinarian?”

  “I thought I could make a difference in the world.” Honesty flowed from my lips, but reality strangled my heart. I was ignorant to think I’d ever impact the world in a positive manner for my entire career. Just like anything else good in my life, its lifespan was short-lived and added to my bitterness.

  “What about you? A waitress?” I paused, sitting up to put my back against the headboard, and pulled her to my chest. “You seem to like people as much as I do.”

  For a brief second, her body shook with silent laughter, but her blue eyes quickly descended into sadness. “There was only one thing I was ever supposed to be… After that, I’m just kind of finishing out my sentence.” Her arm pulled against her stomach and guarded it as she drew the heartache from her soul and covered it up with a fake smile.

  It was in that instance I saw the truth in her eyes. I’d seen the cesarean scar on her otherwise flawless body, but never questioned it. I didn’t feel I had the right to and still didn’t. I’d not divulged much of my past with her, so there was no warrant for me to ask of hers. There was no denying what I knew, given my medical background. Her child must have died shortly after birth. I’d never wanted children because I feared allowing someone to be born with my genes was just setting them up for failure. I didn’t know what agony she fought to hide from the world, but I’d never ask for her to bleed them out.

  Denying every urge within me to tell her lies of comfort, I strained to mirror her counterfeit smile, and it felt as if poison burned my veins. I’d worn many faces for Eris. I’d been apologetic when it was necessary to mend our broken ties, something I rarely did for anyone, even if I was drunk. For her, I pushed my limits because doing the opposite was never a possibility. I’d become sociable when every neuron in my body told me to leave that damned diner because I was drawn to her. I was hopeful, something I hadn’t been in years. Yet, none of those things bothered me as much as right now did. Sure, I was defiant many times, but never felt as if I’d betrayed us both because all of those emotions were real. They were always a step forward, even if my instinct told me to step backward into solitude. I hated this moment. I hated lying to her, but I owed it to her. She needed her privacy as much as I did mine on certain matters, but I couldn’t remain silent. With the last thought, I knew I had to say something. I only hoped my words would be strong enough to carry her.

  “On occasion, unexpected things happen and we’ll never be able to explain them. I know from personal experience that you can’t stop the rain.” Using my knuckle, I tipped her chin upward to get her attention. “It’ll just keep fucking pouring down on you, drowning you as long as you let it.”

  Her eyebrows arched in confusion, and I knew I needed to finish my statement, and fast.

  “But, there are moments and people...” I added, clearing my throat, knowing once I finished, everything would change. “Who can calm the storm.”

  A genuine smile graced her mouth, and then one found mine. Either I was one lucky bastard for finding the right words to mend her pain or she was one hell of an actress. I hoped it to be the former.

  She climbed onto her knees and leaned her lips against my own. “Thank you, Drex,” she uttered in a hushed tone, draping her arms around my neck, and hugged me.

  Her eyes no longer held the amount of sadness they had minutes ago, but still it was there, threatening to consume her at any moment. Now that I understood her grief, I thought back and tried to find a memory of her without it and miserably failed. She was driven by grief and heartache, a motive I wished we didn’t share. Wrapping her in my arms, I swore to myself I would protect her with every ounce of my being, because I now knew how alike we were and it broke my heart that she knew misery as I did.

  “You’re welcome.” Such a simplistic way to answer her, but I wasn’t capable of more. Edging my mouth to hers, I stopped briefly and waited for her to make the next move. Her lips parted, and the slightest bit of warm air traveled outward touching my skin, causing a fury of events. My tongue slid into her mouth and grazed hers as if still asking permission for this situation to be okay. You always read about happily ever afters, but were two people driven by despair really capable of reaching any semblance of that? I knew I’d drive myself mad searching for an answer, so I gave up and gave in to the moment. Once again, letting myself be selfish with her.

  She moaned into my mouth, and her finger slowly created an imaginary line down the center of my body, leaving chills in its shadow. What had begun as a slow burn between us was now hot enough to engulf an entire forest. I allowed my kisses to apologize for the sorrow she clung to and let hers help heal it within me. We’d had sex plenty of times, but that wasn’t what was happening this time. It appeared we’d both been buried for years and only broke the ground and saw the light of day when we found one another.

  She held her arms over her head as I removed her shirt and we gazed into one another’s souls. I had no clue what she saw within me, but I wasn’t about to question it now.

  Our bodies were bolder than our minds. They spoke the words our lips refused to form and made promises I wasn’t sure either of us could keep. I knew the statement that was on the tip of my tongue, begging for me to make some big declaration, but I didn’t. We both felt it, but neither of us was ready to hear it.

  27

  Eris

  There was no going back from the where we were. Some people devoted an entire lifetime to one another. They stood at the altar and promised forever to each other. Until death do they part. Yet, something told me few actually knew wh
at brewed between Drex and me. It was in the way his eyes adored me as if I was the very thing to gift him sight and he’d been stumbling through life blind before me. For me, I was less subtle, or at least I wanted to think so. I wasn’t. While we lay naked in each other’s arms, my hand somehow found his. I didn’t want to hold his hand; I had to. If I didn’t hold onto him, I was afraid I’d only exist again. He made my life bearable. At times, people only believe they have a choice in certain matters. I never had a say when it came to Drex. My heart decided long before I realized its verdict.

  Disbelief that love was achievable in such a short period of time rushed heavily through my veins. Skepticism intoxicated my thoughts, and I continued to drink from its spout. Every sensible portion of my brain told me it was impossible, but I was never one to listen to reason. Why start now?

  As my stomach growled, I internally hushed it along with the doubts sinking into my mind. Seeing the best of situations wasn’t exactly my forte. I definitely in no way resembled an optimist.

  “Hungry?” Drex smiled, running his fingertips up my arms and bringing my lingering fears to a standstill with one tiny gesture.

  “Mhm,” I truthfully answered him, but worry outweighed my need for food. The moment our feet touched the floor, the second we weren’t in each other’s arms, would mean I could backslide into the past. Panic constricted within my blood vessels as my heartbeat bound in my ears as loud as a gun in battle. I didn’t want Drex to know how truly fucked up I was, that the past overshadowed my every decision and often bent me to its will. Even though I didn’t want to, I pulled my hand from his and dressed, hoping to hide my insecurities.

  “I’m not sure what food is in the kitchen, but I’ll meet you down there. I have to take care of business.” He smirked and headed into the bathroom adjoined to his room.