by Brona Mills
‘Getting you home.’ He hands me a jacket I never realised he was carrying.
Fuck. Despite not wanting to look at him right now, I’d much rather not make my way back across town alone.
In the elevator, I twist my hands together, nervous about the possibility of bumping into David. I’ve spent the last three days holed up in the library reading Ethan Bennett’s book, and don’t need to bump into David now.
Ethan’s offices and labs are on the basement level of UCLA’s Physics Department, just like David’s office. Once out of the elevator, I follow the yellow and brown hallway all the way to the back of the building, the same path David brought me on a few nights ago. The coincidence that Ethan’s office is directly opposite David’s is not lost on me. I knock on Ethan’s door and am met with a younger man than I expected. His black hair is pulled back into a hair-tie and his shirt is rolled up, exposing his arms fully covered in tattoos. Vibrant coloured ink runs from his wrists all the way up and under his sleeves and when my gaze reaches his face, his ice blue eyes complement the colours he’s artificially added to his body.
‘Professor Bennett?’ I ask.
He smiles and his lethal expression is transformed into a friendly face. ‘Not yet. I’m Liam Bennett, his son.’ He points to the book sticking out of my bag. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re some weird stalker fan who wants my dad to sign your book?’
‘No,’ I yell, then lower my tone. ‘Not weird. I did show up in the hope of meeting him.’ I hold the book in the air. ‘There are some interesting things in here and I wanted to know how things were progressing.’ I look over his shoulder into the office, but there’s no one else inside.
He folds his arms and leans on the doorjamb. ‘You want to know how his research is going? Are you a fan who has a crush on my dad?’ His tone is slightly sarcastic, but I can’t help but notice the serious question there.
I cast a glance at the door behind me and hope David can’t hear people talking in the hall. ‘I thought I might be able to discuss some theories with him.’
Liam relaxes and lets the door fall open. ‘Ah, you’re a student.’
‘No.’ I put my hand out. ‘I’m Stella.’ I hear a crash of something behind David’s door, and losing my nerve, I step back. ‘Never mind.’ I retreat down the hall then stop. ‘You know, you don’t have to tell him I was here. No need to let the guy think he has a weirdo crushing stalker following him around.’
Liam laughs. ‘Wait up.’ He closes the office door and locks it. ‘I’m heading out for coffee.’ At the elevator, Liam turns to me. ‘Are you the director’s daughter?’
I try not to react. Despite my brief stints with the entertainment industry, I was never in a position to be recognised by the public.
‘Thought so.’
Apparently my lack of reaction also works as confirmation.
‘Well, since we’re acquainted, you should join me for coffee.’ The elevator pings open on the first floor.
‘That’s okay. I’ve embarrassed myself too much already today.’
He faces me full-on. ‘Stella. One thing I’ve learned working alongside my dad is when someone shows up as nervous as you, who isn’t a student or a fan, it’s normally because they’ve had an unusual experience. Something along the lines of what my dad is trying to prove.’
I try to remain nonchalant. ‘His theories are a little crazy.’
‘But they brought you here. So let’s compare notes on what we’ve seen, shall we?’
Liam pays for the coffees, and we take them out to the grass area to sit in the sun. Having men pay for things like coffee and dinner again makes me uneasy. If I let myself enjoy these little treats too often, I might get trapped into depending on someone. We sit side by side on a bench and I sip my coffee but can’t shake the bitter sick feeling at the back of my throat.
‘I’ll start the confessions, shall I?’ On the edge of the park bench, Liam looks around. ‘When I was ten, we were on a family vacation in England, and I got lost. Kind of. We were having lunch in one of those tourist pubs, and I went to the bathroom. On the way, I started seeing spots of light. I used to get blinding migraines when I was a kid, so I thought one was coming on. I splashed water on my face and waited in the bathroom a few minutes. The headache never came, but the lights settled in my eyes. I went back out to my parents, but they weren’t sitting at the table where I left them. So I sat down and waited.
‘The table had been cleared and bussed, so I had nothing to do but people-watch. The group at the table next to me were having a small party, and there was a girl there, who was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. She was older, like thirty maybe, but I remember thinking she looked cool.’ He glances at me. ‘She had purple strands in her hair, and I knew she wasn’t the type to live the regular life of a grown-up. She still wanted to have fun. Like some soft punk wanna be. I wanted to be like her. Then a guy joined the group who caught all her attention. So much so, she never even saw me staring.’
I nod, knowing what it’s like to lose your whole self in someone so quickly.
‘Then they disappeared into thin air. Or I disappeared—I’m not sure which. Maybe both.’
My skin tingles, and I shift on my seat. I thought if I ever met someone who knew what I’d experienced, I’d be excited or relieved. Instead, I’m nervous. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean exactly what my dad talks about in his book. The descriptions and theories he’s formulating are based on my experiences as a kid. And what happened afterwards.’
‘What happened?’ I lean forward.
‘Nah, you have to tell me your story first. I know who you are, but I need to make sure we’re on the same page.’
At least I can test my theories on someone who’s not David. I can ask all those questions I need the answers to. He wrote the fricking book that has the closest experiences I had. ‘A man came to me once. Saved my life. It wasn’t something dramatic, like saving me from a runaway train, but sometimes even the subtlest offerings of help can change someone’s life. I was in a dangerous situation, and he helped me avoid it. Then he disappeared into a ball of white light. He seemed to be expecting it, like he’d done it before. He said every time he left, he went farther into my past. That he’d be back, but he thought he got them all. For him, he’d already been in each stage of my future that he needed to be.’
‘What did he get?’
‘All the times I died,’ I whisper.
Liam’s face turn ashen. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Please don’t tell anyone. I mean, even if you think I’m crazy or don’t believe me. I’ve never said it out loud before, and I know how crazy it sounds. Maybe I was having a reaction to the drugs.’
‘Drugs?’ His expression falls.
‘I was in labour when he was there.’
‘Hm, yeah, that could be it. The brain is a terrifying thing that can alter perceptions of what we see.’
‘He left the next day. Maybe the way I thought I saw him disappear was only a reaction to the stress of giving birth.’
‘What drugs do they give you in labour, and how much do you think you had when you saw this?’
I shake my head. ‘It was the day after I gave birth. They’d already stopped giving me prescription drugs the day before. All I was getting was over the counter painkillers for the stitches.’
Liam looks at me like I’ve shared too much.
‘Sorry, didn’t mean to give you all the details.’
‘When things changed around me in the restaurant, when the light came back, the people at the next table disappeared first. They were embodied in this strong light. The restaurant faded in and out around me. I glanced around and realised it didn’t look exactly like I remember when I got there with my parents. My attention returned to the Cute Punk Girl. She wasn’t slipping away with the rest of her friends. It was like she was being pulled in a different direction. She was in trouble, and none of her friends noticed. Next thing I know, I’m at t
he table and the food is back. My dad’s coat is on the chair next to me. The place is quieter, and my dad is shouting my name from the other end of the restaurant. When I ran up to my parents, it was clear the staff and a few customers had been looking for me. I got the typical hugs, followed by a lecture about running off. But I hadn’t. I was sitting at that table the whole time.’
‘Do you think you travelled through time? That’s what your dad talks about in his book’
He shrugs. ‘Like you, I never said anything for a long time. Not until we had a visitor a few years later. This time, my dad saw it too. It helped to have someone else witness and let you know you weren’t crazy. One of the Cute Punk Girl’s friends appeared out of a bright light and landed in my dad’s office. He spent the rest of the day with us, filling us in with scraps of information. Because he said that too much information at the wrong time would have disastrous effects. He told us he’d been travelling through time for a while. That we’d meet him in our timeline, before any of this started for him, but we had to keep the specifics of it all secure. He doesn’t want to know anything until the time’s right for him. He gave us a letter and told us not to pass it on to the right people until 2015.’
‘What did it say?’
He opens his arms up and leans back against the bench. ‘I wanted to read it right after he left, but my dad, the rational thinker, said we mustn’t tamper with destiny. My dad locked the letter in a safety deposit box. I don’t even know which bank he used. Honestly, the more I’ve learned with him over the years, the more I think he’s right. After the time traveller left, we started studying together. He switched his teaching focus and published the book, like we were told to do.’
I look down at Ethan and Liam’s book. ‘He told you to write this?’
‘He said some important people would find their way to us once the book was out there.’
‘And did they?’
‘You’re here, aren’t you?’
I huff. ‘I don’t think I’m the person he was talking about.’
Liam shuffles in his seat. ‘Wherever I went when I was a kid, the people at the dinner table were talking about Hollywood. I stopped staring at the Cute Punk Girl and listened ’cause we live in LA. It sort of felt like home. Some director’s daughter and grandson were murdered by her ex-husband. They heard it on the news. Only said her name was Stella.’
I swallow a lump in my throat, knowing that DD’s warning about Nathan coming back is something I should be taking more seriously. ‘Still doesn’t mean it’s me,’ I whisper.
‘Wherever I travelled to that day in England wasn’t real. The time traveller told me how he’d found himself in an alternate version of his future. The same place I visited when I was a kid. I travelled to an alternate future and saw what could happen.’
‘I was dead.’
‘The guy made the decision to leave and return things the way they were supposed to be. He didn’t give me and my dad specific details before he left. He just said he needed to check on Stella and Max one last time.’
Tears escape my eyes and I don’t wipe them away.
Liam leans closer. ‘Don’t be scared, Stella. I found the time traveller in this timeline. My dad and I think we finally have a breakthrough. We don’t know exactly what brought him to LA, or what his true research goals are, but my dad has set up his funding. He’s much younger than when we met him, but he knows a lot of things already.
‘My dad insists we don’t interfere with his knowledge of time travel, yet. That we don’t cause any ripple changes. How easy it is to trigger one of those alternate futures where you or someone else might be dead. Imagine if we bombard him with too much information, and it throws him off the correct path for his discoveries.’
‘How do you know you haven’t sparked an alternate future already, just by meeting him?’ Could I have already pushed him off his original path? I lean back. What if I’ve already pushed him so far off the path of his original life and the wife and white picket fence he was supposed to have?
‘I’m not sure, but the important part is, I found him.’
‘So did I. Which means it’s time for him to save me again,’ I croak.
The smell of roast chicken and homemade stuffing hits me as soon as I open the front door. Max is playing with his dinosaurs in front of the TV, and Pamela is at the stove. I don’t think I’ve seen her cook since I was a kid. Not like this. I ruffle Max’s hair on the way to the kitchen. ‘Smells good. You didn’t have to cook for us. I know it’s a long day for you too, especially since I’m putting in extra hours with Mike.’ Cici’s right. When I treat her better, she acts better in return.
She smiles and steals my nose when I pass her. ‘I love to cook.’
‘You do?’ I scoff. ‘Since when?’
She continues stirring gravy at the stove. ‘I lost a bit of myself for a while.’
I pull out a chair at the table and sit. ‘Mom, something’s happened.’
She turns around; I have her attention. ‘What’s wrong, Starbar?’
A piece of my dad’s determination returns with the nickname. ‘Nathan might be back soon.’ My voice doesn’t waver like I expected it to.
She places a hand over mine and sits. ‘How do you know?’
‘I have a warning of sorts in place. It’s not a guarantee, but things are starting to look like he might come back. I wanted you to know. I need you to be vigilant when you have Max and let me know if anything seems out of place. Even little things.’
‘Of course.’ She smiles. ‘I want to be there for you. It means a lot you want to share things with me.’
‘I need your full understanding, Mom. I’m not telling you this to keep you in the loop. I’m telling you because he’s dangerous. So when you’re out, you need to pay attention in case anyone is watching you. Here at the house, keep the doors locked and don’t answer unless you know the person.’
‘Oh, Stella,’ she cries. ‘It’s going to be okay, honey.’
Her tears seem to be of sympathy for me, rather than worry about the situation she’s wrapped up in by being my mother.
‘We’re going to have to move,’ I tell her.
‘Move?’
‘I’m working on it. We’ve been here for a while, and all my old friends know where I live. Nathan could find us easy enough if he comes back. I want to switch apartments. It won’t be far. I need to be close to the boutique, and this is too expensive for us anyway. I’m going to ask Mike to come in on it with us, David too. They’ve been sharing a room, and with them pitching in for rent, we might be okay. It will cut down on travel time for Mike and I working together.’
‘Okay. We can start looking today.’
She says it as naturally as if I’d suggested trying a new brand of bread or switching to two-percent milk. I thought she’d freak out about the financial implications of moving—first and last month’s rent, final payments on utilities, connections at the new place, renting a U-Haul. We can’t even afford packing boxes and tape, but there’s no panic, there’s no saying we can’t do this. She’s resolved. ‘If he ever finds us, we need to leave the city. We need to pack our bags and go far away.’
She nods. ‘I’ll be ready.’
‘You’ll come with me?’ I ask softly.
Her eyebrows shoot up. ‘Of course I’ll come. I’ll never leave you and Max.’
The pressure and information from today weighs down on me and I burst into tears. David’s been here a couple of months. What if Nathan is already here too, watching me from afar? I thought once I met someone like Liam, who knew what I knew, it would all be over. That finding out the answers would help me sleep better at night, rather than leave me with more questions. What if I drop my guard and feel safe because part of DD is already here in David? Then Max might have to grow up knowing his father killed his mother. What the hell kind of fucked up situation would that be? Mom wraps her arms around me, and I cry into her shoulder.
Wednesday, July 16, 1997
Westwood, Los Angeles
‘We can’t afford this.’ The five of us glare at the apartment building. It’s in a good part of town, in a nice building. Unless there are no floorboards or drywall inside, we’re not moving in anytime soon. Despite downgrading from a townhouse to an apartment and sharing bills, I’ll still be overstretched if I also want to make payment on my rising debt.
‘We totally can afford it,’ David says. ‘They want first and last, and a security deposit as well as utility deposit, so the outlay upfront is expensive, but you and Pamela’s share of the rent is slightly over half what you pay now.’
‘So our rent is less, in a better neighbourhood, it’s close to work, and you guys are chipping in on the bills. What’s the catch?’
‘It’s through the university. They have apartment allowances for fellowship students and their families. We’re practically family, right?’ David throws an arm around Mike’s shoulder and holds open the building door until my mom, Max, Mike, and I are all inside.
‘Where are we going to get the upfront money?’ Mike asks. ‘I’ve still not earned much yet.’
The hall carpet is clean, and there are pictures hanging at intervals on the walls.
‘We can sell GeGe.’
Max stops in his tracks, staring at David.
‘The car, not the giraffe,’ David assures him.
‘You can’t sell your car for an apartment,’ I squeak.
David stops me from following the others through the apartment door. ‘I don’t need it. This place is close to the university and close to your work.’
‘You used to live on campus. How is this better for you?’ I ask.
Max screams, and I lean in the apartment doorway. He’s running through the place, trying to find his new room. The apartment smells new. It’s not huge, but our furniture will probably fit. The kitchen and living room are open plan, and there are two hallways leading off them in opposite directions.