Maui Widow Waltz (Islands of Aloha Mystery Series)

by JoAnn Bassett

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “But is this really the worst day of your life?” I wanted to point out the obvious—like maybe the day her fiancé disappeared might be a contender, or how about the day the Coast Guard gave up looking?—but I knew saying anything would most likely bring the f-word into play.

  “The absolute worst. First of all, last night my dad pissed off one of the bridesmaids. This morning, I found out all three of them just up and left—back to Hooters or wherever they came from. And then I find out Kevin—who’s supposed to be marrying me in two days—has been doing God-knows-what with my florist. And then, to top it all off, I just found out she’s also the person you forced me to use for the ceremony.”

  Long ago I learned silence is the better part of valor so I did my best to look shocked. I even put a hand to my mouth in a mock display of concern. I’ll never be the actor Steve claims to be, but I like to give it a shot now and then.

  “Now what?” Lisa Marie spit out. “Everything’s ruined. And it’s all your fault because you promised me a perfect wedding and instead I’ve got a cheating groom, no bridesmaids, and a hippie ‘ho’ for a minister.”

  Okay, I needed the money—bad. But Lisa Marie had crossed a line. I took a deep breath.

  “Listen, Lisa Marie, you’re not really marrying Kevin. He’s just the stand-in guy for Brad. So Farrah and Kevin aren’t doing anything wrong. I think you need to get a grip and calm down.”

  She plopped onto the sofa and crossed her arms tight across her bony chest. I waited for tears, but she just sat there—huffing and puffing as if she’d run a mile.

  “Kevin owes me some respect. He owes me—big time.”

  Before I could ask, she started up again.

  “And what’ll I do about bridesmaids? They were supposed to hold my bouquet while I take my vows. Now where the hell am I supposed to put it?”

  For once I had a really snappy comeback right on the tip of my tongue. Sadly, it was a luxury I couldn’t afford.

  “What about your stepmom?” I said. “It’d be a nice gesture to ask Tina to be your matron of honor.”

  The look on Lisa Marie’s face was—as they say in the credit card commercial—priceless.

  “I’d rather eat rusted glass.”

  “Okay then, don’t worry. I’ll find some replacements.”

  “Not ugly ones,” Lisa Marie said. She seemed to be regaining her composure. “But not too gorgeous, either. Just kind of regular.”

  “Got it. Regular girls.” I let a heartbeat or two of quiet pass before plunging into dark water. “And about Farrah. If you’re uncomfortable with her doing the flowers or conducting the ceremony, just say so. I can find someone else for that too.”

  “Oh no, I want her there, front and center. That Ferret bitch will find out what happens to people who mess with me.” She flashed me a flinty smile. “I’m not Marv Prescott’s daughter for nothing.”

  CHAPTER 14

  I woke up on Wednesday—rehearsal day—with only one thing on my mind: in forty-eight hours it’d all be over. The fancy rehearsal dinner, the phony proxy ceremony, even sweating the evening news every night worried they’d report on body parts washing ashore. In two days my surly bride and her creepy family would be winging their way back to the mainland and I’d be trotting down to my bank. I’d coordinated some rather dubious nuptials in the past, but this dead man’s sham was hands-down the worst.

  By now I was on autopilot—everything had been checked and rechecked. I maintained my composure by focusing on how good it was going to feel to make that hefty deposit into my bone-dry checking account. Equally sweet was anticipating Tank Sherman’s fury when he learned Kevin had outbid him for our building. I could get a smile going just imagining waving away Tank’s measly five grand and showing him the door. Kevin had promised he’d renew my lease at the same rent or maybe even a bit less because we were hoa aloha—friends. Ol’ Kev seemed to be plowing headlong into ‘going native.’ He’d quizzed Farrah on the local lingo and was tossing around mahalo and da kine as if he’d been born under a palm tree. I figured six months, tops, before he’d claim to be kama’aina—the word we use for native-born Hawaiians.

  I’d managed to line up two bridal attendants for Lisa Marie. They were Maui Community College students who’d worked with Steve on a photo shoot. Each was a perfect size four, the same size as the powder blue silk dresses Lisa Marie had ordered for the previous bridesmaids. As payment for attending the ceremony I told them they could keep the expensive dresses—no charge. Since neither girl had a car I also threw in private limo transportation to and from Olu’olu for both the rehearsal and the wedding ceremony. When they inquired about a rehearsal dinner, I threw that in too. Who knew size fours even cared about dinner?

  I stepped into the shower that morning feeling pretty darn pleased with myself. But two pesky things still prickled. First, since I hadn’t heard anything from Kevin about the legal ramifications of the proxy marriage I wondered if he’d called the lawyer. Hopefully he had and hopefully James Kanekoa would have called me if proxy marriage was against the law. And second, I still hadn’t figured out why Lisa Marie was so irate over Farrah’s budding relationship with Kevin. Was Tina right? Were Lisa Marie and Kevin more of a couple than they let on? Or was Lisa Marie just pouting over another woman garnering his attention?

  I warned Farrah that Lisa Marie was gunning for her, but she laughed it off.

  “What’s she gonna do? Cold cock me with her bouquet?”

  “She can get pretty scary.”

  “Yeah? Well, I’m going to be in and outta there pretty fast. Do you take this woman, yada yada. Do you take this man, blah, blah, blah. I pronounce you…and I’m gone, baby, gone. Don’t worry, Pali. She’s probably just entering the anger phase of her grieving process. Once she moves on to the bargaining phase she’ll mellow out.”

  “I don’t know. She made a pretty solid point about being her father’s daughter. And her father’s certainly not someone I’d mess with.”

  “Yeah. Well, I’ve found bullies are mostly just little kids afraid of the dark. Watch me, I’m going to kill her with kindness. Works every time.”

  I’d let her have the last word on that one.

  ***

  I got out of bed and was on a quest for coffee when I ran into Steve. He’d planned to get in a couple of hours of windsurfing at Ho’okipa Beach before going to work. After he left I considered a quick trip to Palace of Pain, but decided I’d wait until the health inspector’s sign was on the door. I told myself blowing off my workout was noble, since I didn’t want to get Sifu Doug in trouble, but that wasn’t it. I had an entire free morning to spend with Hatch. I showered, carefully shaved my legs, and blew my hair dry to fluff it up.

  I pushed through the kitchen door. Hatch had The Maui News spread out in front of him, but he looked up when I came in.

  “You’re looking chipper this morning,” he said.

  “Today’s the wedding rehearsal,” I said. “On my list of favorite days this month, it’s coming in a strong number two.”

  “And number one was when I showed up, right?”

  I eyed him warily.

  “So, what’s your story, Hatch?” I said. I pulled down a box of cold cereal and poured some in a bowl. I held it up as an offering and he nodded. I took out another bowl and filled it for myself. “I gave you the sad facts of my life the other day. Then you sidestepped Farrah when she tried to give you the third degree. What’s up?”

  “Nothing’s up. My life’s pretty boring, really. I was born in San Francisco. My folks divorced when I was eight and my mom moved us to LA a year later. When I graduated from UCLA I came to Honolulu to surf and I never left. A buddy talked me into going to the police academy—”

  “You mean the fire academy.”

  “No, the police academy. I was a cop for seven years before I figured out firefighters were the heroes. Cops were ‘Barneys,’ ‘the fuzz, or ‘bacon.’ Firefighters rescue little kids and get t
heir picture in the paper. I was pulling drunks off the road and getting my shoes barfed on.”

  “Bacon?”

  “Yeah, you know, like pigs.”

  “Oh.” To me the jobs were equally important, but I could see how a guy might rather be Superman than Batman.

  “But when I quit the force to start my EMT training, it meant the end of some pretty tight friendships.”

  “Your friends dumped you for wanting a different job?”

  “Big time. Cops and firefighters have a grudging respect. But it’s a loyalty thing to stick with the one that’s brung ya. I could have left for a million reasons and stayed friends with everybody, but leaving for the other team was not okay. I became the jerk—the traitor. My cop buddies pretty much tore up my dance card.”

  “Whoa, harsh.”

  “Yeah, it was tough. I’d known those guys since the academy. For seven years, we had each other’s backs.”

  “How about your personal life?” I mentally patted myself on the back for the smooth transition.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, how did people other than your co-workers react to you leaving?” Not so smooth.

  “Being a cop was pretty much my whole life. Made it pretty easy to move over here to Maui Fire when I got the chance.”

  Not exactly what I was fishing for, but it’d have to do. “Well, I better get down to my shop. Like I said, today’s the rehearsal, tomorrow the big day and then it’s all over. You okay watching the pups?”

  “Sure. I like having them here. I’m good with kids and animals. I always figured I’d be a dad by twenty-five. Just didn’t happen, you know?”

  And it’s never gonna happen at the rate you’re going.

  I brought the puppy box downstairs after cleaning up the mess in my room. Lipton had been diligent about using the doggie potty I’d made out of old towels, but still the entire second floor reeked of eau de dog pee.

  On my way to the shop, I stopped off at the printer’s and picked up Lisa Marie’s wedding announcements. It was disturbing to read “Bradley James Sanders” listed as her new husband.

  “I get paid this Friday,” I said to the printer. “Okay if I come back next week and settle up?”

  “No problem. Boy, this weather’s been brutal. I’ve only had two wedding jobs in the past month.”

  “Yeah, but it’s getting better. If we can just hang on until March, things are bound to pick up.”

  “From your lips to God’s ear,” he said. “Wedding stuff is generally more than half my business.”

  I was unlocking my shop door when my cell chimed. I dug out the phone and checked the caller ID. It was Steve.

  “Pali, I’m glad I caught you. I’m afraid I’ve got some really harsh news.” He paused. “You sitting down?”

  “What is it?” I said. I wasn’t in the mood for his dramatics and I didn’t need to be sitting down. You know how sometimes you just know stuff?

  Well, I knew. I’d been bracing for that phone call for more than a week.

  CHAPTER 15

  I interrupted Steve before he could answer. “Where’d they find the body?” It was lousy of me to steal Steve’s thunder but I wanted to avoid a lengthy tee-up.

  “You already heard? Wow, word gets around fast. Hatch just called five minutes ago.”

  “I didn’t hear anything. But I’ve been expecting it, I guess. I needed only two more days. Seems I just can’t get a break.”

  “You want details?”

  “Can you give me the short version? I just paid my cell bill and I’d rather not blow minutes on bad news.”

  “Okay, a couple of beach walkers spotted a man’s body on Little Beach this morning. He was in shallow water, right at the water’s edge.”

  “And they’re sure it’s Brad Sanders?”

  “No positive ID yet, but according to Hatch, he’s the only guy reported missing in the past few weeks. They flew the remains to Honolulu ‘cuz I guess there’s no medical examiner over here.”

  “It’s amazing there was much left of him after all this time in the water,” I said. “Ugh, I can’t imagine he looked even remotely human.”

  “Yeah, hard to believe. I suppose this means no wedding.”

  “I guess. I’ll go down to Olu’olu and break the news to Lisa Marie. I don’t want her hearing it on TV, and I really don’t want her to hear it from Marv. The guy’s got a sick sense of humor.”

  “Sorry, Pali. It’s a bummer.”

  “Raging bummer.” I signed off and picked up my purse and keys.

  The ride to Olu’olu went by in a blur of images and snatches of conversation from the past week. I wondered how Lisa Marie would take it—hearing that Brad was now, without a sliver of doubt, dead.

  I planned to corner Marv and press him about paying the vendors’ bills. As tacky as it felt bringing up money to man whose almost-a-son-in-law lay bloated and chilling in the Honolulu morgue, I knew I’d feel even worse if I stiffed my friends and colleagues. I wouldn’t ask for my fifteen percent—after all, I hadn’t completed delivery—but people like Akiko, Keahou, and the printer had all finished what I’d asked them to do so they needed to get paid.

  I pulled into the driveway and was surprised to see the gate standing open. Two police cruisers were parked directly in front of the door. Looked like I’d be spared from breaking the bad news after all.

  I parked far down the driveway, the best spot for a quick getaway. If history held true, Lisa Marie would blame me for Brad’s body showing up at this inopportune time. I’d stick around just long enough for Marv to write a check.

  Josie answered the door. This time she wasn’t smiling.

  “Is Lisa Marie at home?”

  “She not seeing anyone. Policeman are here.”

  “I understand. Could I perhaps see Mr. Prescott? I need a few minutes of his time.”

  “He is on the phone. And then he talk to policeman.”

  “May I wait?”

  “Of course. I will tell him you are here.”

  She crossed the foyer and went down a hallway to the left. I watched as she put her ear to a closed set of double doors near the end of the hall. She opened one of the doors a few inches and peeked in. Then she came back to where I was standing.

  “He’s not in there. Must be finished with his call. The policeman is in the sunroom. Come with me.”

  She led me down the hallway and gestured for me to enter the room she’d checked. It appeared to be an office or a den. The side walls were paneled halfway up in a dark wood—maybe mahogany—with the upper section papered in a deep green tropical print. The only light came from a narrow clerestory window near the top of the outside wall. A massive dark wood desk faced the double doors. It was bare except for a telephone set and a fancy leather blotter. Behind the desk sat a swivel chair and behind that were floor-to-ceiling bookcases filled with matching leather-bound books all with gilt-embossed spines. A glass six foot tall display case was along the left wall. The glass shelves held a dozen or so odd knickknacks—including two slender white tusks carved in the image of an Asian man and woman. Josie motioned for me to take a seat in one of two chairs facing the desk. One was modern black leather, the other—made of intricately carved wood—looked like an antique. I went with modern. The smooth leather felt cool against my bare arms.

  “I tell Mr. Prescott you are waiting.” She bobbed her head in a shallow bow and closed the door.

  A light on the multi-line telephone blinked in the semi-dark room. I took a deep breath and shut my eyes to rehearse my ‘please pay up’ speech to Marv.

  “I’m back,” boomed Marv and I jumped. I turned, but the doors were still closed. The voice was coming from the speaker on the desk phone. “Got the damn Bluetooth thingy working after all. I’m outside now; I got cops crawling up my ass in there.”

  I stood up and peered over the desk at the phone set.

  “So,” Marv went on, “what have you got for me?”

  “Not goo
d news, Boss. I know you’ve got that wedding coming up quick and all, but…” It was a man’s voice I didn’t recognize. He had a nasal twang I’d peg as Chicago or maybe New Jersey. I’d done my air marshal training in New Jersey, but I have a tough time placing mainland accents so the guy could have been from anywhere.

  “Cut to it, will ya? I told you, I got cops snooping around, every minute they’re breathing more of my air and eyeing my things.”

  “Okay, well, ‘no dice’ from the judge here in town. I called a guy out in Montana who owes us for a mining deal, but he says he needs to see the paperwork.”

  “We’re totally legit here. I’ll have paperwork; you make sure he remembers he owes me. Hell, I shouldn’t even have to call in a chit on this thing. What’s his problem?”

  “I dunno, Boss. Seems stupid to me too. Do you know when you’re coming back?”

  “I got a golf game at Pebble on Saturday and then I’ll be back in the office on Monday. I want this guy softened up and ready to sign whatever we put in front of him. You got that?”

  “Got it, Boss.”

  “Mr. Prescott?” It was Josie’s faint voice in the background. “The policeman say they need to talk to you now.”

  “Fine, fine. Tell them I’ll be right there,” he said. Then to the caller, “Look, I gotta go. Like I said, I want this nice and clean. Shouldn’t be that hard. Like anybody’s gonna object, right?” He laughed. “And, don’t worry. I’ll get the paperwork. This place is ‘moron central.’ They’re so busy picking the tourist’s pockets they can’t find their asses with both hands.”

  There was a chuckle on the other end of the line and then they said their good-byes. There was a click and the line hummed the disconnect sound for a couple of seconds.

  I hurried back to my seat. I settled in, crossed my legs, and assumed the posture of a bored minion patiently waiting to be called before the Great One.

  A half-minute later I heard a commotion outside in the hallway.

  “What the hell were you thinking?” It was Marv at full volume.